


The Legend from a Golden Castle

by fivepointedstar (Cheshire_cat123)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Female Loki (Marvel), Multi, Norwegian Mythology & Folklore, discussion of difficult topics like rape and torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 101,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23532817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheshire_cat123/pseuds/fivepointedstar
Summary: In mythology, Loki often turned into a woman and was described as a shapeshifter and is the most complicated character of the Norse gods. Often left to deal with the mess the other gods caused.In this story Loki tries a different approach of life after what happened at the end of Thor the dark world.Steve tries to build a new life for himself in the future. Our Super Soldier is in for some changes.Thor takes the role as the big brother; he always should have been.A bit of mythology gets mixed in there on the road to the endgame.
Relationships: Loki/Steve Rogers
Comments: 137
Kudos: 234





	1. Chapter one - Loki setting the stage

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there... first of all nothing belongs to me, second English is not my first language and I'm a sucker for gender changes and since it happened (mythology and the comics)... I just want to have fun with a few small twitsts ;) 
> 
> And now... I hope you have something akin to fun.

#Chapter one - Loki setting the stage

The barren world Loki found himself in seemed even darker and more grey, when everyone had left. He tried to move but the wound in his chest made it difficult for him to even lift a finger, let alone stand up.

He sighed inwardly and winced at the pain surging through his body. He cursed at this stupid poisoned blade and his own stupidity letting himself get wounded.

Loki took great care to make certain the pain of the poison and his own frustration didn't interfere with the delicate, precise gestures, timing, and thought required to weave the healing magics necessary to ensure his survival. The energy surged through his body and collected itself at the wound. Slowly he could feel the damaged bones start to knit themselves together, the flesh grew over his wound, where prior the cursed and poisoned blade had been used in an attempt on his life. Finally, after a minimum of magical healing, he was able to stand and walk. The wound was still there, still painful but it no longer threatened his life. He wanted to get away. If Thor could do it, then it should be a piece of cake for him. So Loki felt for a pathway, a path away from this death trap.

He felt tired. He was tired of it all.

He didn’t know how long he was walking before he came upon a small cave. It was cold and dark, but it shimmered with magic. Old magic.

He stopped short.

Due to his misdeeds, there were certain things he had to look out for. What should he do? There were a few things he had to consider. Thor would have saved the universe by now. Odin would be sitting old and alone on his throne again. The thought was intriguing. Him posing as Odin. Him taking the role of king of Asgard.

He had wanted the throne once. Or to be more specific, any throne, being able to prove himself. But posing as his stupid adopted father, after everything that had occurred? He wasn’t sure anymore. Did he want to sit on a throne old and alone like Odin?

A feeling of emptiness was spreading inside his injured chest. He had enough of proving himself, enough of losing his battles and his worth against Thor. Nothing he had accomplished until this point came close to what he wanted from life. He was done being hurt and cast aside.

An idea was taking form in his mind.

Maybe, this could work, maybe he could get some fun from it in the meantime. Lately, his life had been immensely lacking in fun.

He knew that sooner or later someone would come after him. That was for sure. But Loki had enough of this. This hatred was eating him away. The threat of Thanos was still on the horizon. He didn’t know how much time he had left of his life and he wanted to live again, at least for a time. Was just being Loki again too much to ask? Causing mischief and playing tricks, like in the old days, when he was oh so young and naïve.

Magic surged through Loki. The body transformed, thinned out, grew in certain places.

Yes, she could have some fun like this. She had done it before, at times, when Asgard didn’t feel like a home to her. Before she even knew why she didn’t fit in.

A mischievous grin slowly worked its way across her face, and a new glint grew in her fresh, green eyes.

She stepped into the cave and fell into deep darkness.

Loki didn’t know how long she fell. It could have been seconds or centuries.

She saw glimpses of what could-have-beens rushing past her vision. But she didn’t know if these glimpses were real or if they only existed in her imagination.

It was impossible to focus on anything that floated past her.

It seemed like she was outside of Yggdrasil's reach. She could and couldn't feel the familiar pull of magic. Though she had dedicated her life to knowledge and magic. What she was experiencing went beyond her comprehension.

For some time, she seemed to float. Without a body, only her mind. And it was a strange experience to her. She felt an unfamiliar kind of peace within her. Gone was the old hatred for being left to die by her birth parents. The rejection of her adopted father and the hatred she felt for herself. In the last few years, she never felt at peace like she did during this second fall. It was just herself and the howling emptiness. How she wished it could last forever.

It all came to a sudden end. It was like she had opened a portal, or one of Yggdrasil’s hidden branches had opened in front of her.

She landed. It was hard. Every thought of peacefulness came to an abrupt end. It was like reality wielded Mjolnir. Every bone in her body hurt. But not only her body but also her soul was hurting from reflecting on what had led to her doings. If a tear found its way out of her eye, she ignored it.

Loki finally looked around and found herself surrounded by snow-covered rocks. The air was thin. And the sky above her was a bright crystal blue, that reminded her of her brother’s eyes.

Beyond the snow covered peaks, thinning air and clear blue sky, she was also acutely aware of the significant impact crater in which she now lay in a huddled mass. One her sudden arrival had left scarred deep into the landscape. For a moment, she thought she had landed on Jotunheim. Because all she could see was made from snow and rocks. The lifelessness of the area. The cold. But the sky and the air were different. Midgard.

Slowly, Loki raised to her feet. As she brushed her clothes off, she realized that they had remained undamaged. Like she herself, except for the healing stab wound. A casual touch, just a simple wordless gesture smoothed out her long and tangled mane. She braided it quickly and started to walk. There seemed to be a theme in her life lately.

The walk seemed to last almost as long as her fall. Again, she was alone with her thoughts. A dark realm of its own. She thought about herself her life and came to no satisfying conclusion.

She knew there were certain individuals in this world who would call her an enemy. She didn’t want to fight them. She didn’t want revenge. She also wanted to stay hidden from them as long as possible. The best she could think of, was to maybe annoy them some time. She knew she had to subdue this impulse, there were more pressing things at hand, like to know where exactly she was, beside the threat that was always looming above her head since her first fall.

Thor had forgiven her, mostly. She was sure of that. Odin probably hadn’t, but that was something she couldn’t change. She just had to do everything so Heimdall couldn’t see her, that he wouldn’t go running to Odin. But it was like breathing to her by now.

There was no real scheming in her thinking, just an idea forming. Being invisible. Playing tricks.

*

After some time of walking, she finally reached a city. It was crowded with people, loud due to all of them speaking in a garbled mess of languages and dirty. She was grateful to who ever invented that nifty all-speak spell, that enabled her to make sense in this garbled mess of languages and people. Not that she minded them. But something was pulling her in. Calling to her. It was magic. Ancient magic. It called to her own like an old friend.

After that long time without another form of magic, it seemed to be in need of company. Loki smirked to herself. Magic was alive, she knew that. But that call was something different. It was intriguing.

She was called in, to a place called Kamar-Taj. What she later learned was a spot in an isolated area named Nepal on the realm of Midgard.

It was a place for magic and learning. Things she had enjoyed throughout her entire life.

She came to an insignificant, faded door in a crumbling wall. She would have never come close to this place if the magic surrounding it hadn’t been so strong.

She knocked and waited. A few moments passed in silence before she began tapping her foot as she tossed her head back and released an exasperated sigh.

Nothing happened. Until.

The door opened, revealing a tiny gap. No one was standing behind the door. No one to welcome her in.

Loki sighed and rolled her eyes. Of course, no one was there to greet her. After all, why would any of these insignificant creatures deign her worth their time. She was only one in a small handful of the most powerful wielders of the mystic arts in the entirety of the nine realms!

She entered and closed the door with a small movement of her finger.

When she looked at what lay behind the door it was a small, dimly lit, narrow corridor, which lead her to a narrow, wooden staircase. It led her up and up. She followed the strong pull of magic, that had led her to this place in the beginning.

Finally, she reached a warm and calm room, made entirely of wood and glass. It was like she could taste the magic of this place, it was a calming, comforting presence.

Few people were gathered about the room, no one seemed to pay her any attention. And then she saw her.

The soft lighting in the room reflected notably from the head of the woman. A head, bereft of a single lock of hair. She remained standing in the centre of the room with a soft smile on her face, her dark yellow robes rustling just so in the soft current of air that moved about this place. She stood there like she had been expecting this moment for her entire life.

In spite of her youthful appearance, Loki could tell. This creature was ancient. Far beyond the natural life span of her kind. It was right and wrong at the same time.

“You have come a long way.” The entity told her and looked Loki straight into the eyes.

Loki could see the centuries of knowledge swirling in the bald woman’s eyes. She had almost been in existence for as long as Loki herself.

“I did.” The trickster answered with a smile.

“You didn’t intend to end up here. It’s quite unusual for people to accidentally come to this place.” The woman said with an almost motherly, warm smile.

“I never intended to come to Midgard.” Loki said, looking at the other occupants of the room. Nobody even as much as glanced at them.

“I must confess, I haven’t heard the term ‘Midgard’ in a very long time. You must be old. And even more powerful, I can feel it.” She eyed the goddess.

“Old for you.” Loki said with a small laugh.

The woman answered with a laugh of her own. “As old as me, perhaps older?”

Loki gave her a nod. “I am Loki.” She said. She saw no meaning in hiding who she was from another mighty entity.

The woman gave a curt nod and turned to gather two cups of tea, that hadn't been there before. “Then you've come a very long way.” She handed Loki one cup.

Loki accepted it and took a sip, it was just perfect, a subtle herbal taste. But she wouldn't go as far as sowing her satisfaction.

“I am surprised to meet you here. I gathered you already are a master of the mystic arts.” She continued with her warm smile.

“Indeed. Your power called me in. I must say, it was quite intriguing.”

To that, the woman gave her a hearty laugh. “I seldom meet people with the same or more experience in this field as myself, who can feel the call of the magic of another living being.”

Loki merely shrugged. “I can believe that. Since Midgardians are usually so short-lived.”

The woman gave her a nod and drank from her own cup. “I see that recently, you have changed your ways. What can I do for you?”

Loki considered her answer. She had no desire in staying, but at this point, it wouldn’t matter when she went where. “I would like to stay for a while and learn what this place has to offer.”

The woman nodded and led Loki out of the room.

They left the calm and comforting atmosphere for more corridors and stairs. The movements of the Ancient One were swift and practised like she knew this place by heart. The building didn't seem to follow any logical rules. Loki was sure this place didn't have the dimensions this place was leading her to believe. And it appeared like different pathways were leading to the same halls. She quite enjoyed these confusing twists and turns, it was like something she would do.

And soon their journey ended and they stood in the entrance of a large library. Satisfied, Loki took in the smell of books. The books were thrumming with magic. “As you learn of our ways of wielding magic. I could also learn a few things from you.” The woman gave Loki a smirk, which Loki returned.

She raised her hand, with her palm facing the ceiling and produced within it a small green flame. The colour reflected in her eyes, making the green colour seemingly more vibrant. “Perhaps.”

*

Loki spent a few days in Kamar-Taj. She took the time she needed to heal her wounds until there was nothing more than a nasty scar on her chest that wouldn’t fade. It just added to those Thanos and his children had left behind on her skin.

She passed most of her time in the library, reading tome after tome. Her mind felt at peace while she sat there reading. It was like in Asgard centuries ago. Her learning the depth of her seidr. She was reminded of a long-lost part of herself and it hurt her deeply to feel that she had lost something essential about herself.

Though she was intrigued by secrets the library had to offer, and the dangers threatened to draw out her more mischievous inclinations. She was intrigued at how the Midgardian mages saw the workings and how they explained the secrets they had discovered.

The time Loki didn’t spend in the library, she spent talking to The Ancient One.

During these meetings, the women talked about the types of magic. About the different approaches and gave each other some insight about how the magical dimensions worked for them.

During her time at Kamar-Taj, Loki lost some of her earlier tension and found a quantum of peace for herself.

She started thinking about how she got from small pranks and mischief to the hatred that had infested her mind, driving her to walk behind everyone’s backs, up to murder, mind control and overpowering a world. She knew, she was not the kindest being the nine realms had to offer, but she was also not entirely evil. She just liked to do what she wanted. And what she wanted, was freedom.

At thus, she saw a way for her. A new untaken path, she had never seen before. She knew she needed a new start. To start blank and almost innocent again. The beginning of a new life.

Loki sat on a roof, overlooking the city and the mountains on the horizon. She felt at peace, her long, black hair swayed in a gentle breeze and the goddess smiled to herself.

Quiet steps approached her slowly alongside the soft bristling of magic. Loki didn’t need to look up to greet the newcomer, she knew.

“It is your time to leave.” the Ancient One said softly.

The goddess continued to look ahead. “I know.”

“When a human is as old as me, you sometimes forget that you have been a child once.” She said and sat on the roof next to Loki with her legs crossed. “When I was a child, I was told you were a god. And over time beliefs changed, the world changed, and humans forgot about the Aesir.” She gave a small sigh. “Since you came to this place, I was reminded of my youth, so long ago. I remembered a small thing. A rumour that was shared among the few magic wielders back then.” She offered a grin at the dark-haired goddess, who nodded, urging her to go on. “That magic was a present to humanity, given to us from you. To annoy the other Aesir. I always wanted to know if the story was true.”

Loki raised an elegant eyebrow and started laughing. “I may have played a part in that. Back then, I was a youth myself. An apprentice, just gathering the ways of the seidr myself. One of the Norns gave magic to the humans." As she relived the memory, a smile that could only be worn by the Goddess of Mischief formed across her lips. "After I approached them and asked them to make this possible.”

The bald woman gave Loki a surprised look and started laughing. “That sounds like something you would do.” The woman stopped and put her hand into her coat. “I have a parting gift for you.” She pulled out a thick envelope. “I know that you want a fresh start. And I know that this time you aren’t a threat to this world. The human world has changed over the centuries. If you desire to stay in this world, you will need this.”

Loki took the offered envelope. She opened the flap and revealed several documents and a set of keys. She looked them over and started laughing. “Saga Guldborg? You have a twisted sense of humour.”

“I thought the name fitted you. I also took the liberty to rent a flat for you. You’ll need somewhere to stay.”

Loki considered the other woman’s words. “I think so.” Loki stood up with the envelope in her hand.

She heard something sizzling and knew that the Ancient One had opened a Portal for her.

She turned to The Ancient One. “I am grateful for your hospitability, the documents and the flat. Until we meet again. Friend.” She smiled at the woman and walked through the portal.

The Sorcerer Supreme stared at the spot Loki had just vacated. Then she stood up and watched the horizon. “Good luck young goddess. Your path will be long.” She smiled serenely and turned away from the scene.


	2. Chapter two - Being a Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now... let's continue ;)

#Chapter two - Being a Hero

Being a hero is not what people assume.

Your life turns out to be completely strange. It’s not only that you have superhuman abilities, have an enhanced body or a more than genius mind. People assume you're exactly what you've been made out to be. One simple act of heroism

and the media deifies you, and that's all people see. Never the person behind the image.

No, you are surrounded by government organizations. Villains are out for your head. You’re always in a state of danger and most of your friends tend to be heroes, too.

You are always supposed to fight. Always expected to make the right choices. Few people care about the real you, beyond trying to figure out your true identity. 

It was a cold day, at the end of November in New York. The Avengers sat in a conference room in Stark’s tower. Thor explained in detail to them what had happened in London, Svartalfheim and on Asgard a few weeks earlier.

It was a strange day for Steve. It was day stranger than most for Steve Rogers, who spent much of his time donned in the star-spangled costume so carefully constructed by the best patriotic propaganda team that could be bought with hard-earned tax dollars of the U.S. Citizens.

He found himself scribbling in his latest sketchbook, lost in his thoughts, while Thor told his tale.

"… He died as a hero. In the end, Loki was still my brother, fighting at my side." Thor told them with teary eyes and pride in his voice. "I couldn’t mourn him. Jane and I had to go after Malekith, to finally defeat him and the rest of the dark elves. To save the realms from them and the alignment of the worlds. We found a passage to Midgard. The passage led us to the city of London. Where the final glorious battle between us and the dark elves happened. It was a fierce battle. And through the help of Jane’s determined friends, we were able to stop the dark elves’ plans of shredding the universe into darkness again. 

The Aether was bound. And is now brought to a safe place." Thor finished his story. The team was quiet while he told the tale.

There were some questions asked and comments made. But Steve felt detached that day. He remembered Loki, how he had first met the now-dead god. When he was the reason for the Avengers to form, when he commanded him to kneel with a mad glint in his eyes. He couldn’t focus on the aftermath of the tale, the questions. He didn’t know the real Loki, but he knew what it felt like to lose someone important. He could only imagine what it must feel like for Thor to have lost his brother and his mother in just the span of a few days.

Tony grinned at Thor. "And now you’re here on vacation?"

"No, when I went back to Asgard to explain to father what had transpired, and to go and look for Loki’s body. We weren’t able to find him, but I also wasn’t surprised after everything that had happened on Svartalfheim. I held a small ceremony to honour his deeds for Asgard.

In the end, I refused the throne. I want to make Midgard my new home." The blonde smiled widely at the others. "Eventually there will be a time when I need to reign, but this time is still far away."

Steve listened half-heartedly to everything. Though, he was worried about Loki’s body missing. But he also admired Loki for seemingly changing and doing the right thing. Still, he tried to invade his homeworld. But Steve could tell how pained Thor felt about his loss. For him, Loki was a beloved person and not just some villain.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Thor." Steve said truthfully while he looked up from his sketchbook for a second to catch the other man's eyes. He saw Thor nodding and then he continued, his eyes back to his work. "I'm still not over the whole 'attacking Earth' thing, but it sounds like he did good in the end."

It still seemed strange to him, to be in a team with Howard’s son. Working with the Avengers was similar but different to what he was used to during the war. He wondered, if he would ever be free, or if his life would be one war after another until one of them ended his life.

He did the best he could to move on, he had to. Still, he didn’t feel able to talk about what he had buried deep inside of him so that he won’t fall apart due to the situation he had found himself in.

Since he had moved to DC, he had eventually gathered the courage to enrol at Uni for art classes. He was somewhat happy about that choice, it felt right.

And though some people there knew who he was, to most people at Uni he was just Steve. And being just Steve that guy from Brooklyn gave him some part of his life back. A life that wasn’t, him being the iconic Captain America that he himself sometimes struggled to live up to.

He hoped that those who knew, at Uni, would keep it quiet. He enjoyed this normal part of life.

The only people who knew who he was in and outside of his suit were his teammates, the Avengers. And this was a group that hadn’t formed on its own or who were friends in the first place, who wanted to be together. They were forced, but they were also his partners in crime.

He came to like his new life after the ice, or that was what he told himself. He was curious about the new technologies; he liked the food. But Steve also felt an emptiness within him. He had lost everyone he once knew. He still thought a lot about Peggy and felt bad that he didn’t have the courage to visit her. His old home, Brooklyn wasn’t the same anymore. He had moved to DC to get a fresh start. To start in a new city, to adjust to the ‘future’. And he thought that he did well in that field. But now, he always had to go to New York for meetings with the other Avengers. Well most of the others, he saw a lot of Natasha in DC. She never mentioned it, but he thought the scary redhead liked his silent company when they shared a few beers in the evening over some movie.

"Capsicle?"

Steve's head shot up in such a violent movement, he wondered if he just gave himself whiplash.

But it was just Tony's face, which was just a few inches away from his own. "Huh?" He shook his head and glared at Tony.

"The meeting is over."

Steve glanced at the now-empty conference room, where only he and Stark were left. “Sorry. Just got lost in my thoughts." Steve said while he blushed at the discovery of not paying attention to any of the others. It was embarrassing how he sometimes seemed to lose track of time.

"Seen that. And I am the one called rude. Pfft." Tony went to the door. "Want some coffee? Thor's staying the night. And you should, too. It’s a freaking blizzard out there."

Steve rubbed his eyes. "Sounds good. But I need to go back to DC tomorrow morning."

They went out of the room to get to Tony’s private floors. "Have a girl in DC?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Not you, too." Steve groaned and gave the engineer a strange look. "What is it with you? Why are you interested in my love life?"

Tony patted him on the shoulder. "It’s just that it could do you good. To have someone to come home to. Someone to be normal with. It’s good for me at least."

"Do you even know what normality is?" Steve asked with an impish grin on his face.

Tony snorted "Beneath my shining personality and the money, I’m also just a man, Steve. Pepper does a good job reminding me of that."

"Yeah, she’s great and I sometimes wonder how she can stand you."

"Haven’t the slightest." Tony chuckled.

They chuckled and walked to the big kitchen space. Thor was nursing a cup of coffee while Pepper chatted happily with him.

"It's just- I’m back at university. And I need to finish an assignment." Steve told Tony in a quiet voice.

Tony stopped. He grabbed Steve at the shoulder, making him stop. "Wow, Capsicle. I’m speechless. That’s great. You’re doing something new. That’s amazing. Why haven’t you said something sooner?”

Steve shrugged and sighed inwardly. Was anyone aware that he went to art school before the war? “I just wanted to do something different.”

“I’m wounded.” Tony said in a dramatic voice, while he gestured dramatically.

Steve snorted and they walked to join the others.

"Steve. Do you want some coffee? I just made a pot." Pepper asked with one of her soft smiles.

"Thank you, Pepper." He took the mug from her with a smile of his own while he sat down. The four sat around the kitchen counter each nursing a cup of nice, hot coffee, while outside thick snowflakes covered the city under a soft, white blanket.

Thor looked intensely into his mug, his shoulders slumped. "I have been thinking lately. Since Loki’s death, I kept asking myself where it had gone wrong. My brother was not always the person you met. Sure, he had a complicated personality. But he was never evil. He often made schemes, to teach us a lesson, when no one would listen to reason. He was fond of mischief and making trouble. Though I was blind to it, I have to admit that Loki often had a harder time, while we were growing up than I did. He was often ridiculed, didn’t seem to fit in. But when Loki was younger, he was a nice soft-hearted person. Sometimes when we were young, he would slip into my room when he had a nightmare and he would ask me to protect him from the monsters. He was also fierce but with warmth and kindness in him. Sure, he tricked me a lot and I would always make him fight with me. Or he tricked and stabbed me, and I would put Mjolnir on top of him. It became an ongoing joke between us." Thor laughed fondly. "He was like a fire in the hearth. Dangerous and fierce but also very caring and warm. He was a child of nature. In his youth, he would always have leaves in his hair and run with the wolves. He was always learning something and played little tricks to everyone. How could someone say he was evil? He was such a loving person." Thor had a faraway look on his face, probably remembering centuries worth of adventures with his brother. And Steve couldn’t help but wonder what this younger Loki had been like.

"What happened?" Steve gave the man a searching look. It was obvious how much Loki had meant to Thor. How had they never been aware of that? They had just been happy to defeat Loki. Just another enemy.

Thor looked up. Seemingly just realising who he was talking to. "I think what happened to most beings like him. He liked to play tricks. And he played them on the wrong people. He often got punished for this. Him, the quiet one, the caring person, who wanted to do good but didn’t know how but to play schemes. The first thing that probably changed him permanently, was his first-born son being taken from him. Loki was deemed too young at that time. He was saddened by the loss of his child, but he seemed to recover when he learned that his son was well cared for. Shortly after, Loki tricked the dwarves, it was just a jest. He had his mouth sewn shut for that." Thor sighed while he remembered his brother. "I hadn't seen him for a whole century after it happened. And even later after he returned home, he would vanish for days or weeks. I still can’t forget the hurt in his eyes. Something inside him changed. I think the last straw that broke Loki, was that he found out he was adopted, and not even the same species, that he was a ‘monster’. The lie smith had been lied to, by the people he had called family for so long, who had hurt him but were still his family. I wish I had been there to tell him that it didn’t matter, that he remained my little brother, no matter who sired or birthed him.”

The room went quiet. Everyone looked thoughtful at their steaming mugs.

"He has a son?" Asked Steve eventually.

Thor nodded his eyes were still focused on his mug. "Yes, he’s very intelligent. He often reminds me of Loki, these sharp, green eyes. His strength."

"How old was Loki then? You said, he was too young back then."

Thor gave them a look. "About two-hundred years. I think he’d been a young teenager in your terms. Though, Loki is still young."

Pepper had wide eyes. "Poor thing. This sounds really hard on him. Who was the mother?"

Thor gave them all a look like they dribbled on their shirts. Something that occurred rarely. "Loki birthed Sleipnir."

The other three exchanged confused looks. Tony raised a hand like he was in school and like he needed to emphasise his confusion. "How is that possible, I thought Loki was a man? I mean… are the genders switched on Asgard? Do you have an uterus?"

Thor laughed boomingly. "No, no, we are not that different from one another. But Loki has always been a natural shapeshifter. It sometimes happens on Asgard, that one is born with more than one original gender. Usually, those with great magical power are born this way, able to switch at will. You know that he is, was a great sorcerer, but Loki was also born a Jotun. Though we didn’t know that when we were younger. I can’t remember which form Loki preferred. Two centuries ago, Loki chose to stay in his male body." Thor told them with a sad smile. "Father wanted to marry her off one day, to one of the prettiest men of Asgard. She refused, she hated that man so, she transformed and refused to turn back ever since."

"How does ageing on Asgard work anyway?" Tony asked confused.

"Loki and I are about four-hundred and fifty years apart in age. In human years, that would be eight years. But we age differently as children. Loki would be better at explaining this. We age very fast shortly after birth, maybe like you. But a few years later it slows down rapidly." Thor fell silent, he looked like he was thinking hard. "At two-hundred, in human terms, Loki was fourteen nearly fifteen, I think."

Steve knew that he looked as shocked as Pepper did. This was a shocking revelation. "That is really very young. And I get pissed when I hear how it was dealt with. No wonder Loki went mad."

Tony gave Pepper and then Thor a thoughtful look. "I’m sorry for your loss." He finally decided to say. "When we met him, he seemed like a bag of kittens. I wish we could meet Loki like you knew him. And not the throw-your-host-out-of-a-window kind of Loki."

"I wish that for myself." Thor sighed and gave them a watery smile. "Thank you, Stark."

Steve smiled softly. He raised his mug. "To Loki."

Tony and Pepper smiled at Steve and Thor and they also raised their mugs. "To Loki."

A tear found its way down Thor’s cheek, he smiled at his friends, also raising his mug. "To Loki."

It was strange sometimes, Steve mused. Sitting with his hero friends, drinking coffee and talking about the unusual things that built their lives.

It was beautiful in its own way. Steve looked out of the window and watched the snowflakes dancing while they made their way down to the ground.

He was glad to spend the night with his friends. He was also glad that Thor was back after the ordeal everyone had watched on TV, a few days prior, ready to leave and help.

This was one of the moments, that made Steve forget that he had lost so much of his life while he slept in the ice.

*

Getting up early was something Steve was used to. But when he walked into Tony’s kitchen that morning, what he saw showed him that Tony was definitely not a morning person.

The engineer was leaning heavily on the counter, his hands clamped around a steaming mug of coffee. When Steve approached, Tony raised his head heavily and looked at him with bleary eyes. He mumbled something that sounded like ‘morn’. Though Steve wasn’t too sure if Tony was saying good morning or if he was telling himself something, he found important.

He decided it was the former. Smiling brightly, he walked up to the counter and grabbed a mug he filled with coffee. “Good morning, Tony.”

The other man nodded. For a while they sat in silence, each of them nursing their cups.

“A jet is waiting for you, to get you back to DC.”

“Thanks Tony.”

Tony just waved him off. “Don’t mention it.”

“You know, we don’t always see eye to eye. But I’m glad that I can call you a friend, Tony.” Steve smiled one of his boyish smiles.

Tony just rolled his eyes and made a waving motion with his hand.

They finished their respective drinks. And when Steve thought it was time to leave, he grabbed his bag, said his thanks and goodbyes and left for the jet.

Back home he couldn’t stop thinking about what Thor had told them. What he had revealed about Loki.

Steve opened his laptop. After a short while of thinking, he opened a new tab in the browser window and started searching.

People assumed he wasn’t adapting to modern technology. Those people were wrong, in fact, it was easy for him to navigate through the internet.

An hour later Steve had found a lot of disturbing stories surrounding Loki from mythology. He was horrified, by what he had found. If only half of it was true, he could understand easily why Thor’s little brother had gone mad.

He was wondering though, how Thor, as the older brother thought of everything that had happened to Loki. And also, how they as a team could lift the man’s spirit after this whole ordeal. The man had lost his mother and brother in just a few days. And from what he had put together Odin wasn’t very supportive of what his son really wanted from life, or who his son really was.

It still had time, though. Steve was thinking, while he took out his sketch pad and a few pencils. Luckily, the only things he had to do, was a few layout sketches and notes about how and why he chose what he did. He still had some time until he had to leave for Uni that afternoon.


	3. Chapter three - Legend from the golden Castle

#Chapter three - Legend from the golden Castle

When Loki or how she was now supposed to be called, Saga Guldborg, arrived at her new destination, she was disoriented. The portal closed and she found herself in a completely different place.

Everything was strange to her. It was full of people. They seemed to be more in a rush than where she came from. Everything looked so straight and in order but also dirtier and less cared for. Her last visit to earth had been a more hurried affair, and she hadn't concerned herself with the people scurrying about.

How did they handle their lives these days?

These people definitely dressed differently from the ones she had met in Kathmandu.

There was a mostly green, man-made area with large, grey monuments, that probably stood for people and events that were important memorials to this part of the realm. But they meant nothing to her but creating a scenery of artificial pomp and importance.

She sat on a bench facing a rectangular pond. The day was grey, orange-brown leaves fell from the trees and were gently swept by a slow breeze.

She was Saga now, she needed to remind herself of that. She needed to remind herself of her new personal history.

A small noise and movement caught her attention. Rustling paper was lying next to her on the bench. Curious, she picked it up. Thin pieces of folded papers with writing and strange grainy pictures on it. She unfolded it and started reading the articles. It told stories about actual happenings all over the world she was on, and especially the city of Washington DC. It was probably the name of the city she was in now.

This paper was a curious thing from which to learn about the usual life of the people of Midgard.

Saga realised that she had a lot to learn about this world. Reading this paper had at least taught her some things about what was happening.

Observing the people around her, how they behaved, would probably help her understand how she should behave to not stand out too much. From her observations, she realised that her attire stood out like a sore thumb, she transformed her clothes, inspired by a woman who had walked past her. A plain, black dress with black tights, she kept her boots and her black leather coat with the heavy fur collar the way they were. Just then she realised her mistake by using magic, she saw a few individuals giving her confused stares. She knew she couldn't do much about them. Maybe they'd brush it off. Humans were still very strange to her.

Also, she probably needed to figure the currency out. Saga doubted that coins made from gold were still in fashion.

She started walking around the city and observing the people that walked past her, their behaviour, what they did and how they did it, their patterns of speech. It was very different from what she learned about Midgard as a child.

When she found a busy area, she sat close to another woman. Again, she took out the paper to pretend to read its contents, so she could observe what the other woman did. She was talking into a rectangular device, flat with a glass surface. She also had a small bag beside her, Loki could see various tiny items inside it. The woman was making notes into a small book with a pen while she talked. Loki guessed that this was a way to communicate with other people. She could see a lot of people with similar-looking devices everywhere. Curious.

It was interesting for Saga to watch her. But soon the woman put everything back into her bag and left the place with long strides, her heels clicking loudly on the asphalt.

The woman was gone and Saga turned to watch a place with small round tables. It appeared to be a place like a tavern. And there she could watch an exchange. The people of Midgard were strange creatures. They appeared to use small sheets of green paper as a means to pay. She had observed the use of these green sheets several times that day now. It had to be their way of payment. To each their own, she thought with an inward shrug. Loki considered looking for the place The Ancient One had rented for her. It wouldn’t do for her to stay outside the whole day.

It took her some time to find out where it was. A small sheet attached to the key told her the address, but Saga wasn’t familiar with this city and she was glad when she could find a map, that the flat wasn’t that far away from her.

When she finally walked inside and took her first look, she wasn’t impressed but it seemed to contain everything she’d need. The flat was small, with only one room and a bathroom behind the only other door. It was already furnished with the essentials. A small kitchen area left to the entrance door with a table and two chairs, a bed tucked into the corner on the right behind a large shelf, big enough for two people to sleep in, a chest of drawers next to the bed and a small sofa in the centre, facing a small black box.

Saga sat gingerly onto the sofa and looked at her new place.

Now she had a place, from where she could create Saga Guldborg’s life. She didn’t know much yet about how her new life should look like, but one of her first deeds was to take the documents the ancient one had given her. She put them on her coffee table and looked over them.

She felt some tension falling away from her. No one knew where she was. Or who she was. This was exactly what she needed for her new life.

Until Thanos came up again. She needed to prepare herself for that day and maybe the heroes of Midgard could be of use in this. Maybe the titan could be defeated.

But first, Saga wanted to be Saga. She made herself a home in this world.

*

For the first time in a century, Loki found herself lucky. She found work just the day after she arrived in the city called Washington DC.

It had been a lucky occurrence. She had been discovering what was around her neighbourhood. The bookstore was very close to her flat. She couldn’t resist a place that was filled with books. She had walked in there, purchased a few interesting looking books and was delighted that she could sit down with a hot beverage while she started to read. To her surprise and her just being lucky the shop was hiring.

She dived into it, enjoying the smell of books and coffee every day. Also, she was able to catch up on the history and culture of the era while she worked.

Somehow she liked that place and her work. It was easy and enabled her to lay low. To observe, while she gave customers advice on books or chatted with them while she made them a cup of coffee. Or talked to her colleagues about mundane things, like TV shows, what to do on the weekend. What places to know in the city.

It was like she had become someone else. That she was who she posed as, a human, and not a goddess. No one knew or suspected who she was, or things about her past. It was easy even to her to believe in her own lie, just to be Saga Guldborg. The loner from Norway, who sometimes agreed to go out with co-workers after work, but who usually kept to herself.

It took her a few days to get used to being female again, after spending such a long time in her male body.

The bleeding was something she definitely hadn’t missed. But she was glad that she wasn’t human, and it wouldn’t happen as often as it did for human women. At first, she was irritated by the looks some men were giving her in the streets. Not that she minded, she never had a preference in genders when she took a lover, no matter what form she was in. But she had forgotten how it could be, being stared at with openly lustful glances.

In the end, having a human life helped her to get settled and to fit in.

She liked her workplace and her colleagues, though she didn’t dare to form friendships with them. Not yet.

*

Thick flakes of snow fell from the sky. The snow transformed the city into something otherworldly. Everything seemed to move more slowly.

The shop came into view and she had to admit that the Midgardian Christmas decorations in the windows created a cosy, almost magical look.

She entered, the bell above the door chimed. “Good morning Saga. It’s good to see you.” A blonde woman, Christine, Loki had to remind herself, greeted her.

“Good morning Christine.” She smiled and went behind the counter, to put her coat and bag away.

It seemed like it was going to be a calm day.

She put her black apron on and busied herself with the coffee machine, while Christine talked to her about some guy she had met a few days ago. Saga nodded along not really listening to the other woman.

At some point, the blonde looked expectantly at Saga. She shook her head. “Sorry, what did you say?”

Christine gave her a fond smile. “Always with your head in the clouds. I was asking, when was the last time you dated someone?”

“Um.” Saga fell silent. Loki had never been someone to just date, conquests alright. Living with Angrboda far away from everyone while they played house, being eloped with Sigyn. But that was probably broken up due to her crimes. “It’s been a few years.” She admitted. “I had two kids with my last partner. I think after something like that, you don’t go about and just date someone.” She shrugged and finished fixing her own coffee, while the shop was empty.

The blonde stared at her with wide eyes. “You have kids? Why do you never mention them?”

Saga shrugged. “It's a rather long and sad story. In the end, they were taken from me and I haven't seen them in a long time.”

“Wow, Saga. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” She put a hand on her shoulder and offered her a smile.

“You couldn’t.”

“But whoa, two. You don’t look the part. What do you have anyway? Boys? Girls?”

She sighed. “Boys.” She gave Christine a suffering look, just hoping the blonde would stop.

“I’m sorry. I mean, I don’t know how that must feel.”

“Don’t worry. Let’s just talk about something else. You must have plans for the upcoming Christmas holidays.”

Christine’s eyes lit up at the mention of Christmas and now she was ranting about visiting her family for the holidays, her brother and his new wife also coming.

They still needed to prepare for that ‘reading’ the next Friday but that didn’t seem like too much work.

She opened boxes with newly arrived books to put them into the shelves. It wasn’t the most interesting work, but it kept her fed.

When the next customer entered, she left him to Christine, while she put the shelves in order.

*

Saga was at her flat, sitting on her sofa. She looked at a pile of books she had purchased earlier in the week. She was intrigued and due to her cover, she needed to know what Midgard had made up about Asgard and the other “gods”.

She picked up the first and skimmed through. It didn’t seem too bad. A lot was just made up. Like her being actually married to Sigyn and them having twins. Or Frigga not being the mother of Thor. It was quite hilarious, she thought. Her being responsible for Baldur’s death, as far as she knew, he was still very much alive. Oh, there was a time when she truly wanted to kill him. It made her smile, thinking about the easier times when everything seemed whole.

The second book also didn’t seem too bad. It was almost like the first just a little more accurate.

They all were off about a lot of things. But she laughed about the depiction of Thor being the stupid oaf Loki always claimed him to be. Him, travelling in a carriage pulled by goats. Loki snorted at some stories and adventures that had been made up about them.

But she sobered up as she reached the part where the dwarves sewed his mouth shut. And the parts about her children. The books said she had more than she already had and depicted them as mindless monsters that would destroy the worlds. It broke her heart how anyone could think of them like that.

Loki put the book down. She put her face in her hands and breathed deeply. She knew they were alive. Sleipnir was safe in his position and her other sons were somewhere on Midgard, they were close, and she’d find them. That much she owed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it.


	4. Chapter four - Glimpses into a normal life

#Chapter four - Glimpses into a normal life

The sun was just about to rise over Washington. The air was crisp, and he ran while the world around him was still asleep.

Steve liked this time of the day. It was silent, peaceful. Gave him time to be just himself. And it helped him after a nightmare. Like this morning. It was Bucky again, it always seemed to be Bucky. Only sometimes the Avengers crept their way into his mind and even less it would be his mother, to accuse him of not being a good friend. It was getting better, though. It was still bad to wake up from a nightmare drenched in a cold sweat.

Today was Friday, Steve would try and finish some pieces for a class and after that, enjoy a night out with a few of his fellow students.

He finished his last lap happy with himself, refreshed by the cold air, and slowly jogged towards the coffee shop close to his apartment. He liked that place, they sold good old coffee, not that stuff that was more syrup and soymilk than actual coffee.

Steve stood in line waiting for his turn to get his nice, hot cup. He recognised a few faces from the neighbourhood. Most people seemed busy to get to their jobs. A few were sitting at the tables typing away on their smartphones and tablets. ‘Kids these days’ Steve mused.

Finally, it was Steve’s turn and he ordered his usual plain black coffee. Paid and took the paper cup and left the shop.

Something or better, someone collided with him on his way out. It was a whirlwind of colours and sensations, like the feeling of, most of, his coffee spilling on his hoody covered chest.

“I’m so sorry.” He told the person he had run into. “I did not see you. Are you alright?” He looked down and offered his hand.

It was a woman with long black hair put in a braid, in a long black, green trimmed leather coat with a large grey fur collar and black, knee-high boots.

A slim, cool hand gripped his offered hand and in less than a second, she stood right in front of him. “I accept your apologies.” She told him. She was almost as tall as he was with long legs. Her face was striking, large green eyes and sharp cheekbones. She looked familiar, but he couldn’t place her face. She gave him a strange look, he couldn’t read. “I need to go. I’m late for work.” And she took off, vanishing into the crowd.

Slightly confused, Steve turned to walk to his apartment, took off his shoes, while drinking the rest of his coffee.

When he went to take off his hoody, he made a strange discovery, the coffee stain wasn’t there anymore. Though he had felt the hot beverage soaking through to his chest. Steve shrugged, it’s still early he told himself. He went into the bathroom and took a long, hot shower.

*

Steve was sitting in a small cafe His sketchpad was in front of him and he tried not to think about the last mission he and Nat had been sent to. It hadn't been too bad, but some missions left him with nightmares and a feeling that he wasn't doing the right thing. Was this really what he had signed up for? Sometimes he felt like working for SHIELD was not what he wanted to do. And some of his colleagues even seemed to forget that he was just a person. He sighed and looked at the sketch he had just made.

He was far away in his thoughts when his phone chimed. It was a text from Alicja. Alicja was a fellow student he had befriended.

_‘don’t forget the reading tonight. I’ll be at your place at 6’_

Steve smiled. Alicja was a sweet, blonde orphan from Poland, who had made it to one of the best of their classes. She was rather cute and enthusiastic about everything that had to do with art and design. Steve looked at his watch and saw that he had another three hours until Alicja would pick him up for that reading. He considered shortly if he should finish the sketch or if he should take a small walk through the cool autumn air.

He put some money on the table, grabbed his things and left.

He felt the winter in the air. Sometimes the cold made him nervous. But it was a beautiful day. He tried to think about the night that lay ahead. Him being a normal person.

Sometimes he wondered about how his life would have been if he didn’t have had the urge to join the war when he still was that small, sickly art student from Brooklyn. Probably no one today would give a rat’s ass about who he had been. He wondered if his art would have survived or if that would have been buried along with him by now.

Now the world knew his name, he had learned that he also became a part of history books, that children learned about him at school. Sometimes he got a strange feeling in his stomach because of that fact. Most people knew him as America’s icon in his iconic suit and mask. Though to some people his face was known, most didn’t draw the connection when he walked about the city in a shirt and a pair of jeans.

This was how he was able to enrol himself at college without much fuss. His name was generic enough, and wearing normal clothes did most of the job that he wasn’t recognised by the general public. He was Steve from New York, who had been in the army at one point in his life. Just a guy who had moved to DC. It was comforting in a way.

Yes, a night away from his other life usually did him some good. He needed these escapes. Being a hero, was horrible at times.

*

He finally arrived at his apartment. Steve busied himself to cook something easy and fast. Just Noodles with garlic, olive oil and a few herbs. He sat down, and it did taste good. Steve smiled, he liked the easy things. And for a short time, he thought about how Bucky would laugh at him at what a housewife Steve had become, it made him laugh and remorseful at the same time.

He cleaned the dishes and cleared the kitchen from the clutter until everything looked pristine again. After that, he went into his bedroom to put on a clean blue button-down shirt and a pair of grey jeans. He went to the bathroom to get ready for the night. He brushed his teeth and flattened his hair with his fingers.

This would do. He was ready to go.

The doorbell rang and he did a fast job to put on his jacket and shoes, he put his wallet and keys in his pockets and left the flat. Down the hall, down the stairs and to the front door.

When he opened the door, he was greeted by the familiar blonde with bright, brown eyes and a wide smile. He approached her and she greeted him happily with a tight hug.

“It’s so good to see you again. Where have you been on Wednesday? You missed that great lecture with Professor Monroe.” She said happily and started walking down the street, leading the way.

Steve followed her and sighed. He tried to stay as close to the truth as possible. “My friend Natasha had a problem with a guy. And I helped her to get rid of him.”

“The redhead?” Alicja asked curiously.

Steve nodded.

“She’s gorgeous. No wonder she has guy problems. You’re such a prince in shining armour.” She said with a wink.

Steve rolled his eyes. “My friend Tony would say, boy scout.”

Alicja stopped in her steps to give him a once over, smirked and continued to walk. “Nah too many muscles for that. By the way, you can have my notes from Wednesday. Jack Monroe is a genius in his field.”

“Thanks. But it’s just the History of Arts.”

“Just History of Arts!” She repeated almost affronted. “His lectures are so awesome. He describes everything as if he had been there himself, so much detail, I love it, Steve! The lecture on Wednesday was about the forbidden artists during world war two in Germany. Amazing. Guess what. Toby and his new boyfriend are coming.”

Steve sometimes wondered when Alicja actually took time to breathe while she talked. Luckily, she was too occupied to her talking to not see him flinch on the mention of the war. He swallowed. “Toby has a new boyfriend? I thought after that mess with Ryan he had sworn off relationships and went celibate.”

“You know Toby.” Alicja said waving it off with a grin. “Always the drama queen. He’s with Mark now. You know, the quiet blonde from typography.”

“Didn’t know Mark was into guys.” Steve said surprised.

“Me neither. So, when are you going to introduce your new sweetheart to us?” Alicja asked with a smirk.

Steve groaned annoyed. “You and Tash can’t give it a rest?”

“Nope. How about Carol? She’s sweet. Or are you more the Jake kind of guy?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Is that important?”

Alicja shrugged “In our field of work straight guys are quite unusual. And you have been in the Army. An almost all men’s club.” She said teasingly.

Steve laughed. “Keep guessing. I’m not one to kiss and tell.” He said grinning.

Alicja shrugged. “Just saying. Toby will be destroyed if he learns that you and your sweet ass are lost to the gay world.” She said laughing and elbowed Steve, who was laughing along with her. They continued to walk and Alicja kept chatting about lectures and their latest assignments.

They turned around a corner and stood in front of a book shop, which also was a coffee shop. Steve looked up at the door and read:

_‘The Abyss_

_Old and new books_

_Enjoy your purchase while you’re drinking our finest coffee blend’_

He turned to Alicja. “Is this the place?”

Alicja nodded and pointed to a small sign in the shop window.

_‘Photographers around the world._

_See the world as our artists do.’_

Alicja took a step forward and opened the door. A small bell chimed and Steve and Alicja entered the shop.

When the door closed behind them Steve looked around. The shop was quite interesting. To the right, it was like an old bookstore. Large shelves took in the entire space. The shelves were crammed and overflowing with books. Upfront was a counter; the counter went on to the end on the left side of the store and along the counter, the bookstore transformed into a coffee shop on the left side. At the moment, the sitting area was cleared of all tables save for one at the end, in front of a makeshift screen. Mismatched chairs and armchairs were set up in neat rows facing the screen.

The air was filled with the smell of an old library and coffee. It was strangely comforting.

The small shop itself was already filled with many chatting people. Some of them had turned to see who had entered when Steve and Alicja walked in. One of them was the familiar brunette guy in tight jeans and a white shirt.

He walked up to them and pulled each one of them into a short hug. His full lips were pulled into a smile and his large grey eyes were crinkled at the corners. He sighed dramatically. “I’m so glad you could make it. Would have missed you, both.”

“I said we would come.” Alicja said firmly and returned the hug happily.

“Hey, Toby.” Steve greeted his friend and had to suppress an eye-roll.

Toby gave Steve a once over. “Mr Muscles, I missed your sweet ass on Monday.” He said and gave Steve a wink. “Hey guys, you know Mark, right?” He asked then and presented another familiar face to them.

Mark was tall and lanky, with blonde curls, which were always poking out from under his knitted hats, he had large dark brown eyes and a small mouth. He smiled shyly at the newcomers. “Hey there.”

“Friends, this is Mark, obviously you know him, he’s with me. Mark, you know Steve and Alicja.” Toby said grinning.

Mark rolled his eyes fondly at Toby and grabbed the brunette’s hand with a small smile.

Toby decided that they had made enough small talk for the moment and led the group to the second row of mismatched chairs. The four students took their seats and Steve decided to look about the room. He felt a bit uncomfortable in an unfamiliar place without his shield and other team members. He needed to reassure himself that this place was safe. This was a normal night, with his normal friends and he was just Steve.

He found no immediate threat and was relieved about that. But he found something or someone else. Behind the counter, selling coffee and other beverages to the other visitors of the reading, was the black-haired woman who he’d run into this morning.

Though her long black hair wasn’t braided anymore, it hung loosely around her shoulders, down to her waist. She seemed to be uncaring of the crowd that had gathered in the shop and was solely focussed on her work. Selling coffee and cleaning used mugs. Steve liked the small frown she was wearing when she thought nobody was watching her.

He was taken aback when she suddenly looked up and her eyes were fixed on him. He saw recognition and surprise on her face. She gave him a small smirk and continued her work behind the counter.

Steve didn’t see the look Alicja and Toby were exchanging during the short encounter.

Suddenly Alicja stood up and walked to the counter. She talked to the woman and returned with a steaming mug full of coffee.

She took a sip and hummed in contentment. “Hey, guys what do you think about going to that new bar a few blocks down?” She asked and exchanged a look with Toby.

“Sure, Mark and I wanted to try it since the opening a few weeks ago.” Toby said with a smirk and turned to Steve. “What about you?”

Steve shrugged. “Yeah sure.”

“Great! Then it’s settled. We have a nice long night out.” Alicja declared and waited for the reading to start.

It was like watching Tony showing off a new Suit.

The three artists, who have worked together on that book, thought themselves geniuses and were pompously presenting their work. Though there were beautiful pictures of foreign landscapes and cities that looked like someone had made them up. They had travelled the world for these pictures. But still, that pompous air around them unnerved Steve. He clapped politely along with the others and agreed with Alicja, Toby or Mark from time to time when they whispered about some piece being great artwork.

Sometimes during the reading, he found himself looking at the black-haired woman, who was watching the show from behind the counter. Occasionally she silently laughed along with one of her co-workers. She seemed so normal between the others, while she herself had something about her that made Steve wanting to draw her.

When the event was finally over, the shop was clearing rapidly. Some people stayed behind, to talk to some of the photographers and to get a signed copy. Soon Steve found himself walking along with his friends. They walked a few blocks down and entered the bar. What he hated about going into bars and ordering alcoholic drinks, was the fact that they had close to no effect on him. He always had to pretend at some point to get at least slightly tipsy. He missed the feeling of getting drunk.

The group of four settled at a table close to the bar. Again, Steve felt that uneasiness well up inside him, but he brushed it off. It was a normal night out.

They ordered drinks. They talked about classes, plans for Christmas. Alicja wanted to visit a friend in Brazil over the upcoming Christmas break. Toby and Mark would spend the Holidays together visiting their families. “I know, it’s going to be hilariously stressing. But I think it’ll be worth it.” He told the group with a dramatic sigh. "I'm glad to be finally able to introduce someone as great as Mark to my parents." Mark sniggered, while Toby made moony eyes at Mark “What about you Steve?”

“Oh, I think I’ll just visit some friends in New York. Tony and his girlfriend always plan great parties for all of us, so we’re not alone over the holidays. He says that it’s a crime to wake up on Christmas and there is no one to share presents with.”

“He sounds like a good guy.” Alicja told him with a smile. “When are we going to meet him?”

Steve laughed. “I don’t know. He’s always busy with some project.”

They ordered another round of drinks. And another. Between the third and fourth round of drinks, Alicja was suddenly on the lap of a stranger a few tables away talking happily to him.

Mark and Toby were in their own small universe and Steve sat there with his sketchbook and observed the people in the room. It wasn’t overly full, but every table and corner hosted a few guests.

At the bar was a small group talking amicably. And sitting next to the group looking bored into the distance with a drink in her hand was that woman, again. He watched her and planned to draw her. She was interesting. In the midst of a crowd, but all on her own, alone. Like a person in a Hopper painting, Steve thought.

He did a few pencil strokes to capture the outlines of her face and hair. He tried to catch her essence, her mysteriousness about her.

It was a few drinks later when Alicja returned. Steve packed his sketchbook back into his pocket.

“I have a date tomorrow.” She announced grinning.

Toby squealed, Mark grinned, and Steve shook his head smiling.

“Now we need to find someone for Steve.” Alicja told them seriously with a slight slur in her voice.

"He's been eyeing someone at the bar." Mark added helpfully with a grin.

Steve rolled his eyes. “Not again.”

“I can’t let you stay all celibate. You need to get laid and relax a bit.” And with that said she walked to the bar.

Toby leaned his chin on his hand with his lips pursed. “You know, she’s right. You often seem so tense. A bit loosening up would do wonders for you. You are such a pretty boy, I always wonder, why you prefer to stay on your own?”

“I don’t know, Toby. It just doesn’t feel right.”

“But you’ve dated before, right?”

“Erm no.”

“Have you punched your v-card, darling?” Toby had an impish smile on his face.

“Yes.” Steve blushed. “I’m not a virgin, just not overly experienced.”

Steve looked over to Alicja. She was talking to the black-haired woman. And the woman grinned back at Alicja. Her look had something feral and mysterious on her.

He wondered what was happening here right now. 

He watched Alicja walking back towards their table with the woman following her.

She seated herself on the remaining chair and introduced herself. “Hej, I’m Saga, your friend here suggested I should join your group since she thought I ‘looked lonely’.”

Alicja blushed slightly but grinned. “You did!” She told Saga. “Now, these are Mark, Toby and Steve.” Alicja explained while she pointed at each of them. “We are all studying art together.”

Saga gave them all a short look and offered a small smile. “Nice to meet you all.” She shortly played with her glass. “So, this reading or show off was something like a learning experience to you?”

Toby chuckled. “More like an oh, we are sophisticated art students who don’t have any other interests.” He winked at her.

Saga chuckled. “Something like that. I knew it!”

Steve laughed along with them. He couldn’t help it, he looked curiously her. He still had a feeling like he knew her somehow. “We ran into each other this morning.” He suddenly blurted out.

She gave him a look and seemed to think about her answer. “Yes, I was late for work and thanks to you, I also fell on my ass.” She told him smirking.

Steve blushed.

“You have an interesting accent, where are you from?” Mark said looking curiously at Saga.

She turned to the blonde. “I’m from Norway, but the last few years I kept myself occupied travelling. Just two weeks ago I arrived here from Kathmandu.”

Steve was interested, he always wanted to see more of the world. This woman, he barely knew had something about her, that he wanted to know more, something about her was pulling him in. “That’s amazing.” Steve exclaimed. “And now you want to travel the US?” He hoped she’d need a guide. Where did that come from? Was he so much into European accents?

She raised a brow at him. “Actually, I wanted to start over here in DC.”

Steve smiled brightly. “I know that feeling. I’m from New York, I also came here for a fresh start.”

Saga also gave him a smile. She raised her glass at him. “To fresh starts.” Steve raised his and clinked it with hers.

They drank in silence, not aware of the stares from Steve’s friends.

After a while, she looked at him. “What were you drawing?”

Steve almost choked on his drink. He coughed hard. Saga was smirking wickedly.

“Oh, was is that kind of drawing? Or did you just portray me, while you thought I wasn’t noticing you looking at me?”

Damn, he liked her already. “Maybe.” He grinned at her.

“You could always show it to me.”

He grinned. “I could, but where’d be the fun?”

She gave him a smile, that reminded Steve of a pleased teacher, her eyes twinkling. “That’s true. I like a fun challenge.” She took a sip from her drink, pretending to be thinking. “What do you think could make you change your mind?”

“You could give me your number.” Tumbled from his mouth. “Those are private. Maybe if we get to know each other I could show you some.”

Her hand fiddled with her glass. A smile played around her lips.

She took a pen from her coat pocket and wrote a string of digits on a napkin. She handed it to Steve and offered him a raised eyebrow.

She then turned to the group. “Well, I think I’ll take my leave. I need to be back at work tomorrow. It was enjoyable meeting you.” And with that said she left.

Steve was staring after her.

Alicja was smirking. “I think I like her. Steve, bring her along sometime.”


	5. Chapter five - Getting closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one. Have a nice week :)

#Chapter five - Getting closer

It was still dark outside his bedroom window when he woke up. At least it wasn’t a nightmare that woke him today. He had dreamt about pale skin, sleek black hair, a smirk that spoke of a great mind and enchanting green eyes.

His mind was wandering back to last night while he sat up in his bed.

It was good sometimes to be just Steve. Steve the student with his normal friends, who just lived his life, who went out and met an interesting woman. A woman who had given him her number.

He looked towards his sketchbook on the nightstand and wondered if he should text her.

It seemed like a long time that he had allowed himself to feel something like this for someone who wasn’t Peggy. It confused him to some extent, but he also knew, from a rational point of view, that he couldn’t live in the past, life goes on for everyone. Except for him. He thought bitterly.

He hoped that he would meet her again. He wanted to know more about her. Maybe the idea of going on a date and making some new experiences in this field would do him some good. And she wasn’t some agent Natasha was trying to set him up with.

Oh god, Tony, Nat, Alicja and Toby, they wouldn’t shut up on this. He rubbed a hand over his face and groaned.

He could hear Bucky laughing somewhere in his mind.

He needed a run.

Steve hoisted himself up and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and his running shoes. He dressed quickly.

Took his keys, phone and a few coins and ran from the flat.

The cold air was biting. How he hated the cold. But it made him alert. It centred him in a strange way. He ran further until his head felt calm and clear again.

He returned home holding a cup of coffee. He felt energised and excited from the run. He had been thinking about Saga and wondered why he shouldn’t. He walked into his bedroom fully motivated to give it a try. A smile was playing on his lips when he took his phone from his pocket and opened the sketchbook where the napkin was tucked in between the pages.

He took a deep breath.

_‘Hey, this is Steve the guy from the bar last night. Would you like to go out with me for dinner sometime?’_

He pressed send and threw the phone way like he had been electrocuted. What had he done? He felt a slight hint of panic rising inside of him. There was one thing he needed to do. One person who might be able to help him along. He slowly went to pick his phone up again and made a call.

“Nat? I think I am stupid. – Yeah thanks. No. I – I met a girl last night. Yes.” He sighed. “Yes, tall, black hair, pale, green eyes. Yeah pretty...” He rolled his eyes. “Yes, gave me her number. – what my problem is? I sent her a text. I feel stupid. – No, just asked if she liked dinner with me. – Rules? You’re joking. Holey Moley. What the hell is wrong with you? – Yes. – Of course. Buy flowers, ask for a dance or dinner, look sharp. Yes. – No, I’m not. But what if she says ‘No’? – Yes, I liked her. Sure, you’re good at giving advice? Haha. Yes. All right. Yes, I keep you updated.” He sighed and put the phone aside.

Why was he nervous? It was just a date. In the past, so many women rejected him, one more wouldn’t hurt. He sighed. He shouldn’t think too much of it.

He grabbed his cup and his laptop to work on something for college. He really liked how easy it was these days to get information by just opening a window in a browser. He lost himself in research about modern artists.

His phone buzzed.

_‘Hej, I enjoyed your company. If you’d like, tomorrow is my day off – Saga’_

Steve had a strange feeling in his stomach. She said, Yes? Tomorrow?

Where should they meet? Where should he take her? He rubbed a hand over his face. This was so complicated.

Steve did something, that he knew he’d regret in a few seconds.

“Hey, Tony.” He took a deep breath while Tony rambled on, on the other end. “Tony, I need your help. Yes, I’m starting to regret calling you.” He closed his eyes. “Look there is this girl.” He sighed this already felt like torture. “Yes, we have a date tomorrow.” Oh shit. “Yes.” Why didn’t he just call Nat again? “I don’t need these kinds of tips, Tony. I’ve had sex. Yes, I know. I just wanted to know if you knew a good restaurant where I could take her. Nothing too flashy. Just a nice place with good food.” He rolled his eyes. Pepper shouted something in the background. Thank God for Pepper being there. “Thank you, Pepper!” Steve hollered. “Yes Tony, that was necessary.” He couldn’t help the grin. “Thanks yeah, I’ll call you. Phew… Christmas? Yes, I’ll be there. Thanks, bye Tony.”

At least he now had an idea where he could take her.

_‘How about 5 pm at the Lincoln Memorial and we walk from there?’_

_‘Sounds good to me :)’_

Steve grinned. “I have a date!” Then his face fell. “I never had a date.”

_‘Can you come over? R u busy?’_

_‘Just Headquarters, annoying Nick, he says Hi’_

_‘Need your help’_

_‘Be there in ten’_

He started the coffee maker and waited.

The door chimed ten minutes after he sent the message to Nat.

He buzzed her in. The redhead had a sly grin on her face. “Here I am to rescue my damsel in distress.”

“Thanks, man.” Steve chuckled. “I have a date, tomorrow at five.”

“Steve” She grinned looking pleased. “Finally, was about time!”

“Yes.” he sighed and poured them each a mug. They sat down on the sofa. He took a sip from his mug.

Natasha smirked. “You know I still have a list of possible candidates in mind if this goes south. I’m able to adjust according to your preferences, though.”

“I hope it doesn’t.” He managed a smile.

Natasha just shrugged. “Always good to have other options. Speaking of other options, I never clarified, what do you prefer?”

Steve looked at her confused.

“You are attracted to women, that’s obvious, but you also eye up men. And I know that you aren’t a virgin” She said easily. “To be honest, I’m curious about that story.”

Steve flushed. He knew that being gay wasn’t a crime anymore. But he had never talked much about his sexuality before, there had been no need. Natasha looked at him with a sharp gaze. And he knew that she could read him easily. It wouldn’t make a difference, so why not spill it? Steve sighed. “I’m not a virgin, that’s true. It was actually Bucky who taught me how to kiss, by the way. We were fifteen.” He flushed embarrassed at the revelation. “I was shy and scrawny. And I didn’t know a thing about kissing or anything. And later there was this girl, Veronica. She went to art school with Bucky and me, she had a terminal illness. She liked me. And she was bold and confident. One day she came up to me and said, that she didn’t have long and didn’t want to die a virgin.” He laughed sadly, remembering her witty eyes. “She was a talented artist, one of the best in class. She said, you don’t have long, me neither, let’s do it. And we did. A few times actually.” Steve grinned while he blushed brightly. “I wasn’t in love with her, and I think I was just a means to an end to her. But She was great. In personality, fun to be around. I know it sounds strange, but knowing that she’d die soon, made it easy to talk to her and to be honest to her about everything.” He shrugged and the embarrassment, while he talked about Veronica, just vanished, like it did when he and her had been together. “Sadly, she died a year later. Her funeral was the strangest I’ve ever been to. Her brother refused to have anything sad being said or done that day. He celebrated her and her life. Later that day, he invited me to his home, we got drunk and ended up in bed together.” The embarrassment was back.

Natasha just raised an eyebrow and then shrugged. She gave no further comment on his story. “Any preference in looks?”

Steve shrugged. “I don’t care much about that. I like a good and strong personality more than a pretty face.”

Natasha nodded. “Good. Have you ever been on a date before?”

“No.” Steve shook his head. “Well, Bucky organised a few double dates. He’d chat someone up, ask her to bring a friend, drag me along and sometimes he ended up with both.” He laughed at the memories. “I never got that lucky. Well until Peggy. But that was over before it could really begin.”

Nat gave him a strange look. “Are you still in love with her?”

“Kind of.” He looked at the mug in his hand. “It’s just, she’s still around and a strong reminder of what could have been, the possibilities I lost, when I crashed the plane. She had her whole life without me, and I’m left with the thoughts about a missed chance. An idea.”

“I think, I understand. It can be hard to think about lost chances. But we need to deal with what we have.” She smiled softly at him, and Steve thought, that he saw a glimpse of the real Natasha. “Well, we still need to figure out what you could wear tomorrow. What have you planned? And tell me about who exactly you are taking out.”

Steve rolled his eyes. Natasha made it sound like collecting intel for a mission. “Her name is Saga. Gol- no, Guldborg. She works at a bookstore, The Abyss. She’s new to America. She said she was from Norway, travelled a bit before she came to DC.” He watched Natasha’s face, she was probably storing all the information away to do some research on Saga. “I want to take her to this Italian restaurant. Pepper said she’d make reservations for me. It’s a nice place according to her, but not too high class.”

Natasha nodded along while he talked. “Tony will be asking you to bring her along for his Christmas party.” She told him smirking. “This sounds good. Any plans for before or after?”

Steve shrugged again. “I thought about eating and talking and when everything looks good, maybe a nice and quiet bar for a few drinks.”

This earned him another nod. “Good. Now, you don’t want to look like a grandpa.”

“Hey!”

“Khakis and a checked shirt won’t do for a date. And they do nothing for your figure. You have a great body, show it off.” She folded her arms in front of her chest. “The leather jacket looks good on you though.”

Without another word she walked straight into his bedroom, Steve followed close behind her and watched how she inspected the contents of his closet.

First, she was inspecting his shirts and pants. The checked shirts were obviously not open for discussion. She threw a blue button-down shirt on his bed, dark grey jeans went after the shirt, a pair of light blue jeans next went a white and then a black button-down. She opened a drawer, she went over a pile of tee shirts, unfolding them, looking at them each and folding them back together. She threw a few of them on the bed adding them to the pile. Next went his sweaters, a dark grey one, a brown knitted one and a dark blue one also landed on the pile.

She turned back to his bed, her red hair swayed in the movement and she nodded satisfied with her choices. She looked at him. “Now you just have to try everything on, and we’ll decide what you like the most.”

Steve groaned. “Is this really necessary?”

“Yes. You asked me to help you prepare for your date. Here I am looking at clothing options that won’t make you look your age.” She explained with a smirk.

He rolled his eyes.

It didn’t take them long. The light blue jeans, his black shirt and a white tee underneath. He looked at himself in the mirror and liked the way he looked in what Nat had chosen for him.

“I do look good.” He told her with a shy smile.

Natasha just gave him a nod. “Good, now change back. We need to talk.” She walked off, leaving Steve alone.

Back in his clothes, he walked back into the living room. “Want another coffee?”

“I could go with a beer.” Natasha smirked. “Besides, we need to talk about some of the twenty-first-century rules for dating.”

Steve handed her a bottle and an opener. “It’s Polish.” He explained at her raised eyebrow. When he sat on the sofa, he opened his own bottle.

“This tastes way better, than the coloured water you Americans call beer.”

“There is this store around the corner that has stuff from Europe.”

*

She had a date. A date with her enemy.

When she was honest with herself, she found the man rather intriguing. When they had been fighting, he had never been cruel or fighting dirty. Also, in the aftermath, when she was mocking him, he kept his calm.

Loki was curious about the man out of time. Maybe if she got closer, she could learn something more about him and his strange team. Maybe even to see their use against Thanos.

He was a beautiful and strong man. Saga had no reason to deny him the night out. Loki was glad she could hide behind a story. It was all Loki was. All her life was nothing but a story.

She looked at herself in her bathroom mirror. Her hair was still damp from her shower earlier. Some eyeliner and a bit of pale lipstick gave her an almost ethereal look. She was satisfied with how her reflection looked. 

Choosing the clothes, she wanted to wear also wasn’t too hard.

She went to her chest of drawers. She picked out a pair of tights, a short, dark green dress and a long, black knitted coat. She put the clothes on and turned to look at herself in the mirror. Saga nodded towards her appearance. She thought she looked nice.

She still had time, so she prepared herself another cup of coffee. Looking out of the window thinking, she drank the hot beverage. Her hands were curled around the comfortingly warm mug. It was different from everything she knew from Asgard, but she had come to like it.

She also wasn’t too concerned about the date itself or being discovered. She actually feared his opinion of her and her misdeeds, of the Loki he was supposed to know. She was wondering how and when she could breach the subject.

This would have time though. It was unclear if this date would ever lead to them seeing more of each other.

Another deep breath and her head turned to the clock.

She did look forward to meeting the Captain.

When it was actually time to leave for the date, she put her boots and her coat on. She didn’t feel exactly nervous or excited. She was interested in him and she wanted to meet him, but he was supposed to be her enemy.

Loki was never one to play how she was supposed to.

*

Steve walked towards the Monument where they wanted to meet. The sun was on the verge of setting and it cast this beautiful orange light over the whole scenery.

She was standing at the edge of the mirror pond. Her long, dark hair, along with her long leather coat swayed softly in the autumn wind. Her pale cheeks glowed in the light of the setting sun. The fur trim of her coat, the wind-swept hair, her whole figure at the pond between the falling leaves she looked like an entity to him. Otherworldly.

He felt so nervous to finally approach her. He felt like he was his pre-serum self again. Small, sick, and unwanted. He didn’t understand why a woman like her would want to go on a date with him.

And then she turned towards him and smiled.

It was a pretty smile. Her eyes shone like sapphires in the light of the setting sun. She seemed timeless in that very moment. Steve felt his throat closing up as he walked up to her.

She turned towards him. “Hej.”

Steve smiled back at her. “Hi, shall we? Or would you like to look at the sunset?” He had chosen that time on purpose. It was beautiful when everything was surrounded by the soft, golden glow.

“We can enjoy the sunset while we walk and talk. What do you think, Steve?”

“Sure.” He offered her his arm and she giggled amusedly while she took the offered arm. Steve smiled softly as they started to walk down the streets.

“Tell me something about yourself.” She started. “Last night, you learned some about me. Your friends seemed curious. Though, I wonder if they are aware of the other activities you do fill your time with.”

Steve gasped. “You know?”

“It’s not that difficult to figure out. Your name, your face, your built.” She shrugged.

“Then what do you want to know?”

“What else is there to know about the person behind the façade of Captain America?” She looked at him with an amused gleam dancing in her eyes.

“Well, I am Steve. Captain America is me in a costume, an icon. But I guess you figured that out.” He shrugged. “I like to draw. But I think that’s obvious, from me, studying art, I also like to run in the morning, and I read.” Steve mused. “Else, it’s rather lonely. I don’t like to appear in the tabloids too much, that’s why I try not to cause too much attention.” He did a small shrug.

“Enjoying the quiet life huh?”

“Kinda. Like I said it can be lonely at times.”

“What was it like to wake up and learn that so much time had passed?”

Steve pondered about the question it still hurt to think about how he missed that date with Peggy. “It was strange. Everything that happened in the war, it was just a few hours for me. But to most it’s just- history, it happened a long time ago. And the friends I had, who were young, and full of life are either old or have died. It was like stepping into another world.”

She hummed along. “I know what you mean. Sometimes being here, feels like being a whole world away.”

Steve gave a weak chuckle. “If you need help fitting in. I’m happy to help.”

Saga offered her own amused chuckle. “I am most grateful.” She winked at him.

Steve felt himself blushing. “What about you? What is there to know about Saga Guldborg?”

She shrugged. “Not much.” She pondered at what was a safe topic. “I like animals. I also like to read, a lot actually.”

Steve raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t try to pry further. They had reached the restaurant and he opened the door for her.

They were led to a nice table in a corner. It was a nice place, Pepper had suggested for the date. It was quiet with soft lights and simple décor.

A waiter handed them the menus took their order for drinks and vanished.

“Everything in here sounds delicious.” She said while she looked at the menu.

“It truly does. A friend recommended this place actually. Oh, I think, I take the cannelloni.”

“The ones with spinach? Sounds lovely.” She gave the menu in her hands another thoughtful look. “I think, I’ll get the saltimbocca and a salad.”

Steve liked the small expression of satisfaction on her face. “Yeah, some salad sounds amazing.”

He smiled at her. And placed their order when the waiter returned with the wine.

She took a sip. “It’s really good.” She commented. “This is way better than what you’d get back home.”

Steve offered her a sheepish smile. “This is Italian, most American wines, aren’t that good.”

Her answer was just a small shrug and an impish grin. “There is so much I don’t get about this country. Everything you call culture is based on meagre five hundred years of colonisation. And everything else is adapted from mostly European settlers.”

“Possible.” He offered a small one-shouldered shrug. “My parents were Irish. A lot of people have their roots somewhere in Europe.”

She nodded. “And that’s where seemingly most of the culture comes from. There is very few that actually stems from America.” 

“Yeah, well, true. It’s interesting when you look at it that way.”

“I didn’t mean this to insult. It’s just interesting. Everything seems so European, but it also is very different.”

Before Steve could answer, the waiter returned with their food. They both thanked him. It looked and smelled fantastic.

“This is so good.” She was almost moaning at her first bite. And his own dish tasted delicious as he took his first bite.

Steve nodded. There was still so much he wanted to know about her. But he didn’t know how to ask, and he heard Nat’s voice in his head that warned him about discussing difficult topics on a first date. Steve had no idea about dates, not in his time nor in this. “I’m sorry, I’m not really experienced in taking someone out.” He finally admitted feeling awkward.

“From my perspective, you are doing good so far.” She offered him a small smile. “Where I grew up things like this were more- stiff. I am also not used to these customs. But I think I like it. And the food is really good.”

“Can you tell me about Norway? I’ve never been there but I have always dreamt about seeing more of the world.”

She swallowed a bite of salad down. “It is beautiful. The landscape still seems untouched and raw in a lot of areas, you could also say it’s wild. And you can go on long walks for days without seeing anyone.” At least it was like this when she last visited Midgard as Prince Loki. “I can’t tell you too much about the people. Growing up, me and my brother were sheltered children. We even had private tutors instead of going to a public school.”

Steve was munching on his own bite. He swallowed thinking about what she had said. “What made you leave?”

She contemplated his question. “What wouldn’t?” She poked at her food without spending attention to it. “I had a lonely childhood. I don’t know it was like I was the sore thumb out. The odd one. And well sometimes my birthday would pass without anyone noticing.” She sighed. “Home became a loveless and empty space for me.”

Steve nodded in understanding giving her a small smile. “When is your birthday?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “It’s the first of April.”

“I try to remember it.” He smiled brightly. “Your time growing up sounds really sad. You know, when I was a kid, I was always sick. I never met my Dad, he died before I was even born. And my Ma was always working. I was an outsider, the small sick kid. I had one friend, Bucky. We were more like brothers. And then the war started. I know a little bit about being lonely.”

Saga nodded with sad eyes. “It appears so.”

He sighed. “Sorry I don’t want to ruin our dinner.”

She shrugged at him. “I want to get to know you. And not your shining shell.”

A smile tugged at Steve’s lips. He took a sip of the wine, it was good.

“What about today? There must be something you like about this era.”

Steve hummed contemplating his answer. “There is a lot to appreciate about today. The food’s better, we used to boil everything.”

She gave him a small grin looking at the food on their table.

“The internet is great. So useful. I look a lot of stuff up, that I missed.”

“Do you really believe what you say? Or would you rather go back given the opportunity? I don’t want to hurt you, I’m merely curious.”

Steve sighed. “At times like this, no. I have found new friends. But I often miss my old friends, yeah.” He admitted.

“The war?”

“It was easy then. You knew who the bad guys were. Today not so much. It always seems to change. Then there’s terrorism, different inner conflicts. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. You know, there comes a time for everyone when they find out that there is more than black and white. And you suddenly find out that you’re not the hero but a villain in someone else’s story.” She fiddled with the stem of her glass. “Life is beautiful and cruel in its own right.”

“But what if the fight never ends?”

“Has the war ever ended for you? Or do you go from battlefield to war without ever finding rest?” She looked intensely at him. Those green eyes seemed to look inside his very soul.

“I don’t know. I went into the ice at the peak of the war. A week after I woke up there was this big invasion with Loki.” He scratched his neck. “And then I started to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. There is always a mission. And everyone expects me to just adjust. To fit in, because I’m Captain America.” He sighed. “I think that’s why I started Art Classes again. I want to have something, that’s just for me. Something to get away from all this hero stuff.”

Saga nodded. She seemed to understand what he meant. “I always liked books.” She shrugged. “So, I started to work at the bookshop. Despite being able to teach at University. Just doing something you like without great expectations.”

They fell silent for a while, each of them was resuming eating. Steve hated wasting food, and this was so good.

After another moment of silence, he looked at her. The elegant way she held the cutlery, her straight pose. Everything about her screamed high class to him and he couldn’t understand how he had ended up in a place like this with someone like her.

He dabbed his mouth with his napkin. “Let’s play a game.” He told her grinning. “We tell the other facts about ourselves that are rarely known. Nothing but the truth.”

She raised an elegant eyebrow at him. “Sounds interesting. You go first.” She smirked.

Steve shrugged. “My Ma is still my biggest hero. She taught me a lot, about standing up for yourself and others. It was her, who sometimes came back home with a split lip or a black eye. And she told me that someone had to stand up for the weaker ones. She had her whole life dedicated to saving others. And I’d like to be a little like her someday.” He offered a small smile and was glad to see a soft warm smile on Saga’s face.

“I think it’s good to have someone to look up to. Your mother sounds like she was an amazing woman.”

Steve felt himself blushing. “She was. Now you.”

She gave him a short thoughtful look. “I don’t understand how so many people can get caught up in genders and gender specifics.” She admitted after a moment of thinking. “When I fall in love, I love that person, not their gender. It has never been important to me.” Loki internally smirked. Or her own gender and appearance. Midgardians were strange in their roles and labelling and discriminating of gender roles.

“Yeah, I think it's insane that civil rights are being denied people in this day and age. It's embarrassing, and it's heartbreaking. It goes without saying that I'm completely in support of gay marriage. In ten years, we'll be ashamed that this was an issue.”

Saga nodded at him. “Is that another secret?” A smirk playing around her lips. “That America’s poster boy from the forties is more open-minded than people would assume?”

Steve shrugged. “Maybe. But it’s a shame that it’s still not accepted in every state, and there’s still so much discrimination.”

She offered him a bright smile. “I wish more people knew. Maybe that would change how some people perceive the topic.”

He shrugged. “I don’t like to be in the public. Even when I started this Captain America thing, I felt like a dancing monkey. Sometimes I wish I could just drop that stupid shield, get out of the suit and just be Steve again. Like nothing happened.” He sighed. “I miss my best friend Bucky. He died in the war. I couldn’t save him.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry, Steve.”

“Don’t be. It’s just. He was my family after my Ma died.”

“But you still remember them, that all that counts. They will always be remembered by you.” A soft almost motherly smile appeared on her face. “I have kids.” She looked shocked at her own revelation. “Shit.” She muttered.

Steve’s eyes grew large and he wondered if he should ask. “Wanna talk about it?”

She narrowed her eyes and pointed a long finger at him. “You have that look. Like I could tell you everything.” A sigh escaped her and she deflated. She looked into her wine glass like it held the answers she was looking for. “They are a sore topic for me. But I have three boys and had a stillborn daughter, if you’re wondering.”

“I’m sorry. You miss them.”

She nodded. “All the time.” A sigh left her lips. “Can we leave? I don’t like the possibility of me crying in a nice place like this.”

Steve offered her a warm smile. “If you’d like. We could grab a bottle, go to my place and share sad stories. And cry together.”

This actually made her laugh.

Steve waved a waitress to their table. “We’d like to get the check.”

“Sure, was everything ok?”

“It was great, thank you.” He said offering the waitress one of his brightest Captain smiles. She left, just to return a moment later with the check.

Steve pulled a few notes from his wallet and put them in the small leather book.

“Let’s go.” Again, he offered Saga his arm. And she took it looking softly at him.

They went through the chilly air and Steve felt a tension he didn’t know was there leaving.

They went to a liquor store.

“Each a bottle? You go look for the strongest they have. I have read that you can’t get drunk.” She told him while she browsed the shelves.

She chose a bottle of mead. Steve found a black bottle of absinthe. He had heard many disturbing stories about that special sort of alcohol, and he was too stubborn to refuse the challenge.

She raised an eyebrow at him but kept quiet as they went to pay for their bottles. The cashier didn’t comment on their choices, he just gave them strange looks.

They paid and left with two brown paper bags.

“Now where to?”

“My place is just around the corner.” Steve offered and Saga nodded.

He opened the door for them and let her in. He saw her taking in the shelves and books with a fond smile. He let her roam.

“Make yourself at home.” He said as he walked to the kitchen. He took two glasses from a cupboard and a box of chocolate chip cookies. He put everything on the dining table and pushed the clutter on it to the side.

He saw Saga eyeing something on the coffee table and remembered that he’d left his sketchbook there. He blushed.

“Do I really look like this to you?” She had an astounded expression on her face.

“Yeah? Is it that bad?”

She shook her head and walked to the table with the book in her hand. “I’ve never thought someone could make me look this pretty.” She gave him a soft look that transformed into a smirk when she pulled a glass and the bottle of mead to her. “But now, I believe it is time for sad truths and alcohol.”

Steve laughed and uncorked the bottle of absinthe. As soon as the bottle was open, he could smell the alcohol and other potent ingredients. He poured some of it in his glass.

He raised his glass and took a swig of the green liquid. The alcohol burned. The taste of anise and wormwood was strong on his tongue. He gasped. “This is really strong.” He coughed and felt the drink settling hotly in his stomach.

Saga smacked her lips. “Not exactly like home, but I like this one.” She gave him a look. “You have a lot of books. I am not surprised though.”

Steve chuckled. “Catching up on the past seventy years is something I take very seriously.” He took another swig, it still burned like the first. “What is something you take seriously?”

She gave him a curious look. “Quite a lot, more than most people would assume. I think one of my most serious pursuits of late would be my freedom.” She had a thoughtful look on her face. She drank some more and nodded to herself.

“Is there a special reason for that?”

She looked at the table like she wanted to find the answer on the wooden surface. When she lifted her eyes to look at him, she seemed fragile and so very young. “I feel like being lied to, all my life. The right to speak being taken from me, the right to raise my children being ripped from me. Among other things, led me to strive for finally being free from the sentence that is my past. I know that I am not innocent and that I did wrongs, but I am no fool, I wish to do better and to let the madness inside of me heal.” She seemed to have spoken her truth and Steve was slightly worried about her past and what must have happened to her or what had she done.

He nodded at her. “I think, I get an idea. And I guess, I understand.”

“Thank you.” She gave him a weak smile.

Steve took another swig of the burning drink. He felt a strange warmth spreading through his body, sadly there was no other effect and even this was fleeting. He looked thoughtful at the glass. “I sometimes hate that they pulled me out of the ice. Sometimes I wish, I had died in that plane.” He felt weak like he did before the serum. It must have shown on his face.

She gave him a nod. “I understand what you mean.”

He tilted his head in curiosity. “You do?” He saw her nodding and wondered, how. “It all seems unreal to me. Sometimes I think I’m dreaming and when I wake up, I’m back in a field and the war is still on. Even though it’s been almost two years now. The fight, the war, it’s not over for me. I feel like I can’t rest like I need to, keep going on. And then, everyone who knew me, really knew me, is dead. Some places I knew are still there, but they’ve also changed, and the people have changed but I haven’t changed that much. Does this make sense to you?” He took another swig and refilled his glass.

“It does. I never assumed it would be this hard for you. I just read a few things, heard some. But that’s not you, not your reality.” She sighed. “I know, I am none of your old friends. But whenever you have the need to talk, or if you’d like to go somewhere, I’m here.” She smiled weakly. She had a look on her face like she knew exactly what he was talking about. “It must be hard for you to talk about it. Thank you for trusting me, that much.”

Steve waved it off. “The main rule of this game is the truth.” He said and gave her a bright smile. “It is the truth.”

She nodded. She emptied her glass and refilled it. “There is a sad truth about me. I can’t tell you some of my darker secrets or the stories behind them. Because if you knew, I would need to kill you, or you’d kill me.”

What did that mean? “Are you a spy or something like that?”

She looked at him strangely. Like Natasha would sometimes. “I was something like that. That much I can admit.”

Steve knew that his eyes must look comically wide. He drank some more. He didn’t feel the burn this time. “Nat told me not to talk about difficult topics on the first date, I think that’s why.”

She chuckled. “I don’t think she had this in mind. But I think I like the idea of knowing some darker places beforehand. And I hope this lies in my past.” She nodded.

“Maybe we should talk about something happier?”

Saga sighed loudly. “Then tell me some happy secret of yours. I might be able to remember one of mine.”

Steve smiled sheepishly. “I’m Steve, you know. When I don’t wear that costume, I’m not Cap. I feel different when I’m not wearing it. Less like I have to live up to something.”

“I have met you once in that suit. You had those nice red boots on. Before you ask, I was in Stuttgart.” She grinned. “You were all like; Hey, you wanna have a rousing discussion about truth, honour, patriotism? God bless America.”

Steve gave her a blank look, then he burst out laughing. “You’re killing me.”

“Not today, Steve.” Saga said grinning.

“Thank you.” He drank some more absinthe. “But that’s really something some people don’t seem to get. They confuse me with being Captain America, that’s a persona, not me.”

She hummed while she refilled her glass. When she was finished, she looked at him seriously. “I am much older than I look.” She challenged him with an eyebrow. “What do you think, how old am I?”

“From your looks alone, I’d say something between twenty and twenty-five.” Steve shrugged. “But three kids and you saying that you’re older than you look, I’d say maybe thirty.”

She smirked. “Actually, my passport claims that I am thirty-five.”

Steve almost spit out the absinth that was in his mouth, instead, he started coughing. “That’s not what I was expecting.”

She laughed. “Well, you’re way older than you look.” She commented with a wink. “How old are you really?”

Steve chuckled. “I’m technically ninety-five, but since I’ve been frozen for almost seventy years, my biological age is closer to twenty-nine. I guess you’re somehow older and younger than I am.”

“I think you are.” She fell silent and looked at her glass. The bottle of mead was already half empty. “Do you feel anything from the absinth?”

“My stomach feels warm. But I miss getting drunk. That’s the biggest downside of the serum.”

“We could try to. Hard liquor in a very short amount of time.”

“I actually tried that. It’s like my body is burning through it while I drink.” He shrugged. “I’m used to it. But I sometimes just miss getting drunk.”

“Okay.” She emptied her glass. “This tastes so much sweeter than what I’m used to. I like sweet things. And I think, I am at a disadvantage here. I can feel the alcohol.”

Steve chuckled. “Don’t overdo yourself.”

“Believe me, I don’t.” She chuckled.

“I think, I have a better picture of you. Thank you.”

He shrugged. “I think you have a way with people. It’s easy to talk to you. I feel like I can trust you.”

Again, a raised eyebrow was the beginning of her answer. “Seldom people tell me that. I think you are just special.”

He felt the smile in his stomach. It was a happy feeling. “Thank you, I guess.”

She nodded.

“It’s getting late. If you want, you can stay the night. I’ll take the sofa”

“Thank you, but it’s your place. Your bed.”

“But, you’re my guest.”

She rolled her eyes. “We both take the bed, it’s big enough. I’m too tipsy and happy for this kind of discussion.”

Steve swallowed. He went to his bedroom and grabbed a tee shirt and sweatpants for her. “At least, take this.”

“Thanks.” She vanished into the bathroom. He took the time to change himself and he definitely liked how she looked in his clothes when she returned. She smirked at him. “Ready?”

They climbed into bed. Steve was laying on his back staring at the dark ceiling. Saga was lying next to him on her side, her back turned to him.

“Relax.” She told him. “I can feel you’re tense.”

“I get nightmares like I wake up screaming in the middle of the night.”

She turned to him. He saw her propping herself onto her elbow. “Don’t be afraid. You’re not alone. Try to relax, I won’t judge you.”

Steve swallowed. “You might be right.”

She gave him a strange look. “Turn to your side, back to me.”

Hesitantly Steve did as he was told. He was laying on his side not sure what’d come, when he felt a soft but strong fingered hand on his shoulder, kneading the stiff muscle. Her thumb worked strongly into knots he didn’t know were there and he felt himself relaxing into her touch.

He sighed. “You’re good at this.”

“I used to do this a lot. Usually when my brother returned from a hunt that lasted a few days. It’s kind of traditional to care for returning warriors.”

“Warriors, eh?” He smiled wondering where the archaic word came from. The only person he knew, who used it was Thor.

“Like I said, tradition.”

Steve nodded. But still, a lot of things she was talking about seemed strange to put together. He wanted to know more about her. Wanted to see her darker sides, but he was also afraid to learn what could be lurking in her shadows. Like he didn’t want to know what people like Natasha had in their past.

Her movements felt practised like she had done this a thousand times. He felt himself relax more and more under the ministrations of her skilled hands.

He fell asleep without knowing. The sleep felt calm and warm.


	6. Chapter six - Steve and Saga

#Chapter six - Steve and Saga

Saga awoke slowly. It was so warm in her bed and she enjoyed the warm and snuggly feeling of the fleeting dream she just had.

She snuggled herself closer to the warm person who held her close. Wait, another person in her bed?

She opened her eyes slowly and found herself in an unfamiliar bedroom.

The last night came slowly back to her. She was in Steve’s bed. And that was Steve holding her close. Would he cuddle himself like this to her if he knew? She wondered.

What time was it?

She had enjoyed the night with him. She didn’t feel like he was her enemy anymore. It was strange but she felt truly comfortable around him. She knew this was going to be a weak spot for her. And probably she should leave.

She slowly freed herself from his arms. They were strong, a lesser being would have had a hard time doing that. She slowly crawled out of the bed.

Quietly, she walked through the corridor into the kitchen. Everything was still very calm and quiet in the morning hours. She filled a glass with water and hopped onto the counter. Pondering about her possibilities while she sipped.

Maybe she should go, she usually didn’t bring joy to those around her. She could leave and no one would be the wiser. If she’d leave him a note, she’d probably meet him again. Or she could prepare some breakfast for them. She could eat. She knew she was digging her grave deeper and deeper.

Saga jumped from the counter and looked into the refrigerator.

She took some eggs, peppers, tomatoes, bacon, cheese and strawberry jam. Then she went to look for a frying pan and busied herself cooking the eggs and bacon, while she also cut the tomatoes and pepper. She found bread and plates and was starting the coffee machine when she heard a door open. She turned, anticipating Steve.

But it wasn’t Steve it also hadn’t been the bedroom door. “Hey, how did your dat- Oh. Hello.”

It was the Widow. She had a strange neutral face on, and Saga could have sworn she saw surprise for a short amount of time.

“Oh, hello, I’m Saga.” She offered her hand and made sure to look utterly surprised. “Who are you?”

The Widow took the offered hand. “I’m Natasha. I’m sorry if I interrupted something. I just wanted to check on Steve.”

She waved it off. “It’s all right. You’re his friend, right? I was just making breakfast.” And she had just realised that she was still wearing Steve’s clothes. This wasn’t how she had anticipated to re-meet one of the other Avengers.

The sound of movement came from the hallway. “I thought I heard something.” It was Steve, he looked tousled from sleep. “Err, good morning. Nat, what are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d check on you. But if it’s bad timing I can come back later.”

Saga put the eggs and bacon on a plate. Steve looked at Saga. And she had to admit that she liked the way he looked at her in his things.

“You can talk, I’ll just get dressed.” She practically fled into the bedroom and just magicked her clothes back on. She leaned against the door. She couldn’t let herself be discovered by the Widow. A few deep breaths.

She quietly made her way back.

“This looks like you actually did get lucky.” It was the Widow.

She could practically hear the eye roll. “We just had a drink here and she stayed the night, nothing like that. I like her.”

Saga walked back in. Steve had turned slightly pink, she was smiling at him. “Who’s hungry?”

Steve sighed relieved. “Oh, yes!”

The group moved to his dining table. Each a cup of coffee in their hands.

Saga felt like this was some kind of test. The Widow gave her strange looks and Steve seemed uncomfortable. Situations like this could make her smile. It was often like a game to her.

“What do you do for a living?” The Widow eyed her strangely.

Saga swallowed her bite. The food tasted good. “I work in a bookshop, called The Abyss.”

“Do you like it?”

“Nat, this is not an interrogation. Saga is my friend.” Steve was definitely uncomfortable.

The Widow was another topic. But Loki liked to play with his mistrustful friend. She chuckled. “It’s alright, Steve. I grew up with an older brother, I’m used to things like that.” She grinned. “Yeah, I actually studied Scandinavian Studies and Literature. I also have a degree in Philosophy and Linguistics.” She shrugged. “Anything else, you’d like to know?”

Steve gave her a strange look. Natasha narrowed her eyes.

“Do you know who I am? And if you do, you should know that I look into the details of everyone around me. My search on you came out clear, maybe too clear. Hurt him and I will track you down and hurt you in ways you didn’t know existed.” Loki liked that woman even more. She was fierce and seemed loyal. It was good for him, to have a friend like that.

She ignored Steve’s panicked expression. “You might be right about some of your concerns, and I don’t blame you for them. But maybe I can assure you, that my intentions towards your friend are on the side of honest interest.”

Steve sighed. “Can we please move past this? Whatever this is? Nat, you’re my friend and I appreciate that you want to protect me, but I’m a big boy.”

Natasha nodded towards Steve and shot Saga a strange look.

Oh, she really liked that woman, hopefully, she’d see more of her.

*

Nat was eyeing the door suspiciously. Steve wasn’t sure what he was seeing on her face.

“So, what did you find on her? I think it’s what brought you here.” He sat back down in his chair at the table.

She shot him a look, her arms crossed.

Steve sipped his coffee. “Found something interesting?” He was honestly curious, but he also thought it wrong to do it like this.

Nat sat opposite to him. “She’s clean. Born and raised in Norway. She has the degrees in Linguistics, Philosophy, Scandinavian Studies and so on. Some language skills. Travelled, Europe, Asia, last stay Kathmandu. Every information on her is legit and clean.” Nat pursed her lips. “Though no Facebook account, no angry ex-lovers. Everything is clean. Too clean.” She seemed frustrated. “Some dead guys have more information about them, than her.”

Steve looked curiously at his friend. “Maybe she’s not the type to put personal stuff online.” He remembered Saga telling him about her past and her having dark secrets. Maybe she was using a fake identity. He hated doing this behind someone’s back.

“Or she is not who she pretends to be.”

A sigh escaped him. “Possible. She could also be hiding from someone.”

Her eyes narrowed at him. “She told you something. How can you be okay with that?” Her face had a searching look. A smirk appeared on her face. “No, sorry. You are used to people around you are having secrets.”

“Yes, Nat. That’s why I think the night with her was great. She’s funny. And she is smart. I want to see her again.”

She chewed on her lower lip. “I found nothing about her family, the records say she’s an orphan. But she talked about having a brother. It bothers me, Steve.”

Steve knew that Nat could be difficult with things like this. “You are right, there is something fishy about that. But from what she told me, she had a difficult time. And maybe you should give her a chance.”

“One chance. And I’ll keep my eyes on her.” She sighed. “So, only drinking and telling stories? Her wearing your clothes looked like more.” Natasha smirked.

Steve groaned. “It was our first date. What did you expect?”

She shrugged. “Maybe after such a long time, you wanted to get adventurous.”

*

A cup of tea was resting in her hand. She was sitting on her bed in her studio flat, looking out of the window. It had been just a few weeks. How did she get herself entangled with these people so fast? Why had she been this honest with Steve?

She blamed that stupid honest to everything look on his face. These puppy eyes. A sigh escaped her lips. There was not much she could do about the situation. She needed to be at work in an hour. A nice, hot shower would do her some good.

Getting ready went fast. She felt like she looked presentable.

On her way to the shop her phone vibrated.

_‘I enjoyed last night. Want to go out again?’_

_‘the day after tomorrow my shift ends at 12.’_

_‘Perfect, I’ll meet you there.’_

She grinned when she entered the shop.

“Someone got lucky.” A male smirking voice greeted her.

“Good day to you, too. Tomar.” She rolled her eyes at her co-worker. He was a pretty one, tall and dark with a pierced nose and fierce-looking tattoos on his perfect, coffee-coloured skin with enchanting dark grey eyes.

“Who’s the lucky one?”

“His name is Steve.” She put her bag behind the counter and tied her apron on. “Tall blonde guy. Met him last Friday.”

“Oh, he was at the reading, I remember him. Pretty boy. You were looking at him and his friends the whole time.”

She rolled her eyes and sniffed. “I beg your pardon I was merely watching our customers.”

“Tell yourself that. You might believe it one day.” He laughed at her eye-roll. “When are you seeing him again?”

“Wednesday.”

“Oh, you’re close to a social life.”

She snorted. “You wish.”

“Not all of us can exist in solitude, my dear.”

She rolled her eyes.

*

On the following Wednesday Saga was just pulling the strap of her bag over her shoulder when Steve entered the shop. “You’re right on time, just finished my shift.” She told him with a smile. She had actually been looking forward to meeting the blonde hero again.

Steve held the door for her. And Saga ignored the catcalls from her colleagues. “Wanna grab something for lunch?”

“Sure. How was your day so far?”

Steve shrugged. “Just been to a few lectures. “Alicja says hi, by the way.”

“Oh, your blonde friend. She was nice.”

They walked side by side down the street. It was a cloudy and cold day. Saga liked the cold, but she could see that Steve was uncomfortable. She reached for his hand and was a bit surprised when he gripped hers back. She smiled softly to herself. She didn’t know how and when, but the man that used to be her enemy had become someone she cared for. She wanted to be a better person when he was close.

Saga shook her head grinning. “She seems to enjoy life. I like her.”

“Do I need to worry about her stealing you away from me?”

Saga raised an eyebrow. “Why, did she say something?” She grinned. “Don’t worry yourself, I think you’re more interesting.”

“Gee, thanks.” Was Steve’s sarcastic answer.

Laughing she raised an eyebrow. “You are. Though she’s pretty.”

“But I hope you like me more. I-” He stopped, and she stopped with him looking expectantly at her. She was curious at what he’d do. He ran his free hand through his hair. “I think, I like you, Saga.”

He was endearing.

She wondered if he’d still say he liked her if he knew who she really was. But Loki thought it was more fun this way. He was everything, maybe a little too righteous, she had wanted from another person. Without another thought, she stepped up to him and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

Steve seemed surprised. But he smiled at her. His cheeks had turned pink. “So…” She liked his sometimes, boyish nature.

“So?”

“You like me back?” So innocent.

She rolled her eyes. “No Steve. I’m a secret agent. My handlers told me to infiltrate the Avengers, gaining their trust, so to find weak spots and to overpower the world.”

She grinned madly and Steve laughed hard. He bumped his shoulder into hers. “You still want to grab lunch with me?”

“Sure, but don’t mind if I ask questions about your teammates.”

“Don’t worry. If you want to, you can meet them soon enough.”

Saga was actually wondering what he had planned. “Have you something in mind?”

“Tony. Since New York, since the Avengers formed, Tony likes to throw parties and to invite the whole team. Especially on Christmas. He throws a thing, like a family gathering for the team. Maybe you could join me this time?”

This came as a surprise. He wanted her to join him for this ‘family’ gathering? Thor would probably be there. She as Loki was repulsed by the idea, but her as Saga? “Yeah, sure why not?” She could kick herself. And Steve’s happy smile made it worth. Sometimes she hated her softer side.

They turned around a corner and came to a halt in front of a nice looking diner.

Steve smiled at her. “I like this place. They have the best burgers and apple pie in town. You are in for some ‘American culture’.” He smirked at her.

She rather liked that expression and kissed his cheek. “Well then, I’m in for a lesson then.” She winked at him, feeling chipper.

They entered and Saga’s nose was filled with the smells of fresh foods.

Everything looked so typical, the black and white checked floor, the orange tabletops, the red, faux leather booths, even the jukebox in the corner. It all looked like it came straight from one of those films Christine had recommended when she had asked for something typical American.

A woman with grey hair and a wide motherly smile greeted them. “Steven, it’s good to see you again.” She came forth from behind the counter, two menus in hand. She hugged Steve. “And I see that you brought a date with you. Good for you, my boy.”

Steve’s cheeks had turned that nice, pink shade, Saga liked so much. “Good to see you, too, Roberta. And yes, I’d like a table for two.”

She grinned and walked them to a booth at the window front. “Honey, our Steven, has been alone for far too long. It’s about time he brought a pretty woman with him and you are just gorgeous.”

Steve rolled his eyes with a fond smile.

Saga was irritated. That woman was nice, but she spoke way too much for her taste. “Erm, thank you.”

They sat down, and Roberta placed the menus in front of them. “I’ll be with you in a bit.”

Saga looked after the woman when she was sure, she was out of earshot, she looked at Steve, who was watching her with a boyish blush.

“What’s the story? I don’t think every old lady is treating you like her favourite grandson.”

Steve chuckled. “No, in fact, I used to be just a regular, when I first came here and started to work at the Triskelion. After a few months, Nat and I were eating here after a mission, there was that guy, who made a robbery attempt. Nat and I did, what we do best. Since then Roberta treats me and Nat, like well… her favourite grandchildren.” He grinned. “And the food here is just so good.”

“Well, I thought it was more like you rescued her cat from a tree or something like that.” She smirked at him.

“Not exactly. But you need to try that bacon burger and the home-made ice-tea.”

“Sure, it sounds delicious. And I’m famished. I overslept and forgot my breakfast.” Her stomach growled just to emphasize her words.

Steve laughed while she pouted playfully at him.

Roberta returned, grinning like the sun sometimes just shone for her. “Now, sweethearts. What can I get you?”

“We’d like the bacon burger and your ice-tea.” Steve told her with his boyish smile. “And the apple pie with vanilla ice-cream for dessert.”

“You lovelies are in for a treat.” If Saga didn’t know better, she would have sworn that the woman smiled even wider, it was like watching Baldur. Bright and shiny like the sun. The resemblance somewhat annoyed her. But that motherly side woke a deep longing inside her.

Roberta brought them their drinks and left them for the few other guests in the diner.

“I feel blinded. She smiles almost inhumanly bright.”

Steve laughed. “Yeah, it takes some getting used to.”

The ice-tea had a nice deep colour and a few green leaves were mixed between the ice-cubes. It smelled fantastic. She took a sip and it did taste even better. “You were right, this is delicious.”

“This is nothing compared to the burger. Just wait.” He told her grinning.

“I’m an impatient creature. And I’m hungry.”

“Just a few minutes.” He smiled reassuringly. “Any interesting customers today?”

“Let me think. There was this one guy today, who ordered an ancient version of the Kamasutra. Last week he bought a copy of 'Les instituteurs immoraux ou La Philosophie dans le boudoir' by the Marquis de Sade. I think he has a thing for kinky things.” She smirked, wondering what Steve was like as a possible lover.

“Didn’t know you had these kinds of books.” He had a curious expression on his face.

She shrugged. “What sells, sells. And besides, we have a lot of old texts like that. You’d be surprised, how many of the classic authors wrote about sex directly or indirectly.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, like in the original Grimm fairy tales. There is a lot that explicitly deals with intercourse or even rape. Some versions are more suggestive.”

“Huh? Wow, that’s something that makes me overthink what Ma actually read to me when I was a kid.”

She laughed. “My bedtime stories were about brutal monsters, giants, dwarfs and trolls.”

“Ah yes, Norwegian. Is it that different? You probably also learned about Thor and those gods as a kid, right?”

Sure, he would bring up Thor. “Yeah, that was a thing when I was young. It’s quite interesting when you learn that most of your childhood stories are probably true.”

“I guess. I read some stuff. I hope, I get the chance to ask Thor what’s actually true.”

She giggled. “I’d ask him about his wedding.”

“Huh? He’s married.” He looked comically surprised. “But I thought he was with Jane.”

Saga snorted. This would be glorious. “I won’t ruin the revelation of the tale.”

“Now, I want to hear it.”  
“Not a chance. And don’t look it up. I promise it’s better when he tells it.”

“How can you be so sure? It could be fake.”

“Maybe, but it’s hilarious and absurd enough, to actually be true in its core. It also has Loki in it. What do you think? Stories with a trickster in them are destined to be hilarious.”

His expression suddenly turned sombre. “I’m not sure about that.”

“Why?”

“Last time I met Thor he was telling us about Loki’s death.”

“Oh. He’s dead? But I thought they were enemies.” Now, this would be interesting.

“I don’t think Thor ever saw his younger brother as an enemy. He was actually grieving Loki.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that.”

“It’s alright. You couldn’t have.”

Saga wanted to say something, but Roberta had decided to return at that moment with two large plates filled to the brim with delicious looking and smelling burgers and fries.

Steve’s eyes lit up and he grinned at the old woman.

“Now my dears.” She put the plates on the table. “Enjoy and eat up.”

“Thank you.” Loki mumbled. It smelled so so good.

“Thanks ‘Berta. This looks good as always.”

“Good, if you need anything, I’ll be right with you.” That said, she turned and walked back to the counter.

Steve grinned at her. “You’ll love this.”

“Is that so? It looks and smells good.” She put a fry in her mouth. “Oh, this is delicious.”

Both started to eat. And everything tasted just as good, maybe even better as it smelled and looked. Loki wasn’t sure how Midgardian food was so much more flavoured than what you would get at Asgard. “This is amazing.” She grinned. “Thank you, for bringing me here.”

Steve chuckled. “I wanted to treat you today.”

“You did well. I’m amazed.”

“Glad you like it.”

*

When Steve met Nat the next day at the Triskelion, he knew that she wanted to know everything. He knew that she knew that he and Saga had met again. “Want to go training? Clint is on Holiday. And there isn’t much else to do right now.”

“Yeah, sure.”

They went to the gym, each doing their warmups. “So, you met Saga again?” Nat finally asked when she was done wrapping her hands.

Steve turned towards her and made his way to the mats, Nat close behind him. He dodged one of her kicks.

“Yesterday, I took her to the diner. ‘Berta seemed to like her.”

“This seems to be serious if you take her to meet ‘Berta.” She did another attempt at attacking him. 

He blocked her with his elbow and made to kick her in the ribs, but Nat was fast and flipped out of his reach.

“I told you that I liked her.” He dove after her, gabbing her at the waist.

She turned and closed her thighs around his neck. “When are you going to meet her again?”

Steve somersaulted and got rid of her. He jumped back and they started to circle. “Saturday. She said she wanted to cook something and maybe watch a movie afterwards.”

Nat smirked.

Steve didn’t like that expression and wondered what she was thinking. That was a huge mistake. She went for his legs and he felt himself falling. He was able to turn and landed on his hands, but Nat was on his back. He jumped up, making her lose her halt on him.

“You shouldn’t forget to buy condoms.”

“What?” That did it, he landed on his ass, still with a shocked expression on his face.

“Third date, a Saturday, her flat. That just screams sex at me.” She smirked at him.

Steve got up. “You are pulling my leg.”

“Well, these are the dating rules.” She smirked.

“Can’t I just do what I feel is right? I like her. And she already slept at my place.”

“So, you just throw these rules out of the window?”

“Sure.”

“Good one.”

“Why do you keep confusing me?”

“Those rules came from I don’t know where they are superficial. But if you want to really get to know someone and are serious about them, you just throw them out of the window and do what you think feels right.”

“You sounded like it was important.”

“I wanted to see how you react and how you feel.”

He rolled his eyes. “Nat, I’m not a mission. Nor is my relationship or whatever this is going to be, not a mission.”

“You don’t know that. I’m still going to find her story.”

“I know.” He sighed.

*

The front door seemed strangely intimidating. It was just a door. And he was just about to see Saga. But he was nervous. He rearranged the flowers and the bottle of wine in his hands and felt the box of condoms heavily in his pocket. Why had he bought them? He was sure that there weren’t any expectations. And he also wasn’t opposed to the idea of having sex. But it felt wrong.

Finally, he gathered the courage to press the button next to her name.

The door buzzed and swung open to his light touch.

The hallway seemed neutral, clean but also old and unmaintained. There were a few cracked tiles and the paint on the walls showed a few cracks. When he took the stairs up, he also saw flower pots in the hallways and nicely decorated doors.

When he finally reached her floor, he saw that she had decorated her door with a wreath made from different dried herbs, flowers and twigs. The door was ajar, he could already smell a nice, homecooked meal. He knocked softly and entered. “Hey there. I brought some flowers, I hope you like them.”

She stood in front of her stove, looking breathtaking. She wore a simple dress with long sleeves, her legs and feet were bare, and he could see that she had dotted lines tattooed on her feet that went from between her toes up to the centre of her feet. Swirling lines decorated her calves and shins.

She turned towards him with a huge smile on her face. “Hej, Steve. Come in.”

She came up to him and they kissed. Her lips felt soft and Steve knew that he could lose himself in that moment. He felt the flowers and the bottle being taken from him and his hands moved to her waist.

“It’s good to see you, too.”

Saga smirked. “Go, make yourself at home. I’m almost done but I don’t want to risk burning the lamb.”

Steve nodded and he knew that his cheeks must have taken a pink hue. He went and hung his jacket on the hook next to her door, he also took his shoes off and placed them next to her boots. This scene appeared strangely domestic to him. And he wasn’t sure if it scared him or not. He thought that the man who returned from the ice was a different one, but he could feel the old Steve beneath a lot of grief.

Her flat was small. It was divided by a large shelf. He could see her bed in the corner behind the shelf. Her sofa and a simple TV were located in the centre of the room. Her kitchen was on the left side and there was a door that probably led to the bathroom. It was neat and very neutral. A lot of books and a few DVD cases were on the shelf, along with a few foreign-looking trinkets.

He moved closer to look at them. There were a few daggers that looked like they were old, maybe even antique, with runes etched into the blades. A few crystals and wooden sticks that were also carved with runes lay in between the daggers.

A few potted plants and herbs were sitting on the windowsill. There were also a few crystals and a velvet pouch.

It looked homey, though there weren’t any pictures on her walls and no photos of family or friends.

He turned to see that she was doing the finishing touches to what she was cooking. “Do you need help setting the table?”

“Actually, if you could put these on the table, that’d be nice.” She handed him two bowls, a large one with a mixed lamb’s lettuce salad and a deep red sauce. He put them on the table and found that she already had uncorked the wine and had put cutlery and wine glasses on the table.

He turned back, just to be handed a plate with nice-looking lamb meat that had a few dried herbs sprinkled on top. He put the plate on the table and took a seat on one of the chairs.

She put two plates on the table and took her seat.

“Go on, help yourself.” She said smiling.

He took some of the salad, while he watched her putting meat on her plate with a helping of the red sauce. “What is this?”

She looked at him with a lightly surprised look on her face. “This? Krækiberja sauce. They are close to your blueberries in taste. Took me a while to find them.”

He nodded and took some of the meat with the sweet sauce for himself. It was surprisingly good. The taste of the meat with the herbs mixed wonderfully with the sweetness of the berries. “It’s great.”

She smiled. “Thank you. I wanted to try something similar from home.”

“I like it.”

She poured them some wine. And it was actually a nice meal. In general, it was nice, just to sit with her eating and sharing a few simple words. He felt at ease with her, maybe it was because she, like him, seemed to be detached from the world around her. She was quiet, a little dark, but overall, she was smart and funny and she had something about her that pulled him in.

They were both finishing their meals and he was happy about everything.

“So, I have some ice-cream in the freezer. What do you think about watching a movie and some dessert?”

He smiled. “Sounds good. What movie?”

“A colleague recommended it. It’s called American History X. Tomar said, it was a shame I didn’t know that film.”

“What’s it about?”

“About a former neo-Nazi who is out of prison and his younger brother.”

Steve did not expect that. “Okay let’s do it. I’m curious.”

“Then to the sofa. I’ll get the ice-cream.”

Everything felt so easy. He went to the sofa. The DVD case was already lying on the coffee table. The cover showed a black and white picture of a man covering a swastika with his hand. It wasn’t that he didn’t know about neo-Nazis, more that he wasn’t aware that it was of interest for the film industry. Though what Tony had already shown him, should have proved that there was somewhere a movie for everything.

Saga came with the ice-cream and two spoons in one hand, the wine glasses in the other.

“I could have helped.”

“You’re my guest. Now sit back.” She smiled and put everything on the table. She pressed a few buttons on her remotes and the film started.

She sat down, snuggling against his side with the box of ice-cream and spoons in her hand. She kissed him softly on the cheek. “Relax Steve.”

He smiled and took a spoon from her.

The film proved to be really good, thoughtful, disturbing and very sad. Though it was just a film, it was painful to see young impressionable people being led down such a twisted path. So much violence, it was ugly. And then this beautiful change, the character development. And everything came to this senseless ending. He felt his eyes filling with tears. His arm was tight around Saga’s shoulder.

“This was heavy.” She commented in a raspy voice.

He breathed deeply. “Yes, that was heavy.” He pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head. “We could watch something a bit lighter. If you want to. What other DVDs do you have?”  
“Hmmm. I have Shakespeare in Love. Do you like romantic movies?”

Steve chuckled. She could be cute in her own way. “Yes, I do.”

“Oh.” She got up and took another DVD from her shelf. Went to the DVD player put the DVD in and went back to the sofa to retake her place. It felt nice to have her leaning against his side.

The movie started and this one had a much lighter tone. It was funny and a little witty. He liked how the story evolved, the play and along with it the relationship.

Sometime during the movie, they began to kiss. First, it was a few chaste kisses. And then he found himself lying on his back, Saga straddling him, while they kissed passionately.

He wasn’t sure where to put his hands, or what she’d think about him reacting towards her.

He had been on the occasional date before. And he had even kissed someone or two since he woke up. But nothing like this had happened to him since then.

She pulled back, a smirk on her face. Her hand stroked his hair. “You think too loud. Try to relax. I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Okay?”

He swallowed and nodded. “Okay.”

She leaned back, sitting on her haunches. Slowly she pulled on the hem of her dress, revealing more of her thighs. She had a big tattoo on her left thigh. Steve wasn’t exactly surprised, it almost covered her whole thigh. It looked mysterious to Steve. Two snakes biting each other’s tails their bodies interwinding and forming an ‘S’ like shape. But there were also pearly white scars all over her body that looked like someone had hurt her badly.

He watched her curiously as she pulled her dress up further, revealing more and more of her body until she pulled it off and was left with nothing but her underwear, tattoos and her long, silky hair.

She had even more tattoos. Some more of these swirling and dotted lines, that accentuated her slim built. Runic writing was on her upper arms. In this exact moment, she looked like a figure from a fairy tale.

But even there, on her stomach, her ribs were more scars. Some cutting through the beautiful art on her skin. There was one, still pink scar, that went down between her ribs and chest and he wondered what must have happened to her. And still, she was beautiful, even ethereal.

She eyed him critically.

“You are beautiful.” He breathed. This made her smile. And he liked that smile, a lot.

He wanted to ask what had happened to her, but before he could ask his mouth was covered with hers in another heated kiss.

He could kiss her forever.

When they finally parted to get some air, he needed to say something. “You look like artwork. I’ve never seen someone as beautiful as you.”

And she blushed, it was the first time he’d seen her blush. “No one ever told me something like that.”

Again, Steve found himself pulled in into a kiss, she was stronger than she appeared, and he liked how she held him in a firm grip.

She was as wild as she was fierce. He thought to see her this raw and free was something he’d never get tired of. He would give her what she needed from him, show her his desire as much as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took me so long. Some papers needed my attention. I hope you like this. Have a nice weekend :)


	7. Chapter seven - Loki being Loki interlude

#Chapter seven - Loki being Loki interlude

Saga wouldn’t be Loki if she wouldn’t cause any trouble. It was the small things, a misplaced key here a flat tire there. No bullets in the guns at a bank robbery or a gun turning into a water pistol, a criminal accidentally looking for shelter in a police station. Oh, she loved her days off.

The small café she was in had a nice view. People walked by, cars drove along.

Saga loved people watching. And causing small troubles while doing so. The small things.

Since Midgard turned out to be her new refugee, she wanted to make the most of her time here.

The situation she was in, was kind of strange. She made the most of it, as long as she could. Her problem was just, she genuinely liked Steve.

She knew, getting closer to him and to continue her lie would cause her great trouble in the future. But she liked the time she could spend with him like that. Without the burden. Since trouble was her life, she would figure out what she’d do.

A man in an expensive suit with a briefcase walked past her. He looked like one of those agents. A flick of a finger. The briefcase ripped open and the man seemed horrified by losing the seemingly important contents of it.

Loki took a sip of her overly sweet coffee and looked casually at her phone. She hadn’t heard from Steve since he’d gone on his last mission two days ago. She found herself worried about his safety. And it annoyed her. The magic of the serum inside of him made him the closest a human could be to one of the almost eternal races.

A gust of wind sent some papers flying. She smirked. The man looked comical. It was glorious. In situations like this, she felt like the goddess of mischief again. People often forgot that life was about having fun. Life was chaos and chaos, was beautiful.

Suddenly, Loki had an idea. She could go and look what the agents at SHIELD were up to. She didn’t trust them. And the occasions she had been in contact with them made her doubt them even more.

She slowly and casually made her way to the Triskelion.

It was her day off after all. She was allowed to have some fun. Casually, while she walked, she transformed her clothes into a grey suit with a pencil skirt and a blue shirt, her boots became delicate grey heels, her hair turned light brown and wrapped itself into a tight bun.

She strode down the pathway towards the large building at the river. When she came to the entrance, she saw similarly dressed agents who entered. There were a lot of cameras and scanners. She knew that she wouldn’t get past most of these safety measures. Magic was convenient in solving these issues. A smirk found its way onto her face. A security card, like those Steve, had lying around in his flat appeared in her palm.

She walked inside. It was large and light. Built from mostly glass and steel. Those who built this wanted to show off their superiority. It was quite impressive.

She walked casually deeper into the building. She wanted to see the archives. Practically growing up between shelves and being in the shadows had taught her a lot. Most secrets and things everyone wanted to forget, were usually somewhere in an archive or discussed in a kitchen.

She walked down a few flights of stairs. Then down a hallway. Glass walls revealed several laboratories. One, in particular, looked fascinating. A pair of young scientists were in a heated and fast discussion while they worked seamlessly on a project. A flick of her wrist and a small tool was suddenly misplaced. She continued walking as they started arguing.

These hallways down here were mostly empty. Just a few agents came across her, as she made her way deeper and deeper into the under levels of the building. A man who seemed inconspicuous in a way that he practically screamed danger at her walked casually up to her and nodded politely. Coulson. “Agent.” He greeted with a neutral face and walked past her.

She greeted back. When he was out of sight, she let out a breath. He had noticed her. And she had killed that man. How was he actually alive?

There was definitely something going on. Dead men usually didn’t come back to life unless there is dark magic involved.

She finally reached a hallway with many steel doors. Everything was devoid of life. Nothing and no one was heard or seen. Good.

She found a door that opened after a bit of persuasion with magic and it revealed rows after rows of shelves. A smirk appeared on her face.

This was exactly what she had been looking for.

She walked down the rows, took a folder here and there and skipped through them. There were reports which seemingly didn’t add up. This organisation was supposed to be government-based, to protect people.

She found blackened out passages about a Soviet base in Siberia. There was too much that had been blackened. She decided to keep that file. It vanished into thin air.

She kept going. Project T.A.H.I.T.I stood out to her. There was something about otherworldly technology that wasn’t supposed to be in this world. What were the Kree doing on Midgard anyway? There was so much if brought up could bring everything down.

Now, what about the Avengers?

She found something in the files from 1995. After a woman with superhuman powers and a connection to the Kree appeared. Then agent Fury had been involved in the activities. In the aftermath of the events also concerning the Tesseract had led the agent to come up with the Avengers Initiative.

This Fury was involved in a lot. She wondered if he knew about everything that was going on. Probably not.

Some documents appeared like there was an organisation operating under the guise of this organisation. Probably something that wasn’t approved by the government, maybe even enemies infiltrating. She knew enough about mutiny when she just came across smaller signs of it. How deep did this run? And when did it start? A few of these files went along with the information about that Soviet branch she already had.

When she came to the individual files about the Avengers, there was a bit of a surprise. It seemed like the team as it had been during her invasion had only operated that one time and seemingly it had beforehand been cancelled. Some were even declared as possibly dangerous.

She stood and continued to look further down the rows. In a shelf about enemies, she found herself. Labelled as dangerous, insane, unstable, intelligent. She felt flattered. And thankfully deceased. Nobody would suspect her behind anything.

She finally decided that she had seen enough for today. This S.H.I.E.L.D was in fact more interesting than she had previously assumed. Too many secrets. Every secret eventually surfaced. She knew that better than most.

She made her way out of the archive and back down the hallways and up the flights of stairs. When she came back to the laboratories, she saw Coulson in a discussion with the two arguing scientists and a pretty young woman with long, brown hair.

She continued further up the stairs until she reached the main hall. There she saw the Director in his signature coat in a heated discussion with Natasha.

Loki tried to get closer, while she let her lips appear fuller and her nose smaller. Pretending to read a sign, she was finally in earshot.

“This whole mission was a setup.”

“What are you saying? That we have a mole?”

“Possible. And I don’t like it.”

“If that’s true, we have a problem. I want you to look into that.”

“Sure.”

“And Romanov, call that new lady friend of Rogers. I don’t do upset girlfriends.”

They parted and Loki decided that this was a good time to leave. It wouldn’t do to answer the phone with the Widow standing right next to her.

As fast as possible, without being conspicuous, she left the building. She made her way into a close-by park and from there she vanished into her flat.

She transformed herself and her clothes back. It just dawned to her that something must have happened to Steve when she started to prepare Tea.

She bit her lower lip. She was considering to go back to the Triskelion when her phone started to ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi Saga, this is Natasha. Look, Steve got injured on that mission. He’s just getting patched up.”

“Oh. Thank you for calling. Is he alright? Does he need anything?” She hated to play upset.

“Just a few broken ribs and leg. Few cuts and bruises. Nothing he can’t handle. But maybe you should look after him for a few days.”

“That bad?”

“No, the old man gets cranky when he’s invalid and needs to rest.”

She giggled. “Oh really?”

“Yes, insufferable. Like a ninety-year-old toddler. I’ll get him to his place in about an hour or two.”

“I’ll be there. Thank you, Natasha.” She thought hard about her next line. “I wanted to drop by the shops anyway. Do you want to stay for dinner and beer?”

Saga could hear the other woman sigh on the other end of the line. “Sure, why not.”

She hung up.

This seemed like the woman was warming up to her.

*

“Nat, I can take care of myself.”

“You are walking on crutches. That’s a no.”

“But you didn’t need to call Saga, to practically move in with me for the next few days.”

“She didn’t seem to mind. She even invited me to stay for dinner.”

“I’m still not an invalid.”

“Tell that yourself. Try and make your way to your flat on your own. Go and get your bike.” She gave him a stern glance while Steve sulked. “Even with your enhanced healing, this will take at least two weeks. And who is going to do the shopping? You?”

“All right. Fine, I give in.”

Natasha smiled briefly.

Steve hated it to rely on others. But he knew that with a broken leg and cracked ribs, he was practically useless.

He knew he was in a particularly bad mood. That whole mission was completely useless. For one they found nothing but a few grenades and mines. He, Nat and Clint had been lucky to come out of this whole mess alive. 

“It’s not your fault.”

He sighed. “I know. I just feel stupid, the whole thing was a complete setup. We should have known that there was something off. We lost two good men today.”

“Believe me, I don’t like it either. Fury agrees with us. He wants me to dig deeper.”

“That’s good. We can’t afford a security leak that big.”

“Agreed.”

They fell silent again. The city rushed past them. Christmas was just two weeks away. And the city looked like it came straight from a fairy tale.

Natasha stopped in front of his building. She looked around. Like she was expecting to see something.

He crawled out of the car, limping to the front door on his crutches. Nat was nice enough to open the door for him and to wait patiently while he slowly limped up the stairs, step by step.

She stopped in front of his apartment door, looking suspiciously. “I didn’t know that you liked pagan music.”

He raised an eyebrow. “It’s something Saga likes.”

“She has a key?”

“No.”

Nat gave him a look and opened the door quietly. Something that sounded exactly like what Saga liked to listen to wafted to them, along with some clinking sounds. Nat walked in without making any sound. Steve followed her as quietly as he could. His mouth felt dry.

As his living room and kitchen came into view, he saw that his table was set for three and Saga was moving around cooking something that smelled delicious. He was relieved, it was just her. But how did she get in here?

She turned around with a relieved smile on her face. “It’s you.” She hurried to him, took his face carefully in her hands. “I’m glad to have you back, in well, one piece.”

He chuckled. “me, too. But how did you get in? Not that I’m not happy to see you.” She gave him a strange look and pecked him on the cheek.

She then turned to Nat. “It’s good to see you, too. I’m sorry if I worried you. Let’s just say, I have a way with locks and wanted to have everything ready when you arrived.”

Nat just raised an eyebrow. “I shouldn’t have expected anything less. It smells good, what is it?”

“Just some fried salmon, mashed potatoes and seasonal vegetables. I also have an apple pie in the oven. After my mother’s recipe. She called it Idun’s pie.” She smiled sadly. “And polish beer and some Jägermeister in the fridge.”

“Wow, thank you, Saga. It feels like you’ve gone all out.” He knew he looked like a lovesick idiot and he knew it.

She waved it off. “It’s the least I could do. I’m glad you survived. Now sit down. Natasha you, too.”

Nat gave him a surprised look. Steve just shrugged and made his way to the table. Natasha followed him while Saga put everything on the table and took the pie from the oven.

She then took three bottles of beer from his fridge and sat onto the empty chair. “Don’t give me these looks. You both look like you’ve been to hel. This is my returning gift for you.”

Natasha gave her a curious look. But she started to fill her plate with something of everything. Steve did the same and he had to admit it looked delicious. He liked a good home-cooked meal.

Saga also started to fill her plate after them.

Nat was watching her. She took a swig from her beer.

“Don’t look at me like that. I know you are suspicious of me, and maybe rightfully, so. But I’m not here to harm anyone.”

Steve wanted to say something in her defence, but he also knew that this was something they had to do.

“Then what are you here for?”

“That’s a good question. I could substantiate my answer on the existentialistic theory. But. My being here is a mere coincidence. A friend from Kathmandu arranged this stay for me. There is no sinister plan or anything behind my stay.”

“Let me rephrase this. Why do you use a false identity?”

“That’s a better question.” She dabbed her mouth with a napkin. Since when did he have napkins? “There were several incidents that led to a large rift between me and my family. I admit, in a surge of madness I did horrible things. That led to me being captured by a pack of scoundrels and being tortured and therefore forced to do even more horrible things. I could escape gravely wounded that everyone assumed, I died. I kept them believing I was dead and came to Kathmandu. Where I met a friend, who helped me heal and arrange a new life for me.”

Steve listened horrified. He knew, just from seeing her scars that something bad must have happened to her. He wasn’t sure if he was able after a day like that, to listen to these things.

Nat kept a neutral, but thoughtful face and continued eating. She swallowed when Saga had finished. “So, you stay hidden. And you don’t want to be found by neither your family nor that group who captured you.”

Saga nodded. “Quite right.”

Nat shrugged. “So far, I’m good with that explanation. And I never had an after mission dinner that good. I’ll keep an eye on you. But. I know enough about wanting a fresh start, to not judge you for that. Let’s call it a truce.”

“Thank you.”

Steve didn’t know what to say. The picture that surfaced seemed more horrifying than he wanted to admit when she had told him the first few pieces.

At that moment he made a silent promise to help and protect her. He reached for her hand and squeezed it softly.

Saga offered him a small smile.

They continued eating in silence. Steve was glad, that Nat finally seemed to be ok with Saga. She was supposed to be normal. But he didn’t dare to expect anything normal from his life. Not after everything that had happened.

Saga put her knife and fork down. “So, what happened?”

He was surprised by the sudden question. “It was a normal mission. A terrorist base, stolen weapons, and government secrets. Nothing too unusual. But when we got there. We found no one. It was like they had left without leaving traces.”

“Much.” Added Natasha. “I’m not sure who triggered it. But when we were searching the compound some mines, we hadn’t been able to detect went off. The whole thing just blew up.”

“Clint, Nat and I were just lucky.” He shuddered while the images flashed inside his mind. He was still wondering how they could have missed huge details like that.


	8. Chapter eight - thoughts and feelings

#Chapter eight - thoughts and feelings

Finally, Steve was asleep. She knew he was in pain and annoyed to be injured and somewhat vulnerable. He probably also felt bad for the warriors who died during that mission, for seemingly nothing.

He looked uneasy, even in his sleep.

She sighed. Sitting cross-legged on the bed next to him, breathing deeply with her eyes closed. Her focus went inwards, feeling for the energy that was her very essence. It felt like a natural stream, alive, strong and wild, untameable like a torrent. That was where her strongest magic lived within herself. Carefully, she reached out with her hand, not touching him, just hovering. She felt for his energy with hers. It was like she could see, with her body. Like this, she felt and saw his injuries. It wasn’t too bad, and he had already started healing.

She let the energies flow and slowly, she redirected a tiny piece, a small branch of hers, to seep into him. That control, to not let more seep into him took all the thousand years of magical training she had on her back. She waited for a few breaths just feeling the flow of her magic inside of him. She then redirected it to the most severe areas. His ribs now held together and should be completely healed over the course of the next day.

His leg was a bit more complicated, but she was able to direct the splintered pieces to where they belonged and to brace everything from the inside. His cuts were shallower. And a small sprain in his wrist healed.

She was satisfied with her work and slowly she let her focus go back to the outer world as she felt her magic settle. The only downside for her, working her magic on others, were the glimpses of their minds she got. It wasn’t always a downside, but what she saw did to her emotions, wasn’t anything she had been anticipating.

She could see Steve much smaller than he was now, next to a tall, pretty, smartly dressed, dark-haired young man, who had a hand on his shoulder while they watched how a casket was lowered into a hole in the ground.

They both looked so very young and innocent. Both boys had wet eyes. A great feeling of remorse and the world ending circled the scene. She felt her heartbreaking. For him, as he had lost his mother at such a young age and for herself, that she would never see the only woman again who she had called mother herself. For the loss of her own children. It pained her. She breathed heavily and felt a pressure behind her eyes and in her chest. It was still a pain too deep to be felt freely.

She retreated as carefully as she could, sending him some warmth while she did so.

Breathing heavily, she sat next to him. Soft moonlight fell through the curtains. He seemed more at ease and the creases that had marred his face a few moments before had vanished. He seemed so young and innocent. And Loki felt something twist inside her. Remorse for everything she had done crept up inside her throat. Guilt for her jealousy she had been feeling for Thor and what it had led to. For not embracing his love. For the rivalry. It was hard to breathe while these thoughts rushed through her mind.

The soft moonlight was a harsh contrast to her feelings. She felt egoistic for wanting this life, for avoiding the consequences of her actions, for not being the sibling her brother deserved. For not being the parent she always wanted to be for her children.

She knew that sleep wouldn’t come to her tonight. In part she blamed her feelings and Steve being this good. He was a shining beacon. He was everything she wasn’t. And she craved it, she wanted to keep that with her. She was egoistic like that. Even if she had to help him and his friends and had to change.

He was like a bandage. Like a rope to hold onto.

*

He woke up without feeling pain.

When he got up, he found her huddled together in his armchair by the window, a cup of coffee was cradled in her hands, her knees were pulled up to her chest, her long hair hung in tangles around her shoulders and she had an expression of sadness on her, beautiful and heartbreaking.

“Hey there. How long have you been sitting there?”

She slowly lifted her head to look at him. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep.”

He moved closer to her, taking both crutches in one hand. “Hey, don’t be sorry.” He brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I am just worried about you.”

She sighed and leaned into his touch. “Yesterday, gave me a lot to think about. You make me want to be a better person. But I’m not sure if I can be that person.”

“Oh, Saga.” He knelt, with some difficulties in front of her. He put his hands on her thighs and looked straight into her green eyes. “We are all just doing the best we can. You are special and you care. Just do what feels right for you and go along with it. You can’t change the past. But you are free to decide how you want to move on. I’m not the best example. But I do what I can.” He made an attempt to smile at her, but he saw that he had her attention. “I started to work for S.H.I.E.L.D because I didn’t know what else I could do. And it was the legacy of the people I cared for, even loved. Something from the past, I could hold on to. That I thought could anchor me. I know that there are things going on I don’t agree with. But I don’t know what I’d do without it. Maybe I’d become an artist.” He saw her smiling. “We all have weak moments. I bet even Nat has those.”

This made her chuckle. “I have difficulties imagining her wearing fluffy socks and yoga pants while she cries over a dramatic film.”

A laugh burst from his mouth. “I would pay money to see that.” His lips pulled into a smirk. “She probably kills everyone who sees her like that. Well, maybe Clint survived her.”

Saga raised an eyebrow in amusement. “They are close. Aren’t they?”

“They are. I don’t know what’s going on between them. But I guess they have a long and painful history.”

“It seems everyone has a sad history.” She looked past him, her eyes were unfocussed. “I often mourn for the loss of innocence. How one moment can change the perception of your own past. How everything you thought was secure can fall apart and become a danger. How fast everything ends.”

He could cry while he heard her thoughts. He knew how it was to feel detached from everyone, from the world. The twisting pain of doubt, of everything and everyone escaping your grasp. He just put his hand on her arm. “At this moment I am here. I’m with you.”

She still wasn’t looking at him. “Everybody leaves.”

“Not me. Saga, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” He chuckled softly. “Well, I’m not the fastest runner on crutches.”

“Have you tried?” A smirk pulled on her lips.

“Not yet.”

“We should go out for a walk.” She put her mug aside while her lips pulled themselves into a smile.

“Are you sure? I thought I was to stay in the flat and wait until I’m well, healed.”

She shrugged and slowly rose from her seat, while she helped him stand. She did everything with grace and strength. He wondered how someone who could appear so fragile is so strong.

It was a cold day. Winter was holding the world in its frosty grip. A shudder went through his body while he breathed in the frigid air. Walking on crutches wasn’t making him feel any safer in this weather. But he could see that Saga needed this.

She still appeared to be in a melancholic mood. Far away. But they were doing something. It was just walking aimlessly through the city, but it was something.

“I know you don’t like being in the cold.” It was the first thing she said to him since they left the flat. She wasn’t looking at him. Just walking slowly.

He hummed. She was right.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I guess you needed some air. What happened?” He remembered her being in a good mood the day before.

“I think something we talked about woke bad memories. Sometimes it helps when I take a walk. To clear my head. But. Sometimes it makes me feel even worse. I’m not sure about this.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

She sighed. “I don’t know. You have heard things about my life, that don’t paint me in a good light. And I don’t understand how a friendly and kind person like you can stand to be in my presence.”

“I wish some things that happened to you didn’t happen. But they did. But other than you think, the picture I got is that you are someone who is through a lot.” He could see the wonder on her face. “I see a woman who is lost and in need of a new direction. A little push.”

“Maybe you are right. But it’s difficult.”

“It always is.”

*

Those days with Steve were nice. They just spent time together. They ate, they talked, watched trash TV and they slept. She also went to work. People like her couldn’t stay absent. But Steve usually came with her. Much to the enjoyment of her colleagues.

Being with him felt right.

Just lounging on the sofa even when they were silent was nice. It was almost Christmas. “Are we still going to this party?”

“Sure. Why shouldn’t we?”

She shrugged. “Maybe because of your injuries?”

“All healed up. This was faster than I thought. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

Here was his kind way out for her. “Of course, I’ll come.” She knew she was digging her grave. But this could also work out perfectly. The variable regarding the outcome was Thor. How he was going to react to her was the key to all of this. If done right she might have a powerful group of allies. These fleeting beings were powerful in their own ways. And she knew not to underestimate them. With the right kind of training, she’d be able to prepare them for what was lurking in the shadows.

He was grinning at her. His blue eyes sparkled. She liked that shade of blue. It was soft and kind. There was no harshness in these eyes when they looked at her.

“That’s great! You’ll love it.”

How could she not smile at him when he was like that? “I guess. Now I’m curious. What are they like? What do I need to look out for?”

“Let’s see. You already know Nat. Nothing new there. Clint can be a bit rough at first, but he’s a good sport and is a good friend when you know him. Bruce is quiet and rather friendly. You shouldn’t get him angry though.” He chuckled. “No really. Tony is fun. He usually tries to rile you up. He always seems to joke around. And Pepper, well she’s a saint. She’s smart can stand her ground. Thor is nice. I don’t know him that well. But he seems like a good guy.” He shrugged.

“And they will all of them be there?”

“I guess.” He turned o her. “Hey, it will be fine. No need to be nervous, ok? You still have a few days to bail.”

She rolled her eyes and huffed. “I’m not going to bail.”

Steve laughed and shoved a pillow at her.

“Hey!” She looked haughtily at him. “I’m not a coward.”

“I know that.” He kissed her softly. “Don’t worry. I’ll be with you.”

She smiled weakly and wondered how long he’d be with her. Would, in a few days, Thor reveal who she was, and Steve would be angry at her for lying? Why did the thought cause her insides to constrict?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one. I'm on heavy antibiotic atm. So this is what I do when my laptop is in bed with me :D  
> Hope you like this one. Have a great week and stay happy and healthy :)


	9. Chapter nine - Meeting the Family

#Chapter nine - Meeting the Family

Public transport was hel and blessing in one. It got you nearly everywhere. You could read, draw, work, or sleep while you were brought from one place to another. But It was loud, smelly, late, crowded and angry. Midgard, it seemed, was full of angry people. Especially when they were crowded together. It was probably good that she didn't aim for world domination.

Loki thought she had learned a few new, creative swear words during the train ride. It was quite amusing. But she was also glad when they finally arrived in New York. Those crammed places had always made her nervous. Sure, she liked to have attention, but not like this. There was also the possibility that Thor would be there. The thought made her stomach churn.

The great central station was impressive to look at. 

The last time she had been here she didn’t have the time to enjoy the sights. She chuckled to herself at her internal joke. She wished she could tell Steve what was really going through her mind. 

Yes, she felt her legs shaking with every step closer to their destination. She held Steve’s hand in a tight grip and he surely felt how nervous she was. In a few minutes, she would meet the rest of the team. The team, the last time she saw them had fought her, imprisoned her. Muzzled her. The tiny scars around her lips prickled at the memory.

Would her cover fool everyone? Would Thor be there? Would he recognize her? He surely would. He knew her well enough, in every form.

“Look, we’re almost there.” Steve told her with a reassuring smile “Just three stations with the Underground and then we can eat Pepper’s famous pecan pie.”

“I’m nervous.”

Steve’s expression morphed into a soft smile “I know. But they will love you.”

Why did he have to be so kind? “And if they don’t?”

“They will.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because there is nothing about you, that is not likeable. You are intelligent, charming, compassionate and you’re with me and you make me happy.”

Loki huffed.

“Look, I’ve told them a little about you. They are going to be curious. Sure. But overall, they want to meet the person who makes me happy. And today we will enjoy great food. Some wine, we’ll talk with the others and then.” He wagged his eyebrows dramatically “We’ll go to bed.” He pulled her into his arms while she had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes. “And in the morning, there will be presents and cookies, music, eggnog, wine, hot cocoa. Tony on a sugar high, beware.” He smiled softly. “It’s going to be chaotic. But these people are the dysfunctional kind of family I have. And I want you to know them and them to know you.”

Loki sighed and returned the hug, still nervous, not scared. “I’m not used to this.”

“Me neither.”

They looked at each other and started to laugh.

Feeling slightly lighter Loki and Steve walked to the underground station. Loki was still nervous. Someone had to notice something at some point. And then she would be back in that cell or missing her head. She liked her head.

The underground train was full. Many people had large shopping bags with them. It was hot, the air was thick and smelled like sweat and other human things.

Loki was glad, that they could leave that crowded train soon after they got in. These crowds made her nervous. Still, holding Steve’s hand tightly in hers they left the underground station.

And after a few steps in the cold and biting New York wind, the tower came into view.

The tower was huge when you walked towards it and didn’t use something that could fly. It looked polished and just a bit intimidating. Together they walked into the lobby. It was already nice and warm without the harsh wind that had decided to cut through their faces today. Steve led her to an elevator. It was mostly like she remembered it. Glass and metal.

“Good afternoon Miss Guldborg and Mr Rogers. Mr Stark is already awaiting you.” A voice without body greeted them while the elevator transported them upwards at a fast pace.

“Hello, Jarvis.” Steve answered the voice.

“I hope you had a pleasant journey.”

“Yes, thank you.” Steve told the voice with a smile. “Who else is there?”

“Miss Romanov and Mr Banner are at the bar. Miss Potts is keeping Mr Stark occupied decorating the tree.”

Steve chuckled. “Thank you, Jarvis.”

The elevator stopped. They arrived at Stark’s private floors. It was a large, open space. Like everything in this building, it was almost entirely made from glass, metal and stone. It was a bit different from her last visit. It felt more like a home. The living space with the big round sofa was facing large window panes that also seemed to work as an even larger tv screen. An archway led to something that looked like a dining room, Saga could smell something delicious was being made from that area. The bar, occupied by doctor Banner and Natasha, was on the other side of the room. A big fir tree stood in the centre of this spacious place. Stark seemed like he was fighting with a string of lights as they walked in.

This could turn out to be fun. She grinned.

*

Steve could honestly say that he was happy when they finally arrived. It was Christmas, he was spending the holidays with his closest friends and his new, first real girlfriend.

Saga was holding his hand in a tight grip. He could understand that she was nervous. The Avengers were practically celebrities since the attack on New York. Well, the public image of the Avengers. He hoped that she could relax when she got to know the people and not the heroes.

They came into the main area, where Natasha and Bruce were sitting at the bar. Natasha had a bottle of vodka and a shot glass in front of her. Bruce laughed along with her while they talked and she drank. Tony was fighting with different kinds of Christmas decorations and tried to figure out what belonged where and threw jealous glances at his friends at the bar.

Steve stopped in his tracks with Saga at his side, a smile was on his face. “Hello everyone.” All movement in the room stopped at once. “Merry Christmas.”

Tony swaggered towards them, he was happy to get away from untangling the lights and decorating the tree. “Capsicle and his Lady Friend. Welcome!” He told them cheerfully with widespread arms. He grabbed Saga’s hand in both of his and shook them dramatically. “I am so curious, what did you do to defile our virginal Poster Boy?”

Steve could see Nat was rolling her eyes in the background and he had a harder time to suppress his own. He just smiled fondly.

“I ran into him.” Saga said dryly.

Tony raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Sounds fun. Was he like a rightful American wall? You need drinks. Put your bags down, I’ll get you something first.” Tony busied himself behind the bar and Steve found himself with a bottle of beer in his hand. In Saga’s was a tumbler with amber liquid.

“Now, Saga was it? It’s a rather exotic name. Tell me foreign beauty, where are you from? What do you do? What drives you? And I want to hear everything. Cap here is not too keen about giving us all the details.” He fluttered his lashes dramatically at Saga. Steve wondered how she’d react to this.

A smirk appeared on her face while she played with the tumbler in her hand. “You want to know how pleasurable your friend is? I wouldn’t have guessed you were into threesomes.” The look on her face was like she had just said what a pleasant day it was. She took a sip from her drink without scrunching up her face.

Steve had to swallow the barking laugh that wanted to escape his mouth at the comical look Tony had on his face.

“Oh, but I am. Just not with ninety-year-old men. Anyways. Who is Saga Guldborg?”

“Saga Guldborg is thirty-five, born in Norway and works in a book shop in Washington DC.”

“Steve, she’s as forthcoming as you are.” Tony was already whining.

Steve just shrugged. He saw Nat had a smirk on her face while she continued to drink. So, she hadn’t told them about her research and suspicions.

“Mr Stark, I appreciate you extending the invitation for the celebrations towards me. But Steve and I just arrived after suffering for hours on a train.”

Tony laughed. “Just make yourselves at home.” He waved his hands.

Steve rolled his eyes and took Saga closer to the bar. “Saga, this is Bruce Banner.”

Bruce eyed her curiously. “Hi, nice to meet you.” He offered her his hand, which she took.

“Nice to meet you, too.”

“You seem familiar, have we met before?”

“I don’t think so. Maybe I have a doppelganger.” She said winking.

Steve could see Bruce giving her a strange look like he wanted to figure her out but wasn’t able to.

They settled onto two free bar stools. Saga turned her head several times like she was taking all the new impressions in. He understood the feeling. It could be intimidating at first.

Natasha emptied a shot glass and grinned at her friend. “There is no celebration without some good vodka. I’m glad Tony gets the good imported stuff.”

“Christmas doesn’t mean to drink yourself into oblivion.” Bruce cut in.

“I’m just getting into the mood.” She looked at the half-emptied bottle. “And I’m still coherent.”

Bruce rolled his eyes and smiled serenely.

Steve felt happy at that moment. It all was well.

Tony cleared his throat. He stood in the archway to the kitchen and dining area, rocking on the balls of his feet. “Now, Pep says the pie is ready. And our newcomer hasn’t met the lady of the house, yet.” He was looking at Saga with a raised eyebrow.

Yes, it felt warm inside him. All of this was beautiful. It felt right. They all jumped from their chairs and followed Tony into the dining area.

The table was nicely set. There was a bowl of punch and a delicious looking pie on the table. He felt Saga standing next to him. He turned to look at her just to see her smiling. A real happy smile.

Pepper came from the kitchen smiling brightly. She walked straight to him and Saga. Without a word, she pulled Saga into a hug. “You must be Saga. Steve only speaks well of you. Welcome to our home.”

Steve wondered how Saga would react to Pepper. But she just smiled and returned the hug. “Then you must be the infamous Pepper.” They pulled away. A grin spread over Saga’s face. “I’ve heard that you were able to keep this one's antics in check. I’m amazed.” She pointed shortly at Tony who made noises of protest.

“I have collected plenty of experience over the years. You develop certain strategies after a while.” She grabbed Saga’s arm and led her closer to the table. “It’s good to finally have someone normal around.”

"I'm happy to be here for normal activities." She grinned.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” Tony stood wide-eyed next to Steve. “How did this even happen?”

Steve chuckled. “It seems like they are getting along.” Steve said as he looked at the women.

"They did just, klick."

The small group of heroes walked slowly to the table to take their seats. Steve took the chair next to Saga, who was still talking with Pepper. He put a hand on her knee which she covered with her own.

“To be honest that’s the only recipe I can do myself. I’m usually hopeless in the kitchen. But on Christmas and very few other occasions I bake pecan pie.” Pepper explained grinning.

“You are a smart woman. I’d be surprised to hear that you work in the kitchen after a long day of running a company.”

“That’s true. Tony does most of the cooking, between us. If it weren’t for Bruce or the staff we’d starve. I swear I can burn water.”

Saga sniggered. “I’m so glad Steve took me to meet you.” She turned to smile at him and he felt the warmth spread through him.

“Now I’m curious. How did you meet?”

“He made me fall onto my ass. Quite undignified to be honest.”

“Even as a heap on the ground, you looked stunning.”

She pulled a strand of hair behind her ear and gave him a haughty look. “I suppose.” She sniffed. “And then you came burgling into the book shop and your friend disturbed my after-work drink.” Steve found green eyes staring at him in an unyielding manner. Then her mouth twitched.

He sniggered.

*

“You have your own rooms in this building?”

“Erm yes?”

“And this view, it’s amazing. Look at all the lights. This is beautiful.”

A hand found its way to her waist and she felt herself being pulled into his side. “Look. Over there. This is where I grew up.”

“From up here, it looks beautiful. Do you miss it?”

She felt a shrug against her side, while she stared at the spot he had been pointing at. “Sometimes yeah. But I can’t go back to it.” He sighed. “The places are still there. But they have changed.”

“It’s out of reach, like a distant memory?”

“I guess.”

They continued to look out of the window. Loki was mesmerized at the view. She wished she had been able to see this world as she did now when she had been here before. Was this how Thor had come to see it? Was this how he had changed? It was so simple it just screamed Thor at her.

She leaned into his warm side. He was comforting in a way she had never dared to dream possible. She felt something break inside her. All the years of keeping to herself, of closing off.

A turn and she was facing him. “Do you know how special you are?”

“I’ve done nothing.”

“More than you could think.”

He gave her a strange look.

“I feel myself falling for you. And in the meantime, things heal and change. It’s like magic I have never known.”

Strong arms held her and pulled her in. His lips found hers and she felt herself melt into the soft touch.

They moved. The back of her legs touched the bed and she was falling onto the mattress. A laugh burst from her as she bounced on the soft surface. It was so soft. Almost as soft as the furs and linens on her bed in Asgard. She sighed. Steve crawled on top of her and they kissed again. It was soft but in a way passionate. She lost herself in him.

She didn’t notice how the lights in the room dimmed. Didn’t feel the turn of time. It was just him and her.

They were cuddling. She was snuggled against his side. His warmth seeping into her. It was like coming home.

“Why are your feet always so cold?”

“I can't remember a time without cold feet.”

“You need knitted socks or something like that.”

Loki laughed. “Are you going to knit a pair for me?”

“Maybe.” His eyes crinkled as he grinned. “Maybe my age shows.”

“Nah, you’re fine, grandma.”

“Not you, too.”

He groaned and she laughed. It was freedom, just existing in this moment. She was happy while she thought about the day. They all had been nothing but nice to her. It was strange to meet these people as friends.

Pepper had been a happy surprise. That woman seemed interesting and strong. Maybe she could learn a few tricks from the woman who was able to keep Tony Stark in check.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I think, I like Pepper.”

He smiled. “She’s a great woman.” She felt his finger drawing patterns on her arm. “How did you like the day?”  
“Getting up early and sitting on trains for hours is something that I really don’t like. But your comrades don’t seem too bad.”

Steve hummed happily. “I’m glad you get along, even Tony seems to be Okay with you.”

She felt herself laughing. “What’s the plan for tomorrow?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit surprised at myself... two days in a row ;)  
> I hope you like this one. I had to cut it at some point. It had gotten out of hand. Maybe later today or tomorrow I'm posting the second part of Christmas (in May :D )


	10. Chapter ten - Oh Brother

#Chapter ten - Oh Brother

Waking up on Christmas morning was like Steve had described it. They got up and dressed quickly. Just a dress and tights for her. She was still amazed at the way the people of Midgard dressed. This looked almost formal, but the fabrics were soft and comfortable.

Steve pulled a bright blue sweater on. And Loki couldn’t stop laughing. It was decorated with white and red stripes, star-like snowflakes and in the centre was a cartoon reindeer with a bright red nose.

“What?”

“This is” she giggled violently.

“Oh, stop it. Tony gave one of these to each of us last Christmas. I think it’s funny.”

“Funny indeed.” Her grin felt face-splitting. But she couldn’t stop and she couldn’t wait to see the others in that kind of dress.

Steve rolled his eyes and they walked to the elevator.

In the common area under the tree was a giant pile of brightly packed presents. Tony was kneeling next to the pile while Pepper was telling Tony off because he should wait until everyone was there.

She felt herself smirking at the scene. Steve was laughing.

Tony was also wearing such a strange sweater, his in red and gold with a cartoon of a man that held some resemblance to Odin, but with two eyes and a friendly smile. When he saw them he grinned widely. “Now Pep, we’re not alone anymore.”

“Tony, no.” She turned to them and her stern glare transformed into a smile. She truly was a businesswoman. “Good morning and Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.” Repeated Steve.

“Yeah, Merry Christmas and peace to the world.” Tony added rolling his eyes. “Now presents? Eggnog?”

Loki smirked. “Merry Christmas to you, too. But Pepper told you to wait. I think it would be wise to listen to the Lady of the house.”

Tony mouthed ‘Lady of the House’ with a wide-eyed expression. “Cap, she’s working against me! This is my house. I make the rules.” He stopped at Pepper’s glare.

“I think she’s right. You said it yourself, this is also my home. So, go and get the cocoa.”

Tony left the tree muttering under his breath about how ridiculous it was to be ordered around in his own house.

Pepper grinned and hugged each of them. “I hope you slept well.”

She had a motherly warmth around her that Loki craved. But she had also something underlaying that was even more intriguing a strength and intelligence.

“Thanks, Pepper. Everything’s perfect as always.” Steve seemed to feel the same warmth. It seemed good to have someone like this around.

“Thank you. The view here is amazing. I’ve never seen New York like this before.”

Pepper seemed to radiate. Her eyes turned to the side as footsteps approached. “Ah, he’s back. Are the drinks laced with something?” She raised an eyebrow at Tony carrying a tray with seven steaming horrendous looking Christmas mugs.

“Not all of them.” He told her brightly, while he handed out mugs and put the two remaining mugs on the coffee table. “But this is just good old cocoa with rum. Apart from Cap’s. It’s a waste on you anyway.” He said shrugging.

Steve did a half-shrug himself. Saga knew that he liked hot cocoa on a cold day.

They raised their mugs in a toast.

Natasha and Bruce walked in, each of them wearing their own sweaters. Bruce’s was green with snowflakes and a pine tree in the front. While Natasha’s was black with electric blue and red stripes and white snowflakes. Probably she wouldn’t wear the same level of horrendousness the others endured.

After a few Merry-Christmases and each of them grabbing a mug, they raised their mugs again.

The alcohol tasted strong. But it fit the overall sweetness of the cocoa.

Tony seemed to shine in his excitement. “Now! Presents everyone. Clint has called that he’d join us tonight. He still has some business to finish.”

They all seemed happy enough. Saga settled herself onto the floor next to Steve while everyone seemed to go plundering the small packages.

Was this what they had made from the winter solstice? It seemed enjoyable enough. But she wasn’t sure about the symbolism. She realised she hadn’t done her research. She had brought a few presents since she knew it was custom. But apart from that, she decided to just go along with it.

It was nice watching these people bantering and exchanging small trinkets.

“From whom is this?” Tony asked wondering as he held a small trinket in his hand.

“Isn’t a custom to keep the giver a secret?” Saga wondered.

“Only with kids. They get their presents from Santa.” Bruce said calmly as he examined a wristwatch with an elastic band. A nicely decorated tin of jasmine tea was sitting next to him.

“It’s an amulet I found on a market in Himalaya, it is said to have soothing abilities. Helps with inner turmoil and restlessness.”

“That’s from you?” Tony stared at Saga in surprise. “Thank you.”

“Didn’t know what to get a man who has everything.” She said shrugging.

“This is for you.” Steve handed her small red wrapped parcel.

She carefully opened the wrapping. She knew that paper, it was what they used in the shop. And it turned out to be a book. It was rather old and had a solid cover. “The scarlet letter.” She read loudly. “Wow, a signed first edition.” With wide eyes she turned to Steve. “Thank you.” She pulled Steve in for a kiss.

“Tomar helped me. I thought you might like some history.” He was muffled with a kiss again.

She didn’t stop when Tony made gagging noises. “This is perfect.”

Tony threw something at her. She caught it and saw another parcel. She rolled her eyes as she revealed the book. “A modern guide to witchcraft? Seriously?”

“Nat here told me that you have stuff with runes at your place.”

“Well, I have a degree in Scandinavian studies. But maybe this can show me how to turn water into wine or something like that.” She smirked. The joke was even better from her perspective.

“Seriously, Tony? A chemistry-set for kids?” Bruce rolled his eyes. “You got Nat vodka.”

“Just because he knows, that he’s a dead man, or a lost man in the woods if he gives me senseless shit and thinks he’s funny.”

“I am funny.” Protested Tony, while Pepper rubbed his arm.

*

It was a hours later when they were lounging, drinking and talking that the elevator door opened.

“I think we need a new round of eggnog.” Tony stood to go to the kitchen. “Barton, gee glad to have you with us. I thought you didn’t like us anymore when you didn’t arrive yesterday.”

“Merry Christmas to you, too.” Said Clint in a dry tone as he approached the group. “Merry Christmas, sorry I’m late. I had something important that couldn’t wait.”

“That’s okay.” Natasha patted the free spot next to her. “Glad you could make it. You only missed Tony giving out stupid stuff and getting drunk while he ate too much chocolate and tried to build something. I’m not sure what it was.”

“So, nothing new. Apart from you.” He held his hand out to Saga. “Hi, I’m Clint.”

Saga took the offered hand and shook it. “I’m Saga.”

“Yeah, Steve’s girl. I hope the old man and you are doing alright.”

“Hey.”

“He’s all right.” She said grinning.

Clint was grinning. Steve was happy to see that the other man seemed to fare better and better ever since the attack on New York.

“Is Tony keeping on drinking himself into oblivion?”

“Like every Christmas?”

“Or every other event?”

“Yes, I am.” Tony said happily.

“I think you’ll have enough, after that.” Pepper chimed in. “Or get some fresh air.”

“But Pep, our latest guest has just arrived.”

“Just a minute, and then we can go on with that movie marathon.”

“Movie marathon?” Clint looked curiously at the group.

“As it turned out. Miss Scandinavian History hasn’t seen one Christmas movie in her life. And her Captain Spangles isn’t up to date either.” Said Tony as he walked towards the balcony.

“You’re kidding me.” Clint looked laughingly at the couple. “That’s messed up in a way, but it suits you both. With Steve, I understand. No offence.”

“None taken.” Steve grinned.

“But you were not pulled from the ice after a seventy-year nap.”

Saga sighed. “I grew up very secluded in Norway. We didn’t have a TV or anything like that.”

“Wow, that needs to count as torture.”

Bruce shrugged. “Better than practically be raised by that box and da drunk father.”

“Point.” Said Clint and toasted to his team member. “So, what have you decided?”

“We had just been discussing in which order we should watch them. The first one is going to be Home Alone.”

“A classic.”

Steve grinned along with them and he was actually happy that they seemed to accept Saga. She seemed to fit right into the group. It was better than he had dared to hope. She was able to stand her ground in a discussion with Tony. She was a bit distant to Bruce, but the man was usually harder to approach.

Overall, he was happy. This couldn’t be better. He just wondered if and when Thor, the last of the group would arrive.

Tony returned from the balcony. “Now, who is up for some Christmas classics?”

*

Loki’s Christmas with the Avengers was surprisingly fun. She joked around with them, even had good conversations. It was funny she enjoyed herself. She was able to let part of her guard down since she saw no hide nor hair of her brother. Maybe this whole ordeal could be saved for a later date. She was sure of it.

It was the second day of Christmas already. Saga and most of the Avengers were sitting down to eat lunch. All of them were talking happily to each other. The snow was falling outside of the large ceiling-high windows, obscuring the view of the city. It was just nice and peaceful.

There was no warning. No thunder, no lightning to give her a head start. He just walked towards the table with a huge grin on his face, dressed in normal clothes. Mjolnir in his hand.

“Good day my friends. I know I am late for the festivities, but I spent the day with my Lady Jane.”

There was a bustling around her. Everyone stood, exchanged hugs or manly handshakes where they grip each other’s forearms. Varieties of “Merry Christmas Thor” “Glad you could make it” “Come sit with us” were spoken.

Loki tried to put an uncanny and happy face on. Once everyone had settled and someone had put a plate with food in front of Thor, the joyous Christmas spirit returned to them again. But not to her. She tried to hide her inner turmoil. But her head was spinning.

Steve had taken his place next to her again and put his hand on her knee. “Saga, this is Thor.” He told her smiling.

Her brother turned to her, his happy face was stubbornly in place. “Saga, eh? Nice to meet you. The Captain has told of your great beauty, he wasn’t lying.”

He didn’t seem to recognise her. Strange. “Nice to meet you, too. I’ve heard you are from Asgard? It’s another planet, right?”

Thor started to eat, still smiling and munching on a bite of his food. “You could say that. It’s beautiful. You can see the stars even in the daylight. The whole of the land is surrounded by the great waters that are fed by many rivers. The rainbow bridge connects the golden city of Asgard with the Bifrost. There are large forests that hold many secrets and wild beasts. It’s a sight to behold. Baldur has blessed Asgard with his light.” His grin appeared to be slightly too wide. His a little tighter.

Loki had to suppress an annoyed noise at the mention of Baldur. She smiled widely “This sounds truly enchanting.”

“Thor, did you know, Saga here is from Norway, she has a degree in old Norse lore or how it is called.” Tony chimed in.

“Oh really?” Thor looked happily at her. (In Old Norse) _“Tell me Saga, why are you here, posing as a mortal?”_

_“You are getting better, brother mine. Could have fooled me for a second.”_

_“I thought you died.”_

_“I almost did.”_

_“What do you want? Overpower Midgard? Destroy the Avengers? You always have some cruel intentions.”_ They stared at each other.

Loki knew something like this would happen. He could blow her cover. He could drag her back. He could ruin everything for her. This could be her end. _“I want to be truthful with you. This one time. It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not. I thought about getting rid of Odin and ruling over Asgard, I did. But brother, for once in my life I want calmness. I am hiding, not from you. I want to be myself, not a tortured puppet of a titan, not a false prince. I am Loki, I am me, at the moment I am Saga and I am happy with my life that I have created for myself. And we should stop this. There is only so much I can do with magic, to stop this talking computer from getting the correct translation of this.”_ (back to English) Thor nodded his happy smile still in place. “I am grateful for your condolences Lady Saga. It is refreshing to have a mortal around to speak the old tongues. I see you are a good woman for our good Captain.” And that said he turned back to his meal. “Lady Pepper, this is a feast suited for the gods.”

Pepper smiled widely at Thor “Thank you. But Steve and Saga did most of the work.”

“Then I also extend my thanks to you.”

Saga gave a slight nod then she turned to her wine. She looked at Steve, who was smiling softly at her.

How had this become her life? She gave Steve’s hand on her knee a soft squeeze.

Everyone was light-hearted. At some point, the meal was finished. They cleared away the plates and got glasses and more bottles of wine and scotch out. No one seemed to be the slightest interested in doing something else than enjoying the company.

It was a loving dysfunctional-family. Loki felt something stir inside her again, that she thought had died a long time ago. Thor was keeping quiet, for her. She couldn’t believe her luck. What was happening?

“Saga, you’ve studied all that Scandinavian jazz about the gods and stuff. Right?” Tony asked her from across the table, the scotch sloshing in his glass, while he talked. “What do you think about all of those gods being real? Now that the one and only is sitting here.”

Loki had to fight a laugh or a huff. “Let me think. I mean, it’s amazing. But also, believable, if Thor and the other Asgardians are as old as he claims and they have visited Norway some centuries ago, then the people back then must have truly believed them to be gods. That descended from the skies.” She smiled brightly at Thor. “It’s actually quite fascinating.”

“From an experts’ point of view.” Tony mimed air quotes. “What do you think about little villain brother of Mister Thunder-Dome here?”

She took a deep breath. She wondered if he suspected something about her. “From reading the books alone I get an impression. He depicted to be the most complex character and the most misunderstood. He is sometimes written as a fun companion, you’d like to invite to a party. Also, mischievous and intelligent. And he seemed to at least partially, care about the people around him. True, not all of them. But overall, he seemed like a misunderstood character. That was cannibalised during the Christianisation in Europe. A figure comparable to the devil himself.”

Clint huffed. “What about him seems misunderstood? He was destroying half of New York, killed a lot of people in a few days, did some mind control thing. He was mad and evil.”

“it’s just when you read it. I never actually met him. You’d need to ask Thor for proper characterisation.” She looked apologetically at the man. “He was punished for things he didn’t do. His tricks were usually aimed to give the stuck up and sometimes stupid Asgardians a lesson. He is a trickster, a scholar, a magician, the god of mischief and lies, not of evil or mind control. I don’t know if the characterisations in the books was completely off, or if something really bad happened to him that he changed in his ways.” She could understand the man’s anger. She had done horrible things to him, but she wasn’t letting herself being denounced like that.

Clint huffed again but kept his mouth shut.

“It is mostly true what you learned from the books.” Thor turned to the other team members. “My brother liked tricks and mischief, and he did everything to show us our own stupidity. And yes, he was punished badly for his tricks.”

“What could these punishments be? Keeping his favourite toys away?” Clint asked sarcastically.

“More like taking his kids from him, torturing them in his place, banishing them to never be found by him.” Loki said this in a surprisingly neutral tone. “What would you say, if you had kids and they were taken from you or hurt? Because you did something.” She played with the stem of her glass, knowing exactly about his secret and feeling the pain well up inside her.

The archer’s face turned white. He turned to Thor “Why would someone be so cruel and harm his kids instead of him?”

Thor looked down. “It was a darker chapter of our history. Loki as a prince, being the cleverest in Asgard, who always knew how to play people, how to get them to see their dark and vile sides. It was hard to get to him. The people were outraged. And father being firstly the king of Asgard, even before he was our father, he needed to do something. Loki had gone too far in one of these tricks. His sons, they all inherited his magic and the ability to shift in appearances. So, father forced them into their monstrous forms and stole their abilities to transform back.”

The atmosphere at the table had shifted, it was quiet and sombre. Loki felt Steve’s hand tightly holding hers, listening raptly.

“The youngest, Jörmungandr is banned to the seas of Midgard, as a giant snake, but only father and Heimdall are able to see where exactly he is. Fenrir, the giant wolf, he made it to bite off the hand of Tyr while they chained him and prisoned him under one of Midgard’s largest mountains. I have knowledge of where he is, but I can’t free him from his chains, they were made to be unbreakable.” He looked shortly to Loki. “And the oldest, Sleipnir. He was born as a horse. It’s a quite sad story if you knew it. He usually liked it best being a horse. But he has a fierce character and he is so much like Loki. In a good way. Well, his ability to transform was also taken from him, and now he is serving father as his personal steed. Close but out of reach.” Thor sighed.

“What is the story?” Pepper gave Thor a wide-eyed compassionate look.

Everyone had turned quiet and was alert, listening to the tales. They leaned closer, the festive mood completely forgotten.

Thor gave Loki and apologetic look. “When Loki and I were young, the walls around Asgard, as we know it, were just being built. There was this builder with his steed, Svadilfari. The builder made a bet with Odin, that he’d build the walls within three seasons, and if he did, he would get to marry Freya and he would get the sun and the moon.

Loki and Freya were somewhat friends at the time and Loki didn’t like it one bit. ‘women hold more worth than being a price to warm your bed.’ Was something she said then. But Freya said it was impossible to finish the walls in just three seasons with no one to help. So, she agreed.

The last season was almost over. And the walls of Asgard were almost finished. The people of Asgard were suddenly scared, they’d lose. They wanted Loki to do something. Freya was scared she might had to marry that builder. Freya asking Loki desperately to help, made her give in. I can still remember how Loki tried to distract the builder. She was wearing dresses that were fit for doxy, always trying to seduce him. She was so young then. Still so innocent.

And then she realised that it was the horse the builder needed. One night, Loki transformed into a mere. Svadilfari followed her, he was a prisoner from Vanaheim forced to work for the builder. Loki and the Steed chased each other the whole night. But the builder caught her in the morning, he roped her and the steed he…” Thor’s voice broke. The tension around the table was so high you could cut it. Loki was compelled to try it. Hearing the story was one thing, but the memory of being raped and humiliated that night. She breathed deeply. “He raped her?” Loki offered and Thor gave her a sad nod. Steve shot her a look. Something of the horror inside her must have shown.

Thor coughed. “When Loki returned the next morning, she was still a mere, she limped. Father called on her to transform back, but she didn’t. He thought she refused out of spite. So, everyone in Asgard would know what she had done to save Freya. Father banned her to the stables as a punishment for her stupidity and her spite. I can still remember that look in her eyes, the hurt, the brokenness. I somehow knew what must have happened to her before she could tell me the whole story herself. I sought revenge and smashed the builders head.

Obviously, the wall wasn’t finished at the end of the third season. Loki had succeeded in what she’d aimed for.

It turned out she was pregnant, the reason why she couldn’t transform back. Months later she gave birth to a handsome black foal with eight legs. I found her one morning, in the stable, lying in the hay her arms slung around her first child. Bloodied, naked but she looked happy. And said ‘thank you for believing and avenging me brother.’ She was a good mother for him. Loki loved all of his children fiercely.” Thor sighed. “I wish I had always been the brother, I’ve been then.”

Natasha wiped some wetness from her eye. “That’s horrible Thor. Something like this could bring anyone to their breaking point.”

Thor nodded. “It took Loki years to get over the humiliation. And to return to his normal self.”

The table fell silent.

Wonderful. Now they all knew about one of her greatest weaknesses. Loki couldn’t stand to see the pity. But she was Saga now. Saga, the scholar, who already knew all of this. She gave a slight nod in acknowledgement, that this fitted the legend.

Bruce shook his head. “Wait a second there Thor. You referred to Loki as ‘she’ and as ‘he’ is there something about your ‘all speak’ that magical translation spell?

Saga laughed. “Loki is half frost giant. They are fluid. As far as I know, Laufey, Loki’s father, was originally Loki’s mother.”

Thor nodded. “Yes, that’s true.” He gave a questioning look at Loki that said, ‘is that really in the Midgardian books?’ “As long as I can remember Loki switched between being a girl or a boy. He stuck to being male when she was to be wed to Baldur.”

Tony who already knew this piece about Loki snorted. “Think about all the trans-persons out there. No need for surgery. Damn, I always wanted to know how it feels to have a cunt. What the differences are while you have an orgasm.”

Loki put her hand to her forehead. “Sure, give it to Stark to only be interested in the sexual aspect.”

“I’m a philanthropist, billionaire, playboy. I can’t change that, it’s in my nature.”

“To be obnoxious.”

The table burst out laughing.

“Cap, I like her.”

Steve laughed.

Saga grinned an idea forming in her mind. “Thor, what is there about this story, about your wedding?” She saw Steve giving her an amused look.

Thor’s cheeks were bright pink. “I- this is-“  
Tony burst out laughing. “This is actually true?” He seemed excited

“It’s still something I am regularly reminded of. Loki always makes sure of it when there is a feast.” Thor sighed and gave her a grim look.

“What’s the story?” Bruce asked with a wide grin.

“I just know this from the books, you should ask Thor about how it really went, but he lost Mjolnir to the Jotuns. Loki went to bargain with the giant that had stolen Mjolnir and was confused for being Thor. Loki knew that the giant must have been half-blind and asked the giant what he wanted in exchange for the hammer. He told Loki that he wanted to marry Freya in return. Loki agreed and went back to Thor with a wedding dress.”

“Wasn’t there something about Loki telling Thor that widows are supposed to wear black?” Tony asked with a grin.

Everyone laughed, except Thor who looked like a sulking kid. But suddenly a grin appeared on his face. “Yeah, I send Loki to bargain on my behalf. I first didn’t know what he meant when he returned showing me the dress while he grinned madly. He dressed me up. Loki accompanied me as my maid. So, we went to see the Jotuns. Me, dressed as a bride. There were a ceremony and a feast. I was so mad at Loki for putting me through all this. I could see her sniggering almost the whole time. I think she had the time of her life. At least the food and drinks were good. I kind of enjoyed myself.

When the fest finally came to a close and I asked when the deal would be sealed since I married the giant. He had to fulfil his part of the bargain. He presented me with Mjolnir. Loki made a snide joke about the bride wanting to retreat for the wedding night. I had enough. Everyone laughed at me. I grabbed Mjolnir and killed my husband and a few of his guards. Luckily, Loki helped me fighting. We could escape and we returned to Asgard in the end.”

“I’m sorry Thor.” Steve sniggered. “But that is a good story.”

Thor rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “I am used to it by know. Though it was funny. Loki and I often ended up in similar trouble.”

The team grinned and laughed. They shared a few more drinks and stories. The gloomy mood was gone. And Loki was thankful for that. The story always helped to brighten everyone up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, the second time in a day :D  
> Well here is Thor. A strange thing? Maybe. I'll now go back to my bed rest. I hope you like it so far. 
> 
> And I know the stories are a bit off. But I like them that way. Don't judge me by the Edda ;)
> 
> Edit: I wanted to thank all of you, who left a like, bookmarked, subscribed and commented on this so far. It means a lot to me.


	11. Chapter eleven -The Aftermath

#Chapter eleven -The Aftermath

Steve was concerned about Saga. When Thor had told them the story of Loki’s first child, she had this look on her face. Sure, it was a horrible story. But her reaction to it unnerved him.

Through the whole evening, though they had fun and laughed, he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something terribly wrong with her.

He and Saga went to his apartment. Both tired and after what she had drunk, she must be tipsy or even slightly drunk.

Saga got undressed, both brushed their teeth and he watched her while she washed her make-up off her face. Steve leaned against the doorframe deep inside his thoughts.

Saga looked at his reflection in the giant mirror. “Something is bothering you.”

“Yeah, you know. You seemed far off when Thor told that story about Loki. I am worried. I know that you have a difficult past that you don’t want to talk about.”

She fiddled with her hands and turned to him.

Silently she walked past him and sat cross-legged onto the giant bed. “You know that I have had three kids. The last two came from a relationship and I wanted them. But my first, my oldest, was more than a stupid teenaged accident.”

Steve’s eyes widened. He walked towards her and settled himself next to her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She sighed. “I was very young and naïve. I was thirteen when it happened. Barely out of childhood. It was stupid. I flirted with someone when I didn’t know what I was doing. And when I realised it, it was too late. He, he had forced himself on me. It was brutal. I was humiliated by him for my stupidity, for seducing someone while not knowing what I was doing.” She looked up, fearful to find pity in his eyes. But she just saw blank horror.

“That’s horrible. But I understand why that story reminds you of your own experience.”

“When I returned home, my father was angry at me for shaming the family. We were a wealthy family and had an image to uphold. And then his daughter returns as a shame to the family legacy. When I realised that I was pregnant, there was no one who would help me. Only my brother would care for me. It was a very lonely time.”

Steve put his hand on hers. “That’s horrible and I can’t understand how anyone could do that to their own child. But it sounds like you and your brother were close.”

Saga nodded and shrugged helplessly. “I felt so alone. I was shamed for something that was forced upon me.” She sighed. “When he was born, I was all alone again. I didn’t know what was happening. And then when I had him. I don’t know, I was happy, he was the most precious thing I have ever held in my arms. I only had him a few days for myself. I never could be his real mother. He was taken from me and raised like a distant cousin. I saw him grow up. He is so beautiful. When he was older, I could talk to him, he knows who I am. But in the end, I had to fake my death and leave the country, to finally be able to live a peaceful life, and I had to leave him behind.”

Steve felt the urge to pull her into a tight hug. “I’m here. The whole way, no backing off.”

Saga threw herself onto him. She cried into his soft tee shirt. “Thank you.”

He closed his arms around her. Carefully stroking her hair while she cried. “Thank you for trusting me with this.” He said into her hair.

He felt her giving him a one-shouldered shrug.

“No, really. I’m glad that you shared this with me. And I’m glad that you ran away. I would have never met you and you deserve so much better. I think your son will understand why you left him there.”

“I guess. But I miss him.”

They hugged for a long time. Steve didn’t want to let her go. He couldn’t understand how someone could be that cruel to their own child, to any child. If he ever had children, he swore to always be there for them. Listen to them.

After a while Saga slowly loosened the embrace. “I’m tired.”

“Let’s get some sleep.” He told her with a soft smile. He peeled the blankets back for both of them to lie down. Saga snuggled into his arms. Enjoying his warmth.

The lights dimmed slowly, and the New York skyline outside came into full view. Steve liked to see the lights of the city at night. It seemed so alive and soothing at the same time.

“Thank you, Steve.” She told him softly.

“For what?” He laid an arm around her, holding her close.

“Being you. Listening to me.” She shrugged and Steve could feel his heartbreaking for her.

It was his turn to shrug. “That’s what you do when you. Care for someone.”

“I didn’t have that for a very long time.”

*

“You know, people like me, just can’t stay away from work for such a long time. I live in normal-people-world.”

“Just call and tell them you’re sick.”

“Sure, because no one at work knows who I’m seeing and who his friends are.”

“Then tell your boss I told you to stay and I compensate for the time you missed.”

This eye-roll was painful. She didn’t know she could get them this far up. “Like you can buy everything with money.” She huffed. “You have to use your power wisely.”

Now it was Tony’s turn to snort. “Since when are you an expert on power, money and how to handle people?”

“I know the workings of people’s minds.”

“Oh, now you are the genius.”

“Maybe I am. But I need to be back in Washington tomorrow to go to work, or I can forget about paying my rent.”

“Do you think any of them is backing off anytime soon?” Nat muttered to Steve.

“They are both stubborn.”

“I think the Lady is going to stand her ground. She seems like a force to behold.”

“You know her since when? Last night?” Clint emptied his coffee laughing.

Steve sighed. “Thor is right, I guess. She has a way to do and get what she wants.”

“Are you staying on your own then?”

“You know, the guys from college asked to spend New Years with them. Something simple.”

“Aww, shoot. I thought you were staying until then.”

“Sorry.” Steve rubbed his neck. He could understand them wanting to spend time as a team.

“But we should have another get together soon. You hear me.” Clint pointed his fork at Steve. “I really like spending time with you guys.”

Natasha rolled her eyes smiling. “Yeah and when you get annoyed, what happens almost always, you turn you hearing aids off.”

“Well, it’s not my fault.”

“Guys, I think they are finished.” Bruce cut in.

Saga walked towards them while Tony seemed to sulk. Nat winked at them as she took off to join Tony.

“I’ll go and get my stuff.” She turned to look at them. “But this is hopefully not the last time we’ll meet each other.”

“Just make sure the old man drags you along.”

She winked at Steve. “I hope he does. Now I really need to get my things together.” Saga offered a smile at the occupants of the table and went to the elevator.

Steve hurried after her. “Hey, so you’re leaving?”

“You knew that I have to be back tomorrow.”  
He sighed. “Yeah, I know. But this was so abrupt.”

“I’m sorry. We probably should have talked earlier.”

“Yeah, I know. I can go on my own if you want to stay for a bit. All this time with so many people around, I’m not used to that.”

“Sure, you want to be alone?”

She opened the door to Steve’s apartment. “It’s not that I want to get away from you. I just want to get a good book while I’m on the sofa and enjoy myself.”

Steve sat on the bed, while he watched her put her things in her bag. “That’s absolutely okay. Just after everything. I’m concerned about you.”

Saga stopped. She turned to him with a softened expression. “Oh, Steve. It’s not perfect, but I’m ok. I just want to be on my own for a bit. And we’re going to spend new years together.” She smiled and touched his cheek softly. “And in a few days, you are coming back anyway.”

“True.” He sighed.

She continued packing. It didn’t take long, and it all fit into her messenger bag. She smiled encouragingly at him. And as they walked to the elevator, for her to say goodbye to the team, she took his hand. “You could accompany me to the station.”

He felt the smile spreading out on his face. “I could. And then we have a movie-moment of saying goodbye.”

She giggled. “Please, yes.”

*

The aftermath of the Christmas holidays left Loki in an exhausted state. She was glad to be in her flat again. It was quiet.

Back in her normal human life. Thor hadn’t exposed her. Everyone seemed nice. They even appeared to like her. It was different from what she had been expecting.

Everything was good. Her cover was holding. Something inside her felt raw. All of these revelations. All the truths. It felt like it was boiling inside her. She knew she needed to calm down. Everything else just meant hat she’d do something rash. It was tempting. She could just go to the Triskelion and cause some trouble. Just a little. Just a small spark to get everything burning.

Yes, it was Tempting.

A deep breath. She went to her bag. She needed to unpack. Get her clothes cleaned. And then, a book and a nice cup of coffee. It would help her get her mind off these things. Tomorrow she’d be at work again. Tomorrow would be normal again. Just Saga Guldborg’s life. Simple and easy. She could do that.

She held the basket with her laundry as she walked into the cellar. Why did these old stories hurt so much? Why was she feeling like this? Was she truly changing?

No, Loki would always be Loki. The mischief-maker.

She put her clothes into a machine and hopped on top with a book in her hand. The machine rattled beneath her while she leaned against the cold, tiled wall.

It was best for her to stay low. To let everything fold out and deal with it step by step. It would do her no good to just act. A plan was what she needed. But this still had time. Everything was good as it was. Yes, everything had gone as it should.

She was alive and not in danger to be dragged back to Asgard. No stitches were holding her lips closed. No cuffs on her wrists and ankles. She was as free as she could be. How long would it last until Thor made an attempt at contacting her? He would want truths. Was she ready to reveal them? Would he listen to her? Would he believe her?

*

“Cap, you won’t like this.”

Steve looked up, to see Tony with a tablet in his hand. “What’s the matter?”

Clint and Nat looked up from the game they were playing.

Tony handed the tablet to Steve. There was an article from some gossip magazine and a grainy picture. A picture of him and Saga at Station yesterday, kissing. The article was stupid, about who this mysterious woman was and if she was a hero herself. Because someone like him wasn’t seeing normal people.

“It’s good that the picture has such bad quality. You are barely recognisable. Pepper sent this to me. She said she would handle this, and that it would be a piece of cake compared to my escapades.”

Steve rubbed the back of his head. “Do you think they’ll find something out?”

“Maybe at some point. Someone always does. But she is clever and Pepper is on it. Don’t worry. I just wanted to show you what’s going on.”

“That’s really messed up.” Clint said as he had his fill on the article. “I mean, why do they care what any of us is doing in their spare time?”

“That’s how it is if you’re a public figure.”

“We need to stay low. Steve, does anyone know where you live right now?” Nat had a calculating look on her.

“Yeah sure. Everyone at the Triskelion my neighbours and the guys from college.”

“That’s exactly what I mean. Will someone sing?”

“Natasha, calm down. I guess no one is going to tell the press my address. And Pepper can be scary enough to make them back off.”

“If you say so. But I’d consider staying away from the public for some time. No café or bar.”

“Nat, it’s going to be fine.” Tony cut in. “Cap here is a big boy.”

“Just watch your back.” Natasha and Clint went back to their game. Nat shot a few looks in Steve’s direction.

Sure, there was nothing happening from this. This was New York and he and Saga lived in DC. It was going to be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I hope you like this small filler.
> 
> I also changed the rating because, I realised there are topics discussed in this fic, that might be too difficult for some. I'm an adult for far too long and working with difficult lifes for a long time.


	12. Chapter twelve - Of Truths and Stones

#Chapter twelve - Of Truths and Stones

The new year had started quietly enough. Though the event had seemed like a new chapter was beginning. The aftermath was as normal as it could be.

Saga had a few days off and Steve was away on some mission, again. It was a quiet day. She had made herself comfortable under the fur blanket on her sofa with a book by Simone de Beauvoir. A steaming mug of hot cocoa was on the coffee table beside her. Snowflakes were falling outside of her window and several candles inside her flat illuminated the place in a soft golden glow. Saga felt warm and content, this was just her being alone after a few stressful days that had her on high alert the whole time.

True, she had enjoyed herself meeting the Avengers and them showing her their other sides and not the heroes against villain personalities. But there was always a possibility of them realising who she really was. Then there had been this picture of them and that article. She didn’t like people being interested in her. If Natasha was able to see, that there was something strange about her, so would others. At least Thor had kept his mouth shut. She didn’t know what had caused him to keep her secret but she was glad for it.

A knock on her door ripped her from her musings.

Slowly, feet covered by thick socks stepped onto the wooden floor and made their way to the apartment door.

When she opened the door, it revealed Thor standing in the hallway. His blond hair was in a ponytail, he was wearing grey jeans and a red hoody under a thick dark grey parka with fur lining the hood.

“Brother.” Loki breathed astounded. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Sister.” He greeted her with a tight expression. “May I come in?”

“Sure” She stepped aside to let Thor into her tiny apartment.

Thor looked about the place. Took all the tiny things in that just screamed Loki at him. The fur blanket, the lit candles, the old books, the tiny runes she had carved into the window frames and so much more. “This place suits you.” He commented.

“Thank you. Do you want coffee or cocoa?”

“Coffee would be nice, thanks.” Thor said as he lowered himself on the sofa.

Loki busied herself in the kitchen, turning the kettle on, taking a mug from the cupboard, levitating milk and sugar to float to the table, getting the French press from another cupboard and spooning some ground coffee into the glass beaker waiting for the water to boil. She felt the tension in the air.

The water finally boiled, and she filled the beaker and put the lid on it. She grabbed everything and put it on the coffee table.

“Help yourself.” She told Thor and seated herself cross-legged on the ground opposite Thor and took her mug with cocoa.

She watched her brother as he fixed himself his own beverage and took a delighted gulp. “This coffee tastes delicious. Thank you, Loki.”

Loki just nodded and drank from her own mug. She put it back on the table and fixed Thor with a look. “What brings you here today? I assume it’s not because you just want to exchange pleasantries and drink coffee with me.”

Thor looked at her, put his own mug on the table and swallowed. “Indeed, it’s not what I came for.” He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. “Loki, I want, no I need answers. I kept your secret since I saw you at Stark’s feast. But If I find out that you are harbouring ulterior motives, I can’t consciously keep this secret. These people are my friends.” He looked intensely at her, blue staring into green.

Loki nodded. “I understand your concerns. And I know that there are things that you sooner rather than later need to be made aware of.” She swallowed.

“I don’t do this lightly, but the past has shown me, that I need proof of your honesty. Swear, onto our mother’s love for us, that you are going to tell me the truth, to all my inquiries today.”

Loki looked at her brother with wide eyes. Then her face transformed into a smirk. “I am proud of you.”

Thor huffed. “Swear, Loki.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, I swear, onto the love of my only known mother, that I will answer my brother’s questions truthfully, today. So mote it be.” She sighed. “Happy?”

Thor nodded. “That will do.”

“Now what do you want to know?” She braced herself for the gut-wrenching questions that would surely come and tear her apart.

Her brother took a deep breath. “Why did you let me believe, again, that you died? Loki, I mourned you a second time in two years. Do you enjoy hurting me? Do you like to make me think I lost my sibling?”

Loki played with the rim of her mug. “I didn’t do either of these on purpose. Like I told you at the Christmas feast. On Svartalfheim, I truly thought I was dying. When I woke up, you were gone. What should I have done? Walking back to Asgard and let Odin shuck me back into my cell? Do you believe me this stupid? He will never recognize me as his son or daughter. I was always your shadow, never good enough. And since I know why, because I was just something he stole. A monster, trained to walk and talk.” She sighed and looked Thor in the eyes. Green staring into blue.

“No, I don’t believe you are stupid.” Thor let on. “And I can’t speak for Odin.” He sighed. “Once you meant the world to me, Loki. I thought we would fight side by side forever. But in the end, you are you and I am me.” He gave his sister a small smile. “To me, you never were a monster, but just you and I love you.”

Loki couldn’t help it. She fought with the tears that were forming in her eyes, she sniffled weakly and swallowed. “Thank you, Thor. I always just wanted to be your equal.” She admitted.

He smiled softly. “You are and have always been more than equal to me.” Thor smiled softly. It was like they were back in the forests surrounding Asgard. And he had just shown her how to use a bow. “Now, why are you here and what are your plans with the Captain?” His look has turned slightly more serious.

Loki actually giggled. “You are asking this? Shouldn’t you ask Steve what his intentions were with me?”

“Don’t deflect the question.”

She sighed. “I don’t have a plan. Not a real one. My plan is to live until I can’t hide from the consequences of my earlier misdeeds anymore. I wanted to keep my distance from your friends. But you know how well most of my plans worked out in the past. And Steve, he just happened. I was just building my life here, posing as a human, with a job, and he was just there. I ran into him. I- I don’t know, he is easy to have around.”

Thor raised his eyebrows. “You genuinely like him?” a chuckle escaped the god of thunder.

She frowned, narrowing her eyes to slits. “I do. Happy now?”

“Quite satisfied. It has been a long time since you actually took a liking into someone else.”

“Well, when everybody around you, thinks the worst of you, it becomes easy to mistrust them.” Loki answered calmly.

Thor fiddled with his mug. He actually seemed to like the coffee, since he took another fill.

In the meantime, Loki swallowed down the remains of her own drink and filled her mug with what Thor had left in the beaker. She calmly mixed sugar and milk to the beverage. She just hoped that the next round of questions wouldn’t be too hard to answer or to step around. She swallowed her first swig of coffee.

“There is something I am wondering about for a few years now. When you fell from the Bifrost, what happened to you afterwards? Heimdall wasn’t able to find you. And when I saw you next, you seemed changed. Like something had happened to you. Something bad.”

Of course, it had to be this. She sent a silent string of explicit curses to the Norns. She had sworn to be truthful, was there an option to remain quiet? Probably not, else Thor would run to his friends and tell them who she really was. She breathed deeply in and out, then she took another swig of coffee. “When I let go, I thought I was going to die. I was ready to die at that moment.” Another deep breath. “I fell for a long time, at least it felt like it. I was alone in the darkness, just me and my dark thoughts, my hatred at everything and myself. I felt so broken, I just hoped I’d finally die.” She looked at Thor, who was watching her calmly, while she told her tale. She closed her eyes, to remember and to bear the pain that would come with the memories she had buried deep inside of her. “When I finally landed, I came to a barren world. Just rocks and dust everywhere. I thought the place finally fit the way I felt, empty and alone, broken. But I wasn’t alone.” She shuddered, feeling cold. Feeling the scars burn on her body. She wrapped her thin arms around herself, pulled her knees up in front of her. She needed some form of protection. She wasn’t able to look Thor in the eyes anymore. “There were these creatures. They called themselves the Black Order. Cruel beings who like nothing but to cause destruction and pain. They captured me. And brought me to their leader, an entity called Thanos, the mad titan.” She swallowed. “I was interrogated, my pain was used, my hatred amplified, through their methods of hospitality. They treated me to their methods until I broke until my hatred to what had happened before exploded and then they used the sceptre on me. The only thing I felt, I wanted then was revenge, fighting, conquering the world you came to love.” She buried her face in her hands, breathing deeply. “I was given the task you met me doing. I never wanted any of this. I let myself be defeated because I was safer in the dungeons of Asgard than answering to Thanos again. And I know that sooner or later he will find me. And I am going to pay for my betrayal. He is searching for the infinity stones. Bringing them together to bend the whole universe to his will. He will do everything to achieve his goal. He doesn’t shy back from any method. And when he is done, we all will suffer, we will lose. And it will happen. This is why I am here, without a plan. I want to forget and live of my life what I have left, for as long as I have. And I am done with being his or anyone’s pawn.” Tears streamed down her face. Hidden away from her brother from the way she was curled around herself. She had done it. She had finally told her tale. Opened the can of worms that lived inside of her darkened heart.

She felt a large hand on her shoulder and strong arms pulling her towards a hard and warm body, into a tight hug. Another hand was stroking her hair. “Oh, Loki.” She heard Thor mutter into her hair. He held her for a long time. Just holding her close. Not knowing what else he could do to ease his sister’s pain.

“Thor.” She looked up, her eyes puffy and red. “Please don’t tell anyone. Not until I’m ready.”

“I promise Loki. But I need to tell them about Thanos. When what you say about him is true, nobody in the universe is safe.”

“And he will come to Midgard. The sceptre holds the mind stone. We need to destroy the stone.”

Thor’s eyes widened. He didn’t say anything.

Loki swallowed. She probably had ruined everything by now. Her chance to live peacefully, the chance of escaping her past.

“Until the time comes when you are needed to fight alongside me, to get to your revenge, your secrets are safe with me.” He assured her.

“Thank you, brother.” She breathed deeply, calming herself. She looked at Thor kneeling next to her on the floor. “Is there anything else that brings you here?”

“Is it wrong to just want to spend time with your long-lost sister?” He asked her shrugging.

She gave him a crooked grin. “Probably not. But you’re usually with your lady friend or the Avengers.”

“Yeah well. Jane is off with some scientists. Doing research about the convergence. Stark is on holiday with Lady Pepper. Nobody knows what Barton is up to. Natasha and Steve are on a mission. I met Banner at the tower, we had Tea.” He fiddled with something on his hoody.

Loki sighed. “Am I the best option you have since everyone except Bruce is out there doing something?”

Thor shrugged. “I wanted to talk with you anyway. That everyone else was occupied with something just presented an opportunity.”

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” She asked. It was true nobody was around who could be wondering what Thor was up to or for that matter, her.

“I could eat.” He told her sheepishly. She shook her head with a small smile.

Loki stood and moved about her kitchen. Soon she was cutting vegetables and a piece of chicken breast, boiling rice and put everything into a pan.

The table set itself with a flick of her wrist while she cooked a simple meal. And soon Thor and Loki were sitting at the table with steaming food in front of them.

“This smells delicious.” Thor declared happily and took his first bite of the food humming.

Loki smiled softly and murmured her thanks while she started to eat herself.

The dinner was a quiet affair.

“What do you do for work?” Thor asked eventually. “Stark said you were some kind of scholar.”

“I just work at a book shop that also serves coffee.” She answered with a shrug. “I could do research work at a University, but this place allows me to stay low.”

Thor nodded at her answer. “It seems quite normal.”

“It is, but my colleagues are nice, and the work is actually fun. Since I read faster than humans do, I know a lot of books the shop sells, and I am good at making suggestions for customers who don’t know what they should buy.”

This made Thor smile. “You were always good at getting others to read. I’m sure our tutors wouldn’t have gotten me to read a single book wasn’t it for you persuading me.”

Loki chuckled. “I wanted to hit you with the tomes, back then.”

“Would’ve deserved it.”

The siblings looked at each other and laughed. It felt good to laugh with her brother again. They smiled at each other. It was like something between them had been fixed in the last couple of hours.

“What about you and Rogers?”

Loki raised a bemused eyebrow. “What about him?” She smirked leaning her head atop her hands. “You know him, he treats me right. I think he makes me happy, and I hope I am able to do the same for him.”

Her brother looked happy. “Yeah, he is a good man. And I am glad that you’re happy. How did you come to be a couple?”

“I ran into him when I was on my way to work. I actually fell, he’s pretty solid. And during the day we kept meeting. And I decided that I should talk to him. And we met again and again.” She shrugged. “He felt right to be with.”

Thor chuckled. “Jane hit me with her car when we first met. Might run in the family.”

Loki looked Thor in the eyes and burst out laughing. “You should ask how Odin and Frigga met.” Mirth shining in her eyes. And then she realised, what she had said. It was like a stab into her heart.

“I think I should take my leave.” He stood. “You’ve been a generous host. And I am glad that you talked to me.”

“I am glad that you still think I am worthy being your sister.”

Thor pulled her into a hug. “You will always be, and you will always drive me crazy.”

Loki chuckled. “Now go and look after your band of humans.”

“I will.” Thor slowly let go of Loki and put his parker back on. “Take care and look after your own mortal.” He told her with a wink as he left through the door.

Loki stood, staring at the door for several minutes after Thor had left.

He still called her sister. He didn’t saw her as anything less. She was still his sister.

He’d tell the Avengers about Thanos and the stones. She rubbed a hand over her face. “They’ll know.” She whispered into the empty room. A few candles flickered like they wanted to answer.

She sighed and busied herself with cleaning what was left of hers and Thor’s dinner. At least she could do some mindless work to calm her mind.

It didn’t take long and her flat looked presentable again. The kitchen was clean, and no used dish was left.

She took her fur blanket and threw it around her shoulders like a cape. She settled herself back on the sofa and resumed to read her book.

It was already dark outside she realised. A look at her phone confirmed that she wasn’t having any new messages. Not from Steve or Nat. It was the fourth day of that mission.

She sighed and turned back to the pages. After a few minutes of forcing herself to read, she was finally lost in the world of words again.

It took her a moment to realise that there was a knock on her door.

She put the book aside. And walked quietly to the door. The knock sounded again. She conjured one of her daggers.

She opened the door cautiously. “Steve.” She breathed, greeting her partner. 

He was still in his suit. He was dirty and blood was covering a few spots of his suit.

Her surprise and shock must have shown on her features. “It looks worse than it is. Hey Saga.”

“Come in.” She told him and stepped inside.

He followed her. Put his shield next to the door and took his boots off.

She suddenly found herself engulfed in a tight embrace. His breath was warm against her temple. “I missed you.”

Saga returned the hug. “What happened?”

“We nearly got ourselves killed.” Steve sighed. “Is that a dagger?”

Saga smiled sheepishly. “I- Yes. It’s past midnight and someone knocks on my door.”

Steve shrugged. “As long as you don’t stab me, it’s all right.”

She leaned more into him. “It’s so good to have you back.” A tendril of magic floated the dagger on the coffee table. Her head leaned against his shoulder and she wished she could melt into his warm body. “What do you think about a shower?”

Steve just nodded. Saga untangled herself from the hug and led Steve holding his hand into her bathroom. She stood Steve in the centre of the room, turned on the water in the shower. Then she turned to unbuckle his belt and the shoulder straps and let them fall to the tiled floor. His gloves went next. He smiled softly as she busied herself undoing the zippers and straps on the top of his suit.

Steve pulled Saga into a loving kiss while she undid the trousers and they fell softly to the floor. Steve made a quick job of discharging himself of his undershirt and briefs. “You are wearing too many clothes.”

“Is that so?” She asked smirking.

Steve nodded and pulled her long sweater over her head and was positively surprised to see that she wasn’t wearing a bra. He raised an eyebrow at her and received a smirk in return.

She hooked her thumbs under the waistband of her leggings and dragged them down her smooth legs along with her panties. The leggings and her thick woollen socks landed in a corner.

“I think we’re even.”

Steve swallowed “I guess.” And he kissed her hotly while Saga dragged him slowly into the shower where the water was now running at a nice and warm temperature.

Steve stood under the spray and relaxed visibly as the water washed away some of the dirt and blood. Saga grabbed the bar of soap and worked it into a thick lather she rubbed into the skin of his back. She could see his skin colour again while the dirt was washed away. He took the bar of soap from her and started to wash his face.

She started to see that he was bruised and had a few cuts that covered his body. Thanks to his enhanced healing they were already almost healed up.

She took the bottle of shampoo and worked it into her hair and when she was done with hers, she started on his. He let out a satisfied sigh when she massaged his scalp with her long and strong fingers.

Soon they were finished and stepped out of the shower stall. Saga handed Steve a towel he used to dry himself and then he wrapped it around his hip.

She took a towel for herself, dried herself and wrapped it around her body.

Steve took her hand with a soft smile. “Thank you.”

She looked at him with confusion on her face. “What for?”

“Just being here. Showering with me.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “And letting me stay.”

She shrugged. “Where I grew up the warrior’s partner would tend to the needs of their returning partner. So, let me care for you.” She smiled softly at him.

She led him to her bed, pulled the blankets aside and let him lie down. “turn around.” She told him and he did as he was told and laid on his front. 

Saga straddled his thighs, she took a small bottle of oil from the bedside table and put some of it into her palm. She rubbed her hands together to warm the oil up. Amused she thought what Steve would think if he knew that it was a magical healing oil. She slowly started to spread the oil over the expanse of his back. Then she started to meticulously feel for knots and tight muscles. Steve groaned under her, she liked the sound. She worked from his shoulders over his neck downwards. She could feel how he slowly relaxed bit by bit. She felt a tight spot on his lower back and carefully worked over it in long strokes. She slowly kneaded the flesh on his hips to his nice rear. She kneaded the flesh and could feel him twitch beneath her. She slipped down and slowly worked on his thighs. She enjoyed working on his body, it was indeed a sight. She also liked how responsive he was to her touch and she wondered what he’d say if he knew who she was in her other skin if he’d have the same reaction to him.

“Are you on to something?” He asked and she could hear the smile in his voice.

“I might be.” She said, her own smirk audible. She slowly moved her palms down his thighs and liked how the skin and hairs moved with her movements then slowly she moved her thumbs to his inner thighs and slowly stroked upwards. He twitched again and he was practically squirming when she reached the top. She hummed approvingly.

“You are killing me.”

“This is just an innocent massage. I don’t see how I’m killing you with my fingers.” She kneaded the flesh of his inner thighs softly.

She heard him exhale loudly. “You know exactly what you’re doing.”

“Yes, I do.” She smirked. “Turn” She sat herself up to give him room to move. And he turned. He was a sight to behold. He looked flustered and definitely liked what she had been doing. Saga smirked. She settles herself again on his thighs, her legs spread. She saw his eyes raking down her body a grin on his face. “Do you like what you see?”

“Oh yes.”

She slowly crawled on top of him leaning on her lower arms and caught his lips in a kiss. It soon turned into a heated kiss. She felt a hand on her hip and the other on her ribcage. It was perfect.

*

She snuggled herself into his side. The blankets over them felt like a protective shield that held the whole outside world away from them.

Steve liked Saga a lot. She was definitely special to him. She was more than he had ever thought possible in a woman. She was different. Free-spirited and sometimes even strange. But that was what he liked. Her uniqueness, otherworldliness at times.

“Could we please do this every time I return from a mission.”

He could swear he felt her smirking against his neck. “Even when you’re being patched up in a hospital?”

He laughed. “Maybe, if you’d like to be adventurous.” He wagged his eyebrows at her when he saw her looking up at him with these incredible green eyes.

“I’ll hold you up to that.”

Steve hummed. He liked lying next to Saga. It was warm and he felt secure with her she was all humour and amusement at times. And witty. And then she was silent, lost to the world far away in her thoughts.

But right now, she was warmth and home.

“How was your day? Sorry I didn’t ask earlier.”

She shrugged. “I had an unexpected visitor”

“Oh, who was it?” She seldom went out with someone else than that one co-worker or him. He wondered.

“My brother actually.” he could feel her tensing up.

He pulled her closer to him and rubbed circles on the skin of her back. “Was it bad? Do I need to beat him up? How did he even find you?”

“It wasn’t that bad. We actually talked. And I think we came to a truce. I’m not sure what to think at the moment. But it wasn’t bad.” She admitted.

“It’s good you talked.” He let on. “Will you see him again?” Steve was curious if he’d ever get to meet her estranged brother, whom she seemed to love and hate in equal parts.

“Probably.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now here we have them talking. I like a good heart to heart, I hope you liked it.  
> Have a nice day and stay safe :)


	13. Chapter thirteen - SHIELD in the Springtime

#Chapter thirteen - SHIELD in the Springtime

This new life she led became more and more normal. She went to work, met Steve, and lived her carefree Saga life.

There was the occasional picture of them somewhere on the internet or in a magazine. The reactions on the internet were mixed. Some seemed to cheer for ‘Cap’, others were quite harsh on her and even ‘Cap’. It made her smirk, she enjoyed the jealousy. Though, there weren’t crazy people following her. Sometimes the occasional person would recognise her, especially when she was with Steve. It wasn’t too bad. At work, there’d be a few jokes her colleagues would make in good humour.

Sometimes Thor would come for a short visit. In the beginning, these visits felt like he wanted to make sure she wasn’t starting world domination again. It usually was nice. They shared a cup of coffee or tea. He talked about Jane and her friends and their smaller adventures. And him having adventures with the other Avengers. He mainly lived in New York now. When she had asked about Jane, he had told her that he saw her at least once a week, but she was seemingly always busy working on her astrophysics projects. Loki could tell that Thor was proud of his mortal partner, but he also appeared to miss her company at times. Loki had the feeling her brother was lonely. And even if the status of his own relationship was far from perfect, he was supportive of hers and Steve's.

“It saddens me, that you are not confining yourself to him. But I see more and more the sister I have been missing for so long.“ He had told her with a soft smile and a hug when he had left on his last visit.

Life was quiet and it felt normal. As the winter slowly turned into spring Loki felt strangely settled. Her smiles felt more real than fake most of her days. There were more times she didn’t think of herself as a monster. Something inside her had healed without her realising it had happened. Maybe Steve and his friendly nature helped her even more.

On some days Steve would come into the shop. Sit at a table with his sketching stuff and laptop, working on something for his classes. He'd smile at her and would steal the occasional kiss. He was just content of being close to her, spending time together.

Sometimes Alicja or Toby would sit and work with him. Occasionally Saga would sit and talk with them when there was nothing else to do in the shop. She had come to like his friends. It was a nice and normal life. Loki had a feeling she could live like this and actually be content. She didn’t need the comforts of a prince of Asgard. There wasn’t much from her old life she was missing. Only Frigga and her children. It hurt to think about the death of her mother and there was a hollow feeling inside her chest when she thought of her children. Especially the youngest and banished ones. Sometimes she'd try to look for them. Teleporting herself to the seaside so she might be able to find Jormungandr. On other days she'd wander through forests and was looking for wolves who might have seen Fenrir. So far, and she knew it was because of the strong enchantments, to no avail.

Sometimes Steve would vanish for a day or more on some SHIELD mission. Usually, his nightmares were getting worse after a long mission. Loki was worried about the state of his mind these nights. Sometimes she needed to wake him, to comfort him. And he’d sometimes tell her about his dreams. It was a dark place. Loki knew exactly how the darkness in one’s mind could feel, and her heart hurt for him when she held him. The day after a mission, he’d sometimes sit in a chair, gazing holes into the air, lost to the world for long moments. It was better when he was with another Avenger or his friends from college. Saga didn’t like to see what that work did to him. She knew there had to be a time when he needed to stop being Captain America. A time when he was allowed to be Steve.

Today was an after-mission-day. Toby and Steve were sitting at one of the bigger tables, papers spread out in front of them.

Steve was scribbling aimlessly and made notes, while Toby worked on his laptop. None of them talked.

Saga walked to their table with fresh, steaming coffee mugs. “Got any further?”

Toby sighed. “You are a lifesaver, Saga dear.” He took the mugs and placed them on the table. “I think we need to rethink this whole layout. I’m not satisfied yet.” He turned to his working companion. “What do you think?” He turned the laptop so Steve could see what he had been working on.

Steve seemed to wake up. He looked at the screen, then he took a piece of paper from the chaos in front of him, compared screen to the layout sketch on the paper and made a few adjustments on the sketch. “This should do. When I change the columns like that. Maybe we could invert the design colour and put this” He grabbed another sheet from the chaos. “In the background.” Suddenly he just seemed to have realised Saga was standing there. “Wow, sorry Saga. I didn’t notice you were there.” He looked apologetically.

Toby made a happy squealing noise. “Yes, that’s perfect. Thank you.”

She sighed inwardly. “It’s alright. What do you think? When I’m done, we go to my place and watch some film from the list?” It was endearing. She had come to like his list. She enjoyed the nights they watched a film or listened to music someone had recommended. It also helped her adjust to this world.

“Sounds good to me.” He took a sip from his mug. “You are the best.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her down for a kiss.

With a huge grin on her face, she walked back to the counter. Tomar was ringing up the shopping of a couple.

“Your man toy is different today.” He said watching the table.

She snorted. “Yeah, they need to hand some assignments in. And he had a bad day at work yesterday.”

Tomar huffed. “I'm somewhat relieved a bad day here means you have to be friendly to idiots who want to explain literature to you.”

“Hear hear.” Saga muttered smirking. “Sometimes, I’d like to stab someone in the eye when they tell me again and again how well written this housewife porn is.”

“You read that?” Tomar smirked.

“Just for research, to know what the fuss was about.”

He hummed. “Sure.”

Saga rolled her eyes. “Says the one who knows everything about that vampire series.”

“My ex liked them.”

She grinned and then smiled at the next customer. “Hello, how can I help you?”

“Um, hi. Do you have something from Hermann Hesse? My friend said he was brilliant, so I wanted to try something.”

“Sure, we have some of his works here. I can show you.” She led the customer into the small maze of shelves. “Would you like some of his more popular works? Or are interested in some lesser-known, but really good works?” At least this was something about literature.

It was a normal day. Not too busy and also not too quiet. She bickered with Tomar. She liked the man’s formidable mean sense of humour.

She also watched over Steve and Toby as they did the finishing touches on their project. Over the course of the last hours, Steve seemed to relax more and more. He became more talkative and more active in actually wanting to finish their work. She thought it was good for him that he had something like his life at college, and not only SHIELD to fill his time.

*

Steve groaned as he finally sank down on Saga’s sofa. “It’s so good to be here.” He grinned up at her as she bent down to kiss him.

“Now, what do you want to see? I promised you a film.”

“How about that Saw thing, Tony said I needed to watch?”

She shrugged. “Sure, why not.” She shuffled to her ever-growing DVD collection since Steve had shown her ‘the list’. “I hope you can handle blood.” She looked at him and waited for a reaction.

When he nodded, she moved to the DVD player to start the film. “Now, no backing out.” She told him, as she snuggled herself into his side.

“You make it sound like it’s going to be completely disgusting.”

She shrugged. “Depends on how you look at it, and what disgusting means to you.”

He rolled his eyes. “You always have these slippery answers.”

“Because everyone has different opinions. Like I told you many times before, there isn’t just good and bad, there is so much grey. Also, it depends on who is telling what is good and what is bad, what either actually is to you. Good and bad are just concepts based on cultural beliefs. But to answer your question, there is a possibility for you to find it appalling.”

He sighed. “You’re difficult.”

“Thank you.” She said grinning. “Now look at this, you’ll need this to understand the end.”

“I’m not sure if I want to. This is horrible.”

They continued to watch the film. Both winced at a few especially horrible bits.

“I’m not sure if I can ever hear ‘I want to play a game’ in an innocent way again.” Steve said earnestly as the credits started to roll.

Saga sighed. “It’s a quite nasty bit to watch.” She sat up and stretched her limbs. Her shirt shifted and revealed more of her skin.

Steve wondered sometimes about how she got her scars. And after seeing this film, that depicted different life and death scenarios and so much violence, he wondered even more how she got them. She never said anything regarding that topic.

A knock on her door hauled him from his thoughts. “Are you expecting someone?” He was looking genuinely surprised.

She looked clueless. “No.” She stood and grabbed one of her daggers from her shelf and walked cautiously to the door when it knocked again.

She opened the door slowly and revealed Thor standing there in the hallway. “Yes?” She asked in a calm voice. “Are you looking for Steve?” He saw her gripping her dagger more tightly.

Steve knew he must have looked comically. And what was Thor doing at her flat?

Thor grinned at Steve. “Steve. I was indeed looking for you. I was told to find you at your Lady’s dwelling.” His tone was the usual Thor-like cheerfulness Steve was used by the other man.

“Has something happened?”

Saga walked away from the door. She put the kettle on and Steve saw her shoving the dagger into her sleeve. She was quiet as she took mugs and tea bags from her cupboard. Thor walked in and closed the door.

“I just wanted to meet a friend. Jane is away again on some research trip and told me that I would just distract her. So, I couldn’t come.” His smile faltered shortly. “Tony and Bruce were busy. I thought to go and look for you.” His smile was back.

Steve sometimes wondered, how a man, Thor’s age could appear so young and innocent.

Saga didn’t say another word. She just handed each of them a steaming mug, while she herself, grabbed a book from her shelf and sat down cross-legged on the floor to give them space.

Thor took the space next to Steve on the sofa Saga had vacated only moments before. He patted Steve’s leg. “It is good to see you like this.” He commented.

“Erm thanks, I guess.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s good to see you, too. Though I’m still surprised to see you here.”

Thor grinned. “You are a good man and a good friend. I wish to get to know you more. We are shield brothers, where I come from, this means you are as close as family.” Thor said earnestly.

Steve thought he saw Saga rolling her eyes.

“Since I am here on Midgard, I want to know, who my friends are. It is not often for you to visit New York.”

Steve felt himself sighing. He had been looking forward to spending the night alone with Saga. Without seeing anybody else. “That’s true. I moved here to adjust. You know, not to be reminded each day about what I lost.”

“It is not healthy to bury yourself in solitude.”

Steve didn’t know what to say. Did Thor believe that he was all on his own here? “But I have friends. I work with SHIELD and I’m taking art classes. And Saga is with me, too.” A sigh escaped his mouth. “Thor I’m grateful that you worry for me. But I’m good.”

“I see. It is just.” Thor looked to Saga reading quietly. “After everything that happened lately, I often find myself missing Loki. I’m just in need of a friend.”

That was something Steve understood. He tuned to Saga. “Um, would it be okay, if Thor stayed for a bit? We could order Pizza.”

She looked up, seemingly bored. “Sure, there are flyers on the fridge.”

*

It was early. The sun was just about to rise. Spring was in the air and Steve couldn’t help but feel happy. Later he’d meet Saga after her shift was done. And he’d stay at her place since it was her birthday tomorrow. His life felt good. It was like had woken up, again. He was feeling alive.

As he was doing another lap, he saw a man, who was also taking the course around the pond. Steve smirked to himself and sped up.

It was fun to rile up the other man running man with just three words. Saga would have laughed herself silly.

The man was another ex-soldier. Someone who seemed to understand that side of him. He was easy to talk to and Steve was already hoping to meet the man again.

“It’s your bed, right?” The man, Sam, said.

Steve faltered in his steps. “What was that?”

“Your bed, it’s too soft. When I was over there, I’d sleep on the ground, using rocks for pillows like a caveman. Now I’m home lying in my bed, and it’s like…”

“Like sleeping on a marshmallow. Feel like I’m gonna sink right to the floor.” He knew exactly what he meant.

When they talked, Steve felt like that man could become a friend. Another one who had come home with bad memories that would stay until the end.

His phone interrupted something that he’d call the beginning of a new friendship. A mission. Of course. There was always a mission.

And down the drain went his plans to visit the museum with Saga that afternoon. Hopefully, he’d be home the next day for her birthday. He had promised to be there, so she wouldn't spend the day on her own again. He sighed.

Nat arrived in a sleek sportscar. They waved Sam off and Nat sped into the traffic. Steve got his phone out to send out a text to Saga.

“Had plans with the girlfriend?”

Steve hummed. “So, what is this mission about?”

“Pirates have taken hostages. We’re going in with a STRIKE Team. That’s all I know so far.”

He sighed. “Sounds fun. I guess I need to cancel reservations for tonight.”

“Don’t be like that. You could always opt-out.”

“And leave you on your own? Fat chance.”

Natasha looked amused as she manoeuvred the car.

*

‘ _Got a mission call. I’m sorry. Maybe we can go to the Smithsonian tomorrow when I’m back.”_

Loki looked unblinkingly at her phone for a minute. Transfixed.

It wasn’t unusual for them to have a mission for him unexpectantly. But she had a strange feeling about this. And it was the day before her birthday. This meant probably another birthday on her own. Loki sighed into her mug. Of course, they’d need him on some stupid ass mission on her birthday. Something stirred inside of her. It was like an old box, you had forgotten about, fell from a shelf and all the content you had forgotten existed, was strewn to the floor. A part of her woke up, a part that seldom called for her attention these days. Her eyes flashed.

“What got you all riled up?” Christine’s cheery voice asked. The blonde was still smiling while she was holding a few books, but her eyes showed concern.

Loki put her dark thoughts to the back of her mind. And Saga smiled. “Just something stupid with my family. I think I’ll leave early, if that’s all right with you, to sort this out.”

Christine's expression changed to relieve. “Sure, I’ll call Frieda to come in early.”

“Thank you. Tell Frieda that I’ll take her shift on Saturday.”

“Will do. Now.” Christine looked to the entrance. “You deal with that creep.”

Saga huffed and put a smile on her face. “Hello. What can I help you with?”

An hour later Loki stood, looking unassumingly, in a big crowded office. His hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail, he was wearing thick-rimmed glasses and looked rumpled in a blue shirt and grey pants.

He sat looking at a screen, filing through information after information, passed passwords and navigated through the system like it was something he did every day. He found a project that was covered under the ruse of a national security program. Loki wouldn’t be Loki if he couldn’t smell something fishy going on.

Someone or something intelligent must have created this bit of code. It was quite clever and had made some interesting calculations. This whole algorithm screamed genocide and world domination if he was reading this correctly. Under different circumstances, he might have congratulated the ones who planned this piece. Though, it was too plump for his tastes. These people had no concept of freedom and chaos. And even if they had a grasp on how to manipulate the masses into compliance, they forgot the bigger picture.

People always forgot the bigger picture. Like with these codes. A few changed lines, nobody would ever be able to find here and there. Just small adjustments. He was not the best considering earth technology, but if what he had done worked the way he had planned, these machines should attack themselves the moment they were launched.

Now, maybe a few confident files should find their way into the open web. This Mr Pierce seemed to have a lot on him. Oopsie.

Slowly defiling this organisation, that was playing games which were a size too large for them, was exactly what Loki needed in this special mood. It just played into his cards that they were feeling safe and were underestimating their enemies. Like back then after the battle when they were discussing with Thor who should be getting the Tesseract and the custody over himself. He was still rolling his eyes at the memory. He wished they had taken him. He'd have some fun before he'd been leaving the place burning down to the foundations.

Slowly he started to feel better. They shall choke on their own mess. He finally stood and sauntered out of the office and down the hall. Two men in black ops clothes, holding guns ready to attack came past him, for a short moment he was sure they would try and attack him. They just walked past, and Loki felt even better as he continued to find his way out of the building. He passed a few offices. He recognised Fury standing in one of the rooms. A grin appeared on his face. If the man recognised him in these halls, there would be a huge uproar. He stopped for a moment and just smiled looking through the glass before he decided to continue leaving this place.

Loki laughed inwardly as he came out of the entrance without anyone taking notice of who he was. He walked into a small park and transformed again.

She shook out her long hair and grinned. This was just what she needed to set the mood for her birthday. She was sure by now, if there ever came the need, she could take this place down on her own. They wouldn't see her coming.

She took her phone from her pocket. “Hey, Mr Broody. How do you feel about a cup and continue our discussion about housewife porn?” Afternoon coffee with Tomar was always fun.

*

The sun of a perfect spring morning slowly rose at the horizon. The light flooded a small apartment.

Loki was slowly stirring in her bed. Her eyes twitched as she slowly drifted away from the dreamlands. She breathed in deeply. Not wanting to get away from the warmth and calm that had been her dream. Strangely enough, her sleep wasn’t troubled but happy and nice. Maybe this was why she liked to be asleep at times.

She opened her eyes slowly and began to move like a cat in front of a fireplace. She stared at the window and watched the world outside getting brighter with each passing moment. Today seemed to be an almost perfect day. Almost perfect because she would probably spend the day alone. Thinking about calling Tomar or Alicja, she moved her head to the side looking at her small apartment. She sighed as she lazily stroked the fur of her blanket. Remembering the soft furs of her bed in Asgard. It seemed like a thousand years had passed since she was prince Loki. Like a different life. And in a way it was.

She sighed and got out from the soft warmth that was her bed. Her feet touched the wooden floor and set to move her to the bathroom.

She turned on the shower. Today, she’d treat herself no matter what. Do some good to her hair, put a mask on her face.

She enjoyed the shower. It felt like she was washing away her bad thoughts. It was almost therapeutic standing there under the spray of warm water, breathing, feeling the water taking all the bad feelings away from her.

Getting out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around her body. She brushed her hair, painted her nails. Looked for her favourite clothes in her closet. She put on that nice set of underwear, she had found at that expensive shop. Did her makeup and had finally decided on a dress with lace and laces. She put her boots on and looked at herself in the mirror. Deciding she looked hot, a satisfied smirk appeared on her face. This was exactly how she wanted to feel today.

She took her bag and went outside. It was a perfect day for her. Just walking around and do small troubles. Today was her day, why not treat it as such?

She took a seat in a small café and enjoyed everything as best as she could. The looks of people who admired the way she looked. The smell and taste of the coffee. Breathing freely. She liked to feel like herself.

A small movement of her fingers let smoke rise from the laptop of a teenager. She smirked into her cup as he cursed loudly.

Her phone made a small noise. She took it from her bag and smiled. _‘I’m back. I’m dying to see you. Happy Birthday.’_

This was turning out to be a perfect day.

*

“Saga?” He grinned as he spotted her. They walked towards each other and he hugged her closely, peppering her cheeks and mouth with kisses. “Happy birthday.” She looked more than perfect today. She always looked perfect but today he didn't want to take his eyes off her.

“Glad you’re back.” She sighed into his shoulder. “I was dreading you’d still be on that stupid mission today.”

“Nah, just returned. I learnt something new though. I don’t think SHIELD is the right place for me to be anymore.”

“How so?” He took her hand in his and they started walking towards the museum.

He sighed. “Just, everyone is keeping secrets, secrets with a high impact on the outcome of a mission. They are just fine with that. And then there is a need for absolute security buy cancelling the individual freedom of choice. That’s just wrong to me.”

She hummed. “Keeping too many secrets can be a man’s downfall.” She said quietly.

“Exactly. And when it’s the government, taking away the world’s freedom, that downfall needs to come.” He smiled at her. “Now enough of that. Today, I’ll show you my past.”

Saga grinned at him. “I always wanted to see how you looked before everything.”

“You wouldn’t have found me attractive.”

“That’s my decision to make.”

“Fair point.”

They walked inside. Steve was happy to show and explain everything he could to Saga. She smiled and laughed along with him. And then she stared at a picture of him before the serum. When he had just been a small, sickly art student. She thought, he already looked stubborn then. The grip of her hand in his tightened. And she turned to kiss his cheek.

“You know, even this small and lithe you had something about you.” She gave his picture and then his real face a look. “I think it’s the eyes. You have that look about you, that speaks of a strong personality.”

He felt himself blushing and they continued to follow the exposition. 

He pointed at a picture of Bucky. It still hurt to think about his death. “This is Bucky. My best friend.”

She took a closer look at the picture. A strange calculating look.

Before he could make another comment, he saw a boy looking at him with wide eyes. He liked how kids could look at the world, seeing so much wonder. He smiled and put a finger to his mouth, while he let Saga drag him along.

“Is that your original suit?”

“Looks like it.” He gave the figures depicting him and the Howlies a once over. “This really looks like the originals. I wonder how they got their clothes.”

She shrugged. “I’m wondering more if someone washed them since then, or if there is still seventy-year-old sweat soaked into the fabrics.”

Steve made a face and Saga sniggered. “I would like to forget that thought.”

They continued to walk through the expedition. Saga pointed at things and asked. He tried to give answers as best as he could.

“This is it?” She asked as she looked at a picture of the plane Steve had crashed into the ice to save the world. It was from when they found it. Found him frozen. “I hope you never get into this situation again. Sacrificing yourself.”

“I hope so myself. I would be missing you.”

“Stop it. I would be missing you.” She kissed his cheek and he saw her eyes growing soft, almost tearing up.

He caressed her arm softly. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

They walked through the city. Enjoying the sights. They got themselves some coffee in paper cups. “I need to make another visit. But then I promise you, to give you your present.”

He could practically see her rolling her eyes. “Whom are you going to visit?”

“Peggy. If I don’t do it now. She’ll be dead and I’ll never see her again.”

“I want to be angry because it’s my birthday. But I understand. Let’s go.”

“You can come with me or just wait outside. I just wanted to make a short visit.”

“Fine. But no falling back in love with her.” She gave him a strange soft look. “She had her chance. Now it’s my turn to be in love with you.”

Why did she have to be so perfect? He grabbed her face, he just needed to kiss her.

*

When he came back outside, almost an hour had passed. She had been standing, leaning at the building’s wall. Sipping on her paper cup of coffee watching people, and watched people watching her.

She looked Steve in the face and just knew how he must be feeling. She took him in her arms. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

He sniffled. “She’s almost gone. One moment she’s like she used to be and then, nothing, gone.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

After a few minutes he straightened, and they continued to walk. “Hey, Saga. Thank you for everything.”

“It’s okay. You said something about a present earlier.”

He grinned at her and took a small box from his jacket. “I might.”

She took it from him and opened it. It was a necklace, a small star on a disc. She smiled. “Reminds me of your shield.” Grinning she leaned in and kissed him. “Thank you.” She gathered her hair to one side and put the necklace on. “What do you say?” She asked as she put her hair back in order.

He smiled back at her. “It looks perfect, just like you.” He took her hand in his. “I have a confession to make. Tony made a few adjustments. Since your face has appeared in the papers. The star is also a button. If you ever need to help, press on the star and the Avengers and I get a message and your location.”

He was cute. “I get my personal Avengers call button?”

“Just in case.” He told her shrugging. “Look, people have always been crazy. It just puts me at ease to know that if there ever is something happening, you can call for help.”

A soft smile crept itself on her face. If he knew. “Thank you, my darling.”

They continued to walk. “You know, I like to spend these days with you.”

“Me, too.”

They grinned at each other. It was a good feeling. Familiar, like home.

“I might want to take you somewhere else.”

“Why do I get the feeling that you are dragging me all over the city.”

“Because I do.”

“On my birthday?”

“Why not? You’re having fun.”

“True.” They stopped in front of a building. “And why do we have to go to a counselling session? I’m not that crazy.”

“This guy, Sam. I met him during my run yesterday morning. I wanted you to meet him. He seemed nice.” She hated when he smiled at her like that.

“All right. But I want something sweet afterwards. Like strawberries and whipped cream on your skin.” She put on her most feral grin and was satisfied when Steve gulped.

“Your wish is my command, my lady.” They laughed. “Now. After you.” He pulled the door open.

They walked inside and listened to people talking about their lives. It was depressing and beautiful. She could recognise herself in some of this, the self-doubt, the hate, the fear. It was tough to walk around with secrets like these. Pretending to be like everyone else. But to them, in this setting, there weren’t secrets. These were facts about their lives. They could talk openly. Some even told about horrible things they did to save themselves. She gripped Steve’s hand a little tighter and his squeezed back.

When the session was finally over and everyone left, a man walked up to them. This must be this Sam Steve had told her about.

“Look who it is, the running man and a friend.” He held out his hand for Saga.

“Saga Guldborg.”

“Sam Wilson.” He smiled. “Nice to meet you.” He turned to Steve grinning. “You know how to make me look good.”

Steve shrugged and smiled. “We just caught the last few minutes. It's pretty intense.”

Saga looked at the flyers on the small side table next to them. She wondered if someone would understand what she had done if she ever dared to open up. She pushed the thought away.

She just heard Sam talking about his friend he had lost. Knowing Steve, she was sure they were going to spend the next few hours with his new friend. Strawberries and cream had to be postponed.

“But you're happy now, being back in the world?” Steve looked at his new friend. His doubts about SHIELD seemed to run deep.

“The number of people giving me orders is down to about zero.” Sam told them grinning. He then gave Steve a short look. “You think about getting out?”

Steve shrugged, then his eyes locked with Saga's. “Yeah, a few months ago I didn't know what to do with myself. Then I took art classes and met Saga.” He smiled and she just felt a warmth spreading through her. “It just doesn't feel right anymore. And there are the Avengers, still.”

Sam nodded along with him. “You know, you can do whatever you want. To be honest, if you hadn't said art classes, I would have suggested ultimate fighting. Art sounds better, though.” Sam grinned. He then looked around. “What do you guys think about grabbing a coffee around the corner. I think I want to get to know you both. And maybe Saga has a single girl-friend.” Sam wagged his eyebrows.

Saga laughed. “If you behave, I might know someone.” She turned to Steve. “What about Natasha?”

“I'm not sure if our friend can handle her.”

Sam made a protesting sound. “I'm a big guy. Are you talking about that scary redhead?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took longer to get out than I thought. I guess the semester is coming to an end and workload tends to explode then ;)  
> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it.


	14. Chapter fourteen - The Winter Soldier

#Chapter fourteen - The Winter Soldier

They stumbled down the corridor in Steve’s building. Saga was giggling madly. She was holding a small basket of strawberries and playfully fought with Steve over who was allowed to hold and eat them.

It had been a day full of fun and stuff to think about. They have been sitting with Sam in a small café. Steve felt exhausted but he was looking forward to spending the night with Saga. It was her birthday. He wanted to make the night special for her.

The nurse living next door greeted them and he opened the door. Saga stumbled laughing inside. “I can’t wait to have you on my own.” She had a feral grin on her face as she dragged him along. In the living area, Saga froze. “Steve, were you expecting someone?”

He turned and saw Fury sitting in his armchair. “I don’t remember giving you a key.” The man was bloodied, he had obviously been attacked. He started talking and typing on his phone, so he could read and what he said and wrote made Steve’s stomach churn.

Suddenly they were interrupted by multiple gunshots. Fury was lying on the floor gasping for air. He handed Steve a flash drive and passed out.

Suddenly his neighbour stormed into his flat, Holding a gun and, revealed herself as a SHIELD Agent. This was just madness. And Saga was in the midst of this.

He looked at his girlfriend to see if she was panicking, but instead of fear or panic, she was watching the windows calculating, like she was adapting in a war situation. "He's on the roof."

Steve looked where her eyes had spotted the assassin and he could see movement. He grabbed his shield. “I’ll go after him.” He jumped out of the window into the next building, following the attacker. His heart was beating rapidly, adrenaline was rushing through his body. He was still wondering what all of this meant. Nothing good, that much he could tell.

He ran over the roof. The attacker was fast. He had to get to him. A dagger flew past his ear and hit the man in the side. He didn’t stumble he just ran, like a machine. In mid-run, the man pulled on the dagger. Steve threw his shield at the man. He turned and caught it. His eyes stared at him. There wasn't much to see but the man's eyes since he was wearing a mask. The eyes were somewhat familiar, but before he had time to think how he knew them, the man flung the shield back at him and he was gone. Jumped from the roof and vanished. Steve ran to the roof's edge but there was nothing not trace. He had just vanished. Steve looked down and found the dagger at the edge of the roof. It was bronze, decorated with runes. It looked like one of those he had seen at Saga's place. Steve turned feeling defeated. This wasn’t going in any direction he particularly liked. As he turned he was surprised to see Saga standing at the other edge of the roof. “Have you been following me? Did you throw this?“

She shrugged. “Better than doing nothing.”

“You could have been hurt." He didn't want her to get involved in this.

“So do you. I know how to fight." She was giving him a hard stare. "I think I’ll head home. I don’t think tonight is going to be fun at all."

Steve sighed. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this."

"Don't be. I knew who you are. Things like this can happen. Your boss just has been shot. Go, and look after him. They'll probably come and ask questions."

They started heading back to his flat the way they had come. Steve was feeling like shit for this debacle.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I still wish I wouldn’t have dragged you into this.”

“I can handle it, Steve. And I knew who you were from the beginning and what your life entails. If you need me, just call." She kissed his cheek as they stood at the entrance of his building. "And now be the hero." He watched her walking down the street before he made his way to get his bike and took off after the ambulance. He was sure this was going to be a long night.

*

She was leaning heavily against her door. This was something she had no need to be involved with. This was nothing she had been anticipating. Deep breaths in and out.

Surely, something big was going to happen in the next few days. With what happened to Fury and the way how sudden it happened. She knew, what was lurking inside of SHIELD was just waking up. SHIELD was falling apart. Not slowly, but in a way that meant chaos and destruction.

If she had a say in this, she would take the chaos and destruction and make it her own, make it perfect and destroy everything in just the right way.

Loki pushed away from her door. She needed to be prepared to fight if necessary. She went to get the coffee started.

She was deep inside her thoughts, while she poured herself a mug. It was possible for her to be attacked or questioned. She and Steve had been the last ones who had talked to Fury before he had been shot. If the press knew about her, so would SHIELD and so would whatever was working inside. They'd probably try to get her out of the way.

She pondered over possible outcomes while she drank her coffee. And another one. It would be good for her to be prepared. She hated herself for even considering what she was about to do. But she saw no other plausible option. She took her phone and dialled a number.

“Hello Tony, it’s Saga.”

“Oh hello, beautiful what can I do for you?” She sighed. She could practically hear the man’s too-wide grin.

“Look there is something happening. Something is going on with SHIELD. Fury just got shot and before that, he was telling Steve that SHIELD was compromised. It all points to something big happening.”

“Phew. Always the sunny one, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I’m a ray of sunshine.”

“Do you need help? Should I send the team out?”

“No, not yet. They can’t get suspicious, yet. Just, be ready. Also, Steve’s place is a mess. I’m not sure he is going to stay there again. Maybe someone could come and get his stuff somewhere safe?”

“Consider it done. Hey, and thank you for calling. This sounds bad. With a capital B.”

“Didn’t know who else to trust.”

She heard the man sigh on the other end. “To be honest, I had a feeling from the beginning, something is going on with SHIELD. If you want to, you can always come to New York. We have enough space for both of you. And if you’re worried about a job or Cap about his college stuff, we can sort this out.”

“Tony, I’m not sure what to say.”

“Just say ‘Thank you, Lord Stark.’”

“Did you have a recent talk with Thor?”

“I might. But I might have binge-watched Game of Thrones.” She could practically hear him grinning.

“I have to go. But thanks, Tony. I’ll call when I know more about what’s going on.”

“All right. I'll have Jarvis getting a look. Maybe there is something we can do.”

"Thanks."

She hung up. At least there was something she could fall back on. Calling the Avengers to this wasn't sounding too bad. She knew they worked well as a team.

She sighed and looked at her apartment. This had been her first real residence in this world. She was sad to know, that soon she would need to leave a home behind, again. She grabbed a bag and packed a few necessities. Just in case she needed to leave on short notice. And she was sure this was going to happen. She just didn't know when. It was best for her to act normally until then.

She closed the bag and set it next to the apartment door. She decided to take a shower and then head to bed. There was no need to be sleep-deprived.

She got rid of her clothes and stared sadly at her nice set of underwear. How dare they ruin the night of her birthday?

She stepped into the shower and felt the water dragging away the dirt and blood of the evening. It wasn't as relaxing as it usually was, but she felt she was calming down.

When she was done, she turned off the water and wrapped herself in a big towel.

She went to bed and her world turned dark.

* 

_‘Fury died in surgery’_

The message tone had woken her. The first rays of the morning sun were at the horizon. Everything seemed so peaceful.

This message was everything she needed. Things would be happening. And not in a way she liked.

Though Director Fury had been her enemy, he had done everything he could to protect his realm from her invasion. She could honour his determination. His death was the attack of a coward. There was no honour in the way he died. No one would come to lead him to Valhalla.

Out of a sudden, there was a knock on her door. She looked up, this wasn't a social call. She was dressed within a second including her boots. She stood in the middle of her flat, not sure if she was ready for what was about to happen.

“Miss Guldborg?”

Another knock. Quietly, she took her daggers from the shelf. “Sorry, I just came out of the showers. Has something happened?”

“I wanted to know if I could ask a few questions about last night?”

“What about it?”

“You know exactly what. You were at Captain Roger’s flat.”

“I might.” She gripped her daggers tightly and the door sprung open. Four men in black ops clothes stood in the doorway. She smirked. “Have you been looking for me?”

The men came at her, but they didn’t have a chance.

Loki was fast and strong. Since childhood, she had been trained to fight. Prepared to fight in any battle she would find herself confronted in. She had been hunting. Had fought along with Thor and his friends to protect the realms.

The bullets didn’t do much harm to her. It was like dancing, going in between the bullets landed a few punches and in a few fast movements, she was slitting the men’s throats. There was blood everywhere. The men sunk to the floor.

She looked at the bodies. They had made the mistake to underestimate her. These weren’t prepared for a real fight. She took her bag from beside the door, stepped over the bodies and fled.

Now it was surfacing. The truth was showing, and Steve was somewhere outside probably on the run. She needed to find out what exactly had been going on. Step by step she transformed. Her hair shortened and lightened along with her body. Her bag vanished. She slowed down on her shorter legs. Her eyes turned blue, her nose became wider, and her lips filled out.

She slipped into the Triskelion just in time to hear that Steve was supposed to be a fugitive and responsible for Fury's death.

A blonde woman, Steve's neighbour, spoke up. "With all due respect, If SHIELD is conducting a manhunt for Captain America, we deserve to know why."

The Secretary entered the room. "Because he lied to us. Captain Rogers has information regarding the death of Director Fury, he refused to share it. Also, there were four bodies of SHIELD employees found at his girlfriend's flat. As difficult as this is to accept, Captain America is a fugitive from SHIELD."

He had fled. He was alive. Relief was spreading through her body and she felt some tension leaving her body. They already knew about the men who came after her. She realized there wasn’t much more for her to learn. She needed to get away from their radar. Lay low. She was considering calling Tony again but decided against it. Involving Tony, was the exact opposite. There was someplace closer. There she could think about how to get in contact with Steve.

She walked back out. Continued to walk until there was a dark alley without surveillance where she could transform back and vanished.

She knocked on the door.

This man, Sam, looked strangely at her as he answered to her knock. “What happened?”

“I’m not sure. There were men at my flat trying to kill me. And the Director was shot in Steve’s flat. I don’t know where to go.”

Sam looked around, making sure nobody had seen her. “Come in.”

She followed him inside. Sam pointed to a chair at his dining table. She sat down and he took a seat opposite her.

“Now tell me exactly what’s going on.”

She sighed. “Last night, when Steve and I went to his place after we left, there was someone in his flat. It was Director Fury. He wanted to tell Steve something. But he was shot before he could tell us too much. There is something going on inside SHIELD. Something about them being compromised.”

Sam nodded. “How much do you know?”

“More than that." She looked at Sam who was watching her patiently. "I might have broken into their archive.”

“Found something interesting?”

“Some. They are onto something. Something like decimating the world population. I believe someone is operating that organisation from the inside.”

“Does Steve know?”

She shook her head. "We haven't been in contact since last night."

Sam nodded he appeared to be in thought. “You can stay here until we know some more. But promise me, to talk to Steve. He’s a good man. And secrets always come back to bite you in the ass.”

Did she have to? “I will.”

"Now make yourself at home. I wanted to hit the shops do you want something special?" 

* 

There wasn't any new information. Sometime later that night she had called Tony from a payphone a few blocks down. His AI had found a lot. He had copied everything from the servers and together with Bruce and the AI they were going through every single bit. He also had congratulated her on changing that algorithm. "Nifty work. Didn't know you had that skillset. I'll do my best to keep that work of yours hidden, and might do some improvements. Stay safe."

The night had been quiet. There was nothing. Natasha wasn't communicating and she didn't dare to try and contact Steve. Also, she thought the risk too high, going back into the Triskelion the next day. That day had also been quiet overall. Sam had stuck to routines. And he was right so. There was no need to suddenly act suspiciously.

That second evening she had been agitated and frustrated. Sam appeared to understand. "If there is nothing until tomorrow night, you go and call those Avengers for help. Steve is smart enough to do a lot of stuff on his own."

She had agreed to that.

*

He was exhausted. They had almost only walked the whole way back to Washington. A trucker had been kind enough to take them with him. This was cutting a few hundred miles of their way.

He was glad when the city finally came into view. He knew where he was headed. It had been luck meeting the ex-soldier and to have that tiny start of a friendship. He just hoped it would be enough.

Natasha was eyeing him suspiciously. "Are you sure we can trust him?"

"He's the only option we have."

"What about Saga?"

He wasn't sure. Had they come after her? He knew she had a past she didn't like to talk about, that hinted to her being more than capable. Did he want to drag her back into this kind of life? "I was thinking about letting her out of this."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "You know SHIELD or well HYDRA is going to be interested in getting her out of the way? She's a fighter. She moves that way."

"Let's just try this first, okay?"

They knocked on the door. It was still early. Not many people would be up by now.

The door opened. Sam looked at them. "Hey, man."

"I'm sorry about this. We need a place to lay low."

"Everyone we know is trying to kill us."

"Not everyone. Come on in." He moved to the side and let them enter.

Steve was feeling relieved. "Thanks, man."

Sam shrugged and pointed to the doorway to his kitchen. "Someone had the same idea as you."

Steve was giving his friend a confused look. Then he looked where Sam was pointing and saw Saga standing in the kitchen. She was holding a mug in her hand and there were shock and surprise on her face. He ran to her. He needed to feel her. “Saga.” He breathed into her neck. The last days had been horrible. It was so good to see her unharmed.

“You’re okay.”

“What are you doing here?” It was Natasha looking suspiciously at her.

“I had nowhere else to go. They came to my flat.” Saga loosened the hug. "I was able to kill them and get to Sam's. I have also called Tony. He has JARVIS set on everything he can. And if needed he is coming with Thor and Bruce."

She hadn't been inactive. The thought of contacting the others had never occurred to him. At least he knew that the team would come to help if needed.

“I guess my house is turning into a refugee for heroes of some kind.” Sam joked as he looked at his three house guests. “Now, you go and get cleaned up. You look like shit.” He gave Saga a look.

She shrugged.

Natasha went to the bathroom first. She glanced strangely at Saga.

“Is everything alright?” Steve wondered.

Saga looked at Sam, then at Steve. “Steve, I think I need to tell you something. There is something operating inside SHIELD.”

“Yeah gathered as much. But what-? What do you know?”

She shrugged. “I found things that didn’t fit. So, I dug deeper. There is something going on.”

“What did you do?”

“I might have broken into the archives?”

“You did what?” Steve was shocked. “Why would you do that? What about security?”

“I was curious.” She smirked and then shrugged. “Security would have been nice.” She sighed at his look. “Steve, you know what I told you that first night? I’m not innocent. I just went in to have a look. I did nothing wrong, apart from walking in."

Steve was shocked. She had broken into the Triskelion without anyone knowing? How did she manage that? And why would she do that?

"I won’t excuse myself for who I am.” She turned and walked into the garden. She was upset. Steve wasn't sure what he had done.

He made to go after her. But a hand on his arm stopped him. “Let her. She’ll come back inside this was hard for her, too. There were guys who tried to kill her. And yeah, breaking into some government building and looking through the archive is not something everyone would do. Be glad she talked to you."

Steve nodded. This was getting stranger and stranger with every moment.

"I know that expression she sometimes wears. I know it from the counselling sessions. Don't be too harsh on her."

"It's not that. I was just worried about her."

Sam rolled his eyes. "You guys need to talk about this when everything is over. Communication is key, you know."

"Yeah, I know." And he was good in bottling everything up.

He heard the bathroom door opening.

This was his turn to use the bathroom. Nat was sitting brooding on a bed while she dried her hair with a towel. “What’s going on?”

They talked. And Steve had a feeling that for the first time in a long time he was seeing more of the real Natasha. Sure, they often spent time together, but she was often distant. An agent. Right now, she was just insecure. A young woman who had been in the business of lies for too long. She needed a way out of this.

“I owe you.”

Oh, Natasha. He shook his head. “It’s okay.”

“If it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life. Now you be honest with me. Would you trust me to do it?”

“I would now. And I’m always honest.” He said smiling brightly. It was still a shame HYDRA still existed, but they would end them. He would do everything to finally be rid of them.

He patted her on the shoulder and left to get himself cleaned up. He closed the bathroom door. Finally, he was alone. He stepped out of his clothes and started the shower. There was no better feeling than a hot shower after an ordeal like that. He felt the dirt being dragged away from his body. He rubbed the soap into his skin and was just satisfied to feel clean again.

He was pondering about Saga. She had been attacked by SHIELD. She had broken into the Triskelion. How did she escape? For the months they had spent together, she was still a mystery to him at times. There were things that didn't add up. But she was also very caring and had a witty sense of humour, he liked.

He washed his hair. She knew how to fight, that much he knew. Would she fight along with them? Did he want her to fight along with them?

He stopped the water and got out of the shower. He dried himself and looked at his clothes. There was nothing to be done but to put them on again. Like back in the war. Always dirty.

With a defeated sigh he opened the door and found Saga standing there. “Sam said, you could have these. And we made breakfast. But he asked if people like you and Natasha eat breakfast.”

“You’re an angel.”

“Nah, feathers don’t suit me.”

He smiled and took the clothes from her. It was somehow good to have something clean to change into. He would find out what was going on with her. It couldn't be too bad.

The table was loaded with breakfast foods. Steve tried some of everything. Sam seemed to have gone all out and Steve wanted to show his gratitude. Saga was sitting comfortably with her knees pulled up to her chest and had a large bowl of fruit and yoghurt in her hand. Natasha also took some of everything but in smaller quantities than he did.

Sam seemed happy enough that everyone liked what he had made for them.

Steve knew he was unfair in dragging Sam into this. He had just met the man and now he was eating his food and possibly bringing danger towards him.

Also, Saga had been attacked in her flat and found shelter in a stranger’s house, only because of him. To be fair it was SHIELD’s fault, but he felt responsible for this mess he had brought to Saga and Sam.

When the table was cleared Steve knew they needed to talk. Sam and Saga deserved to know what had happened.

So they told everything.

"So, the question is: who in SHIELD could launch a domestic missile strike?" Natasha was walking around the kitchen thinking.

"Pierce." Steve suggested.

Saga shrugged. "Probably, he's involved in too much."

Natasha raised threw a look at Saga. "Who happens to be sitting on top of the most secure building in the world."

"But he's not working alone, Zola's algorithm was on the Lemurian Star."

"So was Jasper Sitwell." Natasha added with raised eyebrows.

"So, the real question is: how do the two most wanted people in Washington kidnap a SHIELD officer in broad daylight?"

Sam was rolling his eyes. "The answer is: you don't." Sam threw a file on the table in front of Steve.

Steve was curious about what his new friend was about to reveal. "What's this?"

Sam shrugged. "Call it a resume."

Steve watched Natasha going through the file. Her expression turned into something he would call impressed. "Is this Bakhmala? The Khalid Khandil mission, that was you." She then turned to Steve. "You didn't say he was a para-rescue." She was holding pictures in her hands.

Steve saw Sam with another man in one of them and wondered if he had been his 'wing-man' "Is this Riley?" He asked looking from the picture to Sam.

"Yeah." Sam nodded with a wistful expression on his face.

"I heard they couldn't bring in the choppers because of the RPGs. What did you use, a stealth chute?" Natasha changed the topic back to their mission.

"No. These." Again Sam was putting a file on the table. This time it read something about 'falcon'.

Steve was curious now. "I thought you said you were a pilot."

"I never said, pilot." Sam said laughing and winked at Saga who just shrugged. 

Steve was eying them. Had they already talked about this? "I can't ask you to do this, Sam. You got out for a good reason."

"Dude, Captain America needs my help. There's no better reason to get back in."

"Where can we get our hands on one of these things?"

"The last one is at Fort Meade, behind three guarded gates and a twelve-inch steel wall."

Steve looked at Natasha who shrugged and Saga's look was like he had suggested a movie night with ice-cream. There was definitely something about her he had missed. They'd need to talk, but at this moment he was grateful for her being with them. "Shouldn't be a problem."

Natasha was now eying Saga from head to toe. “You have had training. I recognise that kind of movement when I see it.” She folded her arms under her chest. "And you know how to get into places you shouldn't. Any good?"

“I am. What do you need?”

“Can you be an asset?”

Saga shrugged. “Try me.”

Natasha smirked.

Steve watched all this. When he had first met Saga he had thought she had something about her and had been curious to get to know her. The more he learned, the more questions were popping up in his head. When this was over and they came all out in one piece, they needed to talk.

"Now." Natasha got him out of his thoughts. "Need to make a few plans."

*

Everything had gone to plan. Until it didn’t. Loki was sure sometimes these things were just bound to go south. They were jumping from the car and she wasn’t sure how subtle she was in throwing up shields to not get the others hurt. But at this moment, it didn’t matter. People were hurt and needed to get away. She fought the best she could through shootings and explosions. Some of their attackers suddenly lost their footings and fell from the bridge. She needed to be more subtle, but she wanted to get out of this situation. Most she could do while fighting was hand to hand combat. She knew she was a capable fighter without magic. She had been raised as a proud warrior and she was no stranger to this. Men fell under her attacks. Her smaller tricks and shields helped the group to fight their opponents. It looked good.

Until the man with the metal arm came. He was stronger than normal Midgardians. He and Steve were fighting fiercely.

She slit a man's throat. Fought another. And then she felt a heavy blow in her side. The man with the metal arm.

Now they were face to face. She was able to lure him away from the others while she was fighting him. She managed to hit heavy blows.

The others made an effort to fight the rest of SHIELD off. She knew they’d be okay.

He threw a punch at her face. He was strong. But she was stronger. They fought, threw kicks and punches. She was able to get a hold of his arm, he was trying to get at her with his free hand, she was him off with her daggers.

Finally, she was able to pull him into a tight grip, he was trying to get out of her grip but just a light touch with the tips of her fingers to his forehead and magic surged through them. Pictures flashed before her eyes. Pictures of pain, blood and mostly death. And then there was a small flash of tiny Steve and that dark-haired pretty boy she had seen in Steve's mind and in that file and in the museum. Oh no.

The man fell limp into her arms. She took the mask from the man's face and looked into Steve’s shocked eyes who was just a few feet away from them.

“Bucky?”

She saw movement from the corner of her eye and threw a dagger in the direction.

“We need to get out of here!” Loki lifted the unconscious Bucky over her shoulder, and she made a run for it while she threw a conjured dagger at every possible attacker. She heard footsteps, shouts, gunshots, and an explosion behind her.

She ran.

She ran, changing directions every so often until she was feeling safe. She wasn't sure if the others had been able to follow her. Maybe Steve. She continued to get further away from the fight until there was a black van blocking her way. A woman with a professional air around her, dressed in a tight, black suit stood next to the vehicle.

Loki made an attempt to fight her until Steve shouted from behind. “Saga! she’s with us.”

The woman nodded. “Good to see you, Cap. Romanov. Who are these?”

“Hill.” Natasha was out of breath and apart from a wounded shoulder unharmed.

She nodded to the others she didn’t know. “Let’s get you out of here, quick.”

They climbed into the van and Hill sped off. Got them further away from the HYDRA agents.

Steve was staring at the unconscious man. Not believing that he’d see that face again in his life. “How is this possible?”

The others just looked clueless.

“It might have something to do with HYDRA. I found a file. It’s in my bag at Sam’s”

Steve stared at her.

“I told you I broke into the archive. I took it with me because it looked interesting.”

Steve nodded. “Why is he still out and how long will he be out?”

She shrugged. “A few hours? He’ll be okay.”

“Have you injected him with something?” Natasha looked curious.

Loki thought to play along and conjured a small syringe she pulled out of her sleeve. “Never go unprepared.”

Maria Hill took them to a hidden facility. Loki was glad for the woman’s help, but she wasn’t sure she could put up with more turnarounds than those that had already happened.

Bucky was strapped and chained onto a stretcher, still unconscious. At some point, she would need to lift the enchantment. She wasn't sure how Steve would react to his old friend. And how his friend would react to him.

She leaned against a wall watching Natasha being patched up and Fury explaining how he had survived. He was clever, she was giving him credit for the deceit.

The group was gathered around a table. Fury was starting to explain things about Pierce and that project Insight, how he called it. "We have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is HYDRA. We need to get past them, insert the server blades, and maybe, just maybe, we can salvage what's left."

Loki remembered tampering with that code and Stark telling her about his own piece of work. She rolled her eyes. She pushed herself away from the wall and approached the table just as Hill was about to say something. Fury looked up at her with apprehension in his eyes. He was smart for mistrusting her. “Miss Guldborg. We haven’t been properly introduced. Romanov told me you are a capable fighter.”

She rolled her eyes ignoring him. “There is no need to change the chips.”

“And how would you know that?”

She played with her hands while she looked at the group. “I might have gotten angry at SHIELD for dragging Steve on some senseless missions. So, I might have walked into the Triskelion and reprogrammed project Insight.” She felt all eyes on her. “Okay, I might have done more than just going into the archive once.” She said with a huff. “I knew there was something fishy going on. I know my way around things like that. And Stark helped.”

Fury looked like he wanted to murder her.

“She’s right.” Steve spoke up. “We're not salvaging anything. We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick, we're taking down SHIELD.”

“Cap, SHIELD had nothing to do with it. .”

“You gave me this mission, this is how it ends. SHIELD's been compromised, you said so yourself. HYDRA grew right under your nose and nobody noticed. Well, maybe Saga did.”

He gave her a small nod and she offered him a tiny smile in return.

Fury rolled his eye. "Why do you think we're meeting in this cave? I noticed."

It was turning into a staring contest between Fury and Steve. "And how many paid the price before you did?"

"Look, I didn't know about Barnes."

"Even if you have, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that too? SHIELD, HYDRA, it all goes."

"He's right." Said hill with a calculating expression.

Fury gave her a defeated look and turned to look at Natasha and Sam.

Sam held his hands up. "Don't look at me. I do what he does, just slower."

"Well," Fury was looking at the other's faces. "Looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain"

“What about the Helicarriers?” Hill looked at the group.

“I have changed the code. They will destroy each other the moment they are launched.”

“Easy as that?”

“Easy as that.”

Fury seemed impressed but he was still seething. “Cap, if I had known your girl was capable like this, I would have recruited her.”

Steve shot her a look and grinned. “Nah, neither of you would have been happy with that decision.”

Natasha grinned. “Now, we’ll need to get in there before everything goes down. There will be nothing left of SHIELD or HYDRA when I’m done. This has gotten personal.”

Steve nodded. “Good, let’s work this out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to split that monster of a chapter. 
> 
> I have an exam on Monday and need to learn. But also didn't want to leave you this week without something new.  
> As always, I hope you liked it. I hope you are doing well and please stay safe. These are strange times.


	15. Chapter fifteen - Destroying SHIELD

#Chapter fifteen - Destroying SHIELD

He had to get outside for a moment. Everything around him was overwhelming. Bucky, who he thought he had lost. HYDRA still existing.

Had every mission he had participated in been for them? Had he been their tool without knowing? Like Bucky, just without the brainwashing?

Bucky who had been his best friend since he was just a kid from Brooklyn. What had they done to him? Would he ever be the same kind person he had been then?

Memories of them were flashing before his eyes. Of him and Bucky.

He was ripped from his thoughts Sam joined him. "There's a possibility you can't save him, you know?"

"I know." He sighed. "But we have to try."

Sam hummed and nodded. "This is really happening. I still can't believe it."

"Me neither. This is just mad."

"Yeah."

They heard a noise and soon a quinjet landed close to them. Both men turned to the noise, ready to fight if necessary.

The hatch opened and Tony, Bruce and Thor left the jet.

"I guess it's getting even madder." added Sam.

"Tony, I don't think releasing the Hulk is a good idea." Said Bruce as he hurried after Tony.

Said man pretended he wasn't hearing the complaints. And he stopped in front of Steve. "Your friend and saviour is here." Tony grinned. "Thunder boy here was all about barrelling in when I told the others what was going on here."

Fury was probably getting a seizure when he saw the rest of the team had arrived. "Thank you, guys."

Tony waved it off. "I got you a new suit. Improved shield holders and everything. It's in the jet." He pointed behind him. Then turned to Sam. "A new face! Who's that?"

Sam held his hand out. Tony took it with a grin. "Sam Wilson."

"Tony Stark, but you probably know that already. I'm not sure, but I guess welcome to the team."

Sam smiled and looked back to Steve who was rolling his eyes fondly. "So, we are doing this together?"

Tony shrugged. "I guess."

"Guys, shouldn't we go inside?" Bruce pointed out. "We all need to be on the same page with this."

Steve was grateful Bruce existed. He was always a voice of reason. "Sure. Follow me." Steve said and led them back to the facility, in a way he was relieved almost the whole team was there.

As they entered he saw Natasha was already dressed in a blue suit and was just about to get her disguise in place. Also, Saga was dressed like the typical SHIELD agent in a grey suit, with her hair pinned up, wearing glasses.

"Oh, we are infiltrating the council, nice one." Tony commented while he was taking everything in. Fury was giving him a hard stare. "Hey Nick, good to see you among the living."

"I don't remember inviting you."

"Aww, you don't want us to play together?" Tony said grinning, but then his face turned serious. "Look my dad and I never really saw eye to eye, but he was one of the founding members and I think I got a bone to pick with these guys."

Fury gave Tony a long look. "Just don't fuck this up Stark."

Tony grinned and was about to make a smart comment but then the whole attention went to the other end of the facility. There was a loud rattling noise from where Bucky was tied to the stretcher.

Steve heard loud moaning and groaning. He turned towards the noise. Bucky was waking up. His expression was that of a caged animal. Panic anger and pain were etched into his features.

Steve was at his friend's side in less than a second. He didn't know what he should do. Bucky seemed to be far away. He was thrashing and trying to get rid of his restraints.

A hand slipped into his and squeezed. He turned his head to see Saga standing next to him. Her eyes were fixed on Bucky, who was slowly calming down.

He opened his mouth, he wanted to say something. He wasn't sure what to say to a man who you thought was dead for years. His chest felt like someone was holding his heart in a tight grip.

"Hey, Jerk." He tried for a smile. And he saw Bucky's panicked eyes were fixing on him. "Do you remember me?"

The eyes were just slits now and his tears bared like a wolf that wanted to attack.

"Maybe not." He sighed. "I know you're in there. And I promise I'm going to make those who did this to you pay." He looked at his friend's face. He wasn't sure what he saw but he knew Bucky had to be in there. "I'll be with you till the end of the line."

Bucky was giving him a strange look. Something in his eyes was changing. But Steve wasn't sure what it was. He seemed to be calming down. A moment later the doctor was injecting Bucky with something and his friend closed his eyes again.

"Phew." Tony said as he looked at Bucky. "I guess we could get him to New York and try to treat him in the tower. I just need to make a few calls to get him transferred." He turned and looked up at Steve. "If that's something you want. He's your pal."

"I think that's the best we could do for him right now."

"I go with him." Added Bruce. "There is no need for the Hulk in this. And between us, this is closer to my field of work."

Tony was looking like his favourite show had been cancelled. "But I thought SHIELD could need some good old smashing."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "I'd like to not do that right now. I'm more comfortable with doing something useful."

"Thank you, Bruce." Said Steve and was grateful to have a friend like that. "Now we just need to make a few adjustments to our original plan." Steve turned to look at his friends. "Tony, what do you think about crashing a party?"

"You know me, I love to play the drunken idiot."

Steve nodded. "Good, then you go and check the details with Saga and Natasha." Steve turned to the strangely quiet Thor, who was watching everything. "Thor?"

Said man turned to look curiously at Steve.

"I could need help. We want to try to delay the launch as long as possible before everything just blows up."

Thor nodded. "This is an honourable cause, I'd like to fight alongside you."

Steve smiled.

*

The door of the dark car they had arrived in was opened by a uniformed man. Natasha in her disguise emerged first and Loki followed her with some distance, pretending to be a shy personal assistant. She was holding papers closely to her chest. Natasha joined a group of important-looking people.

They made their way into the entrance of the Triskelion without anyone looking at them suspiciously.

As they walked further into the building, she saw Pierce walking towards them with a self-satisfied grin on his face. "And how was your flight?" He shook hands with everyone. While some complained about their flight. "Sadly, SHIELD can't control everything."

"Including Captain America." Remarked one councilman.

Pierce was giving the man a short look but ignored the jibe about the Captain. He walked calmly like nothing had happened to one of the guards and took a small case from him. He opened it and revealed four pins to the council members. "This facility is biometrically controlled, and these will give you unrestricted access."

Loki could see a satisfied expression washing over Pierce's face as every member took one of the pins and put it on their clothes. When everyone was done, they were led further and further into the building. All the while Pierce was chatting amicably with the group. They were let into an elevator and then down a hall and into a large, bright room with large windows.

Loki kept herself at the side, close to the armed guards who had accompanied the group of diplomats.

Pierce stood himself in front of them, while a glass filled with champagne was handed to the guests. He was smiling and looked just like that friendly uncle. "I know the road hasn't exactly been smooth, and some of you would have gladly kicked me out of the car along the way. Finally, we're here, and the world should be grateful." He said addressing them.

The members of the Security Council were starting to raise their glasses as the door opened and Tony walked in with a huge grin on his face. The members of the Security Council looked flabbergasted at Tony as he joined them. "Sorry did I interrupt something?"

"Mr Stark, what a surprise to see you today." Pierce said, barely able to suppress his annoyance. "We were just toasting to the launch of project insight."

"You see, I got this call from Fury, about you wanting me to mingle at a girl's birthday party as an exchange for you stopping something. That got my attention. As you know me, I'm so into looking through your little servers, your security is fun, by the way. Do these nice guests of yours know what that little project of yours was supposed to do?" Tony looked about the Security Council members and then at Pierce. He was just about to continue his little speech as Steve's voice was sounding over the speakers.

"Attention, all SHIELD agents. This is Steve Rogers. You've heard a lot about me over the last few days, some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. But I think it's time you know the truth. SHIELD is not what we thought it was, it's been taken over by HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader. The STRIKE and Insight crew are HYDRA as well. I don't know how many more, but I know they're in the building. They could be standing right next to you. They almost have what they want: absolute control. They shot Nick Fury and it won't end there. If you launch those Helicarriers today, HYDRA will be able to kill anyone that stands in their way, unless we stop them. I know I'm asking a lot, but the price of freedom is high, it always has been, and it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only one, then so be it. But I'm willing to bet I'm not."

Tony was grinning at every word. "What he said."

Loki was grinning inwardly at Steve's speech. He knew exactly how to capture the attention of people if needed. She was excited about how everything would unfold in the next few moments. The chaos was just about to begin.

One of the councilmen was glaring at Pierce. "You smug son of a bitch."

Another turned towards the guards standing at the back of the room, next to Loki. "Arrest him." But instead of pointing their guns at Pierce, the crept closer to the guests and pointed their guns at them.

Pierce was watching everything unfolding with a smug expression on his face. "I guess I've got the floor."

Loki glanced at Natasha and Tony, waiting for a signal when to step in. She couldn't wait to wipe that smug expression from Pierce's face.

The man calmly walked to the council member and stopped just inches before him. "Let me ask you a question. What if Pakistan marched into Mumbai tomorrow, and you knew that they were gonna drag your daughters into a soccer stadium for execution?" He handed the other man a glass of champagne. "And you could just stop it with a flick of the switch. Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you all?"

The councilman looked disgusted at Pierce. "Not if it was your switch." His voice was angry. He tossed the glass aside, seemingly ready to attack.

"See?" Tony said to Pierce. "People like their freedom."

Natasha in her disguise had enough. She kicked the councilmen out of the line and started to fight the HYDRA agents.

Loki took this as her cue to also take down the remaining agents. Natasha stood in front of her and Tony with a gun, she had taken from one of the agents and pointed it at Pierce. "I'm sorry. Did I step on your moment?" She took her wig and the facial disguise off.

"Oh, I like that dangerous kind of women." Tony addressed the council members. "By the way, I would take off these pins." He took a small device from his pocket pressed a few buttons and the pins fell off.

In the meantime, Natasha had handed the gun to Loki who was continuing pointing it at Pierce. "So, you're Rogers' girl. Should have sent better-trained agents to your place."

Loki was looking at him with a bored expression on her face and just shrugged. She found it more interesting how Tony and Natasha had used the moment to slip to a computer panel.

A councilman was staring at them working at the station with an annoyed look. "What are you doing?"

"They are disabling security protocols and dumping all the secrets onto the Internet." Said Pierce calmly.

"Including HYDRA's." Natasha added flippantly.

"Dad would have loved that." Said Tony grinning.

"And SHIELD's. If you do this, none of your past is gonna remain hidden." Pierce tried to coax them away, which wasn't working. "Are you sure you're ready for the world to see you as you really are?"

Natasha's head turned briefly into Pierce's direction. "Are you?"

"I like that spunk." Tony piped up, but no one, in particular, seemed to be interested in his commentary so he was focusing back to the work at hand.

Suddenly, Pierce's expression had turned smug again. "Disabling the encryption is an executive order, it takes two Alpha Level members."

"Don't worry, company is coming." Natasha said calmly. They could hear steps down the hall. All waited, listening closely to the approaching steps until the door opened.

Fury stood in the doorway taking in the scene.

"Did you get my flowers?" Fury shot Pierce a cold look. "I'm glad you're here, Nick."

"Really? Cause I thought you had me killed."

"You know how the game works." Pierce was saying like he was talking about the nice weather outside.

"So why make me head of SHIELD?"

"Cause you were the best and the most ruthless person I ever met."

"I did what I did to protect people." Fury shot back in an angry tone.

"Our enemies are your enemies, Nick. Disorder, war. It's just a matter of time before a dirty bomb goes off in Moscow, or an EMP fries Chicago. Diplomacy? Holding action, a band-aid. And you know where I learned that; Bogota. You didn't ask, you just did what had to be done. I can bring order to the lives of seven billion people by sacrificing twenty million. It's the next step, Nick, if you have the courage to take it."

"No, I have the courage not to." Fury took Pierce with him to the large screen at the room's wall. Loki kept pointing her gun at the man. The retinal scanner opened and Fury was nodding to pierce.

An artificial voice informed them the scanner was ready. Loki was watching curiously how their plan was unfolding. Everything seemed successful.

Again pierce was looking smugly at Fury. "You don't you think we wiped your clearance from the system?" Would everything be for nothing now? They had Tony with them. He'd find a way. 

**"** I know you erased my password, probably deleted my retinal scan, but if you want to stay ahead of me, Mr Secretary" Fury retorted calmly. He Removed his eyepatch to reveal a milky, dead eye to them. "You need to keep both eyes open."

Defeated Pierce also turned to look inside the scanner. It took a few moments until the same artificial voice announced the safeguards had been removed."

Tony grinned like Christmas had come early. "All done. It's fun playing with you had I known sooner, I would have taken this whole thing down ages ago."

Natasha took her phone from her pocket. "Look, it's trending."

Pierce was seething. There was nothing he could do. His secrets were on the internet for everyone to read. The pins he had wanted to use were lying useless on the floor, while a group of councilmen were staring angrily at him.

"Now, are you going to shoot me in the face?" He was now looking at three guns being pointed at him.

There was a loud noise outside as the Helicarriers were launched. "Oh, this is going to be fun." Said Loki as she watched what was happening.

Tony also craned his neck and watched the automatic firing systems turning on each other. "I wouldn't say fun since we are very close and these things are going to blow."

She huffed.

It was beautiful to watch these large machines firing all the ammunition at each other, causing massive destruction. Everyone in the room was watching the destruction in astonishment.

Loki could feel an arm sneaking around her throat and a gun pointed at her temple. She had to suppress an eye-roll. **"** What a waste." Huffed Pierce.

Fury and Natasha lowered their guns, Tony looked like he wanted to retort smartly but wasn't sure if he could get Saga killed.

Natasha was looking annoyed at the man. There were more than enough witnesses to this scene. "Are you still on the fence about Rogers' chances?"

Pierce was ignoring her. "Time to go, little assistant. This way, come on. You're gonna fly me out of here."

"You know, there was a time I would have taken a bullet for you." Fury was looking calmly at the man who used to be his friend.

"You already did. You will again, when it's useful." Pierce was grinning smugly.

Loki used the small distraction to slap the hand pointing the gun at her head away from her and with her other hand, she pushed a dagger behind her into the man's abdomen.

He fell to the ground coughing up blood. It was clear she had hit him fatally. With one last breath, before he died, he made to say his last words: "Hail HYDRA." And closed his eyes.

"Oh, shut it." Said Tony with a roll of his eyes.

Just then the remaining members of the council started panicking. One of the Helicarriers was about to crash into the building.

They heard a loud crash and could see Tony's suit had destroyed the windows and was engulfing the man. Want to get a ticket out of here?" He asked in his strangely metallic voice turned to the Security Council. He hovered a few inches above the ground. "Grab onto me. And you." He turned to Fury, Natasha and Saga. "Get the hell out of here!"

*

It was finally over. The Triskelion and the deadly Helicarriers had been destroyed, while there was nothing left of SHIELD. What remained of HYDRA wasn't clear at this stage, but they would find and destroy what remained.

Based on what Tony had told them, the members of the Security Council were doing their best in covering Fury's survival and what had happened the last moments at the Triskelion. They were happy they had come out of this alive.

When the dust had settled, Tony had told them, he already had men clearing out his and Saga's apartments and he was going to take them to the Tower. "Stop complaining. You have your own floor over there anyway. And don't worry about college, you'll get a spot in New York."

"I am happy to see you more often." Added Thor with a huge grin and one hand on Steve's shoulder. "Today, we had a glorious fight together with your winged friend."

This was how he now found himself with Sam and Saga at a cemetery. While Tony was waiting at the gates. The message that had led them here had explicitly asked for Stark staying outside.

They stood in front of Fury's headstone. "That's so not suspicious." Said saga, when they stood there for a while and nothing happened.

Then they heard footsteps approaching. A man wearing sunglasses and a hoody stopped in front of them and was looking at Steve, who was still staring at the stone. "So, you've experienced this sort of thing before?"

He silently read the epitaph. "You get used to it." Then his head turned to look directly at the man.

"We've been data-mining HYDRA's files. Looks like a lot of rats didn't go down with the ship. I'm headed to Europe tonight, wanted to ask if you'd come."

Steve looked at Saga and shook his head. "No, there're a few things I gotta do first."

Fury looked at Saga. "Don't try that with me, I'm with Steve here."

Fury huffed and smirked. He then turned towards Sam. "How about you, Wilson? Could use a man with your abilities."

"I'm more of a soldier than a spy." Sam was grinning and gave his new friends a short nod.

Fury knew when he was defeated and addressed the three of them holding out his hand. "Alright then." They each grabbed his hand and shook it. "Anybody asks for me, tell them they can find me right here." He gave the group and his headstone one last look before he walked away again.

"You should be honoured, that's about as close as he gets to saying thank you." They turned to see Natasha standing behind them.

"Not going with him?" Steve wondered.

"No." She said smiling. 

Steve was wondering what she was up to. "Not staying here?"

"I blew all my covers, I gotta go figure out a new one." Now she was really smiling. Like she was glad about the outcome. 

He was glad, that his team member and friend was figuring out her own way. "That might take a while."

"I'm counting on it." She paused. "I called in a few favours from Kiev." She handed Steve a file. She turned to Saga. "Will you do me a favour? Talk to him, he deserves to know what's going on. Don't wait too long."

Saga nodded. "I promise."

Natasha nodded to her and then she turned back to Steve pointing at the file. "That might help you. Be careful." He kissed Steve on the cheek, hugged Saga and made a small wave to Sam before she, too walked away.

"Now, guys. I'm heading home. Call me when you're in the area or want to drag me about the big apple." Sam said grinning. He hugged them and also left them there.

Steve looked at Saga. He wasn't sure what Nat had meant with her comment. He would learn soon enough he wasn't sure if he liked what was about to come. "Shall we?"

"Hm?" She looked strangely at him. "Yeah, sure let's go."

He took her hand and smiled as they walked towards Tony, who waiting at the gate.

"What took you so long? Have you been ghost hunting?" He hopped into the waiting car. Steve and Saga followed him. "There is a jet waiting for us. Your things have already arrived at the Tower. Do you need anything before we leave?"

Steve shook his head. "I'm good."

Saga shrugged.

"Excellent."

They mounted the jet. It was a comfortable one. Probably the machine Pepper usually took for her business flights.

Tony took a seat and immediately called for a drink before he leaned back and closed his eyes.

Steve and Saga took seats next to each other. Steve wasn't too sure what he could say. Natasha's words were still ringing in his head. What should Saga be telling him? He wasn't sure if he should just ask.

It was her who finally spoke up between the two. She pointed at the file in his hand. "Tell me about him."

Steve gave her and Tony a long look and fidgeted in his seat before he spoke. He saw Tony had his eyes still closed. "When I had nothing, I still had Bucky." He smiled softly at her while images passed before his eyes. "He was my oldest friend, we went to school together. He always had my back. He would drag me out of the dingy alleys where I usually got beaten up." A soft laugh escaped his mouth. "We were like brothers. We snuck out together, more times I could ever remember. I think he and I were the reason Ma had grey hairs early in her life. I got him into trouble, and he got me out. People always assumed it was the other way ‘round, only because I was the sick, scrawny kid. He was always there. When Ma died, I was barely eighteen, penniless, always hungry, without any skills beside drawing, and had no bodily strength, so there weren’t much job options for me. But Bucky and his folks were there. When I had nothing, they helped me out, whether I wanted or not." He smiled sadly. "I was always too stubborn to accept help or to ask for it. And Buck, he just knew. He got my sorry ass to sign up for art classes, he even went along with me. It was good he did, my teachers said I had talent." Steve said laughing weakly. "Bucky also was my first kiss." He blushed brightly.

Saga fondly rolled her eyes at him. "Trying to get me jealous?"

Steve laughed. "No, but it was a good time, I felt like I was for once good at something wasn’t being sick or beaten up. I even got hired by a big publisher for comic books to do advertisements and drawing backgrounds. It wasn’t much, but it helped me to get by. We went to baseball games together, Coney Island, all the fun stuff, scraping together what little we had.

And then we heard about the war. I wanted to fight so badly. He trained with me at a boxing club, and went to the enlistment, he didn’t want to join. The irony is, I got rejected and he got enlisted. He never fought with me while I whined about how I wanted to join. And when he got the call, he took me to the Stark expo. He wanted to have one last night out before he had to fight in a war he never wanted. That night I tried again to get in. And got into that project from which I’d become Captain America. I never heard from him after that. I went on this tour and when we got to Europe, I learned that Bucky’s Infantry had been attacked and was assumed dead. I got myself into a mad mission to find him. And I did. He was in a strange facility, I found him strapped to a table, it seemed like they had done experiments on him. I got him and the other prisoners out.

We returned to the base. And after that, the Howling Commandos formed. Together we fought back the Nazis and with them Hydra. Until the day Bucky fell. It was during a fight on a train. He was hit by a bullet and he fell. I couldn’t save him. I just had to watch how he fell down that cliff. And I thought he was dead. Until yesterday.” He swallowed. “Bucky was my family, and I couldn’t save him. The last piece that is left of my old life.”

Saga's grip on his hand tightened. “We are going to save him. Now that you have the chance. I’ll be with you if you want me to help.”

“Thanks, have I ever told you, that I love you?”

Saga opened her mouth. None of them had said it yet.

They heard a yelp and a cough from the other end of the plane and saw Tony staring at them. “Damn, you can’t drop these things when I'm having a drink. Seriously, you haven’t said it, yet?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, that's that. I hope you like it. And yeah... a reveal is gettig closer.  
> Also, I hope you all are doing well.


	16. Chapter sixteen - Moving to New York

#Chapter sixteen - Moving to New York

Slowly, the jet was landing. This way to travel just lasted a fragment of the time it had taken them to travel last time. And with fewer disturbances from angry strangers.

Discovering different aspects of life on Midgard never seemed to lose their fascinating aspects for Loki. The blinking lights of what she had learned was an airport, the sheer size of the common planes normal people used to travel to different parts of the realm.

When the group of three descended to the tarmac, there was already a man waiting next to a car.

Tony strode to the man and exchanged a few hearty remarks and even endured a hug. "Happy, that's enough. Nobody was hurt. We are all fine."

"That's Happy." Explained Steve at her confused look. "He's like Tony's chauffeur, bodyguard, head of security for Stark Industries and Tony's friend."

"But why does Tony look like he's annoyed?"

"I guess because he doesn't know how to handle real affection."

She raised an eyebrow. "You are more perceiving than you pretend to be."

Steve shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "You know, sometimes it's just getting hard to live up to the dumb blonde cliche."

She pulled him towards her. "I love you, dumb blonde or not." They kissed and the touch of his warm and soft lips on hers felt so good and normal after everything that had happened to them.

"Get a room!" Tony called from the car. "Now get in. I want to say hello to Pepper and prove to her that I'm in one piece and everything turned out ok." He grinned at the couple as they approached the car.

Happy proudly pushed out his chest as he greeted them. And finally, they were all taking a seat in the car and they sped off into the city.

Tony and Happy were discussing business related topics, while Loki and Steve were content sitting next to each other, holding hands and looking out of the windows while the city sped past them. It was simple and easy in its own way. Every now and then they stole looks from each other and smiled softly. Steve was finally free from SHIELD and their lies. He was still an Avenger, but for the first time since the war, he was free to decide what he wanted to do. It was in his eyes and she was glad to finally see him less burdened.

Happy parked the car in the Tower's garage and the group of three made their way to the elevator. "I swear, just a moment longer and I would have gotten diabetes from looking at the two of you." Tony remarked. "Jarvis, get us to Steve's and Saga's new apartment."

"Of course, Sir. I hope you had a pleasant flight." Answered the AI.

"Wait a second, didn't I already have a place?" Steve was looking strangely at Tony, who just shrugged.

"Everyone of us has their own apartment. You never moved into yours, because you insisted you had your apartment in DC. So, you got one of those guest suites. But after our Saga here called, Pep and I took the liberty to activate your space and decorate it for the both of you. Your stuff is already there. Just take it, it's rent free and belongs to that being an Avenger package. You share a floor with Thor."

Steve was looking at Tony with wide eyes. Loki herself wasn't sure what to say.

"Thank you, Tony." This was just nice. Without ulterior motives. She wasn't used to others being just kind. And wasn't sure how long she'd be able to handle it. She didn't know how to handle these feelings. And with her promise to Natasha, to tell Steve the truth about herself, among other things, on the horizon. A pit opened inside her stomach. How long would her secret last?

Would Steve discover the truth on his own? Who in this day and age would wear her symbol on their skin anyway? She had given him so many hints. The ice beneath her feet grew thinner with each day. And with it and the depths and honesty of her own feelings, she was scared how Steve would react to her truth. Was there a way how she could get the truth out, without him leaving her?

Her musings were brought to an end with the elevator stopping. The doors opened, and Tony led them into a short hall with two apartment doors. "Here is the access to the stairs. At the far end is a gym and training area. And this." He stopped in front of the door on the left. “This is yours, unlimited access for the both of you, not for the others or me. Except there is an emergency.” He punched a few numbers into the keypad next to the door and it swung open with a soft click.

They followed Tony inside and were surprised to find the whole team, plus Sam, Pepper and Jane standing there shouting “Surprise!”

They were all looking happily at them. As they stepped further into the living space, everyone came towards them.

Thor clapped Steve on the shoulder. "Good to see you have finally arrived with your lady. I'm glad you are taking up permanent residence here. It’s always good to have another shield brother close by for sparring." He grinned brightly. Loki was rolling her eyes.

Jane offered her a shy smile. “Hi, I’m Jane. I don’t think we’ve been introduced yet.” She held out her hand to Saga. She took the offered hand and shook it.

“I’m Saga. You are Thor’s girlfriend?” She sighed inwardly. This was so different from her slapping him in Asgard a few months ago. She had seemed fierce back then.

“Yeah. I sometimes tag along when he stays here with the others.” She seemed rather insecure with contact to strangers. “I- what are you doing?”

Saga shrugged. “I used to work in a book shop. And I studied some literature and languages. Nothing too fancy.” She tried to keep her answer lightly. "You are a physicist, right?"

Thankfully, Nat decided to join them. She put a glass with a clear liquid into her hands. "Vodka." She looked between Saga and Jane. "After what happened, I thought you’d finally need a drink."

Saga nodded. "Thanks Natasha."

Jane seemed lost between them. "You know each other?" It was like the young woman was an outsider. Loki had thought she'd get along with Tony and Bruce.

"Steve introduced me to everyone when he took me with him for Christmas." Saga explained. "And he and Nat actually hang out a lot."

"Not that much."

"Almost twice a week, with pizza and beer."

"I usually get caught up with research. If it wasn't for Thor or Darcy, I'd forget to eat." Jane said and gnawed at her lower lip. "I have been to Asgard. I wish I could have done some research on the Bifrost. I also met Thor's family."

It hurt to think about under what circumstances Jane had been there.

The family was an afterthought to her research. That stung. "How did you like it? I actually studied Scandinavian history." Time to find out.

"Odin hated me. Frigga, Thor’s mum was really nice and she was really pretty, I felt like a klutz next to her. And I actually met Loki. He’s strange."

What a description. "How so?"

"He seemed to enjoy my, hate? I slapped him. And he was like, oh I like her. Who does that?"

Natasha laughed. "Sounds like him."

Loki really enjoyed that memory. She was so fiery, fit for her brother.

"Thor was really sad after Loki died. He was moping around and was very clingy. I mean Loki was evil, but somehow he was helping us, kind of. And then he got killed, and sure he was Thor's brother, but you know. He also was the bad guy, who tried to rule the world or something. And Thor was all mopey about him, and I had so much work. And then sometime after New Years’ though, he seemed ok. He also started to tell happy stories about Loki."

Nat looked thoughtful. She glanced at Thor, who was still hogging Steve, with an expression like she was about to solve a puzzle.

Loki cringed inwardly. Thor not acting like she was dead and Natasha being close by was just calling for trouble.

She narrowed her eyes.

Her dark thoughts came to a sudden end as she found herself hugged by Pepper. "It’s so good to see you again. Now, that you are finally close, I thought we could go out together for a girl’s night."

"Sounds good to me." Loki smiled. She had to admit, she had missed Pepper. They had texted from time to time and had made the odd call. But they haven't seen each other since then.

"We could get our nails and hair done and then go and see a Broadway show? What do you think?"

"Sure. And you definitely need to tell me about how you wrapped up that business deal."

Pepper laughed. "That’s a story, you wouldn’t believe. But we left Jane here out." She turned to the brunette with a warm smile. "I’ve heard your research on the convergence is getting quite the attention."

Jane blushed and she started to talk about the Nobel price committee and her recent work. It was fascinating to watch the woman's behaviour change from nervous to knowledgeable and confident.

Saga felt an arm sneak around her waist. She looked up and saw Steve was smiling at her. "Having fun?"

She noticed that Nat had moved on to talk to Bruce.

"It’s not quite a pizza and beer night, but it’s nice to see everyone getting along." She saw Sam talking with Rhodey. Tony and Thor.

"I also expected a quiet night with you. But knowing Tony, this was inevitable."

She grinned. “Sam being here before us, is a bit suspicious. I would watch out for him. He is keeping secrets." She told Steve in mock seriousness.

Now it was on Steve to laugh. "I think this is in our job description: Do you like to build your life on secrets? Become a Hero. Don’t trust your enemies and trust your friends less."

"I’m not sure if I like you being the sarcastic one."

"Me neither." He shrugged. "Have seen the whole place, yet?"

"No. I wasn't able to move past the coffee table."

"Sounds like an impressive barrier." A tiny smirk appeared on his face.

*

The apartment was huge.

The floor design was open and lofty like the common areas but this looked less modern or industrial. Also there was a wall that looked more like a giant book shelf than a wall.

An easel along with some art supplies was placed in front of one of the large window panes. It was a perfect place with ideal lighting during the day.

Night had fallen. And New York was cloaked in its yellow glow. Tony had finally decided, after some persuasion from Pepper to leave them alone.

The day had been long and exhausting.

Saga had found boxes with their stuff in one of the spare rooms. She was standing, books in one hand, in front of the shelf. "Do I sort the authors in alphabetical order or should I sort after genres? Would time period make sense?"

Steve walked to her. "I guess genre would be good to go by."

She made a low humming noise. "Okay, genres it is." She sat herself cross legged on the floor and began to make piles. "Could you get the other boxes from the spare room?"

"Sure." Steve was happy to help get them settled in their new space.

It was strange to think about the tower as a home. He also hadn't thought that after everything, Saga would be so invested to get everything sorted before thinking about going to bed. They already had cleared the remains of their welcoming party with the help of Thor, Tony and Pepper. Saga, Rhodey and Sam had been playing a drinking game against Natasha and Thor. Hopefully, the two men were now asleep, in a guest suite.

Steve smiled to himself as he grabbed two large boxes filled to the brim with books and walked back into the living space.

Saga had already made a large dent in her work and the first row was already filled, while the floor looked like a small mountain range of books.

How had she managed this in such a short amount of time?

"Thank you, elska." She said without looking at him.

"What does elska mean?" He asked wondering while he set the boxes down.

She looked over her shoulder at him. There was a pale pink tint on her cheeks. "It's a word of endearment, like darling." She pressed her lips together and appeared embarrassed by her slip into another language. She inspected the content of one of the crates he had brought with him.

"I like it." He said with a smile. "And I guess we should get some sleep. it's been a long day. And you had a lot to drink." He held his hand out for her.

She sighed and took the offered hand. "You're right. This just presented a good distraction."

Steve looked at the piles of books from both their places. Together they owned a respectable amount. "Yeah, it's a pretty good way to get distracted." He wrapped his arms around her. "You don't need to tell me everything right now. I'm here when you're ready to talk to me."

She learned her forehead against his shoulder. "I don't deserve you. You won't like who I am. And it's getting harder and harder because I feel with every moment I am spending with you, I'm getting more attached and I can't bear to see the love you have for me fading from your eyes." She sniffed quietly.

Steve was holding her close and calmly stroked her back. "Tell me when you are ready. I'm here and I won't pressure you into telling me. And I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. Thanks to you my best friend since forever is out of HYDRA's clutches."

She made a pained noise. "But I tell lie after lie, just to protect my cowardly ass. I am selfish. How can you see so much good in me when I am nothing but a monster?"

Steve sighed. "Oh, Saga. You are not a monster. And you told me from the beginning that you can't be completely honest with me, and I'm still here with you."

She made a defeated noise. "You refuse to let me badmouth myself?"

"Absolutely." Steve smiled. "I love you."

"And I love you. You and your insufferable kindness."

Steve chuckled. "Let's go to bed, before I cuddle you into submission."

Saga laughed. She loosened the embrace. "Lead the way, Captain. I must admit defeat and have to face my punishment."

Steve's mouth twitched as he took her by the hand and led her into their new spacious bedroom. The bed was just huge. There was enough space for four or five adults.

"Ma'am I have to ask you to get ready for bed."

Saga smirked at him. She pulled at the hem of her dress and took it off, her underwear landed next to her feet while she kept smiling at him. "I need to wash my face and brush my teeth. Am I allowed to use the facilities, Sir?"

Steve swallowed. It was obvious she was amused by this little play. "Of course, Ma'am. I'm expecting you are finished in four minutes."

"You aren't going to supervise me? This could be a grave mistake."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not getting off by watching you. And I guess you're not going to carve a dagger from your toothbrush."

"You are no fun."

"Well I'm ninety-five."

Saga burst into an unladylike laugh while Steve rolled his eyes. She shook her head at him and vanished into the bathroom. Steve used the time to get out of his own clothes and put their worn things into his old hamper.

*

Slowly light crept into the bedroom. It was, like the days before, the promise of a beautiful and sunny day.

It was warm and cozy in bed.

Loki could feel Steve's warm body against hers. Like always, when they were sharing a bed, he had an arm around her waist and was holding her close to him. She enjoyed the feeling of his warm skin against hers. The tickling of hairs, the hard panes of his muscles, his warm breath against her collarbone. She stroked his hair softly and watched his face while he slept. It was relaxed and peaceful, she was grateful for that. His nightmares were bad at times. She liked how carefree and young he sometimes looked when he was asleep and nothing was troubling him. How soft his lashes looked when they almost touched the tops of his cheeks. How kissable and soft pink his lips looked like this.

She had a bad case of being in love with him. At that moment she wasn't sure if she had ever been in love.

Had she been in love with Angrboda?

They had been alike in a way. Both had wanted to get away from their respective lives. Both had craved normality, the feeling of having a home. Both had just wanted to be loved. And for many years nobody came after them. Everything had been good at first. They were excited when just after a year of them being together she had been pregnant.

Jori had been their joy and pride. And just twenty five years later she had given birth to Fenris.

They had been a happy little family. Everything had just been well. No responsibilities but their sons, no expectations, no unwanted prince or princess of Asgard. It had been an escape, an illusion, a dream. The simple life. It couldn't last. Angrboda had become restless a few years after Fenris' was born. It wasn't as easy for her to get pregnant and then their daughter had been stillborn. After that her partner had changed. She wasn't sure what it was but the light in her eyes had stopped to shine and nothing Loki was doing changed anything about that. And then, on Jori's thirty fifths birthday Odin's men came, led by Tyr.

Angrboda almost looked elated to get rid of Loki and their sons. The children were confused why they had to leave their home, their other parent. At least Fenris seemed to like Tyr. The boy often transformed into a little wolf cup and played with the soldier.

"Hey" Steve said softly. "Is everything okay?"

Loki felt wetness on her cheeks while her hand was still stroking Steve's hair. "I was just remembering things." She wiped at her tears.

Steve pulled her closer, engulfed her in his kind warmth. "I'm here."

"I miss my sons."

Steve was quiet. She knew there wasn't much anyone apart from Odin who would be able to reunite them. "If you want, we can go and look for them."

A new well of tears erupted from her eyes and a small sob escaped her mouth.

"It's okay. I'm with you and if you want to have them back we'll find them."

"It's not that easy. I don't know where they are. They were taken from me and banned." She was sobbing into the warm skin of his chest.

Steve was drawing circles against the skin of her back and just let her cry against him.

It hurt to not being able to talk to the man she loved about this. About the depths of her pain. And just cried without telling him why exactly his idea wasn't going to work out. And nobody could tell her they were fine, because she knew.

After a while the tears ceased to flow and her sobs stopped. They always did.

Steve was just looking at her. "I know you won't say more about this. Because you think you can't. But - let me finish, whenever you are ready I'm here and I'm listening to whatever it is. Like your kids or who you are or what happened to you when you got those scars. I know there is a story, and it's probably not an easy one, but I'm ready to listen whenever you are."

She felt like crying again. This was a man who just knew how to treat her inner demons, it almost scared her. Because in this moment she just wanted to tell him everything. Her name, and why she had attacked this planet two years ago. But she knew on top of everything that had just happened, Bucky, still having to talk with Thor how and when to reveal the truth of the threat of Thanos, the remains of HYDRA, revealing herself could put a stop to everything that needed to be done.

She decided to just nod at him. "Alright. Thank you, Steve. I appreciate that. And I promise, I'm going to tell you, when I am ready."

"Good, that's all I need for the moment." He kissed her cheek. "What do you think? We get dressed, then we get some breakfast in the common area, and whoever is there is on duty to help us unpack."

"Sounds like the perfect kind of distraction, elska."

They got out of bed and put on some clothes. It was easy to fall into their usual banter and easy jokes while they were getting ready.

They soon found themselves in the elevator on their way to the common floor.

In the kitchen they found Bruce, Sam and Tony.

Bruce was at the stove, he made pancakes. Tony was nursing a cup of coffee. Sam was holding his head in his hand.

Loki was smirking to herself as she and Steve walked in.

"Good morning everyone." Everyone turned to look at them. Sam looked like death warmed over.

"How can you be this chipper? Haven't you been playing that drinking game with Natasha and Thor?" Tony wondered.

"And me." Added Sam. "How are you alive? Rhodey is still out cold."

"American beer is just coloured water." She said easily. "Thank you, Bruce."

Bruce smiled as he handed her a plate.

"Cap! She insulted America. She's a traitor!" Tony said dramatically.

"Could you keep it down?" Sam had a pained expression on his face.

Steve shrugged. "I wouldn't call her a traitor. Just stating a fact." Steve grinned as Bruce also handed him a plate. "These smell so good. You need to give me the recipe."

"Sure, I'll write it down."

"Thanks. And they also taste really good." Steve had added syrup to his small pile and was taking his first bite.

"But beer. You have to admit that beer is very important in American culture. Every good American drinks beer."

"Not me." Added Bruce.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Maybe not everyone. But almost. It belongs to our culture."

Steve and Loki looked at each other. She raised her eyebrows at him. Steve cleared his throat. "Tony, how exactly would you describe American culture?"

Loki had to supress a laugh at Tony's face.

He made a few attempts to talk, but then he looked like he was rethinking his ideas. "Alright you won. But why hasn't Bruce given me a plate with pancakes?"

"You said, you just wanted coffee." Said Bruce with a shrug. He turned the oven off and ate his own portion. "It's not like I didn't ask."

Tony huffed. "And how are you still alive? I get the Russian Assassin and Space Viking Demigod. But you're human."

"That's a secret I'll never tell."

"Spoilsport."

"You're also no Demigod or something."

"Yeah, but I'm used to it. Do you have any idea how often Pepper wanted to get me into rehab?"

"Anyway. Saga and I could need help unpacking our stuff." Steve tried to change the topic.

"Dibs on the underwear and sex toys." Tony joked.

Loki shook her head with a smile.

Bruce chewed on a bite. "I think, we should first look after our new guest and talk to the medic team who's currently looking after him. We need to decide how to proceed." He then took a swig from his tea. "I mean, not treated, from what I've read, he can be dangerous. And I don't think any of us would find that particularly funny."

"Bruce has a point." Tony looked into his mug and went to refill it. "We should find a solution as soon as possible. I'm not interested in rebuilding the Tower again."

Steve looked embarrassed. "You're right."

*

In a white room was a hospital bed. It held the man Steve had known almost his whole life.

He still wasn't sure what to make of everything. Saga had given him the file she had stolen. And he wanted to get sick because of what he had found in it and the one Nat had given him. He wanted to cry and scream. He had his friend back. But HYDRA had twisted him. It wasn't sure if he ever came back the way he used to be, if his memories could be saved. He had the urge to hit something.

The door behind him opened and closed. “Cap?" It was Tony. Steve wasn't sure if he could look him in the eyes after he had found out about who had killed Howard and Maria.

He sighed. “Hey Tony."

“He's not gonna wake up from you staring at him. You know?"

“I know."

“Come. Everyone is upstairs by now. Let's discuss as a team how we're going to handle the situation."

Steve gave his friend a look. How could he keep quiet about this? He just nodded tensely and followed Tony out of the room, down the hall into the elevator.

The elevator opened again at the common floor. Ture to Tony's words the inhabitants of the tower were sitting on the large, round sofa, including Pepper, Saga, Happy, Rhodey, Sam and Jane.

Steve sat down on the free spot between Saga and Sam.

"Now, you all know about our little sleeping beauty situation down on the medic floor. What do we know? And how do we deal with the situation?" Tony spoke up as every pair of eyes in the room turned to him.

Steve cleared his throat. He needed to start. He needed to tell them everything he knew. "When I heard Bucky's Infantry had been captured I went out with the help of Peggy and Howard to rescue them. I found him strapped to a table in a HYDRA base. It looked like he had been experimented on. He never said what they did to him, but I guess he had been injected a version of the serum." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought until last week that he had died on a mission in 1945. A report from a soviet base stated that he had been brainwashed and turned into an asset under the name of Winter Soldier."

"It was a soviet HYDRA program. These were trained for every possible situation. Infiltrating, assassination, fighting, even languages." Added Saga. She knew the contents of the files.

"It was said they could bring down a nation singlehandedly in just a few days." Natasha pointed out.

"I'm not an expert but it looks like he has severe neuronal damage." Bruce cut in.

Tony sighed. "This sounds like a shit job. So, we basically have a man with unknown possible brain damage, brain washing, super soldier strong who is trained to kill without leaving traces. Yay." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Anything else?"

Bruce was cleaning his glasses on the hem of his shirt. "I think we should focus on the damage first. He's probably traumatised. I guess whatever HYDRA did to him was anything but nice." He looked at the other Avengers and friends who silently agreed with him. "I'm not an expert, but I might know a few people I could call."

Tony clapped his hands together. "Can we trust them? I don't want details going out to the public."

Bruce fidgeted. "I'm not sure. After what happened at Culverton and after SHIELD, I highly doubt we could trust anyone but our own in this. But I know of a neurosurgeon. He is like the expert of experts."

Tony shrugged. "It's worth a shot."

"On Asgard we have special trained healers. The mind is fragile. And one wrong move can lead to terrible mistakes. I could go and ask the healers for advice."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Magical healers? This sounds like fun."

"It's just physics. Not exactly magic." Jane added not too helpfully and Saga rolled her eyes.

"What do we do with him? We can't leave him on his own. When he wakes up, someone needs to be close, to calm him down or call for help." Pepper added.

"I guess not every one of us should. Like when he gets angry and destroys the cuffs, we're all dead." Clint said shrugging.

"Are we going to make this a contest about who is the strongest Avenger?" Tony grinned.

Steve rolled his eyes. This was Bucky they were talking about. "I guess we're all capable."

"Well, you have a surprisingly super fighter girlfriend, who would have thought when you dragged her along? Mine is not like that."

Pepper shot Tony a look.

"Maybe we should just ask who wants to be on duty?" Bruce added.

"Thank you, Bruce. Whoever feels up to the task is welcomed to do this. In the meantime. Bruce would you contact that surgeon? And Thor, if there is a chance of Asgard sending one of their healers down and help out, I would gladly take it."

Bruce and Thor nodded.

"I will leave tomorrow and ask father about it. My return could take some time. Please be patient, my friends."

"Thanks. Okay, who is up to taking shifts?" Steve looked hopefully at the group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there. Sorry for the few chapters lately... but yeah you probably guessed, papers to write... and I am a master procrastinator.  
> I hope you are all doing well. 
> 
> Maybe grab a coffee or tea and call a friend you haven't heard from in some time :)


	17. Chapter seventeen - A Step into Healing

#Chapter seventeen - A Step into Healing

It was her shift. Her Bucky watch. This was how they were calling it.   
It had taken her some time to assess where exactly were the sensors of Stark's AI. She had made up her mind about this and knew there was a risk. She knew she had to do something to help. But she also knew, she had to act subtly and carefully. The mind was a fickle thing and one wrong step could lead to disaster. She wasn't sure if Thor would be able to convince Odin to help in this situation.  
True to his words he had left for Asgard the morning after they had discussed how to help Bucky. It had been a week since then.   
And even Bruce was in regular contact with that surgeon. The man had made a few suggestions regarding possible procedures but claimed he needed to look more into the matter. He and Bruce had been discussing the use of different amino acids to help his synapses to heal themselves faster. They had removed the metal arm at some point to assemble the damage.   
Tony had looked into ways to improve the prosthesis. But he had decided on building a better functioning appendage, more intuitive.   
The surgeon had practically cursed as he had seen the stump and the MRI images. He said he could fix some of the damage. But he had little time due to his primary job at the hospital. His enthusiasm had also dimmed when they told him he couldn't publish any of his findings in this case. 

Loki was sitting in a surprisingly comfortable chair and looked at the unconscious man. “Hey Bucky, it's me, Steve's partner. I got some books with me I'm going to read to you. I hope you like them." She said to the unconscious man.   
She knew this was going to be tricky but she needed to try. She opened the book. It concealed the tiny movements of her fingers. She conjured an image for the cameras and sensors.   
When she was sure the illusions would trick Tony's machine as she put her hand to man's forehead.   
Distorted images appeared before her eyes. Pain, so much pain erupted in her mind. She manoeuvred closer.   
Until she came to a black space. A frightened, handsome, young man stood before her.   
His eyes were wide and scared as he saw her. "What is happening?"  
"How long have you been here?"  
"I'm not sure. I have strange memories. What happened to me? And where are we?"  
"We are in your head. HYDRA got hold of you. They manipulated your brain, made you their tool."  
"Shouldn't you be telling me that everything is going to be alright?"  
"Lying to you would just make this more tedious. We, and when I say we, I mean you, will have to work to get the brainwashing they did to you out of your head. It also helps with getting your memories back in order."  
"I can hear screams. Why can't they stop screaming? Why is there so much blood?"  
She knew this was going to be hard. "Sit with me." She sat down cross-legged and he did the same. "Take my hands."  
"Isn't this inappropriate if you're Steve's gal?" He had a huge grin on his face. "How is the punk anyway? Hope he isn't getting you into trouble."   
"Just do as I say."  
He rolled his eyes and grabbed her hands. "You are no fun"   
Loki shrugged and took a deep breath. "Now close your eyes. Take slow, deep breaths. In and out. Focus on yourself. Imagine your past where you came from. Your home, your parents, your siblings, your friends. Everything of this belongs to you. Your life with Steve, your family. You are James Buchannan Barnes. You were in a war for your country. You were captured but your friend Steve saved you. You were fighting together." She breathed deeply and watched the man concentrating. "Now there is a train. It is winter. Everything that happens after that is just a story. Imagine it happened to someone else."  
She fell silent to give him a moment.   
"It is just a winter's tale. It's written in a book. That's not you. Can you see the book?"  
He nodded. And a thick, red book was lying next to him. "Bucky. Everything these men did to you is safe in that book. Everything is good, you are in a safe place. Steve, your friend, is close to you. Now, you'll need to rest. Give your brain time to heal. There are deep scars. Others will come and help you heal. I will come back and check on you."  
Bucky opened his eyes. "Is this a dream?" He looked confused at her. He turned to the book. He seemed sad. Tired.   
Loki slowly stood. "Rest Bucky. You're safe."

She slowly retreated fully back into her own mind. This was going to be a lot of work. Hopefully, the scientists knew a way to deal with this the human way. Her knowledge of this was limited. She wasn't sure if this was going to work at all. Or if would backfire. It was also just a temporal fix. And magic like this always drained her. She knew why healers needed professional training for something like this.  
At least he'd fully recognise Steve now when he woke up next. The sedatives always stopped to work at one point. That was something every one of them had learned over the past week.   
She sighed. She took her book again and opened it at the page her illusion was supposed to be at. She started reading. The illusion ended.

After a while, the door opened.   
"Seriously you are reading to him? Like in those sappy movies?"  
"I wasn't aware that reading to a comatose person was considered as bad. How is Steve doing?"  
Clint sighed. "Considering his childhood friend was turned into a brainwashed assassin, I guess good. He is going down guilt lane. Doesn't speak, just like yesterday."  
"It's getting worse. He has nightmares every night. He doesn't sleep"  
"Know what. Get him out of the tower. Call one or two friends from DC. Doesn't matter. He needs to get away from this."  
"Thank you."  
"That's what friends are for." He smiled. "Now, that's my chair for the next few hours. Get up."  
She grinned and got out of the chair. She walked to the door and turned to look at him. "Thank you, Clint. You're a good one."  
The man smiled. "Leave before I shoot an arrow at you." He took his phone from his pocket.  
Loki laughed and left. She walked to the elevator and pressed the button for her and Steve's floor. 

Steve was sitting in their living room. He had his sketch pad on his knees and was staring down at it. "You know, if you continue to look at the paper like that it might catch fire."  
He looked up at her. His eyes were red and puffy.  
"You don't need to talk about it. I thought we could go out to the park?"  
Steve swallowed.   
Loki sank onto the sofa next to him. She pulled him to her. Closed her arms protectively around him. "It's going to be alright. That doctor said he could help. We'll save Bucky and destroy whatever is left of HYDRA."  
He was clinging onto her. Everything that had happened in the past two weeks was weighing heavily on him. He was blaming himself for everything.   
"It's not your fault. You did what you thought was right. At least he is with us. He is with friends." She was hoping to get through to him. But she knew how stubbornly he could hold onto his ideas.

*  
She speared some of the pancakes with her fork and put it into her mouth. She groaned in satisfaction.  
Clint turned from the stove with a wide grin. "When Steve hears that my pancakes are making you do these sounds, he'll never allow you to eat them again."  
"Then it's a good thing he is asleep." She took another bite. "I just hope this surgeon knows what he's doing."  
"Yeah, me too. And I hope Thor-" He stopped as loud thunder cracked outside, a grin spread out on his face. "Speak of the devil." 

They both rushed to the balcony outside the living room. Thor was standing there with an unreadable expression.   
His face lit up when he saw them and made his way towards them. "My friends. I bring news."  
"I hope good news, you said something about bringing a healer."  
"Aye. Father wouldn't allow one of them coming with me. But Eir brewed a potion, that should help to heal his mind's scars."  
Clint shrugged.   
Loki knew of that potion but had never seen it being used. It was something. Maybe with the help of that doctor and her going into Bucky's mind again, this could work out. Hopefully, Steve would be in a better mood when he saw his friend was getting better.   
"Bruce is in his lab. You should go and talk to him. I get Tony and 'Tasha. And you should go and tell Steve." 

Loki nodded and made her way to the elevator with the others.   
She left on her own floor and slowly crept into her apartment.   
Steve was sleeping restlessly. She shouldn't have forced him into sleep. But she also couldn't bear to see him this exhausted.   
Slowly.  
She crawled onto the bed and laid down next to him. She caressed his cheek and extended her magic softly to lift the spell.   
Steve took a deep breath and opened his eyes. They were looking at her with tired curiosity. She really liked to look at his face like this.  
"Thor came back. He has brought a potion with him that is supposed to help."  
Steve nodded and slowly sat up. He moved to sit at the edge of their bed.   
Loki watched him closely as she laid on her side.   
His elbows were resting on his thighs and he had put his face in his hands. He took an audible breath. "I don't want to feel hope. Saga please, so much can go wrong. I just don't want to feel like this." These were the first words he had said in days.   
Slowly. She crawled to him. She sat up on her knees and put her arms around him, to hug him from behind. "It is okay to feel hope. And it's okay to feel pain."  
"It's just. I have lost so much. And I don't want to lose him again."  
"We all lose sometimes. And in the end, everybody dies." She knew her voice had turned bitter.   
He sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just selfish. What you have given me means so much to me. But-" He broke off.  
"I get it, Steve. I'd throw everything in the wind if there was a chance for me to - you know." She couldn't say it. She couldn't have a breakdown now. Not when there was so much at stake.   
Steve grabbed her hand.  
He took a few deep breaths.   
Slowly, he turned towards her. A small smile was playing around the corner of his mouth. And then he wrapped her into his arms. "He'll make it."  
"I'm sure of it." Relief swarmed her body. 

*  
Thor had called everyone to the common space.   
He was standing in front of the big couch Tony had built into the common area. Bruce was already there and held a small glass bottle in his hands.   
Steve and Saga walked into the room. Saga nodded to Thor and took a seat next to Bruce.   
Steve went to Thor. "Good to have you back."  
"I am glad to be here. But it saddens me I couldn't bring you the help I promised."   
"It's more than we could ask for. Thank you, Thor."  
"Most welcome." Thor was wearing a small smile.

Steve sank down next to Saga when Tony, Natasha and Clint entered the room. Followed by a tall, dark-haired man. The neurosurgeon. He also sank on the sofa.   
Thor looked at the group in front of him. "My friends I have brought to you a potion that is used to heal a bewitched mind. It should work well together with your Midgardian cures. I also have brought other news. But I will reserve that for a later date. There are still things I will need to look into."  
"Sounds highly important. So, this potion, what does it do?" Tony piped in.  
"I am no healer, but it is supposed to reverse damage on the mind, done by a malice intruder."  
"Basically magic?"  
Thor nodded.  
"I did a scan." Said Bruce. "It came out as plant-based. But it's also emitting some kind of unknown energy."   
The surgeon made an annoyed sound. "To a simple mind, science looks like magic. I have done what I could do to improve his arm stump for a prosthesis built by Stark. He shouldn't be experiencing any restrictions. Some of his neurons are practically fried. So far I was able to get some of it in order. But my options are limited like this. There is not enough time on my hands to do this as I could under better conditions."   
The man was annoying but he knew what he was doing, and he did it well. In a way, he was like Tony. Arrogant, intelligent and capable. The only difference was the field they were working in.  
"Is giving him the potion safe after your surgery?" Steve was concerned about Bucky.   
"It's plant-based. Come on. I think you should continue giving the amino acids. The MRI from this morning looked promising. We'll know for sure after he wakes up. But my advice is, to keep him in an artificial coma for at least seven days. I'll check in with you how he is recovering from the surgery. Sent me the MRI pictures in, let's say two days. Now, I need to remove a tumour from a brain, that was said to be inoperable." He stood, nodded to the Avengers and left.  
Steve wasn't sure what he should think of that man. He was helping them, but he was an ass.   
When they heard the elevator doors were closed. Tony let out a long whistle. "And you say I'm arrogant."  
Natasha was giving him a long look.   
"Alright. But I'm not that bad."  
Bruce coughed.  
"I hate you guys."  
"Could we please get back to the matter at hand?" Asked Saga. "So, this doctor performed some surgery on Bucky and Thor has this potion. Sounds like we got a chance."  
"We still need someone to do the psychological evaluation after he wakes." Natasha pointed out. She waved a hand in front of Clint who just shrugged at her. "We still have to find someone we can trust."  
"We'll find some way." Tony was shrugging. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one, I know. I still hope you liked it. Thank you for reading.  
> Just two weeks until my papers are due, yay.  
> I wish you a wonderful weekend. Stay safe and healthy :)


	18. Chapter eighteen - Stones and a Soldier

#Chapter eighteen - Stones and a Soldier

It had been a day now since they had given Bucky the potion. It had been a scary moment as he had fidgeted and groaned afterwards. He didn't wake and after a while, he settled down.

When Steve woke up, on this late spring morning. It was to soft sunlight and the sound of a phone vibrating.

He carefully disentangled himself from Saga and went to get to the noise. He found his phone on the coffee table. And answered in a whisper. “Hey, Tony. What's up? Why are you up at this hour?"

"Look Thunder Boy came to me about an hour ago and said he had something he needed to tell the team. Something about little brother Lokes. Wasn’t coherent at the time. He literally showed up in my bedroom. Still, I think we should get everyone together. Sounds important I mean: Loki is involved.”

Steve tensed. “If Thor can’t wait and actually wakes you up, I think it is important.” He heard a noise from the bed and saw Saga emerging from the sheets. Her body looked beautiful in the light of the morning sun. Her long, ebony hair tousled, her skin shining. All the tattoos and even her scars gave her an aura that was breathtaking.

“Cap?”

“Yeah?”

“Still with me? Or is someone giving you a blow job?” Steve heard the smug grin in Tony’s voice.

“Just got distracted. I’ll be up in a minute.”

“Yeah, distracted. I just told you that you should ask that prankster to come up, too. Pepper likes her and wants to take her out into the city. And maybe I’ll finally get that apology for the itching powder.”

Steve snorted, remembering Saga walking around the tower with an innocent face. "Maybe." Steve looked at Saga who was silently laughing while she finished getting dressed.

"I want some honest to god apology and not that shit-eating grin she wears lately."

Now she snorted loudly while she walked into the kitchen to prepare coffee.

"I can hear her, that’s not even funny. Think about what would have happened if we had been saving the day."

She rolled her eyes and poured the water.

"I’ll talk to her. See you in a bit, Tony."

"Do that! Later Cap."

Steve hung up. He looked awkwardly at Saga. She was putting two mugs on the counter. "He knows that the louder he complains the worse it will be?"

Steve laughed. "And ruin the fun? What does Pepper say?"

"She finds it amusing that someone is actually able to play pranks on Tony without Jarvis noticing. She said I’d deserve a medal." Saga actually seemed proud of herself.

Steve gave her a smile. "I know those two are together for a reason."

She nodded while she mixed milk and sugar into her mug. "Yeah, they both have a mischievous streak. Pepper just hides hers better."

What should have been a nice quiet day spent with Saga and their respectful Bucky watches, was now turning into a possible Avengers mission.

He and Saga took the elevator when they both had finished to get ready.

Thor, Tony and Pepper greeted them in the hallway, where Steve and Saga parted ways and Tony glared at her. Pepper linked her arm to Saga's and led her away to go and explore New York.

Steve followed Thor and Tony down into a conference room. Nat and Clint were already there, and Bruce arrived shortly after them.

"My friends." Thor greeted them as everyone had taken their places around the table. "When I returned I said I had more information than just bringing the potion to help Steve's friend heal. I feel like now it is time to tell you. It is grim and of great importance." He looked around and Steve saw them all looking grim.

When Thor considered something grim, it had to be big.

"I have learned horrible truths concerning Loki." A gasp went through the room. Loki never seemed to be good news. "It was brought to me that the battle two years ago was not Loki’s doing alone."

The tension was thick. Tony looked like he wanted to protest but Clint beat him to it. "That lunatic was in my mind! I was his puppet! How can that shit not been his fucking doing?"

Thor slowly shook his head. "I am sorry, my friend. But Loki was in a way controlled himself. The sceptre’s influence played a hard trick on his already fragile mental state at that time. He had been tortured into compliance and then his mind was taken by the power of the sceptre. Which brings me to the point of the newly discovered thread. There is an old legend from the beginning of the universe. I went to seek answers for its truth after the topic was brought to me. The legend tells about six stones of power, each of them represents one aspect of existence. The Tesseract is one of them, another is embedded in the sceptre, the third I have encountered is the Eather that latched on to Jane. I don’t know the whereabouts of the other three stones, but it was told that they were scattered all over the universe and should never be brought together. Chaos and power beyond belief are ensured when they are combined. It is told that the holder of all stones holds the power over the whole of existence. My brother, Loki was held captive and tortured by a mighty entity who wants to wield that power to destroy the universe as we know it.”

The team listened to Thor’s tale with rapt attention. Steve felt a chill crawling down his spine. This seemed big, bigger than he could imagine. HYDRA alone was big, not to forget Bucky, but this? The whole universe being in danger? He shuddered, and as he looked at the others, they didn’t seem to fare any better than him. The colour was drained from Tony’s face, Natasha had a stoic mask put on her face, Clint looked like he wanted to punch someone, and Bruce was taking deep breaths with his eyes closed.

“Who is this guy?” Natasha asked in her most dangerously calm voice.

“His name is Thanos. A mad titan, he is. He has a group of followers, that is said to be immensely powerful. They were able to capture and torture Loki.”

“We captured Loki.” Tony piped up, he sounded hopeful.

Thor shook his head with a sad expression. “It was brought to me, that it was Loki’s plan all along to lose the fight and be captured to be brought back to Asgard. Our cells are a safe place and Asgard his well defended."

"Well, shit." Clint admitted.

"You have never seen the true power Loki truly possesses, his whole potential. He was already weakened when he entered into the battle."

Natasha looked uncomfortable. "What do we do about this?"

"The best way to prevent Thanos from destroying the universe with the stones would be to prevent him from getting the stones. Destroy him, hide the stones and if necessary or possible, destroy them."

Steve had an unsettling feeling. "Thor, how did you come by this information?"

Tony perked up. "Yeah, I don’t think you woke up and suddenly knew what was going on. Or did papa Odin tell you something?"

Thor shook his head and gave Steve a strange look. "Loki told me some of this. I asked my father about the legend of the stones and what he knew of Thanos."

Everyone seemed to hold their breaths. "I thought he was dead!"

"I found he was alive, by accident. We had run into each other."

"And you just believed him?"

"Stark, you met my brother when he was far away from who Loki really is. When he had succumbed to grief and madness. Loki is living among humans for months now. I discovered him being alive just recently and I too had doubts about his sincerity. But I saw his fear of being discovered, of Thanos. Loki wants nought but living in peace, he just built himself a new life."

Steve didn’t know what he should make of this. And he wondered why Thor was looking at him with such intensity. He swallowed. “If what you say is true, and Loki isn’t a thread, would it be possible for him to give us some insight?" He knew the others would be outraged, but Loki knew the thread they were facing. He was their best shot at getting information.

"Are you mad?" Tony exclaimed.

"Have you lost it?" was Clint’s response.

Nat’s stare was unsettling. "Steve is right. We need as much insight on this as we can get. And Loki has actually met Thanos. None of us except Thor knows about what happens on other planets."

"Thanks, Nat. When what Thor says is true, and we can do something to prevent it, we need to act. We need everyone we can get to help us. As far as I’m concerned even other planets or beings like Loki."

"Are you suggesting that we work with Rock of Ages, to save the universe?" Tony looked sceptical at Steve.

"Does anyone have a better idea?"

The room went silent.

Thor looked approvingly at Steve, Natasha seemed to run through many options at once, Clint seemed ready to kill, Tony was sulking, and Bruce seemed to consider the idea.

"I don’t like this, but he seems like the best option we have right now." Was what Bruce was finally coming up with.

*

The group had settled into the penthouse, everyone was nursing drinks. It was tense. Nobody knew what they should do and were caught up in their thoughts.

Steve stood on the balcony with a bottle of beer in his hand. His thoughts went to Bucky, Hydra and this Thanos guy.

Thor stood next to him. He had been in a quiet mood after the meeting. "I thank you, my friend, for not dismissing Loki and considering him as an ally in this. I know these are strange times for you. But I know my brother deserves a chance. Loki is not who he appears to be. Most of you have only seen him at his worst."

Steve nodded. "I know, and I want to give him a chance to not be the bad guy if that’s something he wants."

"Loki is more complex than good or bad, but I agree with you, my friend." Thor looked over his shoulder into the penthouse. "I don’t want to step too close. But I need to say that you seem more at ease and true to yourself since you are with your Lady Saga."

Steve rubbed the back of his neck. He was surprised at the sudden change of topic. "Thanks, I guess. She’s great, though sometimes she is like an enigma to me."

Thor put a hand on his shoulder, a smile on his face. "Let me tell you this my friend, a strong woman like her, a warrior at another warrior’s side is valuable. A woman can be an escape, a home and she can fight your battles with you. She might be an enigma to you now, but with time, respect and trust, a woman will let you into her secrets. She seems like she wants to be all of this for you." Thor’s expression had turned soft.

"When have you become an expert in relationship advice?" Steve asked.

Thor laughed. "I have lived for almost one and a half millennia. But growing up with Loki has taught me a lot about enigmatic personalities. From what I have seen, she cares deeply about you. And maybe some of her secrets she keeps because she thinks she needs to protect you from her darkness. I have seen her looks, Loki always told me I was too stupid to see what was right in front of me. But I can assure you, my friend, I have eyes and I know a guarded look of misery when I see one."

"She has been through a lot. That much I know. I want to be who she needs, but I don’t know what I can do, to help her lose the darkness. She is always telling me I'm going to hate her, when I learn of the truth." Steve sighed as he leaned his elbows on the rail.

Thor nodded wistfully. "You are a good man. And you will find a way, it might not be what you think. I think you are already doing what is necessary. You care about her and she cares about you, sometimes it is as easy as that. Maybe losing the darkness is not what is needed but finding a way to live with it."

"Thank you, Thor, you are a good friend." Steve smiled and turned towards the other man. "We’re in this together. Like you said we’re shield brothers. We have each other’s backs."

"Thank you, my friend. I think we should head inside. Stark ordered pizza."

Steve nodded and watched Thor walking back inside of the common space. He looked over the city that was his home again. And had changed so much.

He never thought he’d fit somewhere, but here and now he felt like he finally belonged. His old life was lost forever. But he started to like the new life he was building.

When he turned to get back inside, he saw his friends gathered around. There was great danger on the horizon, as it often was. But still, this was their life, and it was worth protecting.

He stepped in and took a new bottle of beer.

"Why are you drinking beer, when you can’t even get the slightest bit drunk?" Tony asked grinning.

"I actually like the taste." He smiled sheepishly.

Tony seemed to smile wider. "Sometimes I’d like to test how much it takes to get you at least tipsy. We need a big party with a lot of drinking games!"

"Tony, no!" Pepper’s voice called from the elevator. She wore a mock glare and next to her Saga smirked.

"Pep, this will be fun." Tony said excitedly.

Pepper’s eyeroll was impressive. "Yeah what could possibly go wrong in a penthouse full of enhanced humans, spies and an Asgardian, all completely wasted. We just got the couch cleaned. And I don’t want any more refurbishing if it can be avoided. Nothing against you, guys."

Steve had to supress a laugh and as he looked, the rest of the team seemed highly amused, seeing Tony getting reprimanded by Pepper.

Saga slipped next to him without anyone noticing, except maybe for Natasha.

She kissed his cheek. "It’s good to see you again. Though going out with Pepper is fun."

"What did you do?"

“She took me to see a show. I really liked it. Maybe we can go sometimes. I think you might like it, too."

He put his arms around her. "Sounds good to me." He pulled her in for a kiss.

*

It had been two days since they had given Bucky the potion. He was still asleep. But now his face was relaxed. This could be a good sign. Maybe the surgery and the potion had done some good. 

She wasn't sure how, but she had to manage. Well until she was sure Bucky was going to be fine. She needed to do this. It were the looks in Steve's eyes. The sadness. She needed to help his friend.

Again, she created an illusion and slipped into his mind. It was calmer than the last time. She could hear laughter. Saw a bar with a man sitting at a piano and Steve and Bucky talking with their heads put together in discussion.

"I wondered if I had dreamt you up. You returned."

She turned to see a different Bucky. He had long hair like the one who was lying in the hospital bed and a metal arm. "I see your mind space has changed."

He shrugged. "I remember something strange. Like a shift in my consciousness. It was like being knit together and ripped apart at the same time. It hurt and memories returned. And then this door appeared." The scene changed and they stood in a small apartment. There was a metal door with a red star painted on it beside the small sofa. "I remember Stevie living in this apartment. I practically moved in with him after Sarah died."

Loki looked at the tiny apartment with a bathtub in the kitchen that covered with a wide plank. Everything looked lived in and used. She gave the metal door a closer look. It was heavy, rust was eating at the surface and there was ice at the edges.

"Have you looked inside?"

"No, I feel cold from just looking at it and I hear screaming. I'm not sure if I want to know what's inside. I feel happier without looking at it."

"Can you make it disappear?"

"No. When I try it always comes back."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Bucky looked at her. Then he nodded. "I don't want to do this alone. And when Stevie trusts you, I think I can trust you, too."

How much this man believed in his friend and those around him. "I hope your trust in me is not unsubstantial."

"Why? Are you planning on backstabbing him?"

"Absolutely not. It's just I'm keeping a secret from him. I have done many wrongs in my past. But I want to change. I am changing. I just hope that secret isn't going to rip us apart."

He gave her a long look. "Steve is stubborn and very square. But he's loyal. And he will listen to you. If he troubles you, just come to me and I'll set him straight."

Loki managed a smile. "Your trust in me is heartwarming."

"I know, I'm dazzling."

She rolled her eyes. "I guess we have a door to pass."

Bucky sighed. "I guess."

The hinges creaked and screamed loudly when he pulled on the handle.

They were in a big and cold room. A strange chair with straps and an apparatus built around it stood in the centre. The rest of the room was bunker like and looked abandoned and old. She was sure this place existed somewhere. It was like it was part of his mind space like Steve's old apartment.

"This is where the Winter Soldier was born." Explained Bucky.

"This looks like a cruel place." Loki looked around and felt a shudder going through her, when she thought about what must have happened here. She knew how it felt to be tortured, with a twisted mind to work for another one's cause. She was just lucky the torture didn't last that long for her.

"It is."

"Can you remember what happened?"

"Not everything. But I know there must be an archive somewhere."

"How do you know?"

"I just do." He shrugged.

"Impressive. I think the methods worked better than I anticipated."

"What methods?"

"I told you, you were with Steve and his friends. They did everything they could to help you. If you want we can look into the archive."

Bucky looked at her. "You don't mean anyone from SHIELD?"

"No. We did what we could to bring them down. I guess Steve wants to do everything to destroy every bit of HYDRA that is left."

"Good. Let's go. Maybe you know something to do about this."

He started walking through a door into a cold and dark corridor. Through another door.

There was a room full with dusty shelves. They were in a strange order. Probably this was different from the real archive that existed in this structure.

In the centre of the room, in a square space the shelves had created, was a strange chamber with another Bucky strapped into it. It was cold and emitted an eerie yellow light.

"This is the Winter Soldier."

"So everything in here represents what happened to you since?"

"I guess. The last time we talked, I guess you came through him to me? I'm not sure how this works."

"It's complicated. But you could put it like that. So, basically, when you were captured they took your mind, split it and tried to kill this part of yourself."

"Felt like it. It's like I have been in a kind of daze with only moments of real consciousness. I have seen some things happen like, you know, in a movie theatre. Tried to intervene but either he was stronger." He motioned to the Winter Soldier. "Or they did something to put me in the back without knowing anything. The black space."

Loki nodded. She began to understand the concept of what had been done to his mind. She was horrified because she had a general idea what could cause such a split. "Is there a way to wake him up?"

Bucky looked horrified. "Yes. But you don't want to do that."

She sighed. "Yes and no. I don't want to let him gain control. But you need to merge with him in a way to be healed. Or to begin the process of healing. This isn't going to be easy. You'll need to get the upper hand, I can only assist you in the process."

"You're doing a shit job in the pep talk department."

"I try to be truthful with you."

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Yeah. The truth is rarely pure and never simple, or something. I get it. It feels like ages we did that in school."

She huffed. "I'm not here to discuss philosophy or literature with you. I want to help you. Now tell me how he wakes."

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, but he shook his head and showed her a book on a shelf. "They used that code on me. It always shut me down and woke him. I don't want that."

Loki nodded and took the book. "It's like a program." She flipped through the pages. "We need to cut the connection between these words, that program and you."

"And how do we do that?"

"By using them and this." She closed her eyes. She was concentrating on her own mind and memories of her magical training. She heard a sharp intake of breath next to her but ignored it.

She could see a golden glow through her eyelids and knew it was working.

When she opened her eyes again the archive shelves, the Winter Soldier, Bucky and Loki were standing in a giant round space. The city and the golden castle of Asgard were seen in the background. On the floor was a giant seal made of runes and intricate lines that were carved into the floor.

"Wow, what is this and how did you just change clothes?"

She looked down at herself and saw she was in her Asgardian leathers, with her fur coat around her shoulders and felt the horned headpiece on her scalp.

"I took us and this part of your mind to mine. This is a safe space I created a long time ago. And other parts of me can be of assistance." She could see her male counterpart, the blue Jotun, a white mere, a wolf, a snake, a black cat, a fox, an eagle and many other forms she had taken before, standing outside of the seal.

"Are you a princess? I must be dreaming, this is just strange."

"In a way, this is like a dream. But who says dreams aren't real?" She smirked.

"You are a princess! Does Stevie know? This is just wow. I wonder how you got together."

"He doesn't. Now." She opened the small book and stood herself in front of the strangely glowing chamber. "Желание." She made a cutting motion with a black dagger that had appeared in her hand. The air around the dagger glowed with each cut. "Ржавый." Another cut. "Семнадцать." Cut. "Рассвет." Cut." "Печь." Cut. "Девять." Cut. "Добросердечный." Cut. "Возвращение на Родину." Cut. "Один." Cut. "Tоварный вагон." The final word and the final cut.

The chamber had opened and the words hung eerily in the air. The restraints loosened and the Winter Soldier stood in front of her. She felt a shift in the air and felt her other selves had moved beside her.

She waved for Bucky to come closer. "You need to set him free. Let him give his memories to you, make clear it's you who is in charge. He's not bound by the words anymore. Like yours; his boundaries don't exist anymore."

Bucky stared at her with wide, fearful eyes.

"I had to do it, otherwise he and you could never truly become one again."

Bucky nodded and moved in front of his other-self. His face and posture were set and determined.

Loki stepped back in between her selves.

The Winter Soldier was staring at Bucky. His eyes were hard.

"You and I are one. I'm in charge now."

The other man's face turned into a mask of hatred.

The seal beneath them began to glow. Loki could feel the magic in his words starting to work.

"You and I need to work together. You and I are free. We can live in peace."

The man glared and attacked Bucky with a knife. A fight erupted between them.

The Winter Soldier hit fierce blows and it looked like he was getting the upper hand. Loki was about to intervene when suddenly Steve in his Captain America suit appeared with his shield. "I'm with you till the end of the line." Both men smiled and together they fought the Winter Soldier.

It was strange to see a version of Steve in her mind space that wasn't her dream or memory, but the one Bucky knew. It was proof of their long and intense friendship. How easily his friend could be summoned to help. They worked as one.

And then the Winter Soldier was on the ground. His eyes closed and face relaxed.

Steve and Bucky hugged. "About time you showed up, Punk."

Steve laughed. "Jerk. And you told me not to do anything stupid."

"Yeah, but like you said, I took all the stupid with me."

They shared a laugh and then Steve was gone. Bucky looked puzzled. But there was no time to wonder how or what had happened. The seal was glowing brighter. And then the Winter Soldier stood up and hugged Bucky.

He was screaming.

It was heart-wrenching.

It had to be done. Thanks to the Asgardian rules of combat, that was etched into this part of her, the loser had to accept their fate at least in training. Asgardians were more prone to fight until death.

Frigga had shown this method to her, shortly after Sleipnir was born and the mere in her tried to take over to take care of her foal.

Just like this an image of the Queen appeared. "So, I am your mother after all?" She asked with the hint of a smile.

Loki rolled her eyes and hugged the woman. "You are not my mother." She admitted sadly. "But the only person I wished to be my mother."

Frigga sighed. "You are a stubborn child. Always have been. But." She took Loki's face in her hands. "I might not have birthed you. But you are and always will be my child."

Loki was holding back tears. "Sadly you're dead. And you probably wouldn't say this to me if you were still alive."

"My child. You still haven't mastered everything. The concept of life and death is not what we believe to know." She sighed. "To the simple mind magic doesn't exist and death represents the end. But it is more. When the time is right, tell your brother that a failure isn't going to make him unworthy. Now go and look after your friend. I love you. Keep staying close to your heart."

Loki saw Frigga vanishing in a swirl of tiny stars. A small smile was tugging at her lips before she turned back to Bucky.

He was lying on the ground. The glow of the seal slowly disappeared. Bucky groaned and held his head in his hands.

"Am I dead? Was that an angel?"

"No, you're alive and that was my mother."

"Wow, she looked stunning. But you two absolutely don't look alike."

"Watch it or I'm going to kill you."

"Alright, alright warrior princess."

She rolled her eyes and picked him back up. "You're annoying."

"Yeah, you and Stevie definitely are a match."

She shot a glare at him and closed her eyes. She focused on the way back into his mind.

She felt a pull. And soon they were back at the apartment. The door had disappeared. Instead there was an archway into a library that was still looking like that archway but the walls had broken down and showed a strangely calm scenery of a snow-covered landscape.

She wanted to finish this up. He wouldn't need to remember her. But she felt another strong pull.

Loki opened her eyes. She was half sprawled on top of Bucky in his hospital bed.

"Jees. You just fell asleep on him? Should I tell Cap you're using his friend as a pillow?"

"No need, Tony. Is it already time?" Shit. This had taken way longer than she thought. And now Bucky still had these memories of her. Probably of Asgard and everything.

"Yeah, it's past midnight and my shift. So shoot. Go to bed with Captain Spangles. Make cute babies or whatever. And don't think about painting my workshop pink."

"You shouldn't be giving me ideas."

"And you still need to apologize."

"For what?" She had put an innocent face on.

"The itching powder in my suit for starters? And I have no idea how you changed my secret liquor storage into ice tea."

"You had a secret liquor storage?"

"Don't give me that shit. Just go. It's my shift. Unless you want to keep drooling on him."

"I don't drool."

"A picture on my phone begs to differ."

She glared at him and rose from the chair.

"Well then. Good night, Tony."

"Yea, nighty night."

He waved and she left the room.

This was going to end up in a disaster. But what was done, was done. The course had been set.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a master procrastinator ;) lucky for you, though.  
> And yeah, you probably see where this is going. Don't be mad at me. 
> 
> I hope you had a great day/night... whenever you're reading this. Now, back to work ^^


	19. Chapter nineteen - Who is Saga?

#Chapter nineteen - Who is Saga?

"Steve?" A raspy voice asked from beside him.

Bucky's eyes were open and looking straight at him. He wasn't struggling. He just looked confused and tired. "Hey, Buck. How are you doing?"

He shrugged. Then he took in the chains and cuffs, that prevented him from moving or lashing out. "Why am I strapped to a table?"

"What Bucky am I talking to?"

He saw his friend was rolling his eyes. "You used to put newspaper in your shoes to appear taller. And we practised kissing that one afternoon, your mom almost got a heart attack when she found us." He smiled tiredly.

Steve felt relieved and deflated. "Do you remember what happened?"

Bucky scrunched up his face. "Yeah, sorry for trying to kill you. A lot of fucked up stuff happened to me, gives me a headache."

Steve nodded. He then started to loosen the chains and the restrains. He grabbed onto Bucky's hand and helped him sit.

"It's strange without two arms."

"We needed to remove the metal thing. But Tony is building you a new prosthesis."

"Who is Tony?"

"Howard's son."

"Oh shoot. I missed some stuff, I guess."

"Some. You're ninety-seven."

"Yeah, that's some." He breathed raggedly and started coughing.

Steve handed him a glass filled with water.

"Thanks. So, you're ninety-six."

"Nah, it's still a bit over a month until my birthday."

"We must be the hottest guys our age."

Steve chuckled. "Come, I take you to meet the others."

"What others?"

Bucky was hot on his heels as he left the recovery room on the hospital floor. "I'm with a team. Called the Avengers. Don't say it." He grinned at Bucky. "We're a bit like the Howlies, but without constantly fighting Nazis."

"Makes sense. So, the war is over? Then why are you still fighting?"

Steve sighed and stepped into the elevator. Bucky followed him. "It's not that easy. There are still threats to innocents."

"But it is. Find a girl and settle down. And don't know do art or something. The world won't stop without you always picking up every fight."

Steve wasn't sure what to say. "Well, I found someone."

"That's something. It's good for you." He smiled. "Is she blind, or how does she stand your face?"

Steve gave a small laugh. "Jerk."

Bucky grinned. "It's good to be back."

"Do you remember something from your recovery time?"

"I guess I was sleeping beauty most of the time."

Steve nodded. He wasn't sure why he asked, but he thought something about using a potion must have had some weird side effects.

The elevator door opened and he gave Bucky a look as he walked inside the common space.

Natasha and Saga were in a discussion with Pepper. The three women were laughing about something.

He cleared his throat and he saw them turning towards them. "Look, who decided to join us."

Bucky made an annoyed sound beside him. "You sound like my mom."

Natasha let out a loud snort.

*

New York in the Summer was like a big adventure. Bucky finally remembered who he was and was coming to terms with the present, what had been done to him and what he had been forced to do under HYDRA's influence.

There was a small team of psychiatrists, Pepper had selected, who were working with Bucky on his mental health every day. It was two weeks now since he woke up.

Tony had also given Bucky his own apartment, he now shared a floor with Natasha, and was just above theirs.

Steve liked to get Bucky out into the city. Loki thought it was good for them. They were reforming their lifelong friendship. It warmed her heart to see them interacting with each other. Steve made an effort to show his friend everything he had learned since he had been pulled from the ice.

Steve also liked to drag Loki and occasionally Sam, with them to explore the big city. He wanted his friend and girlfriend to get along. Sam and Bucky had formed a strange relationship, something between liking and hating each other.

Bucky was giving her strange looks as they walked down a street. She knew she had done too much. But he was coherent again. This was what mattered to her. Steve had his friend back. If this broke her neck it was worth it to see Steve finally smile again. The regret of the last weeks had vanished and he was so excited to bond with Bucky again.

They chose a small coffee shop in Manhattan. It was a nice, small place. No one was bothering them.

"Five bucks for coffee, that's just insane. Do they put gold into the grounds?"

Steve chuckled. "I've been told that's because of the inflation."

"It's still insane." Retorted Bucky while he looked disbelievingly into the cup.

"That's the same I told everyone. Also, did you know they found out cigarettes can cause cancer and asthma?"

"Weren't you supposed to smoke to treat your asthma?"

"Exactly."

"Like I said, insane." Bucky shook his head and laughed.

Loki was happy with her sweet, iced beverage. She licked the whipped cream from her spoon and was just content to watch their banter. Bucky looked at her. "Just like you suddenly seeing someone. I can remember a time you weren't able to talk to women at all." Bucky grinned while Steve rolled his eyes. "So, how did you get Stevie to drop his shy act?"

"I'm not sure, but I guess teasing and food helped." She said shrugging.

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Back in our days, they said a good meal was the key to win a man's heart. I thought the times had changed with women having equal rights now."

"Buck don't open that can of worms."

"What? That's what I have read. The liberation of women, them being allowed to do men's jobs and everything."

"It's far from equal. Statistics say that women are paid twenty-one per cent less for the same work. And still, it's usually the women who stay at home with their kids, even if they are better educated. They step back for their husbands' careers. Women are still seen as assets, something to have, weak housewife material. Single mothers are usually threatened by poverty and have a harder time finding a well-paid job. It's even worse when you're not white. The female body is seen as an object; sexualised, pleasing for the eye. Women are expected to fit a certain image. But natural acts like breastfeeding are sexualized because you might see a nipple. Gender equality doesn't exist and the society is just sick."

Bucky was staring at her with an open mouth. He looked at Steve for his friend's reaction. But Steve had a neutral face on and shrugged. They already had that kind of discussion. And in the end, he had agreed with her.

"It's the same with being gay." Steve added. "Most people are fine nowadays. And it's getting more accepted to be gay and to live openly in a relationship. But still, gay marriage isn't a thing in most states or countries. People are denied civil rights because they love people of the same gender."

Bucky made a whistling noise. "Wow. That's so strange, back in our day you could get arrested for being gay or saying things like that in the open. It's good that changed. Love is love, I guess." He took a sip from his mug. "You know, Stevie. I'm glad for you that changed. I always knew you also liked guys." He winked at Loki.

Now it was Steve who looked at Bucky with wide eyes. "How?"

He shrugged. "Remember Veronica's funeral? I saw you and Dave kissing later that night."

Steve blushed.

Loki just shrugged. "I think, you fall in love with a person and not their gender or the way they look. It's the only concept that makes sense to me."

"So, Stevie was just lucky to have a great personality?"

"He's a pretty boy, that's true. And he is a talented artist and more intelligent than he likes to admit. Among other things. He has that ability to just make you feel comfortable around him and to be a better person."

Bucky nodded. "And he's stubborn."

"Tell me about it."

"Hey! I'm sitting right next to you."

"I know." Said Loki with mirth dancing in her eyes. "It makes being with you very exciting."

*

At one point during their afternoon Saga had left for a job interview. So, Steve and Bucky were on their own walking down a path in central park.

"Stevie, who is she?"

"Saga?"

"Yeah, don't get me wrong. I'm glad you found her. She seems great. But I have a strange feeling about her. Like I know her, or something. I'm not even sure what you guys have done to get my head straight again." His friend looked lost.

Steve sighed. "She helped to capture you."

"That's the thing. You had difficulties fighting me. We're about the same strength. But how can she possibly be stronger than me? I mean, she just overpowered me like I was a kid or something."

Steve sighed and put his hands inside his pockets. "I don't know. I know she is keeping a secret, like, I don't know her real name. But she has promised me to tell me when she is ready."

"And if she never is? And what if she is like me? There was a code that was used to get every one of us into that Winter Soldier mindset. She could be dangerous."

Steve stopped. "I have seen her fight. I know she could be dangerous. But she chooses not to, I don't know. I don't think she's like you. Sometimes I'm not even sure she is human. I have seen things just move around her."

"Wait, like magic?" Bucky was looking like he remembered something. "And what do you mean not human? She looks pretty human to me."

Steve bit the inside of his cheek. "Like Thor. He's from a planet called Asgard."

"That Norse mythology stuff is real? Oh my."

"You know Norse mythology?"

Bucky shrugged. "You know my folks were from Romania. Superstition and legends are a thing, like fortune-telling. But yeah mom sometimes told me bedtime stories about a war between the gods and the giants. Her grandmother came from Sweden, so." He shrugged. "You know what really gets me about her? When I first saw her after I woke up, I thought about her in a castle made from gold. And her wearing black and green leathers, furs and playing around with daggers. Like a warrior princess from a long lost kingdom, like yeah mythology or something like that. Like yeah, if you will, she belonged to Asgard."

Steve raised an eyebrow. Was that possible? Could Saga be from Asgard? But what about Thor? He hadn't said anything when they had first met. But they had used a strange language. Saga had studied Scandinavian Studies. But what if that was just a cover?

"Stevie?"

"Huh?"

"Are you alright? You just froze. What are you thinking about?"

"Just Saga."

"Don't worry. You said, she's going to tell you, when she's ready. It won't be too bad." He put a hand on Steve's shoulder.

Steve couldn't shake that feeling he had. "I hope you're right. Let's get back to the tower. Thor wanted a team meeting tonight. Said it was important."

*

"Thor, do you really believe this is a good idea?" Loki stared at his brother as they stood on a rooftop watching the Avengers tower in the distance.

"They are giving you a chance. And we need your help in this. We will fight this battle together, side by side."

Loki sighed, he put his hands in his jeans pockets and turned to look in the other direction. "This might sound stupid to you. But I'm not sure if I am ready for Steve to see me like this again." He was surprised at his brother’s silence.

"You will figure something out like you always do. You are the smart one of us."

Loki laughed a humourless laugh. "The matters of the heart are difficult for me."

"Angrboda and you worked well enough. I’m still sorry that I couldn’t do anything for Jor-"

Loki lifted a hand. "Please don’t talk about them, it still hurts." He hung his head. "Angrboda was a rebellious act, me trying to be someone who I wasn’t. She endured me, while she always knew what we had would end." He looked up with a pained expression. "What I have now feels different. And it scares me."

Thor smiled softly at him and Loki could feel annoyance at his brother. "It scares us all, Loki. The heart cannot be fooled by clever words."

He sighed. "I know. That brings me to a loss. Steve is so patient with everything."

"You know, sooner or later the charade has to end. And you, and maybe even I will have to face the consequences."

Loki snorted. "Since when are you the smart one?"

"I’m the older one." Thor grinned.

Loki rolled his eyes. "This is still a bad idea."

"We should leave. They will be waiting."

Loki nodded. He grabbed Thor’s arm and they appeared in front of the conference room’s door. Loki straightened His green shirt while he straightened his posture.

Thor opened the door and they walked in.

Loki stood himself next to Thor at the head of the table, his hands clasped in front of him, a superior, bored look firmly in place. He saw and felt the stares of the Avengers in front of him.

He glanced at Steve and found him looking concentrated but not judging. He saw curiosity and hatred flung back at him, or in Natasha’s case an artfully blank face. He couldn’t blame them. It was strange to them looking at him like this when they looked at her in a completely different way. He was almost compelled to transform right here.

Thor clapped his hands together. "This is an important day my friends. My brother has decided to answer to your call. He is ready to work with us on the threat, that is lurking on the horizon.”

Loki couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He hated standing here like this. About to share the darkness and the weakness of his recent past. He wasn't sure he was ready.

Thor seemed so happy and looked expectantly at him and the other Avengers. Surprisingly, it was Bruce, who cleared his throat first and started to clean his glasses on his shirt. He took a deep breath.

Loki couldn’t help the small upturn of his lips.

"So erm, Loki." Bruce started. "Thor told us about Thanos, the stones and him sending you to earth. What's his plan?"

Loki glanced at the man. "Thanos is many things. He is acting on the thought of doing what he thinks is right. It's about balance in the universe. He is killing half of the population of every world he encounters. He thinks, he is doing those worlds a favour, saving those who are allowed to live. He is playing god."

Loki noticed the shocked looks. This he hadn't revealed to Thor.

"So, you say when he gets the stones, he will kill half the universe." Tony stared at him. "And when you came to earth the last time?"

"I was sent here to get the Tesseract and let the Chitauri kill half your planet's population. Thanos has tried to win me for his cause. It wasn't easy to convince me of his ideas."

"Oh yeah? You seemed to have fun." Clint cut in.

The man was usually good to have around. Comforting, quick with a joke.

"I'm sorry if I gave you the impression of having fun, with what I was doing. Maybe we don't know each other very well."

"You know me quite well, you were in my head, dumbass."

Loki gave him a long look, he deserved this. "I know no matter what I tell you, it won't remedy the wrongs I did to you. But let my apologise for what I have put you through." He felt bad for this. Hopefully, Clint would never find out who the woman was who sometimes played video games with him, or talked about mundane things when he wasn't staying with his family.

"So, what did they do to you, how did they try to convince you?" Natasha stared at him, her face was giving nothing away of what was going on inside her.

"At first Thanos was talking to me. He first saw me as something like an ally. But I got tired at some point, I refused not wanting to act on anyone's bidding. I wanted to die at that point. But his children or how they like to be called: the Black Order. They like to inflict pain. They had a lot of fun with me since I'm not that easy to kill. One of them is prone in mind games." He broke off. He remembered reliving his worst and painful memories over and over. Until he was crying out to be tortured. Until he couldn't bear the hate and grief anymore. "After he was done with me they played with me. I was cut open more times than I care to remember and worse." Just to prove a point Loki lifted his shirt and revealed his stomach. The smooth skin that was distorted by many jagged scars, the tattoos that were cut through by silvery-white lines. "It's not easy to leave a scar on me."

He saw Thor nodding next to him. "Aye."

"They brought me back to him after they had their fill of mind games and torture. I was held captive for almost a year. I had almost forgotten who I was when they used the sceptre on me and sent me out with the mission to conquer your world and retrieve the Tesseract. Does this answer your question?"

"If what you say is true. Then why didn’t he come himself to take it?" Asked Tony.

"It didn't seem worth it to conquer your tiny world himself. And it's Odin's he brought it here for safekeeping. If Thanos came himself to steal it, he'd have to answer to him."

"But we beat you. And you had two stones. This Thanos guy can’t be too bad." Tony said with a huge knowing grin on his face.

"Well, it had never been my goal to rule over Midgard or to return to Thanos. I don’t bow to anyone who forces me to do anything. Thank you very much."

Tony deflated. "You let us beat you? Thor told the truth?"

"Yes, of course, I did. The cells of Asgard are a fairly safe place."

"Aye." Added Thor.

Loki could see all of the expressions changing. Even Clint’s face had lost the expression of constant hate and anger. Steve appeared to be deep inside his thoughts. Until.

"Loki, what do you suggest we do about the Sceptre?"

Loki wanted to roll his eyes at him. "It is probably in HYDRA’s possession. Get to them and you’ll find the sceptre. Thanks to Natasha you have their data."

"And the stone?"

"I would suggest to destroy it. Though I'm not sure how. You could also use it as a bait and lure him to you if you're up to fight against him. I would suggest anything to get in his way."

"Do you have any idea what to do about HYDRA?"

"If you’re asking me to help you in regards to them, I am not sure if I am the right choice."

"Wait." Tony piped in. "If you say you are as powerful as you are. You could do a great deal and you could help us take them out much faster."

"Why would I do that?" Him more interfering like this would put his cover and his relationship in danger.

"Because you want to get rid of Thanos. The faster we destroy HYDRA, the faster we get the Sceptre and the stone. It’s that easy."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Are you trying to win me for your side?"

Tony shrugged. "Just offering a faster way to get us all going our respective ways."

Loki huffed. "I respect you all. You fought honourable against me. You all are, what this world has to defend itself against what is about to come. I can't tell you when it is going to happen but I can tell you it will happen. I hope you can believe me, but also don't make the mistake to confuse me being a hero."

Steve looked at him seriously. "Loki, you were forced into this. You didn't do anything on purpose. Would it be wrong to be a hero for once?"

Steve's words hurt him to his core. He wasn't a hero, he was a monster in his core. Had been from the beginning, unwanted, wrong. "I'm not a victim, nor a hero. I am a monster. Don't make the mistake to pity me." Loki spat out. Why did he have to be so kind? His heart beat faster at Steve's words and his kind expression. He couldn't stand them like this. He understood their hate, their rage. But why this kindness this offer?

He vanished.

*

"This was anticlimactic." Commented Tony towards the spot Loki had just vanished from. Everyone was quiet.

Steve wasn't sure what his words had caused. But he knew the words from Loki's answer. He knew them too well and he wasn't sure how he was feeling about it. And he now had an idea why she wouldn't tell him her secret.

"So, your little brother is into tattoos? Has he more of them? Do you have some?" Tony tried for good humour.

"Aye, he has. He is a sorcerer." Thor said it like that was an explanation to everything.

Tony looked confused and still curious.

Steve needed to focus on the situation at hand. "So, Loki is our ally in this?"

Thor shrugged. "He wouldn't have been here otherwise."

"And the way he left?" Clint looked concerned. "And could he always just pop in and out here at will?"

Thor waved it off. "That's Loki. Always one for dramatic entrances or leavings. And yes, he can."

"We are so fucked." Clint groaned.

"Wait, he's on this planet for how long? Six months? Seven months? And now was the first time he made contact with us here?" Tony wondered.

"Loki has been living peacefully in this realm the whole time. You would have known earlier if he meant harm to you."

"What do we do now we know that behind everything was Thanos? That Loki was his victim. That he is after the Stones and apparently wants to kill half the universe?" Bruce cut in.

"What Reindeer Games had said, find them and if possible destroy them. And when Thanos comes, we fight." Answered Tony. "Now, I need a drink. I think we should wrap this up. Thanks, Thunderdome for bringing Loki in today. Let's think of another date to discuss this."

Everyone nodded. Loki had given them a lot to think about.

Especially for Steve.

He stood from his chair and left the room. To calm his mind Steve decided to take the stairs to their apartment.

He opened the door. She hadn't arrived yet. He made his way to the sofa where he had left his sketchbook. He flipped through and looked on different sketches he had made. When he looked closely, Saga and Loki looked like two sides of a coin. Their eyes had the same pale shade of green. The same pale skin tone. The same slightly wavy black hair. The scars. What he had seen of Loki's tattoos. Parts of the backstory. When you thought about it, it was too close to be just a coincidence. He felt like an idiot for not seeing it. There were so many hints.

Was he angry? She lied to him. Sure, but it wasn't like she did it on purpose, to hurt him. He had known there was a secret and she had told him he would hate her. But did he? Loki used to be their enemy. Or he had thought Loki had been their enemy. Loki had been tortured into submission and even before that she had gone through a lot.

He didn't hate her. His feelings for her or him had not changed. It was a surprise. He was surprised by his own reaction, in a way he thought he had already known. He wasn't sure what he should do when she came home.

He heard the sound of the door. It fell into its lock and he looked up. It was too late for a plan. He hated himself for wanting to get this straight between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for the long wait. There is no real apology, but work that needed to be done. 
> 
> I hope you liked this one. The next one is coming soon :)


	20. Chapter twenty - Saga's secret

#Chapter twenty - Saga's secret  
Saga had just closed the door and walked into the apartment. She was tense in the way she walked and held herself.  
Steve looked curiously at her. There was pain in her eyes when she entered. She put a smile on her face that almost reached her eyes. She tried for normality. "Hey. I didn't get the job. They just wanted to meet the new resident of the tower." She rolled her eyes while she made her way towards the kitchen space and put her bag on the counter. She filled a glass with water from the tab and hopped on the counter while she looked at him. "How was your day? And how did this meeting with Thor and Loki go?"  
Steve stared at her. She was a good actor, at least in part. He had to try. "Oh, Buck and I went to central park. We talked a lot, it was really good. He seems better. I'm grateful for everyone who helped him. Then we had that meeting. And believe it or not, Loki really came. You know I got a lot to think about. It seems like Loki had never been our enemy."  
She made a strange noise and he could see her rolling her eyes. She hopped from the counter and walked towards him. "What was your impression?"  
"I think Loki has a lot on his plate. And I think he thinks badly of himself for the wrong reasons."  
Her face hardened. "What would be the right reasons to hate himself? Are you pitying him? Poor Loki? Too weak to defend himself? Poor Loki who had been left to die by his birth parents? And kind Odin picking him up, the child of the enemy, raised to believe he was a prince? A monster in Asgard's royal family? Is that what you think?" She was breathing heavily. Something in her eyes twisted and he could see the Loki from two years ago in her face.   
"That's not what I said. For someone intelligent, you do a good job coming to the wrong conclusions, Loki." Oh shit, he said it. There was no going back now. Why had he said the name?  
"What?" Her eyes had gone wide.   
"You heard me. And let me tell you. I don't pity you."  
She was seething. "Are you going to tell your little friends who I am? Are you going to have a laugh about poor Loki?"  
"Don't twist my words. That's not what I wanted to talk about." He stood and slowly walked towards her.   
She was watching his movements like a wolf ready to strike. "How do you feel about figuring out my little secret? Are you proud of yourself? You could look behind the lie of the goddess of lies. Congratulations, you are now free to finally hate me." The look in her eyes was cold. And hurt?  
"Don't be like that."  
"Like what? Like I am?"  
"You are not like that." Why didn't she listen? Why was everything coming out the wrong way?  
"How would you know? You don't know how well I played that role!"  
"Loki, please. Stop this. I want to talk. It's true, I don't know who you are, but I want to." He held his hand out to her.  
She made a disgusted face. "No. I'm not going to be your little pet." She vanished. Again. He felt like he wasn't good at talking to Loki. The real Loki. This had completely gone wrong.  
  
He looked at the green swirls in the air where she had been standing. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Shit."   
She was absorbed in her self-hatred. It was like she was ready to strike before anyone could take a chance to hurt her. Believing holding the knife herself made the pain easier to bear. Because she thought she didn't deserve any of this.   
How was he going to solve this? She was gone now. Why hadn't he done this differently? He groaned.   
  
"Jarvis?"  
"Yes, Captain Rogers?"  
"Is Thor in the Tower?"  
"Yes, sir. Do you want me to pass a message to him?"  
"Yes, thank you, Jarvis. Can you ask him to come over?"  
"Of course."  
Steve listened into the silence, hoping for her to come back. All he had right now was hope.  
"Captain Rogers?"  
"Yes?"  
"Thor says he is on his way. Is there anything else I could do?"  
"Erm, did you record what happened here?"  
"The privacy protocols prevent me from recording in the Avengers' private apartments. The only exception are the common areas."  
Steve sighed in relief. "Thank you. That's all." At least nobody would be able to see this. It would be easy to tell a lie. For now.   
  
There was a knock on the door. Steve opened it and saw Thor standing in front of him. "You need my assistance?"  
"Sure, come in." He stepped aside and let Thor enter. "Do you want coffee?"  
"Yeah, that sounds good. Where is the Lady Saga?" Thor gave the apartment a once over while he made his way inside.  
Steve busied himself preparing coffee for them. "She's not here."   
Thor gave him a puzzled look.   
Steve took the mugs and handed one to Thor. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."  
"So?"  
"She's Loki."  
Thor took a sip from his mug, he remained silent.  
Steve sighed. "You knew. The whole time."  
Thor looked at him. "Of course I knew. She's my sister. Is that why she isn't here?"  
"She left."  
Thor rubbed a hand over his face and sank down onto the sofa. "You should have come to me first."  
He took a seat next to him a feeling of defeat spread through him. "I know that now." He sighed.  
Thor had a pained expression on his face. "You wanted to talk to her and she twisted your words in your mouth?"  
"Exactly."  
"I thought she might have calmed down the last few months. Loki was never easy. And I think her childhood wasn't easy and in parts, I might be the one to blame." He looked pained. "She was an outcast even when she belonged to the royal family. Loki has times of instability. It was never easy for him on Asgard. She often was ridiculed for her paleness. And he had never been taken seriously for preferring daggers, books and magic before a fight with an axe or sword. Loki was always different. She has been hurt one too many times. And been betrayed even more. She has a tendency now to lash out before anybody gets a chance to hurt her. I believe him talking about Thanos today was too much for her."  
"Kind of figured that out."  
"I could help you. Loki often takes some time to calm down. She's probably breaking down and blaming herself right now. It's often been me who had to pick up the pieces when we were younger." His eyes were far away and filled with pain.   
"I should have been more sensitive." It hurt him to know, that Loki was probably somewhere on her own in this state of mind.  
"Maybe. But you only got to know a part of her. One of her best sides, I must admit. And in great parts her true side. You haven't seen her madness yet, her true brokenness. Her true power. Loki is complex. I can try and persuade her to talk to you." Thor offered. But then he turned to Steve with a serious expression. "Now that you know. I can talk freely. As her brother. Tell me exactly what your intentions with my sister are. I know you are a man of honour. And in my role as her brother, I won't do anything if you are planning on leaving her." He had his arms crossed in front of his chest, his face was thunderous and for the first time, Steve was seeing why Thor was considered a mighty god. This was far away from the goofy and friendly person Steve knew. This was the heir to the throne of Asgard, a warrior from the old times and legends.  
Steve looked Thor in the eyes. "My intentions. Thor, I love her, or him. It doesn't matter. The person I have met under the name of Saga is the kindest, funniest, smartest and warmest person I have ever met. I can be myself with her. I want to be with her. Yes, I am disappointed because she lied to me and ran away before I could talk to her. I understand mostly why she did it. It's been half a year now, and there were opportunities, and still. I'm hurt. But I'm also a fool in love. And I just want to get to know her and maybe built a home with her. It's okay she has kids. Damn, I mean, I'd help her to get them back and have them living with us."   
Thor nodded. His face had changed into a warm smile. "I am on your side, Steve. And I'm going to help the best I can."  
"Thank you."  
Thor smiled. "You are good for her. I've seen it. And to tell you a secret. Her feelings for you are genuine as far as I can tell. She didn't lie to you about that. When we're lucky she's going to return to you. What can I say, my friend? I told Loki, she should be telling you the truth. She was afraid, to be honest, how you would react to her."  
Steve put his face in his hands. "I mucked it up. I told her I would wait until she's ready." He sighed. He felt stupid.   
  
There was another knock on the door. Steve looked puzzled at Thor, who just shrugged.  
"Come in." Called Steve and the door swung open.  
Bucky walked in. He looked confused at them. "Is this a bad time?" He rolled his eyes. "Okay, Stevie. What have you done this time?"  
Steve shot a look at Thor who just did a small shrug. "What?"  
"I know that face. I've dragged you out of more fights and sticky situations than I care to remember. Just tell me."   
"I had a fight with Saga."  
"Was it something about what I said earlier?"  
Steve nodded. "Turned out she is Loki."  
Bucky rolled his eyes. "It's always the same with you. You probably just blundered in without thinking." He sighed. "I can't believe how dense you are at times."  
Steve gaped at his friend.  
"I like him." Thor said. "I'm glad Loki helped to heal you."  
"This dream was real then?"  
"Yes, when she did what I think she did. She is capable in almost every branch of magic. Though working on the mind comes with the cost of a lot of power. And it's not her expertise."  
Bucky nodded dumbly, just like Steve.  
  
*  
This wasn't good. Not at all. It was all coming to an end. She wasn't sure how she should feel about everything. Her throat had closed up and she felt the inside of her chest constrict. "I'm a monster." She muttered. She had left before she could see the hate in Steve's eyes. At least that expression wouldn't be burned into her memory.  
She was walking down a street. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and uncontrollable sobs escaped her throat. This wasn't how she had imagined her evening. The meeting had left her raw and then Steve confronted her. She needed to get away. Her emotions were raging inside her. She couldn't use her magic in this state of mind as she liked. She hated to feel this vulnerable.  
  
Steve was probably telling his friends right now. And they'd all laugh about stupid Loki falling in love with a mortal man. Like her oafish brother. She was stupid and weak just like him.   
  
She wasn't sure how long she had been on the street. She just knew that she didn't like any of this. And she already missed Steve, his hugs, how he pulled her close to him when they were lying down. His smile, his kisses.   
She had to stop thinking like that. He had found out and he probably hated her by now. Did the others know?   
There was no going back for her.   
She was alone again. This time it hurt. Why did it hurt?   
She didn't want to be here anymore.   
Why hadn't she just taken the throne? Why hadn't she just put a spell on Odin and left him somewhere? It would have been easier than this. Thor would let her be and she could rule Asgard and keep the peace between the realms. Why hadn't she taken that road? Why did she decide on a different path?  
  
A surge of magic caught her attention.   
She knew that magic. A small smile flew over her face.  
  
She followed the call and ended up in front of an old building. Old for New York.  
She took the steps to the door.   
She stopped.   
Could it be?  
She opened the door and found herself in a big hall, with a large wooden staircase in front of her. The Ancient One stood at the top and looked curiously at her.   
"It's you."  
Loki just managed a nod.   
"I thought you were protecting this world with the Avengers by now, or at least on your way to do that."   
"How would you know about that? Have you been following me?" Loki was weary now.   
"I can see possibilities. This was one of them I saw when I decided to give you your new identity. I saw great potential in you stepping into your own truth. Finding your own path."  
Loki nodded at the woman. "I was, but I was discovered."  
"Ah, your lover. I have seen the pictures of you. You make a nice couple." She smiled and turned her back to walk upstairs. "Come, have tea with an old friend."  
Loki followed wearily. Her head was spinning. But she had to admit this old human was so intriguing. She had something about her.   
  
The Ancient One led Loki into a library. Two armchairs were waiting for them. A small table held two cups of tea and a pot, just for them.   
They both took a seat and the bald woman filled the cups.  
"I know you are not too arrogant to admit that we all are small beings in a greater multiverse. I am here to protect our world from threats of other dimensions. You are one mighty entity whose decisions can tip the scales at a big cost to all our lives."  
"So, you pointed me on a path where I could be a hero to protect the world instead of being the villain I should have been?"  
She shook her head. "I just presented you an opportunity. This was your decision to make. Your path to take. But yes, I like to think of you more as an ally than an enemy. The other path would have cost you your life shortly after you made peace with your past." She took a calm sip from her tea. "I would hate to fight you. You are interesting, in your own way. In a way a great uncertainty. But also yearning for life, freedom, empowerment of yourself. You are still on your path on stepping into your truth. But discovering love might have shown you a different side of you and your possible destiny."  
"There might be some truth to your words. But it's lost. He found out who I was."   
"And that was absolutely inevitable." She smiled serenely.  
"What?"  
"Your truth lies not behind a facade. Let me ask you something. Did he reject you? Or was it you who tried to cut the cords?"  
Loki hesitated. "I lashed out before he could really say anything."  
The woman nodded. "Do you think there might be a possibility that he doesn't care? That in a way he suspected who you were and he just loves you and wants to be with you?"  
Loki transformed. He rolled his eyes. "Do you believe he could truly be in love with his enemy? Who wormed her way inside of his team and lied to him?"  
"How much of what you told him actually was a lie?"  
"My name, where I came from. Overall who I was."  
"And the rest?"  
"No."  
She smiled. "Then I don't know why you are worrying."   
Loki was about to get angry. But thoughts crossed his mind. Steve already knew a lot about him. Like the shape-shifting. Him being tortured by Thanos. And he had kept his calm. "Can I stay here for a while? I need to wrap my mind around a few things."  
"Of course. There is a guest room down the hall. And you know your way around the library. Do as you please and take the time you need."   
He needed to calm down. He knew like this no reasonable thought would come to him.   
Maybe her decision to not take the throne had been the right one.   
  
*  
Thor had left shortly after their conversation. Steve didn't know where he had gone but it didn't matter as long as he would bring her back. They needed to set this straight.   
Bucky had stayed a bit longer, he had been the friend he knew. The friend he needed.  
  
The night had been horrible. Every time he fell asleep he saw the hurt in her eyes. He saw images of a bloodied body, wounds that cut through smooth skin. The coffee he held wasn't helping.  
"Isn't Saga with you today?" Tony asked as he saw Steve sitting alone at the breakfast bar nursing his coffee.  
"We had a fight last night. She left."  
"Must have been one hell of a fight." Tony filled his own mug and stood on the other side of the bar looking at him.  
Steve could only manage a one-shouldered shrug.   
"She'll come around. You are too nice for your own good."  
Steve cringed. Tony couldn't know how badly he had mucked this up. People always thought he was that perfect shining person he represented. But he was just a regular guy, not special in any way. "I'm not sure."  
"That bad, huh? I can't imagine she won't come around, she's completely smitten with you. It's disgusting to watch the two of you." Tony tried for a smile but his face fell at the lack of reaction from Steve. "Alright, I let you mope." Tony opened the fridge and took some leftover Thai food. "I got a mail about some charity events. Okay, Pepper did. It's about visiting children in a hospital and then there is a gala to raise donations for the homeless around the city. The team is asked to attend and give them stuff for an auction. It's a big event next to celebrities and us, there are over two hundred invitations for homeless guys and poor families. They get a meal, medical treatments if needed, a haircut, clothes and then there is a concert and whatnot."  
Steve usually liked to help. And was all for these events to show the public the importance of the cause. He wanted to say no. He wasn't in the mood to smile at strangers and give them encouraging words when he didn't feel like there was anything good to say. "Yeah, I'm in."  
Tony grinned. "These events are way more bearable with you. And they asked to come in costume."   
  
  
*  
Loki was reading a book when she heard a loud knock at the front door of the sanctum. It resonated again. And then she heard the Ancient One open the door and talk to her guest.   
She crept closer to listen in. She had always been a curious creature.   
"Is she here?" She knew that voice. "I'm not the best at magic, but I know how it feels and I know she is drawn to it."  
"Why are you looking for her?"  
"I need to talk to her."  
"About what?"  
"Matters of the heart. Is she here?"  
"Come in."  
Loki saw her letting Thor into the entrance hall. He was looking about, probably looking for a hint of her being here.  
"Loki, you can come out now. You have a guest." Said the woman without turning towards her.   
She sighed and crept out of the shadows. Slowly, she made her way to them. "Hello, Thor."   
Thor turned to look at her. A smile tugged at his lips. "I knew, I could find you in a place like this."  
"Then you know me better than I thought."  
"What can I say, over a thousand years of shared history are not easy to forget."   
She shrugged. "You wanted to talk?" She turned to the Ancient One who was smiling at them. "Is there a room we can use in private?"  
"Of course, just down that hall, second door on the left."  
Loki nodded in thanks and urged Thor to follow.   
  
She closed the door of a room that looked like some sort of office. It looked strangely normal in a building like this.   
She leaned against the desk. Her eyes were on Thor while she waited for him to start.  
He was hesitating. "Look, Steve asked me last night to come to your rooms."  
"Did he tell you, he discovered who I was?"  
"He did."  
"What about the others?"  
"I don't think he is keen to tell anybody about who you are unless you are ready." Thor looked at her like she had asked a dumb question. "He loves you and he feels bad how last night turned out. He blames himself and wants to talk with you."  
"What?" She knew she looked dumbly at Thor. Her eyes were wide in shock. "But I did horrible things. I'm a monster. I am your enemy."  
"Yes, you did. And I don't like what you did when I was banned. Though I can understand your grief. But what you did, when you conquered Midgard. That doesn't fall entirely on you. And Steve knows that. Every one of them knows. And you are not a monster."  
She gave him a dubious look. "But I am, in me flows the blood of a race of monsters. I did horrible things. How can I not feel like it?"  
Thor sighed. "That's a burden I can not lift. I can just assure you that you aren't." He smiled. "And you not being an Asgardian doesn't change you being my sister."  
Loki rolled her eyes with a fond smile. At least she still had Thor. "So? He wants me to come back?"  
"Yes. That's why I'm here. I offered to look for you. And talk to you."  
She sighed and looked into Thor's honest to everything face. The golden prince everyone loved. She let out a breath. "Alright, I will talk to him."   
  
Thor smiled as they left the room and said their goodbyes to the Ancient One.   
Together they walked down the streets of New York. Every now and then, someone would ask Thor to sign something, take pictures with him. Some would ask Loki why she was with Thor and not Steve. It was tedious and she was glad when they finally were in the lobby of the Tower.   
  
The elevator doors opened at their floor and Thor stopped in front of Loki's and Steve's apartment. "Do you wish me to come with you?"  
Loki hesitated. "I guess, I have to face him on my own. I will call for you if the need arises."  
"Well then, I wish you the best of luck." With those words, Thor turned and entered into his own apartment.  
  
Loki took a deep breath and opened the door. At first, she thought she was alone and Steve was somewhere else. But then she heard a sharp intake of breath from behind her. She turned and saw him clad in a towel at the bathroom door.   
Cautiously he walked to her but stopped a few feet away from her. He swallowed nervously. "You're back."  
"Thor found me and asked me to talk with you. Here I am."  
"I'm glad you are home. Look. I mucked up last night. I should have waited until you were ready. But I just, it blurted out. I didn't want to pressure you into telling me everything right here and now."  
Loki sighed. "Maybe it is time to tell you, who Loki of Midgard really is."  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. The reveal. I hope you like it :)


	21. Chapter twenty-one - Loki

# Chapter twenty-one – Loki  
Steve looked at her with wide eyes. "You really think you are ready?"  
"I might never be ready, Steve. But you know who I am now. Yesterday I did you wrong. I lashed out. Out of fear you would hate me."  
"Oh my god." Steve was with her in a second and closed her in his arms. "I love you."  
She chuckled.  
The body in his arms changed, grew, hardened and in his arms was a tall, handsome man. Up close male Loki was stunning. Loki wanted to say something but was silenced by a kiss. Steve couldn't resist. Loki's lips still felt the same. He also tasted the same.  
He hadn't known he would feel the same pull to both forms. The same lust, the same tenderly love. 

When the kiss broke Loki had an impish look on his face. "I wasn't expecting that reaction. Though I have to admit I could get used to it."  
Steve chuckled and Loki again became the woman he had come to know.  
"I'm bi." Said Steve and at her questioning look, he added. "It means, I'm attracted to men and women."  
She gave him a knowing look. "Well, well. This opens a whole new world for us, my dear Steve." She looked feral, predatory. With that lusty smile, the way she was licking her lips.  
Steve swallowed. "We wanted to talk? Remember?"  
Loki deflated. "Alright. But I am not done with you." She walked to the kitchen and took a basket of strawberries from the fridge. She sat at the breakfast bar and bit into one of the fruits. She swallowed the strawberry and licked its juice from her fingers.  
She smiled at her hands. Her fingers moved, each on its own. A ghostly image of a city that gleamed like it was made of gold with a golden castle in the centre appeared. "I grew up on Asgard as the younger sister and sometimes brother of Thor. But you already know that. Apparently, I was a smart child. At just a hundred and fifty, I would join Thor in his lessons." Two figures appeared, one was tall and blonde, a younger Thor, the other was slim with dark hair and looked significantly younger.  
"How old is that in human age?" Steve wondered when he looked at the figures.  
Her eyes held a humorous spark. "It's not like you compare dog years to human years, you know. But in your terms, I was eleven, almost twelve. Thor was about eighteen. We were young. From the beginning, I like Thor, have been trained for battle. We learned how to master a sword, axe, hammer, bow and arrow, daggers, speers. Thor mastered the arts of combat early on. But where he thrived I lacked and the other way round. I was drawn to magic. I saw my - Frigga use it and wanted to learn the arts. And so, I did. I was often ridiculed for this. Especially when I was male. Because male or female I preferred magic and daggers over a sword or an axe. And that wasn't becoming for a young man. Men are supposed to slay a monster with their bare hands. Use brutal force. And not read books and play with magic. I spend a lot of my childhood alone. Other children were intimidated by me because I belonged to the royal family, others couldn't wrap their minds around me having more than one gender." She swallowed, with a wave of her hand the images disappeared. "I grew older and had few friends, other than Thor. He was loved by everyone and I felt like I was in his shadow. I always strived to be better than him. But that didn't count. And then came the day the builder and his steed arrived in Asgard. I saw it as my chance to finally be acknowledged and to prove my worth to Asgard. To be seen as someone who saved Asgard. The one who won them that bet. To be worthy. But everything had gone wrong. I was pregnant and Odin was angry at me. Instead of being celebrated as a hero, I was forced to live in the stables as a punishment. With my only contacts being horses or the ostlers. Thor snuck in from time to time. He would sit in the straw with me and tell me everything that transpired around the palace. He was the only one who was really there for me at the time. He had even avenged me and what was left of my honour, by killing the builder."  
She paused and looked at Steve. He was listening aptly to her tale. He already knew most of this part from Christmas but it was good she filled the gaps. "Not wanting to interrupt. But do you want coffee?" He needed a distraction from this, at least for himself.  
"Yes, please." She gave him a small smile.  
Steve nodded and started to make them their hot beverages. "I still don't like that story. What happened next?"  
"When Sleipnir was born. Thor found me. He wrapped his cape around me and snuck us into the palace. It was the first time in months for me to walk on two legs and to speak again. I stayed hidden in my rooms. Thor snuck in food for me. And I was just happy to have my son for myself. Yes, he was a foal. But he was the sweetest little thing I have ever seen. And he was mine. He was also a natural in magic, at just three days old he transformed into an Asgardian shape. All was well until Odin found out. He was angry. He said I couldn't be a mother at that age. And since I was unwed and a few centuries away from maturity, Sleipnir couldn't stay with me. Only a few knew of him and Odin made sure no one spoke of this. Of my shame. I guess there are a lot on Asgard who don't know who Odin's priced steed really is."  
Steve handed her a mug. It was already fixed to her liking.  
She nodded in thanks.  
"And no one stepped in?" What about her Mother and Thor?  
"Thor tried. And Frigga, bless her soul. She thought it was best for me not to grow up with the burden of motherhood tainting my youth and to live relatively carefree. She explained it to me, the best she could. I understand their reasoning. But I can't erase my memories of my son being taken away from me and me having no claim over him." She took a sip. "The years after that were relatively normal. I became a master of magic. At one point my tutors claimed they couldn't teach me anything anymore. I had surpassed them. And it was the same for the other fields I had to learn. I practically lived in the library after that. Or went into the woods with Thor. I enjoyed these moments. Of us hunting. He was teaching me all he knew. Like the years before. To be honest. The only times when I was truly happy, I was either in the library, out in the woods or I was playing pranks. I liked to make people laugh or made them see their ways and play them a lesson. Sometimes, I have to admit, I went a bit over the top. Like that time, when I tricked the dwarfs into making presents for the gods when a prank went too far. I made it look like a competition. But I lost the bet and as a bargain, they had a claim over my head. The reason my head still rests on my shoulders is my ability to talk. And it was exactly this what they took from me. They sewed my mouth shut." She moved her face closer to him and pulled the skin around her lips taut. Steve moved closer and there he could see tiny scars. Small silvery-skinned dots and lines around her mouth and very thin lines that cut through her lips. They were so small and thin, it was easy to oversee them. "How long did that last?"  
"Maybe a year or two? I learned sign language and was able to consume liquid foods through a straw. I refused to let anyone cut me free." She offered a small smile. "Let me think. I was about six hundred years then. About that time on Vanaheim I met the giantess Angrboda. She was like me. A slave of her class, a sorceress. Like me, she was tired of everything. We formed a friendship. And after about fifty years of friendship, we ran away. We built our own house. And lived happily as a couple. She and I were both prone to magic and kept each other good company. I bore her two sons over the course of twenty-five years. And a few years later she got pregnant with our daughter."  
"Wait, how did you get pregnant, erm from having sex with a woman? I get you're both. But Angrboda was female, right?" Steve was confused.  
She looked curiously at him. "The genders of giants are not that straight forward as yours or Asgardian's. Usually, all can sire and birth children. There are three external types. And Angrboda was the type they labelled as female." Loki shrugged.  
"Okay, in a way it makes sense to me. The concept is still strange, but I get that not all species have the same basic design we have." He took a sip from his own coffee, he thought about what to ask. What Loki had told him about her life with Angrboda it sounded nice. But he knew that the children were taken from her at one point and she had lived on Asgard when Thor had first come to earth three years ago. "How does ageing work? When Thor told us the first time around after he thought you died, he said you were better at explaining."  
She looked at him for a time. "You humans develop faster as children and slower the older you get. In a way, it's the same with Asgardians and Giants. Just a little slower. At least the first few years we age rapidly compared to our adult years. At ten an Asgardian child would look like a five-year-old human child. Later it's like ten years equal one year. At sixty years old our children resemble a ten-year-old. And after that, it slows down dramatically again. Like close to a hundred years equal one year for a human. An Asgardian can live about five thousand years give or take a few centuries."  
"Wow. That's long-lived. And at over ninety they say I'm old. How old are you anyway?"  
"One thousand and forty-nine. Thor is one thousand four hundred and ninety-five tuning ninety-six next month." She said it easily. It was just a fact.  
But Steve was amazed. Just thinking about these numbers made his head spin.  
"Translated into Human terms I'm about twenty-six and Thor about thirty-three and a few months."  
"These are numbers I can deal with."  
Loki chuckled. "Yeah. So, at the time Angrboda was pregnant, Jori and Fenris were very young. We had our hands full with them. They also were able to change forms. But other than me they had an animal like other shape and only one at that and a Æsir looking one. Jori could transform into a snake. He really liked to swim and the feel of water on his scales. And Fenris could turn into a wolf." She smiled sadly. It was obvious how much it pained her. "I don't know what had caused it or why it happened. But our daughter died in the womb. There was nothing we could do but to bury her in the woods behind our home."  
Steve put his hand on hers. Just a silent gesture to show he was with her. He couldn't imagine how it must feel to lose a child. But the thought alone was horrible to him.  
"Angrboda changed after that. It was absolutely understandable. She was prone to sleep the days away. She wouldn't talk for days, and went on long walks and wouldn't return until nightfall. It was like I was on my own with the boys. I tried to talk to her. But she wouldn't let me in. She had left me long before we were separated. And then the day came. Tyr and his men knocked on our door. He said he came with direct orders from Odin to return me and my children to Asgard. I don't know why they came or why they let me stay away for such a long time. Maybe Angrboda wanted to get rid of us and called them. That's something I'll never know. Odin welcomed us back and Frigga and Thor were excited about the boys. Thor would show Fenris how to fight and Frigga would take Jori into her gardens. He loved the flowers and to swim in the ponds. And around that time I was allowed around Sleipnir again. And he and I were finally able to bond. It was one of the happiest times for me while I lived on Asgard. There wasn't a moment that was tainted and the boys grew up loved by everyone. Just like they should."  
"What happened?" He knew what must have happened to them must have been very bad. He felt his stomach had turned into knots. He didn't want to hear what happened next. He knew her two of her sons were banned.  
She swallowed. "Like everything good in my life. It ended. We had diplomats from other realms for the renewal of a peace treaty as our guests on Asgard. And as these things last for days or weeks there was a feast every night with many people and beings from different parts of the realms. There was a seer. She was very old, older than Odin. She was the one who told him how to find Mimir's well. From what I know Odin had dreams at the time. Dreams of fires consuming Asgard. And he was discussing them with the seer. Long story short. I overheard it, did something to ridicule the seer, me and my children were blamed to be the cause of Ragnarök, the end of Asgard. In the end, Odin took their powers from them. He banned Fenris and Jori to Midgard and Sleipnir became his personal steed. I was just lucky Frigga stepped up and told him no when he came to take my powers and banish me. Since then I felt like a stranger on Asgard. I yearned for approval. But then I lived in the shadows. I learned of secrets. Travelled the realms in different forms. Played tricks. It was about two centuries ago that Odin put his foot down and tried to marry me off to Baldur. He and I never got along. He was an honoured soldier, loved by everyone but me. He was senseless. Ever since, until recently I was male. I knew Baldur is far from laying with men. So I got away from that."  
Steve sighed. "Loki. Come here." He had heard enough.  
She looked wearily at him but Steve just pulled her to him and hugged her.  
"We can pause this. God. I'm not sure if I can bear more of this right now. This is a lot."  
She laughed bitterly. "This is not everything just the important parts."  
"Oh my." He cradled her against him. "What do you need? I want you to feel good."  
"Take me to bed."  
Steve did as she told, he hoisted her up in his arms. Loki laughed and quickly grabbed the strawberries, to take them with her. He walked them to their bedroom, releasing Loki on the bed. It was strange to look at her and know it was Loki. But it just fit and it didn't matter.  
Together they were lying on top of the sheets. He was on his side, caressing her face with his hand. "I'm glad you're here now."  
She looked at him in amusement. "The hero and the villain."  
Steve shrugged. "I'm not sure you are. But I fell in love with you and I'm stubborn. So maybe Steve and the goddess?" It was easy with her. She had the ability to find humour in everything. It was like she enjoyed chaos and freedom. And it pulled him in.  
"So, I'm burdened with you at my side?"  
"Looks like it."  
She eyed him and shrugged. "Could be worse."  
"So glad you approve." Steve felt a smile pull at the side of his mouth.  
She sniffed haughtily. "It is not easy to get my approval, I'm a spoiled princess."  
"Your Highness."  
Her grin and laugh were breath-taking. The humour in her eyes as she leaned closer and stole a kiss from him.  
How could he not love her?

*  
A finger ran down the skin of her stomach, it was tracing the lines of her tattoos. Steve watched her closely. And more than before the revelation, she enjoyed how he looked at her. It was unguarded, full of life and full of love.  
Her skin tingled.  
She felt closer to him. It scared her in a way, but it was everything she yearned for. She had to take a leap of faith in this.  
He was soft with her, in a way it felt like he was worshipping her. His kisses were so intense. She was cocooned in his scent and his warmth.  
It was like the revelation had moved them closer together. She was feeling more drawn to him than she did before. It was strange how the reality was far away from what she had expected. 

"I don't think I want to know what exactly happened to you." He was tracing a rather long, ugly, jagged scar that was beneath her ribcage.  
"I'm not fond of reliving the experience."  
Steve nodded while he kissed her shoulder.  
"I could spend the whole day like this."  
She hummed. "A whole day, just you and me and no clothes."  
He kissed her collarbone. "That's exactly what I had in mind." He continued to kiss her down her body. And was just nibbling at her hipbone.  
"Excuse me, Mr Barnes is asking for entrance."  
Steve groaned against her pubic bone. It sent a pleasant tingle through her body.  
"Let him in."  
He looked up at her. His toned body between her legs was something she always enjoyed to look at.  
"As much as I enjoy having you like this, we need to postpone our activities." She winked at him.

They heard a gagging noise from the slightly open bedroom door. "Guys, really. I didn't need to see this."  
Loki was giggling as she saw Bucky with his arm covering his eyes.  
"And that's not even funny. I love you Stevie but now the picture of your ass and - bits is burned into my brain."  
Steve was beetle red from embarrassment. Loki loved the small things.  
Steve sighed. "Just get the coffee started."  
"Hope you're getting dressed."  
Loki burst out into fits of laughter while she hoisted herself up. She grabbed a black sundress from a chair and pulled it over her head.  
Steve gave her a look as he realised she wasn't bothering with underwear. And he hurried to put a shirt and pants on himself. 

She walked into the main room and saw Bucky was busy operating the coffee maker.  
He looked up as he saw them. "I really can't unsee this. You need to make up for this. Like a trip to Disneyland or something. I deserve it, I'm a traumatized war veteran."  
Steve was rolling his eyes. "Really? Disneyland?"  
Bucky smirked. "Remember the ride on Coney Island? I want to take you to the biggest and fastest rides they have and want to see you throw up."  
Loki just rolled her eyes at them and took a seat at the breakfast bar.  
"How did you get Disneyland into your mind?"  
Bucky shrugged. "Overheard Tony and Natasha bickering and the name fell. And I asked and then Tony went all excited and I guess he is planning a trip for us or something."  
Steve rubbed a hand over his face and handed mugs to Bucky. "I think we have more important stuff going on than a trip to Disneyland."  
"From what I heard you guys are not closer to anything. It wouldn't kill you to just have fun." He said while he poured them coffee.  
Loki mixed hers to the sweet and creamy consistency she liked and waited.  
"What I really came for. I want to thank you for helping me with my head. Your brother explained the situation to me. And I'm glad you're back and you guys made up. At least it looked like that when I came in. And your secret is safe with me. You helped me. So, I'll help you."  
Loki stared at him. And she saw Steve doing the same.  
"Guys that's scary."  
Loki shook her head. "I wasn't expecting this."  
"Look. I know Steve almost as long as I can remember. He's more like a brother to me than anything. And I see you're making him happy no matter what you did or who you are. So, this makes you family."  
For the few moments in her life it happened, Loki didn't know what to say. Was this man, who barely knew her, telling her she was family?  
"Just say thank you. Your staring thing gets scary after a while."  
Loki shook her head. "Thank you. I don't know how-"  
Bucky shook his head. "Just accept it." He smiled and turned to Steve. "I'm going to be best man. And I'm going to plan the bachelor's party."  
Steve actually laughed. "Maybe we should talk about Disneyland first."  
"Spoilsport. I'd bet my left arm, you'll get there anyway."  
Steve rolled his eyes.  
Loki laughed into her mug.  
"Stevie and the Warrior Princess. Had I been better at art school I'd make a comic book from this."  
Loki looked at Steve. "Didn't you want to pick another college to finish your degree?"  
"Yeah. But with all the reporters lurking around, I don't think it's going to be as relaxed for me as it was in Washington." The lines around his mouth deepened as he looked at his mug.  
"I could put an illusion on you. Nobody needs to know who you are."  
"And what do we tell the others why a strange guy walks in and out of the tower and why no one on campus has seen me?"  
He was right, in parts at least. "I could think of something. There are ways around it. And I know how much you liked that."  
Steve sighed. "Alright. But I don't want you discovered by the others just because you did some spells."  
She sighed. "They'll find out. Sooner or later someone will slip. And me being around in my other form, might be confusing. I can create images of me, illusions. But that'll work just for a time. Your friends aren't stupid."  
"Wait a second. Illusions? Other form?"  
"Didn't they explain to you who I am?" Loki looked between Steve and Bucky. "Honestly, it's not that difficult. I'm a shapeshifter." She closed her eyes and felt her body change.  
"Maybe you should adjust your clothes." Steve offered.  
"Right, sorry." With a flick of his wrist, Loki sat in a pair of jeans and a shirt, still nursing his cup of coffee.  
Bucky gaped and then coughed. "I guess you can try out a lot with this nifty trick."  
Steve groaned. Loki took Steve's hand in his and offered him a soft smile.  
"Anything else? Like can you transform stuff? Or make things appear?"  
Loki shrugged. He held his hand in the air like he was holding something and a blink later he was holding a bronze dagger. He watched the other men staring at his hand and a moment later the dagger was replaced by a small, green snake that wrapped itself around his hand. Another moment later the snake vanished without a trace. "Like that?"  
"Can you do other stuff?"  
"Yes. But usually, I keep my tricks small."  
"That's a shame. This could be useful. Like you know, had you been with us in the war with all the HYDRA stuff going on. We'd have them sacked in a whiff."  
"And where would the glory of the battle be with this? There'd be no song, no poetry about your heroic deeds."  
Bucky rolled his eyes. "But a lot of guys wouldn't have died a senseless death."  
Loki blinked confused. "Isn't dying in battle honourable? In our culture, to die in battle is the greatest honour for a warrior."  
"Now I understand why the Vikings were such fierce and feared fighters, they literally fought till death?"  
"Yes, parts of our belief system was shared when we visited Midgard."  
Bucky looked at Steve with wide eyes. "You're literally dating a god. A freaking Viking god. Damn. That's just."  
Steve shrugged and looked at Loki. "Wasn't expecting this either on our first date."  
Loki rolled his eyes. "You can go ahead and worship me, elsker."  
Bucky made a gagging sound. "Honestly. I'm still here. Don't start undressing until I've left. Guess what. I'll leave you to it. Bruce wanted to test something anyway."  
"Buck, you don't need to go." Steve made those puppy eyes at his friend.  
Bucky, who had already turned to leave the apartment just shook his head. "No really. I'll tell the others to leave you alone."

Loki and Steve watched dumbly after Bucky as he left the apartment.  
"Wasn't expecting this, to be honest." Loki still looked at the door.  
"Me neither. Well in a way, yes. But you know, not like that."  
Loki felt himself shrug. It was a strange feeling that went through his body. He wasn't sure what it was. But it felt like it was caused by the sheer acceptance of the people around him.  
Now he feared, how those who didn't know would react when the day came they'd learn about his true identity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, I hope you liked this chapter. I'm sorry I took so long for this. Life got in the way. Mostly in a good way.  
> And really thank you for your support in this :)


	22. Chapter twenty-two - Old faces

#Chapter twenty-two - Old faces

It was bittersweet. She wasn't exactly sure what was expected from her, she stood next to Steve, her hand was resting on his shoulder.

His shoulders were shaking, and his eyes had a red tint. But he wasn't crying. He stared at two incredibly old withered headstones and overgrown graves. "I wish you could have met her. She would have loved you."

"She raised you. A wonderful man. Of course, she must have been wonderful. But I'm not exactly sure she would have liked me."

"You are the best thing that happened to me."

"I'm a criminal on many worlds. Have three kids out of wedlock and I am much older than you. Just to tell the basics."

"You know, Sarah didn't care about these things. You love her son and he is smitten with you, it would have been enough for her. And as far as I knew her, she would have spoiled her step-grandkids and probably pestered you into making more." Bucky was grinning at them with a sad look in his eyes. "I found my folks. Apparently, I am dead, too."

Steve was rubbing at his eye. "Then, let's go and see them."

Loki was silent. It was strange to watch them visit their dead family members. This custom of burying the dead and put flowers and engraved stones on top was very alien to her. Why would they do that? Wouldn't they want to release the spirits of their beloved?

"I can't find Bobby anywhere, though. And there is no trace of Lizzy. But she must have married and taken a different surname."

"They could still be around." Steve tried with a smile, he was aiming for a hopeful tone.

"Yeah, and then I go around their places and cause them a heart attack or something. It's better they keep thinking I died saving the country."

Steve just nodded. 

Loki walked quietly with them, she was holding Steve's hand in hers.

They passed rows after rows of graves. It was a nice and quiet place. Trees created comfortable shadows and birds sang their songs. It was a strangely sad and happy place, calm and comforting in its own. Since she had no emotional connection to this place apart from trying to be there for Steve while he was going down memory lane, she kept herself occupied with watching their surroundings.

Loki could see an old man and a young girl also walking down the rows of graves in the distance. The girl was holding the old man's hand and a bouquet of white roses in the other.

Bucky stopped in front of a larger headstone with the inscription 'Barnes Family'. The grave looked loved. It was neatly kept and the flowers on top were in full bloom.

There were his parents' names, apparently, they both had lived into the eighties. On the stone was also Bucky's name and the name of a girl called Piper.

"I'm sorry pal." Steve had put a hand on his shoulder.

Bucky shrugged. He was staring at the stone and for a time no one was making a sound.

Just the birds were singing and fluttering, small insects made buzzing noises.

Loki could hear slow steps and was surprised to see the old man and the girl walking towards them. He stopped next to Steve and Bucky. He gave them curious looks but didn't say anything.

Steve and Bucky made room for the man and the girl.

"Suzie, darling. Could you take the old flowers out and get fresh water for the vase?" He smiled at the girl and she grinned back at him.

"Yes, Grandpa Robert." She took a vase with withered roses and skipped down the rows.

The man watched her with a fond smile. "You know, my older brother looked a lot like you. He died in the war. Or that's what they told us. They never found his body." The man looked at Bucky with a twinkle in his green eyes. "Our parents always thought he might have met a girl and deserted, had kids and lived a full life."

"That's a nice thought." Bucky said without looking at the man.

The man shrugged. "Yeah, better than to think of the horrors that he truly must have seen then. My sister always says it's better we don't know."

Bucky looked strangely at the man. "It's probably for the best."

"Maybe." Said the man with a shrug. "You see, at my age, knowing that death is coming soon. It would be nice to know the truth. Elizabeth, my sister. It's her ninetieth birthday tomorrow. She still lives in the same place we grew up in." The man was quiet for a while and looked at the grave. He appeared to be deep in thought. "Captain, you know that everyone of us knew what became of little Stevie. It would have been nice to get a call or something after they defrosted you."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think-"

"No, you didn't. But we're all glad to see that you're still up and fighting for us. A letter, telling us you didn't forget about us would have been nice, though. The kids would have loved to meet Buck's old friend."

Steve sighed and Bucky was sending a smirk in Steve's direction.

"Tell Lizzy she's going to have secret guests tomorrow. Just promise she isn't going to die from a heart attack." Bucky finally said sighing.

"She might tell you to cut your hair, hippie." The man had a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Bucky rolled his eyes. "I like it that way."

"Works well with the ladies these days?"

"Aw come on. It's not like I don't deserve some fun."

"Just remember to use a rubber. Times have changed. And I'm not sure how many nieces and nephews I have around without knowing."

"You just know how to ruin the mood."

"Learned that from my big brother." The man winked. And then his smile turned soft as he saw his granddaughter returning with the vase and the bouquet of white roses. "Suzie, you are a good girl." He praised her and the girl was grinning brightly.

The group of three slowly retreated. The promise of the visit still hung heavy in the air between them.

"Grandpa? Who are these people?"

"Old friends, but you'll know tomorrow."

"Are they coming to aunty Lizzie's birthday party?"

"They said so, dear."

*

"I'm not exactly sure, why I need to join you."

"You don't need to. But just in case someone from my family wants to push their unmarried daughters at Stevie."

Steve was trying hard not to be annoyed at them. "It's just nice, Loki."

"Saga." She reminded him. "We're in public. And I'm not nice."

"Yeah, try to convince yourself. Though you did a good job at the pink ribbons in Thor's hair."

"He asked me to braid it. Should have been more specific about how he wanted it."

Steve remembered Thor's clueless face, why everyone was trying to keep a straight face around him. And the shout from the bathroom a few hours later was priceless. Everyone had a good laugh at that and even Thor had laughed with them after he was finished sulking.

It was close to the itching powder incident.

"This is the building." Announced Bucky.

He paused.

After a while, he rang the door.

Steve waited with a bated breath and looked closely at Bucky.

The door buzzer sounded, and they walked in.

It was still a lot like Steve remembered it. The building had belonged to Bucky's parents back in the day. They were one of the few families that had not been that badly affected by the depression.

They took the stairs to the first floor.

A woman stood in the doorway. She had dirty blonde hair with grey strands running through it, but the mouth and eyes were exactly like Bucky's. "Can I help you?" She asked as they approached.

Bucky cleared his throat. "Yeah, we're here for Lizzie's birthday."

"Oh, yeah Uncle Robert said yesterday that there were old friends coming to visit. Though I expected you to be around his age." She held out her hand. "I'm Monica."

Bucky took the hand and shook it. "James."

"Hi, I'm Steven. Nice to meet you."

"Saga."

Monica smiled and let them in.

The place was bursting. A group of younger children including Suzie were running about the place. Two young adults looked bored and were discussing something with their phones out. While middle-aged adults and elderly people were talking in varying groups all around the place. Steve could see several similarities between them. The smiles, eye colour and other things that just screamed Barnes at him.

It was a nice get together. And in the midst of it were Bobby and an elderly woman who Steve assumed was Lizzy. She still had that warm dazzling smile and her laughing eyes. Her hair was mostly grey with few brown strands in them. She had aged well, just like her brother.

It warmed something inside Steve to see them like this. Having lived their lives and being amidst their family.

Monica led them to the table. "Mom, here are a few guests who want to see you." She waited until the woman Steve had assumed to be Lizzy, looked up. "These are James, Steven and Saga." Monica smiled warmly at her mother.

The woman gave the group a calculating look. "Oh, you have to be kidding me. You dogs. Just be glad mom isn't alive to see you. The both of you."

Steve and Bucky shrank back.

Steve saw Bobby starting to laugh. And Monica looked confused between them and her mother.

"Monica darling, your uncle and I need to talk to these three in the kitchen, be a dear and get your sister and her cousins out of there. They should lay from smoking weed in the apartment anyway."

Monica looked taken aback but nodded. "Yes, mom." She left.

Robert and Elizabeth slowly rose from their chairs. They led them into the same direction Monica had taken.

A small group of women led by Monica passed them. And soon they found themselves in the kitchen. Alone.

"I thought mom had raised you better." Lizzy was glaring at her long-lost brother. "And you." She turned to Steve. "After everything, this family did for you. You were always welcome and more so after Sarah died. You could at least have called when they dug you up. Have they left your brains in the wreck or did those scientists made you stupid?"

Steve felt embarrassed. But he saw the Lizzy he used to know in the old woman. "I'm sorry. Ma'am."

"You better be. And don't Ma'am me. You're the older one. Now I want to hear the story. Sit." She pointed to a set of chairs at a small dining table.

They all took their seats.

Steve looked at the siblings.

Lizzy rolled her eyes. "We got a letter home, you apparently died during a mission in Austria."

Bucky hesitated. Steve remembered him saying his therapist thought it was a good idea to come to terms with his old life. At least he still had a family.

"I did in a way. But that's not where it started. My infantry got captured during a mission. And they did stuff to us in some underground base. Stevie came to save the day and we formed a new special group."

"Yeah, we heard about that. It's in the history books." Bobby cut in.

"When you know everything, then I don't need to tell you shit."

"Just tell us what happened already."

"I didn't die. Obviously. These things they did before Steve rescued us, it prevented me from dying. I just lost my left arm. And then they made me a brainwashed assassin. Kept me frozen and defrosted me, when I was set on killing someone. That's the core of it."

Lizzy was looking horrified at Bucky. "And how did you get out?"

Bucky made a gesture at Steve and Loki. "What happened in DC. That was in parts me. Stevie recognised me and they captured me. Rewired me. And now I'm almost back to normal."

Bobby nodded. "You were always attached at the hip. And how do you fit in there? I know you're with Stevie, there are pictures of you two all over the papers and on TV. They already start guessing when you are having baby." Bobby had the cockiest smile on his face.

Steve did his best to stay calm. Since when was his life interesting for the press? "We met in DC. She's my girlfriend."

Bobby grinned. "Put a ring on her, she's a looker. Though, I always thought you two would end up together."

Loki was rolling her eyes.

Lizzy was shaking her head. "Don't be stupid. Buck was with almost every girl around the neighbourhood. It was more like he had adopted Stevie."

Steve didn't know how to react. Sitting with them was almost like back in the day. He almost expected Mr Barnes to walk in and tell them to do something useful.

"You're the worst." Groaned Bucky.

"We are what's left of your family, deal with it. Now what do we tell the rest? We can't tell them Uncle Bucky returned from the dead. Otherwise, it's going to be all over the news tomorrow."

"Just tell them I'm my illegible grandson. Like you said I was with almost every girl from the neighbourhood."

"And who'd be the lucky one you got pregnant?"

"Veronica Williams. She died a few months before I got the call and her brother moved to Louisiana after that."

"Really? You're using Veronica for this?" Steve stared at his friend.

"Just because she let you in her bed. But it's the perfect cover. She never married and everything."

Steve huffed.

"You mean that queer guy's sister. What was his name, Dave Williams?" Bobby wondered. He shrugged. "Sounds plausible. How did you find out?"

Bucky was pondering. "Shortly before Dave died, a few years ago, he told me who my grandfather was and I went looking for my family, since my parents died in a car crash."

Lizzy nodded. "Wonderful. And how did Stevie get involved?"

Steve looked at the three siblings. "He reached out to me because he learned that his grandfather was my best friend."

"Good. Then let's go back before there is no cake left for us. And you still need to give me that present you're hiding in your pocket."

Lizzy and Bobby led them back into the living and dining room and presented them to the family. There was an uproar when they learned Captain America was celebrating Grandma Lizzie's birthday. And another even bigger one, when James Williams was their new cousin.

Steve was with the older people who were in a discussion about how the country went to the dogs.

He was missing Loki at some point and found her on the floor with the younger children. She told them a story while Suzie braided her hair.

Bucky was quickly ambushed by everyone. He was asked questions about how he found out. What it felt like to suddenly have a family, he never knew about.

Lizzy almost cried when she opened her present. It was a photograph Steve had found in his old stored belongings. It showed the Barnes siblings with Steve and a few of their friends from art school.

He joined Loki on the floor at some point. And was asked to tell stories about him saving the world while he was used to climb on by a smaller boy. He saw Loki giving him a soft smile. It was nice.

He didn't feel detached. It was like he belonged. Strangely, the future was where he suddenly felt at home. He looked forward to meeting his old friends again. To hang out with the new friends he had made.

He didn't miss the past as much as he had.

*

When they left after hours, Steve felt like he had spent years at the flat.

"God, remind me to not see them too often. I feel like I'm my actual age." Bucky groaned.

"Look at the bright side, Lizzy didn't tell you to cut your hair."

"Well, I'm wearing it in a fashionable man-bun."

Loki smirked. "Your nieces gave me the best hairstyle one could wear."

"Not even close to compete with my man-bun."

Steve smiled fondly at their bickering. He was just feeling content. He was finally at peace with a part of his life. And damn did that feel good.

They came closer to the tower. And Steve didn't like one bit what he saw.

"Do you think there are more each day?" Loki looked uncomfortable.

Steve glanced worried at the main entrance. This was just too much. Were there real journalists in between the fans?

"Did something big happen while we were away?"

Loki checked her phone. After a short while, she made an annoyed sound. "Yes, we happened." She handed the phone to Steve and Bucky to read. "I guess one of your nieces or so updated her Instagram."

Steve wasn't sure what to think or say. There were pictures of them eating cake. Him and Loki on the floor playing with children. He scrolled further down and was looking at more pictures. "Mystery cousin is Captain America's best friend's grandson." He shook his head. "Did she put everything online?" He looked at Loki and Bucky.

"I hate my family." Bucky sighed. "How do we get in? Can't you do some trick?"

"Not like this. Nobody should know that I'm not normal. We need to go through this, the regular way."

Steve nodded. He gripped Loki's hand tightly and gave Bucky a look, that was hopefully reassuring. "Let's do it."

He took a deep breath and they started to move towards the crowd of fans and reporters.

"Are the rumours about you having a baby true?" "When can we expect a wedding?" "How did you feel about finding your best friend's grandson?" "Is it true you and Bucky were lovers?"

Steve tried to keep his face friendly. He was just glad when finally, they were at the entrance. He turned to the reporters with his best Captain America smile. "Thank you for your interest. But I'm asking you to respect our privacy. I understand your curiosity, but I think it's not nice to mob me and my friends at our home."

The door to the lobby opened and they quickly snuck in. Steve breathed in relief. "This is not something I want to repeat."

"So, when is our wedding? And I'm not opposed to a three-way with your friend. Had I known you were lovers before, I would have suggested that way earlier."

Steve stared at Loki. Sarcasm was practically dripping from her face.

Bucky was sniggering. "You should have seen your face."

"Am I the only one who thinks this is disturbing?"

"No. But you have to keep in mind that you are a person of interest. People want to know what's going on in your life. And this place is known by the public. Anyone who leaves or enters becomes a target for that. You seem to forget where I come from." She winked at him. "I guess we should find out what the others know about our afternoon activity."

Steve nodded. She was right, though he didn't like it.

He looked at Bucky, who just shrugged and nodded.

"Alright then."

They walked into the elevator and rode up to the common area.

When they got out, Tony, Pepper and Natasha were already looking at several screens.

"Good, you're finally here." Said Tony without turning towards them. "You have created a nice little ruckus."

"Yeah, noticed that."

"Look, the news and the internet are swarming with all kinds of rumours. Some even state James Williams here was actually your grandson. Oh, and you two are expecting. And you three are in a kind of three-way relationship." Tony listed off. "Did I miss something?"

"Just that Saga is a gold digger and a Russian spy." Added Natasha in a bored tone.

Tony waved it off. He turned to the newcomers. "Would be nice to hear what happened from you. Then we can look at how to smooth it over. And there is still that charity gala next week. I want to be done with it until then."

Steve took a calming breath.

They settled on the sofa surrounded by those many screens.

"We went to the cemetery yesterday, looking for our families' graves." Steve started. "We met an old man. Turned out it was Bucky's younger brother. He invited us to his sister's birthday party today."

"To make this short, my siblings recognised me and know who I am and together we invented a story. I had a kid with Veronica Williams, she was a friend, Steve and I met at art school. She died a few months before I got my call. She lived with her brother who left for Louisiana after she died."

Tony nodded and looked at Pepper, who was tapping on a tablet. "So, what about your parents?" Tony made air quotes around the word parents.

"Died in a car crash, when I was a kid?"

Natasha had her arms crossed in front of her. "Plausible. We need to fabricate a story and identities for them."

Pepper made a waving motion. "That's easy enough. Maria just started to work for Stark Industries, she knows people. Your story is quite good. It's simple. Your siblings are going to confirm everything if necessary?"

Bucky nodded.

"And the rest of your family believed everything?"

"I guess."

"Makes it easier to work with it. And if someone approaches them, they'll just confirm what we put out there." She smiled reassuringly. "This is so easy compared to what I usually have to sugarcoat."

"What happened to your arm?" Natasha looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Lost it in the car crash my parents died in."

"A realistic event." She shrugged and continued to look through the news. "What do we do about the other stuff? Do we need to hold a press conference?"

"Pregnancy and wedding rumours were out as soon as the first pictures of you two were released. Tony and I always have to deal with them." Pepper said shrugging. "It's normal. Don't worry about it. Now it looks like we have our work cut out. Oh, and Saga, I got us appointments for the hair salon the day after tomorrow. How do you feel about a little shopping trip for the gala beforehand?"

Loki smiled. "Sounds good to me."

"Perfect." Pepper grinned. "I'll just head down to PR and call Maria for the rest of this."

Steve felt relieved. He was just ready to go to his apartment and have a quiet evening.

Tony watched after Pepper as she left. He smirked at them. "Now, how did the family gathering go? Fancy hairstyle by the way." He winked at Loki, who rolled her eyes.

Loki sniffed. "I think the girls did a fabulous job."

"Tell that to yourself. Hopefully, you're going to wear that to the gala." Tony grinned. "I'm glad you two resolved your fight. It's good to see Cap not sulking around. What had it been about anyway? You never said."

Natasha huffed.

Steve knew his eyes must be comically wide. He couldn't tell Tony the real reason. He couldn't tell him about Loki. He glanced at her to try and see how she reacted.

"It was more of a misunderstanding." She said easily.

Tony gave her a sceptical look. "To me, it appeared like more, I mean you just left the building. And just returned the next afternoon with Thor."

"Have you ever heard that's none of your business?"

"Yeah, several times. Still, Cap was sulking like we lost a war."

Sometimes Steve wondered why he put up with Tony.

Loki sighed. "If you need to know it. I have a rather moved past. Steve said something, I overreacted and bolted. Happy now?"

"No. Not at all."

"Well, that's all you need to know. We've resolved it. And that's what matters to me." She smiled at Steve.

He couldn't help but to take her hand in his and to return her smile.

"Okay, back to disgustingly sweet." Tony huffed and returned his attention back to a tablet.

Natasha gave Steve a look and left the room.

*

Bucky and Steve were sitting on the floor in front of the TV screen in their apartment. Bucky had taken to go through Steve's list along with them. Though he had been trained to fit in as the Winter Soldier, he still had missed a lot of what had been going on in the world since he fell from that train.

Loki watched them from the kitchen counter, where she was sitting with a cup of iced coffee and the first book of a series about a young wizard. She found it funny how the use of magic was described, but it was well written and more of a mystery book than a how-to guide to magic.

Her phone buzzed and she laughed at the text from her former colleague Tomar.

Steve turned around with a questioning look.

"Tomar is complaining about the replacement they got for me. Oh, and he asks if he can also visit the weekend after your birthday."

"Sure. He's your friend."

She nodded and smiled at Steve, who returned to watch TV.

Loki sent a text back and returned to her book. She was just relieved that Steve didn't let anything slip. She was thanking the Norns Thor hadn't been around at that moment. There were more than enough people who knew for the moment. And she had enough on her plate. There was no need for a fight inside the team because of her.

There was a knock on the apartment door. "Excuse me, Miss Romanov asks for entry." Jarvis told them.

Steve looked at the ceiling. "Let her in."

The door opened and Natasha entered. She was holding three cartons of pizza and a six-pack of beer. She gave the room a once over.

Steve smiled at her. "Hey, Nat. Want to watch a movie with us?"

She nodded and put the cartons on the coffee table. She took three bottles from the pack and made her way to Steve and Bucky. "What are we watching?" She asked while she lowered herself onto the floor next to the men.

Steve took a bottle from her. "Four Rooms. But we're at the last act, I guess. Next up is The Big Lebowski."

Natasha nodded and turned her attention to the screen.

Loki smiled fondly at the group. It was good to see Steve like this. He was still different and to a part out of place, but he appeared comfortable to her and this was what warmed her heart.

With one last glance at them, she returned to her book.

At some point, the group on the floor opened a pizza box and they started eating. The next film started to play and soon the apartment was filled with laughter.

"Did Tony recommend this?" Asked Natasha at one point.

"Yeah, fits him, I guess." Said Bucky and bit into another slice of Pizza.

"I'm leaving for a while." Announced Natasha and took a swig from her bottle.

Steve gave her a surprised look. "When and where?"

"First thing tomorrow. There are a few things I need to do before I can continue this. I only stayed the few weeks after Washington because of Barnes. I need to go back to where I came from. There's unfinished business I left behind."

There was a heavy silence that hung between the three of them.

The film continued but the light atmosphere was gone.

Until Steve nodded. "Thanks, Nat. And I think I understand." He smiled. "If you need a friend. I'm right here."

She nodded with a rare smile of her own. "I know. Thanks."

Loki had a strange feeling. On the one hand, she was relieved that she didn't need to watch what she was doing around Natasha. She knew she was still suspicious of her but wasn't showing her this. On the other hand, she had come to like the levelheaded and quiet woman, who knew how to stand her ground in between enhanced humans.

She would miss her.

Was this how this life had changed her? She wasn't even mad. She liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took some time away from my computer. Sorry for that.   
> But I hope you liked this chapter and had a great day so far :)


	23. #Chapter twenty-three – Charity

#Chapter twenty-three – Charity  
"Pepper, I'm not sure this is going to work." Loki looked sceptically at herself in a giant mirror. And looked in disgust at the lace on the bottom of the dress.  
"You're right. This one does nothing for your figure. You'd need smaller breasts, and you have really nice breasts. This could fit me though." Pepper said thoughtfully. "Maybe this one could work?" She held up a shimmering green one with gold trimmings and a long slit. "Try it. I promise this is the last one in here."  
  
Loki already felt like she had tried every single dress this designer had to offer. She was tired of hearing how she looked in this or that. She felt like she was wearing a costume in most of these.  
She wished, she could just put on something Frigga had chosen for her and be done with it. The thought of Frigga caused an aching pain in her chest. Memories of days spent together laughing and holding up different fabrics and her mo- Frigga combing and braiding her hair, telling her how special she was. Loki took a shuddering breath. She couldn't break down in here. This was not how she had envisioned her day with Pepper. She had thought it would be fun and not this tedious activity. Getting undressed and dressed all over again. She wasn't sure how often she had to detangle her hair in just a few hours. And then this walk down memory lane. She just hoped to be done with this sooner than later.  
She just put the new dress on and fastened everything with a flick of her fingers. She looked in the mirror and sighed.  
She walked out of the dressing room. Pepper had already put on the tight black one Loki had worn before. It was a perfect fit for her. "I guess you have found one for you." Loki commented.  
"I like it. I keep it but I'm not sure about it for the event. Let's have a look at you." Pepper inspected Loki. She moved her head from side to side. "It fits and looks good on you. But it's a little too sexy for the occasion. And I get some villain vibes from this." Pepper said laughing.  
"I feel like I have tried everything in this store on."  
"And everything looked fine on you. But there wasn't one that was really doing it for you. Let's check this one out and go for the next. I might have something in mind." Pepper smiled reassuringly.  
Loki smiled but sighed inwardly at the prospect of trying on more clothes.  
  
Loki went back into the dressing room and just magicked her clothes back on. She didn't understand how people found this pleasing or exciting. She'd just like to have herself measured and have something made for the occasion. This was just tedious.  
Her and Pepper had been out shopping before, but that had been fun. They had just tried different things and laughed at how this or that looked. Without a goal to find something 'special'.  
  
When she came out, she saw Pepper taking the bag with her new dress from the designer himself. She was smiling her usual business smile.  
Loki stood behind her. "Shall we?"  
"Yeah, let's go." Pepper smiled brightly at her.  
  
They left the store and walked a little down the street. After a few minutes walking Pepper stopped in front of another shop. "This is what I had in mind. I usually get my suits from this place. But they also have some nice names for evening clothes."  
"I follow your judgement." Loki sighed at the prospect of trying on more clothes.  
Pepper gave her a strange look. "I thought you were used to things like this, from what you said about your family."  
"Those clothes were made for me by a seamstress and I just put them on. Now I wear what I like and think fits me. But I have no idea about fashion and what to put on, on an occasion like this in this part of the world."  
"Oh, Saga. I didn't know. We'll find you just the perfect dress. If you'd ask me, you could wear anything and look good. You could be a model or something."  
"I'm not sure, this would be a path I'd like to take."  
"Don't worry, it just means, I think you look really pretty. Your figure and everything. You have such a stunning face. Just those cheekbones and eyes."  
Loki looked at her companion as they entered the store. "I've never been told I looked stunning. People usually said I was too pale."  
"There is nothing wrong with being pale." Pepper shrugged and was already taking in the contents of the shop. Well, she called it boutique.  
A young man walked towards Pepper. "Miss Potts. It's so good to see you." They hugged. He shot Loki a short look. "What can I do for you and your friend today?"  
Pepper smiled brightly. "We're looking for something for an event next Saturday. I know you have some special pieces."  
"I think your friend could just wear anything and look good, just like you. I have something in mind." He made a thoughtful face and looked at the few pieces that were on display. "Come with me. I have the best dresses in the back. Those are just for the common folk."  
Loki rolled her eyes at the man as he turned his back to them, so they could follow. Pepper shrugged at her. And they followed him into a room at the back.  
There were many different clothes, shoes a large table with sketches; different types of fabric, needles and different yarns were almost everywhere. It reminded Loki of the seamstresses' rooms back in Asgard.  
  
The man looked at Loki and then at the racks of clothes. "You know, I know who you are. You will need something to go along with your partner."  
Loki had a strong urge to huff and roll her eyes. Like she was just something decorative on Steve's arm. The urge to show him exactly how she felt about that was strong inside her. But a look from Pepper made her reconsider her ideas. She sighed inwardly and called in her defeat. When this had a successful outcome she and Pepper would have time for some lunch and to grab a coffee before they had their appointment at that beauty salon.  
  
  
*  
Steve had mixed feelings about these events. On the one side, they served a good cause and in a way, he had learned how to handle crowds. on the other side, he hated to go out in public like this and put the attention to this persona.  
  
The visit to the children's hospital the day before in full costume had been fun. It was nice to see these big smiles on the children's faces. He still remembered how it had been for him as a kid. When he had been small and sick. He was glad he could at least help to distract them from everything for a day. Tony had also left a big donation to pay for the treatments of the families who couldn't afford it.  
But it rubbed him the wrong way to appear to this event as himself mixed up with the idea of the captain. This was the first event like that he was visiting since he came from the ice. Before he always been in a military suit when he was out in public.  
He looked in the mirror and sighed. Yes, he cleaned up well nowadays; shaven, in a suit and the smallest amount of product in his hair. And he had to admit Pepper had chosen the suit well for him. She and Loki were somewhere getting their hair and makeup done. They'd meet in the common area.   
He gave himself another look in the mirror and sighed one last time before he straightened up and left the apartment.  
  
When he arrived in the common area, Thor, Tony and Jane were there and talked. They turned towards him.  
Thor beamed at him, while Jane gave him a timid smile. Tony's face lit up. "Capsicle! Janey here was the first to escape from female grooming hell. Weren't you with them?"  
"Nah, I can shave myself well enough. Any words from them?"  
"Not so far."  
Steve felt his nerves scratching at the surface. "I don't like to go there as myself." He admitted to the small group.  
Tony offered him something like a reassuring smile. "We're all together in this."  
Steve nodded. His feelings didn't feel alleviated at all.  
  
Tony continued to talk with Jane about some science stuff he didn't understand.  
He was in a way jealous of Natasha, Bucky and Clint. Clint, who had vanished somewhere nobody knew. Natasha who had left last week to get in touch with a few old contacts to find out more about what was left of HYDRA. And Bucky, who just wasn't invited because he was not one of the team officially.  
Bruce appeared a few minutes later in a simple black suit. He greeted them all while Bucky slipped into the room with a mischievous grin.  
Steve rolled his eyes at him.  
"You know. I get the TV and consoles all to myself tonight. I guess I get the better deal."  
Tony gave a dramatic sigh and eye roll. "Just don't tear down the tower."  
  
It took a few more minutes of talking in the group before the elevator doors opened again and Pepper and Loki stepped out laughing about something.  
Loki looked stunning. Her lipstick matched the bright red of her dress. Her eyes lit up as she spotted him and joined his side. "Like what you see?" She asked with sparkling eyes.  
Steve felt his lips turn up into a smile. "You look stunning, as always."  
  
It wasn't long after that, they were riding the elevator down and getting into the car.  
The ride wasn't long. But Steve felt his nerves rising up again. Loki quietly took his hand in hers. When he looked at her, she gave him a secretly smile.  
  
They arrived far too soon for his liking.  
  
When the car door was opened he could hear cameras clicking and saw bright flashes of light. He helped Loki out of the car. She climbed out gracefully and plastered a perfect smile and a false expression of shyness on her face. He saw Tony and Pepper smiling and posing genially for the cameras before they headed inside.  
Loki was moving perfectly at his side. "Relax." She murmured almost without moving her lips. "Just smile."  
He did the best he could to smile and moved forward.  
  
Inside it was pretty. There were just a few selected reporters. And many common people. He saw children running down the halls. And true to what Tony had said, there were doctors, treating a few people. A barbershop, a hairdresser, a room full of toys and another where people could get clothes. There was even a room where the dogs could stay and were looked after. A genuine smile flickered over his face.  
  
There was obviously another entrance for the homeless and poor people who had gotten an invitation, since he hadn't seen any of them coming through the same entrance as them. This made him frown, but also, he wouldn't have wanted to be seen by reporters back in the day.  
  
"This is nice." Loki commented as she looked about the place.  
"Yeah, this organisation came up after the battle of New York. Many people lost their homes and jobs back then." Tony and Pepper had come up behind them.  
Loki's smile was flickering. "Oh. That's nice."  
Pepper grinned. "They were able to open a daycare for those who can't afford it. And a clinic that doesn't charge any fees. And I've heard their next project was affordable housing. It's nice to see some good coming from that."  
Loki nodded. "This sounds wonderful."  
Steve gave her hand a small squeeze. Here saw many volunteers who seemed happy to be there. He also saw a few people he had seen on TV. Everyone was mingling. And two children were already hanging from Thor's arms. Thor was grinning while Jane laughed.  
  
  
*  
"At yesterday's Gala, we saw the Avengers as the guests of honour.  
Tony Stark arrived as usual with his long term girlfriend and CEO of Stark Industries Pepper Potts at his side. As usual Miss Potts looked beautiful. Her style is something all women want to achieve. She had been seen on a shopping trip with Captain America's mysterious new girlfriend Saga Guldborg. It seems like the woman who stole Cap's heart is just a regular citizen. And who would have known Cap was into girls with tattoos?  
One of our reporters had been able to ask the new couple a few questions. It seems like she and Cap met at her former workplace, a small bookshop in Washington DC, called the Abyss. She said she was from Norway and just recently moved to America to get a new start. At our questions about the pregnancy rumours they laughed and said it was too early to think about starting a family. But we believe they would have beautiful children.  
We have to admit Cap's new girl is very charming and up close stunning, no wonder he fell for her. (See pictures on page 30)  
Though none of the Avengers' partners was wearing a ring, we can just hope to expect a hero wedding, soon." Pepper huffed. "Seriously? This is all they said about the team? Nothing about how much funds we raised or the cause for raising money? The Bugle is losing its credibility." Pepper was fuming as she threw the paper to the side.  
She and Loki were on the large balcony. Pepper had brought them smoothies on her way back from her raid of the newspaper stand around the corner.  
Tony was still asleep and Steve was sparring with Thor.  
"They don't even mention Jane."  
"Apparently, Steve and I are more interesting and I don't know why."  
Pepper took another paper. "Listen to that. 'The first outing of New York's new glamour couple.' At least they mention the thing about raising money for the homeless and the auction. But it's mostly about how 'Cap's mysterious, dark beauty' looked. Like there was nothing else."  
"At least they didn't put in how Tony tried to sell Bruce to the highest bidding woman during the auction."  
Pepper sighed. "Yeah, that's a bonus. But still, this was such a beautiful cause. And so well conducted. With the foods, free haircuts, clothing store, toys for children, the music and shows. Just everything, it was lovely. And then just you and Steve get mentioned. And I don't want to sound petty, you are such a lovely couple. It's just." She sighed.  
"Superficial?"  
"Exactly. I mean, we're blessed to be able to live like this. But I can still remember working the night shifts at that law firm and going to college and living on a bare minimum of sleep and money just to survive and to someday get a well-paid job."  
"It did pay off."  
"How was it for you? You did go to college, right?"  
"Yes, but other than here there are no horrendous sums you need to pay to get a good education. It's almost free, just a small fee per semester."  
"Sounds heavenly. When I was done, I needed to pay off my student's loan. I had just been lucky they took me at Stark Industries. At the time it didn't matter who paid me, just that they paid me."  
Loki nodded and took a sip from her smoothie. "I get what you say. After I left my family, I had to fend for myself. And here in the US, everything is just different, like a completely other world at times."  
"You never said what happened between you and your family." Pepper was giving her one of her warm smiles, it was defeating.  
She sighed. "I was a teenaged mother. I was raped and got pregnant when I was thirteen. My father was against me having a child and gave my son away. This among other things caused a deep rift between me and my father. I had a brother, he was about eight years older, we got along okay, but we were like day and night. He could do no wrong, where I always had to work harder. He was the golden boy and I was his shadow. I had better marks, finished my studies way ahead and still, I wasn't good enough. My brother was about to take over the family business and I played a trick, for them to see he wasn't ready yet. And then I found out that I was adopted. I don't know I just had to leave. I realized, no matter what, my father would never love me. And the place I grew up would never be my home."  
Pepper's eyes were huge as Loki told her tale. "Oh my god. This is just horrible, Saga. Is there something we could do?"  
She shook her head. It wouldn't do to tell Pepper that her children were mythological beings. Concealed by strong magic to never to be found. "No, it was all hushed up and smoothed over with money. I had to accept it a long time ago." She had a feeling about her lies would come to an end soon. And she didn't like lying to Pepper. She was feeling like this woman was like a real friend to her. Well, most of these people felt like it by now. It was a rare feeling she was getting. And she wasn't sure she could handle having these feelings. But it felt so nice.  
She already dreaded the reactions and how these friends would turn their backs on her for her betrayal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone... I'm so sorry this chapter took me months to finish and is on the short side. I just wanted to upload something to show you, I'm alive and still working on this ;)
> 
> I had a very busy time and I'm not far away from finishing Uni and writing my thesis. There is a lot going on in my life, and maybe the next chapter will also take some time for me to finish. But I'm grateful for you, who still follow this story. This means a lot to me. Thank you, a lot.  
> So, I hope you liked this one. And I hope what's coming up next is something exciting for you.
> 
> Take care, and I hope every one of you is doing well.


	24. Chapter twenty-four - A new Avenger?

#Chapter twenty-four - A new Avenger?

Natasha was standing in the doorway with two boxes of pizza and a sixpack of beer.

Steve looked up from his sketchbook and smiled at his friend. "I thought Tony had put up security at the door."

She just snorted and put everything on the coffee table in front of him. "What are we watching tonight?"

"Didn't know tonight was a movie night. When did you come back anyway?"

"Dibs on the remote." She said grinning. "I just came back a few hours ago. Couldn't be bothered with that publicity thing. But I took Clint with me." She sank to the floor and took the remote to flick through the channels. "You know, we went and brought Fury up to date with the Thanos situation. I hate to play that old spy role for them."

"You don't need to answer their every call, right?"

"Yeah, it's just sometimes I feel, like, after all these years, I owe Fury and Coulson."

Steve hummed. He could understand how she felt. "But you're an Avenger, not an agent anymore." He smiled at her. "So, what are we watching today?"

Natasha grinned at the TV. "Oh, you'll like this."

"What's it called?"

"The Gremlins." Natasha turned towards him and grinned.

Steve gave the cover picture on the TV a sceptical look. "Is it a horror movie?"

"Kind of, but it's fun."

Steve sighed and sank down onto the sofa again. "Alright."

"Good." She opened one of the pizza boxes and took a slice of pepperoni pizza. "It's one of those iconic movies." While she chewed, she opened a bottle of beer. "Where is Saga anyway? Shouldn't she be around?"

"Bruce wanted to go to the Botanical Garden and Saga went with him, since she had never been there, and I guess Thor got curious and tagged along. I think they don't have stuff like that on Asgard."

Natasha nodded and the movie rolled up.

He wasn't sure what to expect. But it was funny and a little creepy. He somehow could understand why Nat chose something like this.

After half an hour of silently watching the movie, Natasha spoke up. "I wonder. Do you think Sam wants to join the team?"

Steve glanced at her. "We haven't talked about it."

"I think we could use someone like him." He saw her chewing on her lower lip, her arms folded in front of her.

"Nat, I'm not sure if I want to rip him from his civilian life."

"He was pretty eager to join you back in DC."

He knew what she meant. And true, Sam could be a great addition to the team. They could need everyone who was out there for what was ahead of them. "I'm not sure. But I could ask him, what he thinks about it." Especially with Thanos on the horizon.

"Would be good to expand the team."

"I know." He wondered if they thought about the same.

They sat in silence and watched the movie while they ate and drank. It was comforting to have his friend back with them.

The movie was almost finished when the door opened.

"Natasha. You're back." Bruce smiled as he entered with Thor and Loki in tow. He looked happy, just like he'd really enjoyed the day.

Natasha jumped to her feet and pulled Bruce into a hug. A bottle of beer was still in her hand. "How'd you know I was here?"

"Jarvis told us. It's good to have you back with us."

Natasha also grinned at Thor. "Still on earth?"

"The realms can manage without me for a while. And Midgard is always a sight to behold. Banner explained all the magnificent plants we saw today.

Loki rolled her eyes fondly. She slid in next to him with Thor on her heels. She took a look at the TV and then at him. An eyebrow shot up.

Steve shrugged back. 

"Movie and pizza night?"

"Yeah."

"Got some slices left? I think Thor got hungry during our day trip."

"She's right on that. I wouldn't mind some of the pizza." He smiled brightly while Loki smiled and shook her head and laughed silently. Thor grinned and picked up a pizza carton and started to eat.

It was nice. To see Bruce and Natasha talking about normal things like their trip today with Thor adding some of his thoughts. Sometimes Loki would put something in the mix but otherwise, she sat in a comfortable silence next to Steve on the sofa.

*

The moon was shining into their bedroom. Steve was wide awake. He was on his side and watched Loki while she slept.

Her naked body was only partially covered by her blanket and her skin shone in the pale light of the moon. Her hair was in stark contrast to her skin, like spilt ink flowing around her head and body. Her breaths were soft and calm. She always was so peaceful when she was asleep. No trouble or nightmare seemed to come and invade her in this state. The thought made him smile. It was nice to think about her being at peace in her sleep. Steve wished he could take her darker sides when she was awake and make them better.

He sighed and saw her nose scrunched up shortly.

A long scar on her upper arm and shoulder was caught by the moonlight and his thoughts went to Thanos. It made his stomach churn. When he and his so-called children could do something like that to someone like Loki, did they even have a chance against him?

Was there a chance for them to win? A chance for their future? Were there more people like them out there?

These thoughts were not useful at all. But he didn't feel like he could stop them. He wished he didn't know. It could have been easy, and they had just what remained of HYDRA to find and defeat ahead of them. There was nothing they could do at that moment.

Why did he feel this pit opening inside him? He shook his head. He needed to get some air.

Slowly. He crept out of bed. He quietly got on his feet and opened the wardrobe. He grabbed a shirt, pulled it over his head and slipped into a pair of sweatpants.

He left a note on his bedside table, for Loki not to worry if she woke up before he came back. He smiled at her in her sleep. Maybe he could draw her like this. Her arm covered her breasts gently, while the blanket was just covering her hips and upper thighs. Pages in his sketchbook were filled with just her. Her eyes. Her smile. Her in a café with a faraway look in her eyes.

He ripped himself from the sight and left the room. Everything was quiet as he left the apartment and rode the elevator down into the lobby.

Outside he just started to run. The cool air of the night and the few people who were walking down the street helped his head to calm down.

He ran the short distance to the nearby park. Just a few people were there, and he enjoyed the relatively quiet city. He did a few laps and decided to run down another street.

The colour of the sky above him slowly started to lighten. It would not be long until sunrise. There wasn't a chance for him to catch another hour of sleep that night. It was alright with him.

Cars drove by. People came from or walked to their jobs. An old man with a dog was asleep in a corner. Steve stopped to put a few notes in the man's half-open backpack. The man didn't stir, the dog just tiredly lifted its head.

Other people were celebrating life. Drunk on ideas and the alcohol in their heads.

This was what he wanted to save. It wasn't perfect. But perfection, he had learned, was an illusion and this chaos was life, and it was perfect in its own way.

He smiled. Loki was rubbing off on him.

He turned and decided it was time to return to the tower.

The air was getting warmer, just as the sky above him brightened. Pink and purple clouds slowly crept past the high-rise buildings.

He stopped at a bakery.

He should make the best of the time they had. He wanted to make her smile. He left with a few croissants and buns in a paper bag.

The best thing about this time of day was the number of people wanting to meet a hero in front of the tower was down to zero. He didn't like the attention this job got him and the others. And here in New York, he was seeing more of it than in Washington. He just hoped that it would fade after a while. He had a huge desire to continue his art classes.

He rode the elevator up to his and Loki's apartment.

When he entered, she was still fast asleep. The light hitting her skin was soft. He smiled as he got the coffee started. He put everything he thought they'd need for breakfast on a tray.

The coffee was finished and so he put the french press and two mugs on the tray.

When he was satisfied with everything, he had put together he returned to their bedroom and put the tray carefully on the bedside table.

He looked at Loki and saw she was watching him with one eye open.

She stretched like a lazy cat and smirked at him. "You are too good to me." She said as she sat up, the blanket pooling around her hips. She leaned back and grinned tiredly.

He knew she didn't care about being naked. But he was still mesmerized by the casual display of her body. He cleared his throat. "I just thought you might enjoy some breakfast."

She softened. "I think, I do. Thank you, Steve."

He smiled. He poured her some coffee, mixed it to how she liked it and handed her the mug. "I love you. Don't think Bucky would get this treatment."

She snorted and took a satisfied sip. "I wouldn't be surprised, according to the papers you two shared a special relationship back in the day." He saw her eyes shining with mirth as she stared at him over the rim of her mug.

He rolled his eyes and poured himself a mug. "You're the worst."

This made her grin widen. "And don't you forget that."

He rolled his eyes. "At least we made it through that publicity stunt without any damage."

She shrugged. "It seems like we're not that interesting anymore. The press already has a new victim."

"Fine with me."

"Do you have any plans for today?"

"None so far." He shrugged.

He handed Loki the paper bag and she dug a croissant out. She made a motion for the jam and he handed it to her.

Satisfied she put it on her croissant and started to eat. "Maybe we could go to a museum of some sort."

He nodded. "We could. But I think about spending the day with you without clothes."

Jam dripped on her breasts and she gave him a challenging look.

Who was Steve to deny a challenge? "Let me clean this up for you." He bent down and licked the spilt jam from her skin.

She hummed approvingly.

Maybe they should do breakfast in bed more often.

*

This was just a perfect moment. Steve was laying on his side next to her, his hand on her ribcage. Her hand was playing with his hair. This was beyond enjoyable.

Loki was thinking about what she wanted to do with this day. Maybe she could look for more of Stark's alcohol storages. She didn't like his tendencies to drown himself in this stuff. It put some of his worst characteristics to the front. And she also knew that Pepper was far from liking this part of him. She had told her, it was better now, but still. Maybe she could somehow manage to talk Happy into helping her.

She pondered on how she could manage to get Happy on her side when the quiet moment was interrupted. Of course, the day wouldn't go on in this enjoyable manner. Stark's AI spoke into the comfortable silence. "I'm sorry to interrupt. But Mr Stark wants to talk to the team."

Steve heaved a sigh. "Where do we meet?"

"Mr Stark recommended meeting in the common area. Though I would suggest putting on clothes first."

The AI fell silent again. Loki wondered how much this program knew about their lives. 

Reluctantly both got out of bed and started to dress.

Loki made an annoyed sound in her throat. "Stark knows how to ruin a perfect day."

Steve snorted while he pulled a shirt over his head. "It's in the job description." He tried to smile. "It's usually important."

"Except that time, he called everyone together like that, to show us that new series he was obsessed with. Or that time he tried to cook, and You and Clint barely managed to save the food."

"These things he does for the team. For us to have fun together. I think to spend time with the team and to get everyone closer together is very important."

Loki silently agreed, but those words didn't want to come over her lips. She just made a non-commenting hum as she walked to the apartment door.

In the elevator, they met Thor, who looked very Midgardian in his jeans and shirt. It was strange in a way how comfortable they both could blend in, without anyone being the wiser. How even she sometimes seemed to forget, that she didn't belong here.

They stepped out of the elevator, Loki was still in a bad mood.

Her eyes fixed on Stark in front of the giant TV screen. "I really hope this is important, Stark. Otherwise, I'd wish you to meet one of my daggers." Loki was glaring while she sat down.

Tony actually laughed. "No need for that." He watched everyone taking their places. "I have called you because we are the Avengers. And we were brought together to save the world and everything. But. A lot of stuff has shown that we can't be everywhere at once. Like if little Miss Sunshine here wouldn't have called, we'd never been there at the right time to take SHIELD and HYDRA down."

"As far as we knew." Natasha put in. "There are still some bases out there. I met up with Fury yesterday. He has a team put together and they are working on this since HYDRA is basically SHIELD's parasite."

Steve looked sceptical. "He's rebuilding SHIELD?"

"In a way. But not the same as it has been. More like an underground backup. At least that's what he said."

Steve shrugged. "Couldn't stop him, right?"

"I wouldn't dare to try."

He actually chuckled and stood up. "Alright. So, they are dealing with mostly HYDRA. But we still have the sceptre to worry about. And I don't trust this new version of SHIELD with it."

"Neither do I, Cap." Tony fiddled with his tablet. "You see, we know about those stones and that Thanos guy, from Thor and his little brother. That's what we need to focus on. We know that it's probably in some HYDRA base with some idiots trying to do something smart with it. Evil guy thing. We also know some stuff from the data Nat here released, when we shut down SHIELD. We're also in a kind of sticky situation with the world security council being broken up after that stunt."

"You mean, there is no legal operation ground for us?" Bruce cut in.

"Something along that line. Pepper and Hill are working on that front."

"What do you suggest? I mean we need to be prepared when we find something is going on."

Tony grinned at Steve. "That's why I called you here. Since our Cap is occupied with his old buddy and the woman friend. I tried to do something for the team. Something since we can't rely on what Fury is working on in the underground. Support, not backup." He pulled up some pictures from the Stark Expo he has done a few years before. They saw Hammer and his drones. "I've been working on that."

"You've been building drones." Bruce said dryly.

"Not just drones. I call them the Iron Legion. They do the things we don't think of while fighting the bad guys. Like evacuating people. Or doing minor stuff, like fighting and arresting some terrorists. There are not just the Ten Rings out there. But they do the stuff. So, we can work on the bigger things, like those magic stones and what is left of that world-dominating idiots."

"They are doing our job for us?" Clint's voice was sceptical.

Tony raised his hands. "No no no. They are supposed to help and support our work."

Steve gave every virtual image a look.

Loki was sceptical. "What about the legal stuff?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "In general, it looks like there is a grey area right now. Nobody wants to take responsibility and it looks like we can act as a private peacekeeping organisation."

"At least we know there is no-one secretly controlling us." Natasha threw in. "How do these things work?"

"Glad you ask. It's still a work in progress. But it's mostly Jarvis at this point. I'm still working on how to incorporate this into our work. This is basically an idea to give us more time for the really tough stuff."

"Good." Natasha put her feet up on the coffee table. "You see, I haven't just been talking to Fury, while I ditched that PR stuff. I've found some old contacts. According to the information, we can narrow down where to look for the sceptre while Fury works on the other remaining bases."

"Why didn't you say anything yesterday?" Steve looked a bit hurt at Natasha who just shrugged.

"I need downtime, too. And it's not like they're going anywhere. Let them think they're safe for now."

Tony made an annoyed noise. "Yeah, that stuff always sorts itself out in the meantime." He rolled his eyes. "Jarv. Sort through whatever information Nat gave you and make cross-references with that WikiLeaks stuff."

"Miss Romanov already gave me the order to do that last night. Do you want me to adjust the parameters, Sir?" Jarvis' voice rang through the room.

Natasha smirked in her seat. "I maybe need some downtime, but I still know how to do my job."

Loki enjoyed watching them bicker. And she liked it to just watch what they were doing and how they were planning to continue their work.

"What else is there?" Asked Steve. "I think you just didn't want to show off the new drones you've been working on."

Now Tony grinned widely. "Exactly. I've also been working on improving our battle gears." He erased the images of the drones from the screens and new images appeared.

Loki raised her eyebrows as she saw a suit for herself. "What does this mean?"

Tony smirked. "Saga dear, you didn't think I'd forget to add you after you showed off some amazing skills in DC."

A short glance around showed her an encouraging smile from Bucky, a proud smile from Steve and varying expressions of approval from the team. She wasn't sure what to say. She decided to nod. "If you really want to."

"Yeah, actually we talked about that weeks ago. And you're in."

"You didn't ask."

Tony just snorted.

Steve looked sheepish. "I just figured it could be good. You know, a wider set of skills for the team can actually make a difference during a fight." Something must have shown on her face because his expression changed to something more apologetic. "Only if you want to. It doesn't mean you need to be a part of the team. It's just if you're fine with the idea, we'd be happy to have you with us."

A snort came from beside her. "Keep that talk for the bedroom, pal." Clint grinned lazily. "We'd be happy to have you. And besides, it's nice to have another normal person beside Nat." Tony tried to protest, but Clint just gave him a look. "Honestly, you're in a tin, the whole time. That doesn't count."

The bickering got on, but Loki couldn't be bothered to listen to them. They wanted her on the team. Even those who knew. She knew Steve loved her. But still. Some insecurities never seem to leave.

She really needed to do something about the alcohol storages. Tony deserved a better way of life. And what could she do for Clint? The huffing man beside her, who showed nothing but kindness. Was there something she could do to reverse what she had done to him?

"Now that is cleared. Let's move onto the upgrades I've made." Tony grinned at the Avengers in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this one. And thank you so much for your kind support.   
> I hope you are doing well. Until next time :)


	25. Chapter twenty-five - Steve's Birthday

#Chapter twenty-five - Steve's Birthday

"I'm glad that you can make it happen. Yeah." Loki walked around the kitchen counter and opened a cabinet. "How is he doing? Sounds great. Sure." She took a box of cookies and set it on the counter. While she had her phone pinned between her ear and her shoulder.

Steve closed the door behind him and Loki turned around. She grinned at him. "I'm counting on that! Yeah. Listen, I got to go. Steve just came home." She nodded. "Say hi to them from me. Yeah, see you then." She took the phone back into her hand and ended the call. "That was Tomar. He wants to come up for a visit. His aunt’s birthday is coming up, and he wants to go and see the family. And of course, me." She said with a wink.

It was hard to suppress a grin at her antics. "Who wouldn't want to see you?"

"A few individuals come to mind." She said pondering. "So, what have you been up to? You were all mysterious when you left in the morning."

"I might have been working something out with Pepper."

"Just tell me." Loki said in an almost whining tone with a slight roll of her eyes.

A grin spread across Steve's face. "It's fun to make you squirm."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. I like to see you needy." He moved closer to her. His hand came to rest on her waist. "Makes me think of things we could do."

Loki now rolled her eyes dramatically. "Don't deflect my question with sex talk. That's my way."

"Maybe you're rubbing off on me?"

"The world is going to end. Captain America is turning into Loki."

Now it was on Steve to roll his eyes. "Alright. Pepper helped me to pick out colleges that offer art classes. I really need to do something else, or I might go mad."

Loki grinned. "That's great. I'm happy for you."

"It's not like I've been accepted."

"Yet."

"You know what I mean. I just applied." He sighed.

"They will accept you. I'm sure of that." She kissed his cheek.

He grinned at her and began to kiss her deeply. Pulled her closer to him and just enjoyed the way her body felt against his.

It was strange how Loki seemed to be mostly happy since she returned after he found out about her identity. She had also taken the news quite well that they wanted her on the team. And the last team practise went really well. He just hoped this wasn't just an act.

They pulled apart and Steve looked at Loki. She gave him a strange look.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's just. I'm wondering." He sat on one of the stools at the kitchen isle and looked at her. "Are you happy? I mean really? I know it was a bit much to put you on the team without asking you beforehand. And I know that though Thor and Bucky obviously know who you are and are ok with everything. The others still might prove to be a problem."

A sigh escaped her lips. "You really know how to kill the mood."

"I'm famous for that." He tried for humour.

Loki took the seat next to him. "You might not be completely wrong. It sometimes feels like I don't deserve their kindness. Especially from Clint and sometimes Tony. And I often wonder what they'd do or say when they learn who I really am. But I also don't want to lose this. Their friendship. I feel like I actually have found friends. And I just, I can't lose this. But I also don't want to be a mewling quim in front of them and start to beg when the time comes. It's enough you see me like this." She huffed. "I don't know, nor do I understand why I am like this in front of you. I bet it's your eyes. Or your attitude. Norns, I want to be good around you. What have you done to me?"

Steve was taken aback by her last comment. "Do you want to get back to how you've been before? I won't hold you back from doing what you want, or being who you are."

She snorted very unladylike. "I always do what I want, and I always am me." Her finger stroked the surface of the counter like it was absentmindedly drawing symbols. "I'm just not used to feel like this. How to put it in words? Free? Not obligated to play a role? It's been a long, long time since I could be like that and it scares me. It's easier to play a role, it's familiar, the rules are clear. This. It's new." She did a one-shouldered shrug and looked at the counter, her hair acting as a curtain.

Yeah, he knew partially how this must feel. He reached out and laid his hand on her forearm. "It's okay. We'll sort everything out. And no matter what, I'm here and I love you."

Her head turned towards him and he saw a single tear rolling down her cheek. "And never forget that I also love you."

Loki was a mystery to him sometimes. How could he not love her? He pulled her into his arms and kissed her cheek. "Never." They were so different and had still so many things in common.

Since he was with her it felt like he had finally come home after a long time.

"Also, you so have to eat pie on Friday, with the team, Sam, Bucky and his siblings."

"What a strain this puts on your special day."

*

"You know. I like to see you like this."

Loki looked up from her phone and her list. "Like what?"

Thor fidgeted under her stare. "Like yourself. I feel like you've not been yourself in centuries."

"You mean like I have been on my guard ever since I ran away for the first time?" She raised her eyebrow.

She saw guilt washing over his normally boyish, happy face. "Yes." He admitted after a while.

She sighed. "It's getting harder for me. I have come to like your friends. And they seem to like me, too. But I'm basically lying to them, taking the friendliness I don't deserve."

Thor looked genuinely hurt on her behalf. "I won't let anything come to harm you. Not this time. Not ever again."

Loki felt like a stone was settling in her chest. How was she to answer to that? "Your friends will never accept me. You'll have to decide then."

"Steve seemed to accept who you are quite well."

"He does. But I've never hurt him like I did the others."

Thor shrugged. "You also got him his friend back."

A huff escaped her throat. Did Thor really think like that? She had done nothing. "You brought the potion from Asgard."

"I did, but you know, as much as I do, that it's useless unless someone performs the necessary magic."

"Why are you so adamant in my redemption? You know what I did to them? To the world?"

"Loki, I do. But you're also my sister. And I love you. I know you."

"You think you do."

"No Loki. I know you. I see you."

There was a lump in her throat now, everything felt so tight. No, this was Thor. He may be more attentive lately, but he was still the old gullible oaf she knew. Wasn't he?

"And I see that you care. You always did. I was just too thick to see it then."

"How am I supposed to answer that?"

"Don't?" Thor offered her a shrug. "Loki, I know you can show care in strange ways. Like manipulating a coronation." Thor actually winked at her. "Or changing someone's alcohol stash to ice tea. You do these things because you see and know when something isn't right. And you feel like you need to do something."

When had he started to figure her out? At least partially. Sometimes she missed her days just causing trouble because she could. She still wanted to find a new day job, maybe there was some seedy place in the city. Something to distract her from these feelings. Something to cause trouble.

Thor gave her a look. "And I know you like chaos. And manipulating yourself." He sighed. "But you appear to do good and feel good about it."

"Just stop."

To her surprise, Thor fell silent. Deep inside her, she knew he was right. But she so wanted to interject, prove him wrong, it was a strong and very old urge. She watched him watching her. His eyes were curious and so familiar.

"I can't right now. You know, do a little more of this kind of talk and I'll snap. You know I know how to find the shadiest places and people. And you know as well as I know there is always something that goes wrong. Please don't push me."

Thor rolled his eyes. "Very well. I'll stop telling my little sister how proud I am."

She huffed.

"I wanted to know what you have planned for Steve's upcoming birthday? And I know you are planning something."

Really? He did want to talk about this? Just like that?

"Is there a feast? It's important to honour warriors with a big feast and it has to be the same here."

"I may have something in mind. But also there is some kind of Midgardian holiday on his birthday. That's why I've asked his friends to come and celebrate the weekend after. I think Tony is going to love the idea of two parties in close succession."

Thor seemed to think about her reasoning. "I think it better if everyone gets together on his actual birthday. I don't think his friends will care if there is a holiday. And I think he likes everyone he cares about to be together."

He could be right. How she hated to admit he was right. "Yeah, maybe I should relocate my planning." She didn't want to call everyone again. She gave the list next to her phone a look and sighed.

*

Friday came and with it came many well wishes. The first was, of course from Loki, who unlike usually was up at dawn and ready to go for a run with him.

It was fun. She was definitely able to keep his pace easily, and even challenged him to race her. He felt exhausted and energised when they returned to the tower, drenched in sweat and ready for a shower.

And the shower together after the run was something special in itself.

She was grinning as she dragged him to the common floor, where everyone was waiting. Everyone meant the whole team, plus Jane, Rhodey, Maria Hill, Sam and of course Pepper and Bucky. There was a collective shout of "Surprise!" When they rounded the corner. And then there was a stream of hugs and different versions of "Happy Birthday."

"Now running Man, I make an effort just to see you on your special day." Sam was grinning.

And Steve was grinning goofily back. When was the last time, he had had so many well-wishers around him for his birthday?

Bucky had put a hand on his shoulder. "How does it feel to turn ninety-six?"

Steve shrugged. "You tell me. I think I feel closer to thirty right now."

Bucky whistled. "That must have been a run and a shower."

"How-"

"Dude, we had Jarvis watch you two leaving and returning earlier, so we knew when to start getting everything ready." Sam laughed at his obviously dumb expression.

It felt good around them all. Eventually, they gathered around the large dining table, that was groaning underneath the amounts of breakfast foods and "Steaks?"

"Yeah, Thor insisted we didn't have enough meat for this to count as a feast for a warrior." Clint said. "Tony actually shoved me into the kitchen to make them."

"You were the best cook between us." Tony explained.

"That's not true, there's still Sam."

"Leave me out of this, I'm an honoured guest who had a long journey. Guests don't do the cooking they might help with clean-up and putting drinks on the table."

"Speaking of drinks, anyone in for some?"

"Maybe later, Tony. It's too early for drinks."

"Not my fault Cap is an early riser, Pep."

Pepper just shrugged and took a bite from her fruit bowl.

"Tony, I think that's just you." Clint butted in.

Thor's voice boomed across the table. "A feast always calls for mead." Jane was looking embarrassed from beside him while she was putting a hand on his arm.

Steve saw Loki rolling her eyes next to him and he just felt content.

Tony grinned. "This man speaks my language." He jumped up and went to the bar.

Loki closed her eyes shortly and changed the liquids back to their original content.

"Hey, did you see that? Those bottles just glowed."

"You sure you didn't have any yet?" Clint grinned and Natasha hit him on the arm and made a few gestures with her hand. "What? I didn't see a glow."

Natasha rolled her eyes and turned back to her plate.

Tony returned with a bottle of mead and a winning grin to the table. "I bought this just for you. That's original Danish mead." He tipped some of the bottle's content into the glass next to Thor's coffee mug.

Everyone around him looked content. There were different topics around the table being discussed, everyone seemed to enjoy their breakfast and occasionally their drinks.

Later, he knew, Bucky's siblings would come for cake. And He felt warmth at the thought of everyone he knew and liked coming together.

A slight pang of guilt came with a thought about Peggy. And silently promised to visit her soon.

Breakfast passed as normal as it could in a group like theirs. When the table was finally cleared, they retreated to the large sofa and Tony finally got the opportunity to get a drink in everyone's hand, not just Thor.

*

In the afternoon The elevator revealed two elderly people along with a middle-aged woman and a small girl.

Steve's face lit up as he saw the group and he and Bucky went to welcome them in. They exchanged hugs and the woman, Monica handed Steve a small package. "You shouldn't have." He told them.

But the man, Bobby just rolled his eyes. "You better accept what we get you. I think in one of your educational videos you told something about listening to your elders."

Bucky huffed. "You know Steve and I are older than you?"

"Just by the year, you were born in. But I lived those years both of you spent as ice cubes, so I take no nonsense from punks like you."

And just like that, a loud laugh erupted from Tony. "Oh, I like them." He stepped closer. "Tony Stark." He offered his hand and Bobby took it in a firm grip.

"Yeah I know, I'm Robert Barnes, you've been on the news more times than I would have cared. And you build this monstrosity, though I have to admit you get a nice view from up here."

His sister stepped beside him and also offered her hand with a roll of her eyes. "Elizabeth Winters. Don't listen to him. Thank you for having us here to celebrate Steve's birthday. It's good to see he has friends after everything and we won't be around much longer I fear." She gestured to the woman. "This is my daughter, Monica. And my great-niece Suzie. She stays with us when her father is on a business trip to God knows where."

Tony's grin widened. "I'm happy to meet you. Now I hope you are a source for many embarrassing stories about Capsicle and not just the heroic nonsense dad told me."

"There's plenty." Bobby told them. "Between the three of us, there is enough to fill the time until next week."

Steve groaned.

"I'm holding you on to that." Tony grinned and stepped back next to Pepper. "This is just awesome. Is it my birthday?"

She rolled her eyes.

Steve then turned to the rest of the group. "Right, folks. Bobby, Lizzy, Monica and Suzie, you've already met Tony, and of course, you remember Saga? Those are Pepper, Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Sam, Maria, Thor and Jane"

Hands were shaken and small talk was made between every one of them. Loki knew this was supposed to be friendly and a time of bonding. But she strangely felt left out. It wasn't too bad since this was solely for Steve and everyone seemed to be getting along.

She was almost relieved when Tony seemingly got bored. "Now, we got this behind us, could we please go and eat that cake?"

There was a wide grin on Steve's face. And to see him happy, also made her smile.

"Alright, let's go and eat that cake." Steve said and led them all to the table.

And oh, did she have fun. Bobby was true to his earlier threat and told many stories about a pre-serum Steve and Bucky. About that one time, Sarah had caught Steve and Bucky practising kissing and the talk to the Barnes Family afterwards. How Bucky thought it was smart to teach Steve how to swim on an extremely cold day in January and afterwards both had been down with pneumonia. And between all the stories about Steve getting beaten up and dragged away by Bucky, they also shared how Sarah Rogers once sat with a broken nose in the kitchen of the Barnes' family after she had been in a fight with a man who had made a kidnapping attempt to one of the kids around.

Loki really liked to watch Steve's face. How his emotions changed with every memory that came with the tales. The most prominent seemed to be pride when Bobby finished his Tale about Sarah.

"I guess we all know where our Stevie got his stupidity from."

"Hey, I always tell people I'm just a kid from Brooklyn, who didn't know how to run away from a fight."

Bucky glanced at Steve and huffed. "That's way too true and doesn't even cover enough."

It was really a nice afternoon, but Loki was waiting. Between talking and eating cake, she knew that any moment the elevator would open for another group of people. People who, before everything with SHIELD, made up a part of Steve's normal life after the ice. She hated that this part about his life had been interrupted due to HYDRA.

She was also wondering what was keeping them this long? She checked her phone and immediately saw where the problem was. She should have thought of that earlier.

She slowly rose from her chair. "I just realised, I forgot something. I'll be right back." She ignored Steve's look and the looks of the others and headed to the elevator.

She rode it down to head into the lobby. And there they were. Seemingly in an argument with Happy, who didn't look happy at all. Oh well.

She hurried towards the group. "Happy!"

The man turned around and as soon as he saw her, he was attempting to shield her from the group. "Miss Guldborg, I am sorry. But I have this under control and have them removed from the property."

"Happy, you don't need to."

"No, it's my job. You go back up and enjoy celebrating the Captain's birthday party."

"Happy, these people are Steve's guests. Surprise guests from DC I invited and forgot to tell you about."

Now he was staring at her and she saw him beginning to stutter.

She decided to ignore him for a second, not ready to deal with his confusion. "Hey guys, I'm sorry for this."

Toby grinned. "Oh you know I was quite enjoying myself."

Loki just had to grin at them, her eyes turned over to Tomar, who was looking like he always ran into security, he was too comfortable like this.

Alicja hit Toby with her elbow. "Don't pretend, I thought you were going to cry just a minute ago."

"I'm still sorry you had to endure this, the mistake was all on my side."

"Oh it absolutely was, but at least I had a show to enjoy. Now you're going to take us with you or are we having the party here?" Tomar challenged her with a look.

She rolled her eyes back at him. "Did you bring the book?"

"Who do you think I am? I'm not a forgetful moron like you."

"Did you?"

Tomar nodded.

"Oh good." She smiled. "Now let's get upstairs." She looked at Happy. "You, too. There is enough cake for all of us."

Happy nodded at her and then at the group. "You heard the lady. Off to the elevator."

Loki grinned.

*

Steve was still confused where Loki had run off to. But he was too occupied with everyone around him. He couldn't remember when the last time was he had celebrated his birthday like this. Everyone was here because of him, he liked it because he liked every one of them, but at the same time, it was overwhelming.

And then the elevator door opened and at first, Happy came towards them with a stiff face and he nodded equally stiffly towards Tony and then to the group at the table. And then. Saga rounded the corner with Tomar, Toby, Mark and Alicja in tow.

His stomach did something strange. He had completely forgotten about them, his friends, who didn't hang around with him because he was a hero, but because he was Steve, and he hadn't talked to them in weeks. But Loki had thought of them.

He jumped to his feet and Alicja was the first to pull him into a firm hug. "Happy birthday. You know it was quite rude of you to just vanish to New York. We were all worried about you when we saw the news. Don't do that again. We're friends."

Steve nodded. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to."

"Come on, pretty boy. Alicja, don't keep him to yourself, he belongs to all of us." Toby commented and as soon as Alicja released him, he was pulled in by Toby. "What she said. It's so funny your birthday just had to be on this date."

"Thanks, Toby."

Toby released him and looked him over. "You know, I was worried when I saw pictures of that event, you do look better in person. I thought someone might keep you hostage or something."

Mark rolled his eyes fondly next to Toby. He was still wearing a knitted hat, even though it was pretty warm outside.

"Mark, I'm so glad you could make it, too."

They shook hands. "You know Toby, he would have dragged me along even if I was on my death bed."

"Don't be dramatic, honey. I know you wanted to come."

Mark didn't comment. "Happy birthday, this is from all of us."

Steve smiled and saw the silent figure of Tomar standing at the side. Loki's favourite ex-colleague from the Abyss. "Hey, I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

Tomar nodded. "I was in the area anyway. But happy birthday. You really don't look a day older than thirty." He said dryly. And Steve remembered immediately why Tomar and Loki got along.

"Thanks."

Tomar nodded and took a step back.

"Right." Steve turned back to the table. "These are my friends from DC. We had art classes together, well before I blew up the Triskelion."

"That was a group project. Don't take all the credit." Tony put in

"I don't do art. I sell books. Tomar Jones, you all." And with that, he took the free seat next to Bobby.

"Yeah, er you go take your seats and help yourselves."

It was awkward at first. The group from DC, save Tomar, who just appeared bored, they were star-struck at meeting the Avengers. Especially Alicja, who had been placed between Thor and Tony. Loki thought she might faint if one of them was to address her directly.

After a while, Lizzy started to tell a story about how she had caught Steve and Veronica. To which Alicja exclaimed. "And I thought you were a prude."

"Never said I was. I'm not just one to kiss and tell."

"Yeah, but you keep going at it in places where everyone could just walk in. Honestly, Steve. People need a warning." Bucky grinned and the group laughed, while Steve's cheeks got a pink tint.

And with that everyone just relaxed and every hint at nerves just vanished.

Soon the cake was cleared and after that everyone mingled around the place. Steve had shown his friends where the guest rooms were and introduced them to Jarvis, in case they got lost or needed anything.

When the Barnes family decided it was time to leave, there was a huge uproar and Loki knew that it saddened Steve to some extent. But he also knew that he had to accept their wishes. They all promised to meet soon and the group had gotten smaller.

When the sun was about to set Thor was all about wanting to use the gas grill on the balcony to 'prepare a healthy meal, worth of a warrior'. The group decided it sounded fun. Since the fireworks would start in a bit everyone had gathered outside enjoying the view of the city, while they ate steaks and burgers.

Steve and Loki were leaning at the barrier overwatching the lit-up city. Steve held her close and it just did feel nice to lean onto him.

He smiled at her. "The fireworks are just about to begin."

They all stood on top of the tower. There was a warm summer breeze going through the night that engulfed them all. His old and newfound family. But at this moment it was just Loki he had just eyes for Loki, this strange and amazing person from another world.

They stood. Each of them holding the other close. It was like this moment was just for them. They heard sounds of celebrating people all over the city.

The world was so alive. And life was just something pretty and easy. Everything would be alright. They had each other. And at this moment none of their problems, no threat mattered. Just them, right here, right now, surrounded by bright and colourful lights.

It was this moment Loki ultimately decided, this world was worth saving, if not for herself, then for him. The friends she had made. Every life mattered. These fragile and fleeting beings, who made their short existences worthwhile.

It meant everything to see Steve's face like this.

She hoped he did enjoy his special day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! That never gets old in January, right? 
> 
> This took a little longer, due to a Supernatural re-watch and well life happening. But I think I'm back on track with more, and I got so many stuff planned, I need to keep notes about it. Why am I doing this to myself? Is the real world a cruel place I like to escape? Absolutely.  
> So, I hope you enjoyed this bit. I really like to think that maybe some of Bucky's family could be alive :) 
> 
> Good night, good fight  
> (who knows that reference? And I'm so on a caffeine high)


End file.
